Where's your heart?

While Frank is in the shower I drag myself up and redress, wandering into the kitchen for a drink and a few minutes later I hear the bathroom door open and Frank comes down the hallway with his bag of stuff he needs and he comes over and kisses me goodbye before leaving and once he's gone I feel my stomach twist into a knot, a bad feeling flowing through me and I decide to get changed and go out, not wanting to be a stalker boyfriend but the bad feeling just won't go away. I pick out some nice clothes before taking a quick shower and once I'm ready I grab a cab and head over to the club, the night still early but the crowd is still pretty decent as I make my way across to the bar, all the stools empty and Nicole is leaning on her elbows on the bar, looking bored out of her mind. "Hey" I say when I'm close enough and her eyes snap up to meet mine, her mouth pulling into a huge smile as she says "Hey, come sit, keep me company." I slide onto the stool infront of her and after she grabs me a beer, opening one for herself too we make small talk, me glancing around at all the other people in the bar and Nicole says "He's backstage warming up." "He's not with anyone is he?" I ask, the words escaping my mouth before I can stop them and I turn my head to stare wide eyed at Nicole, her expression unreadable before she smiles again and says "No, he's alone. I promise." "I should be upset right?" I ask, my mind swirling in confusion and Nicole frowns before saying "Yeah, I mean I guess I would be in the same situation." "It's strange, I've been cheated on before and not that I necessarily think Frank would do that but I know how it hurts and yet, I guess I don't feel overly upset about his ex, I'm just more sad I wasn't good enough company" I tell Nicole, her eyebrows pulling together into a frown the more I talk and when I finish she reaches out and rests a hand over mine and says "Gee, don't think you're not good enough, you are, you're perfect for Frank and I don't think I've ever said that about anyone else before. Frank is like my brother and I love him to death and I'm protective over him but I'm really happy he has you, I know you wouldn't see it but he's changed being with you and I don't think he would do anything to intentionally ruin that because I know you mean a lot to him, but he and James have a history." "Yeah" I reply, pausing to take another sip of my beer before I say "I kinda wanna ask but....it's like part of me is dying to know and part of me respects that Frank has a past and...." "Just talk him, ask him whatever you feel like you want to know" Nicole tells me and I nod, figuring she knows Frank a lot better than me and we fall quiet again, both of us taking a drink and a minute later a few guys come to the bar and Nicole walks away to serve them.

An hour after I get to the club I decide I should go, planning on asking Nicole to not tell Frank I was there, my feelings changed now that I've voiced them and just as I turn to get her attention Frank comes through the door behind the bar, his shirt gone and his pants hanging low on his hips, showing off the tattoos there. "Nic, Ray said you're short staffed out here and he wanted me to serve...." Frank starts but he trails off when he sees me, his eyes widening and I swallow hard as I meet his gaze, unsure of what he will think about me being here and he walks around the end of the bar and comes to stand next to me, his hands reaching out to rest on my thighs as he leans in close and says "Babe what are you doing here? Is everything ok?" I nod, taking a second to think before I lean in closer and say "Yeah, I just....we should talk about it when you get home." Frank frowns, standing back up straight and he takes my hand, pulling me off the stool and leading me around the back, closing the door behind us. "Babe, what is it?" He asks, leading me over to the couch and I remember the last time I was in here, sewing Franks button back on his pants and I blush slightly at the memory, remembering how it made me feel to touch and be close to him. We both sit down and Frank remains silent, his eyes studying every inch of my face as he waits and when I finally figure out what to say I take a deep breath before starting. "It's about James" I say, Frank frowning immediately before saying "Babe there's nothing going...." "I know, but I think....I mean it looked like maybe you wanted there to be something going on and I know he's your ex and you're with me now but honestly, there's still something there isn't there?" I ask, voicing my concerns, unable to stop them now that Franks here infront of me. "Gee there's a lot that happened in my relationship with James and...." Frank starts but I feel like he's about to avoid the question or lie to me so I put my hand up, silencing him before saying "Yes or no, you still have feelings for James?" Frank swallows hard as he drops his gaze down to his lap and as I watch his shoulders slump the answer dawns on me. "Yeah, I thought so" I spit as I stand up, making my way across the room and as I yank the door open Frank says "Wait, Gee" but I keep walking, feeling like I've just been slapped in the face and when Nicole reaches out to touch my arm as I pass her I yank it away from her and take off, almost running as I make a path for the door, bursting out onto the street and instantly feeling like I want to throw up.

I end up walking around for an hour, attempting to clear my head and for the first twenty minutes my phone continually vibrated in my pocket, Frank being the caller but I couldn't bring myself to answer and it was a relief when the calls finally stopped. I end up in a park a few blocks away from the bar, sitting on a swing and as I gently rock myself back and forth I wonder what I'm meant to do, I'm in love with someone who's in love with his ex and I don't see how that could ever work out. I feel my bottom lip quiver, my eyes stinging and blurring but no tears fall and I dig in my pocket for my phone, dialling Mikey's number and when he answers I crack, warm salty tears slowly running down my cheeks as I choke out what's going on and Mikey shushes me, waiting for me to calm down again before he says "Gee maybe you should hear him out, it sounds like he had something to say but you didn't give him the chance. They're not together anymore, there's gonna be a reason for that and you should find out what that is, if they wanted to be together right now they still would be, but Franks with you." I sniffle, nodding my head even though Mikey can't see it and I realise that he's right, I need to hear Franks side before I come to conclusions and after Mikey and I hang up I wipe my cheeks off on my sleeves and stand up, taking a few deep calming breaths as I make my way back through the park and by the time I reach the front door of the club I can tell the entertainment has started, the dance music audible from the street and I take one last deep calming breath before going inside, making my way towards the bar but as I pass the few booths on that side of the club my heart sinks, Frank is sitting in one, still shirtless, leaning over his drink to whisper in James ear as he sits mimicking Franks hunched position over the table, their heads so close if they both turned them they could be kissing.

Notes