Only One Way

I had my alarm set for eight a.m. but Mikey was already awake and getting ready, I could hear him shuffling around downstairs, packing a bunch of stuff we probably didn't need.

I got out of bed and headed for the bathroom, it didn't take me very long to get ready since we were going to see Gerard and I always hurried when I was going to see Gerard.

I was hoping that somehow I would get to talk to him alone, I had to tell him how sorry I am and how much I love him. god this is all my fault. I thought and resisted the urge to go and down another can of beer.

i have to stay sober, for Gee. Gee's what keeps me going, I realized. If I hadn't of met him then I would probably be at work right now, with nothing better to do. I probably wouldn't be happy, my life would feel meaningless. I'd go back to going to the bar every night, finding some new girl the hook-up with and then leave the next morning. Gerard's my love, he's my happiness.

But I also wish I hadn't have met him. If we never met them I wouldn't have hurt him all those times, he probably wouldn't be in the hospital right now. He wouldn't have tried to kill himself if it wasn't for me.

But.... I couldn't ever let him go, this.. Thing. Me and Gerard's relationship I guess, was toxic. It probably always would be. After we recover from this, there's just going to be more hurt and tragedy.

Then there's Mikey. We would've been great together, if Gerard wasn't his brother. We would have been one of those perfect couples, white picket fence and everything. Hell, we probably would've even adopted a few kids. But as appealing as that sounds, he just doesn't make me feel the way Gerard does.

If me and Gerard stayed together, our life wouldn't be picket fence perfect. We probably wouldn't have kids, but we'd have eachother. And he's all I need. Gerard and I may be toxic together, but we're what's best for eachother.

"You ready to go?" Mikey called up the stairs, I grabbed the flower and letter that I'd written for Gerard, "yeah, let's go see Gerard" I answered.

Notes

Kind of a short chapter but I'm really tired so that's okay. Also I'm sorry I didn't update sooner, I was gonna last night but my phone was being dumb. Thank you guys for actually reading this and I hope your still liking it :)