The Only Hope For Me Is You

I get to the hospital a lot sooner than I estimated I would by taking about three minute resting breaks. Running then walking then running then walking. And then finally I’m pulling the doors open to the E.R. My own uneasy gasping worried a lady behind a desk and she called for two nurses on a walkie talkie to come and get me.
I insisted that I was fine but they also insisted that I wasn’t and that I needed to rest. I was placed in a very white room on a bed after filling out a couple papers. “I’m here to see somebody.” I say to a nurse who was writing something down on a clipboard beside me. She looks down at me and smiles. She is pretty. Her long blonde hair is fitted into a tidy bun on the top of her head and her eyes smile when her mouth does. She looks kind. “Who?” She asks.
“His name is Gerard Way. He was brought here a couple hours ago.” She looked confused. “Hmmm...?” I roll my eyes. “Hit by a car? In a coma?” Her eyes widen. “Oh, yes, I saw him. Yeah um…are you family?”
“Yes. I’m his brother.” I lie. Her smile fades. “I’ll be right back.” She says and then leaves. My body screams at me. I’m exhausted. But there’s no way I’m going to rest until I actually see G’s face. A couple seconds later the nurse comes back in. She’s got two papers in her hands instead of the clipboard now. “I’m sorry; you said that you were his brother? It says here your last name is Iero.” My face instantly burns. I’ve never been a very good liar. “Um… we’ve got different dads.” I lie again. She squints her eyes. “I’m sorry but if you want to see Gerard then he needs to fill out a couple of the same papers that you did and verbally tell one of the staff that you are his brother…otherwise I’m afraid that I can’t let you visit him.”
Now I officially disliked her. What if he actually WAS my brother? What then? Because sometimes people are actually stuck with different last names because of different dads. And Gerard is in a coma, so what the hell!? How is he supposed to fill out papers or tell someone that my lie is deceitfully true? The nerve of some people…
“Is there an expected time that Gerard will be out of a coma?” I ask with an innocent, yet provocative tone of voice. She sucks in her cheeks. “Um…not that anyone has found out yet. It doesn’t work that way, we will never know when Gerard is supposed to come out from his coma. It’s up to him. It could be any second to years from now… I’m truly sorry.”
I grunt and roll my eyes. “Whatever.”
Then she leaves without another word. Why is she sorry? She doesn’t know Gerard or me, the only thing that she needs to be sorry about is her ridiculous standards. There’s no way that Gerard will be able to sign a paper or two in the condition that he is in.
………………………
Every half hour or so goes by before the same nurse comes in to check on me. She takes my temperature, offers me assistance in the bathroom like I’m some old man that can’t keep himself up for some reason, and empties out, then re-fills my glass with fresh water.
“When can I leave?” I ask. She chuckles a bit and walks up to me, crossing her arms. “You know that you’ve been able to leave for almost three hours, right?” I can feel my eyes widen. “What? no one told me. Are you kidding me right now? I don’t have freaking insurance!” She shrugs her shoulders. “That sounds like it’s your problem. Not mine.” And then she leaves again.
Ooohhh man, I want to give her a fist to the face so bad right about now. Why is nearly everyone I run into in life some jerk? What on earth did I do to make these people treat me like this? I don’t give it much thought. These people don’t get to take my thoughts away from me right now.
I yank myself away from the comfort of the hospital bed and make my way out into the lobby. The lady at the desk smiles at me. Weird. Actually more like unusual. But I push the oddities to the side and smile back. “Can I help you?” She asks. I shake my head and walk up to the desk. “I was told by my nurse that I’ve been able to leave here for almost three hours now and no one told me. Can you help me? I don’t have insurance.”
He scratches her head. “Oh, um…okay let’s see.” She types something into the computer real quick. “What’s your name?” “Frank Iero.” I respond immediately. “Okay um… would you be willing to wait here until I can get my manager out here to help the situation?” She asks. I don’t think twice. “Yeah, okay. But I have a question.” She shakes her head as if to say, “Ask me.”
I chew my lip for a second. “Could you tell me which room Gerard Way is staying in?” Her eyes light up. “Is he the one that was hit by a car?” I nod my head yes. Her smile fades away. “Oh yes of course. You’re family I’m assuming?” Again, I nod my head yes. She hesitates but is instantly a better person than that nurse when she secretly hands me a piece of paper with the room number on it of which room G is staying in. “Let’s keep this between you and me. You might not be family but to hell with visiting regulations. If it was my friend in a coma, I’d want full visitation granted.”
What she just said makes me smile so big that my lips feel like they’re touching my ears. “Thank you so much!” I say. My heart was pounding so hard. This is it. I’m going to see Gerard. “Have the manager meet me here in thirty if possible?” I ask her. She throws a hand up in the air. “Absolutely. You go visit that friend of yours.”
“Ah, thank you so much!” I say all excited and then run out of there like no one’s business.
It turns out that G’s room was literally just down the hall from mine. Well damn. When I go in, I make sure that no one is there. No one is except Gerard. But when I see him, I don’t feel the way that I thought I would. I imagined I would be happy and excited and sorry. Some part of me even imagined that he’d be awake, conscious, and happy to see me back, but he’s not. It’s like he’s gone.
It’s like a nightmare. All of the emotions that I thought I would feel, I’m feeling, plus a million other things. He has too many tubes connected to his body to count, and he’s more pale than ever. Dark circles reside under his eyes but he’s still beautiful to me. I squat next to his bed and take his hand in mine. It’s so cold.
Warm tears stream down my face. “Oh G, I’m so sorry about this.” I babble. I taste a couple salty tears as they squeeze their way between my lips. “I’m here now and I’m never leaving you. Can you hear me? Oh, please tell me that you can hear me.” I whine. But he remains still and deathly.
“I love you and this is all my fault. I should be where you are right now. This never should have happened.”
And then it happened… without a seconds warning. The monitor beside his bed kept a steady loud ring and the green line on the screen went flat. Gerard was dying. Right in front of me. I was still holding his hand when everything went black for me. No. This can’t be happening, it’s a nightmare.
All that filled my head was white noise and I screamed as loud as I could for G to hold on and stay with me. But a couple nurses and a doctor came running in. The two nurses grabbed my arms and tried dragging me out. I bit my tongue so hard and fought with every last bit of life in me to stay holding onto Gerard’s hand.
The doctor performed CPR on G’s bare chest. He lays there helpless. I keep screaming. “No‼! Gerard! No!”
“Who is he? Get him out of here!” Said the doctor who was performing CPR on Gerard. There was a million little heart beats all throughout my body and my head was pounding but I tried to stay strong and keep my hold on G.
Finally with one last strong tug from the nurses, my body gave in and let go. “He’s gone.” The doctor says aloud. My body went limp and I felt like I couldn’t breathe. Everything I love and knew just died…….
With tears soaking my face and a shattered heart I say…”Goodbye Gerard. I’m so sorry.”
THE END…

Notes

THE END!