Where's your heart?

By the time I get out of the shower Frank is gone, a note left on the bedside table telling me he had somewhere he had to be and I crush the paper in my hand, a strange feeling spreading through me and I can't even be upset anymore, feeling numb as I walk into the kitchen and throw the note in the trash. Half an hour later my phone starts ringing and when I answer it its my boss asking if I'm available to come back to work and I tell her yes, needing to get out of the house and I get ready and go, spending the whole day throwing myself into my work and not letting my mind linger on Frank but as soon as I get home again that night his absence reminds me of just how much it hurts and I collapse onto the couch as I start to cry, my heart feeling torn and I realise just how much he means to me even after such a short amount of time. When I finally manage to pull myself together again I slide my phone out of my pocket and call Mikey, needing someone to talk to and when he answers he sighs upon hearing my voice, asking if I'm ok. "I don't know" I tell him, my voice wobbling and he says "I'm gonna be right there ok? We'll figure it out" and I smile to myself as I know that no matter what it is, Mikey will always have my back and that's why he's my best friend as well as my brother.

Twenty minutes later Mikey and I are sitting at my kitchen table sipping coffee and I tell him everything and he patiently waits for me to get it all out before he slides his hand across the table to rest over the back of mine as he says "Gee maybe it is too soon, I can understand where Frank is coming from but what he's done, the way he's dealing with all this, it's not right and you deserve way better than what he's putting you through right now. I know you like him a lot and it's intense because things are still new but I really think you should think about whether this is the kind of relationship you want and if Franks behaviour is the kind of treatment you want to put up with. Franks a really nice guy and I can see he makes you happy but this right now is not ok and I don't want you to set yourself up to keep getting hurt." I nod, unsure of what to say and we remain silent for a few minutes before I manage to say "I just want to be happy and having Frank here was the happiest I've felt in a long time." Mikey sighs softly, his face pulled into a sad frown as he gently squeezes my hand and says "Maybe you should take some time then, give yourself a chance think everything through a little more." We fall into silence again before a few minutes later Mikey starts talking about other things, changing the subject and I smile gratefully as we start to joke around and by the time he leaves to go home I feel a little better, still unsure of what to do about Frank but I feel more confident that whatever happens I can handle it. I end up climbing into bed alone and the next morning I get up and get ready for work, still no word from Frank by the time I'm done and I go home and clean, distracting myself by scrubbing everything and by the time I'm done it's getting late and I'm exhausted, ready to fall into bed again but as I curl up under the covers my mind starts racing and I groan to myself as I get up again and cross to my closet, grabbing some tight jeans and a button up shirt, changing before grabbing my wallet and heading out, getting a cab and giving them the address for the strip club.

When I get to the club I hesitate for a second before I go inside and head to the bar, a young guy serving and when he turns to me he smiles and winks before asking what he can get for me. "Is Nicole here?" I ask, biting at my bottom lip a little and he smiles and says "Yeah she should be back out in a moment, dancer emergency," winking again before he turns and walks away, serving someone else and I take a seat at the end of the bar while I wait, a few minutes going by before Nicole comes through the door behind the bar and it takes a moment before she spots me, her eyes widening a little before her face goes neutral again and I know she knows what's happening. "Hey Gee" she greets me and I nod before saying "Can we talk?" "Uh" she says, glancing over her shoulder at the other bartender before turning back to me and saying "Yeah come on," rounding the end of the bar and heading towards a nearby empty booth. Once we're seated she looks up at me and says "What's up?" "Ok so I'm pretty sure you know but I asked Frank to move in with me and now we're not speaking and I don't know what to do and...." "Gee, there's things about Franks past you don't know and I'm really sorry but it's not my place to tell you, I think he should be the one to tell you" Nicole tells me and I sigh as I nod, wondering what could be so bad that he doesn't want to move in with me and just as I tell Nicole I should be going she stands with me and says "Just give him a chance," patting me on the shoulder before walking away and as I make it near the exit I hear heart shaped glasses start and a few whistles from the crowd and when I turn my head I see Frank on stage, the glasses mostly covering his eye, the rest of the bruise still a little visible through the makeup put over it and I feel something inside me snap, seeing my boyfriend on stage shaking it for other guys when he wont even talk to me sending me over the edge and as I turn and push the door out of the way I grab my phone and dial Franks number, getting his voicemail and I say "Frank it's Gee, just forget what I said. Have fun dancing and I'll see you around" before hanging up and pocketing my phone, grabbing another cab and going home, stripping the sheets off the bed and replacing them with ones that don't smell like him, hoping that will make it easier to get some sleep.

Notes

For @daughter of the dead, I appreciate the comments and I hope you're enjoying :)