Skinny is Pretty I Am Pretty, Right?

I don't remember falling asleep I just remember waking up. Shirt sticky and hard from the blood I sit up. I'm on the couch in Gerard's room. I look down at my wrists I should have just finished the job. I grab my phone that's sitting next to me and look for messages. 9:38AM nothing from mom. Not that she would care where I was anyways. I walked over to Gee's closet and looked for my special shoe box in the bottom. It had my emergency clothes in it. Black skinny jeans, a batman t shirt, and a pair of socks and my combat boots. That's where they went. I grabbed the clothes and went into his bathroom looking at my reflection in the mirror as I stripped down. I grabbed at my stomach. I was so FAT. My face was pudgy my stomach stuck out too far. I wasn't happy with myself at all. No food today. It was decided. I unwrapped my wound and hopped into the shower washing the blood from my skin. I got out and dressed myself slowly not daring to look in the mirror again. My clothes fit loosely. That's okay hide my fat. I stepped out of the bathroom and Gee was on his bed already dressed he smiled at me.
"Hey."
I didn't respond I just nodded. I sat next to him and he grabbed my hand. "You'll be alright kid." Sure I would. After I lost enough weight and got another hit of my drug. "I'm going out for a walk." I stood quickly and left his room. Left his house. I walked down the street and into the city it took a couple hours but that was okay. It was worth it where I was headed. Into the back alley I stepped smiling as I saw my buddy. I pulled my money out of my pocket. Just enough for a point. He'd loan me the supplies. They were clean. They always were. I melted it filled my syringe. Into my veins it went. Into my blood stream. The euphoria the happiness. I pulled out my phone. Had to call Alex. Had to. I dialed his number. He didn't answer so if try again. I need him. I want him. Alex please.
"What do you want?" His tone is short and angry. God I missed his voice.
"Aaaaaleeeeeex. I love you babe. Come back please." He sighs.
"Where are you?"
"Im at the special place where I get my stuff near the parking lot where you talked to me for hours." I was in tears at this point. "Please Alex please I need you. I want you." He sighs again seeming more irritated.
"I have a girlfriend we can't keep doing this."
"That didn't stop you before Alex, please." He hung up and I was left unaffected. Fine if he didn't want me if find someone else who did. I wandered the street for an hour before sitting on the curb and riding my high knees to my chest. I hate myself.

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