Life on the Murder Scene

Mikey and Ray return about fifteen minutes with Gerard in tow. He still looks a little out of it but he’s back and that’s all I care about. Wrapping my arms around my older brother’s neck I hold him to me until he begins to wiggle around a little. I release him from my death grip. Gerard’s arm stays around my shoulders while he turns to give the others a huge, full teeth smile. He’s got absolutely no idea how much distress he’s caused everyone this morning. Although I’m sure that I should try and talk to him I don’t. All I care about is that my older brother is standing here next to me, that he’s alive and seems happy. We can save the questions and yelling for later.

Although it wasn’t discussed everyone seems to be taking the same stance. No one tries to bring anything up. We all sit down on the beds, Ray looking through the phone book to find a diner nearby. I keep Gerard within an arms length of me at all times, scared that if he wanders too far off I’ll lose him again. Frank does the same to me. When Gerard moves I move and then Frank moves, as if we’re all connected by some invisible string. Mikey’s eyes follow all of us, as if he’s ready to step in if we all begin to lose it.

“Okay, I found one. I’ll go ahead and call the cab. You guys should pack up so that we can go right back to the bus after breakfast,” Ray, who has kind of taken on the role of the dad in our group, says before picking up the off white hotel phone and dialing in a number.

Gerard stays laid out over the bed Frank and I shared last night as the rest of us begin throwing the clothes that are littering the floor into backpacks and plastic garbage bags. My older brother says something about inviting Bert but we all ignore him. Right now we need to figure out if the phone call made to Brian was because he was drunk or because he actually feels that way. Bert would not help in this situation. I bet he doesn’t even know Gerard was freaking out last night.

“I kiss him!” Gerard exclaims all of a sudden, sitting bolt upright on the bed. His hair is across his face, and he’s got a few scratches across his cheek. I wonder if the two of them even made it back to the hotel last night or if they stumbled home this morning.

“That’s fantastic Gee, you’ve kissed quite a few guys now huh,” I respond. My brother has gone through quite a few phases in which he decides he’s going to kiss a guy because he’s drunk or something. Gerard kissing Bert isn’t that much of a surprise. They spend almost all their free time together. Honestly I’m surprised that Frank and Gerard hadn’t ever kissed. For a while those two were inseparable.

“Taxi should be here in like fifteen minutes,” Ray announces going about his business as if Gerard wasn’t even in the room. I don’t think any of us are angry at my brother or purposely trying to give him the cold shoulder, it’s just hard to see him like this; to know he probably has little to no memory of anything that went on last night. “Is all of Gerard’s stuff still in here or do I need to go see if Bert will let me back in the room?”

Mikey’s eyes scan over the various bags and piles of electronics that are sitting on the dresser, “It looks like we’ve got everything that’s important. I’m sure if he forgot anything it’ll get picked up and he’ll eventually get it back.”

I begin to open pockets on my bag, opening and closing drawers around the room and in the bathroom. The boys stand pressed up against the walls, eyes following me as I move about the small space. I can’t find what I’m looking for anywhere and I’m starting to have an anxiety attack. This is my one job besides filming I can’t fuck up again.

“ Mak…what’re you looking for,” Frank asks, cautiously moving towards me.

“I can’t find Gerard’s pills,” I answer simply. “I can’t find mine either.”

“We left them on the bus Makayla. It’s alright,” Mikey says gently. “We’ll get them once we’re done with breakfast. Nothing to worry about.”

Ray moves the curtains out of the way and looks down onto the street in front of the hotel, “Cabs here.”

All of us grab our bags and head down to the lobby. Once again the five of us cram into a cab that is probably only meant for two of three. The taxi driver looks mildly annoyed but doesn’t say anything. Ray gives the name of the diner and we head out. I sit next to Mikey, who sits next to Gerard. Frank is sitting on Gerard’s lap. My brother is playing with Frank’s fringe. Although Frank looks like he’d rather be anywhere else but squeezed into the backseat of this car he lets Gerard do his thing. The guitarist, though usually quite hyper, definitely has a more docile side.

The first thing I notice about the diner is the claw machine. I’ve always been really terrible at them but for some reason I always slide the two quarters into the slot. I guess I keep thinking my luck will change. We all look kind of out of place. The taxi diver refused to wait for us so we’ve got all the bags with us. Mikey, Gerard are dressed in all black, every inch of their skin covered in some kind of fabric, a sharp contrast to the bright colors and summer clothes worn by those already sitting the red plastic booths. Frank has on shorts that are fraying at the bottom, a blue Mikey Mouse sweatshirt that is too big for him and a ratty pair of converse. I glance down at my skinny jeans; the knees are still ripped out of them. I’ve also still got on Frank’s pullover. It’s a little too big and hangs off my frame probably making me look like a homeless person. Ray is the only normal looking one in our group. A dad with his emo children. I snicker at this.

A friendly looking blonde walks us over to a table in the corner. Once she’s handed us all menus she takes a drink order, coffees all around, before disappearing into the kitchen. Still feeling sick I rest my head on the table. It’s a little sticky but right now I don’t care. I just need the room to stop spinning.

“Where’d you end up last night bro,” Mikey questions Gerard.

“I was in Bert’s room all night. We got back super late, had to walk to the hotel.”

“Why didn’t you call a cab?” I mumble, lifting my head just enough so that I can see my older brother.

“I think we couldn’t remember where we were but I don’t remember,” Gerard answers as the coffees arrive.

For a little we all sit silently, recharging our batteries. Today is going to be another long day and we all need as much energy as we can get. The band plays earlier in the day and then they have two separate signing events as well as some kind of charity kickball thing. I think they’re all pretty excited for it. I’ve come to realize that tours can take a lot out of a person. The ability to relax and do something just for the fun of it will probably we a good thing.

“Can I take your order?” the blonde waitress says, she looks right at Mikey the whole time, never shifting her gaze.

“Do you have tofu?” Frank questions.

The waitress turns her attention to the guitarist, looking at him as if he’s got a hole in his head, “No.”

Frank nods, “I’ll just have a bagel with cream cheese then and some more coffee.”

The waitress scribbles this down before turning back to Mikey. He orders a cheese omelet for himself, home fries and bacon for Gerard, and a waffle for me. Ray gets pancakes, bacon and scrambled eggs.

“Do you guys wanna go play the claw machine while we wait?” Ray questions as the waitress walks away.

I nod, quickly pulling Frank up by the hand. He laughs at my enthusiasm. Mikey decides to stay at the table but sends Gerard with us. We all hover over Ray’s shoulder as he pops the coins into the slot and moves the claw around, grabbing hold of a blue teddy bear. He brings it over to the hole and releases it.

“That’s amazing! How did you get so good?” I say excitedly, jumping around a little causing me to bump into Frank. He steadies me with a hand around my shoulder. He leaves it there a little longer than necessary.

Ray laughs, grabbing the bear out of the slot and placing it atop the machine as I hand him more quarters. “I had a really boring childhood.”

In the span of about five minutes Ray has won all of us a teddy bear. Mine is brown with a white tummy and a little pink heart nose. I sit with it in my lap, sipping coffee watching my brothers fight over Gerard’s bear.

“If you wanted one you should’ve come with us,” Gerard sasses. He seems to be fairly sober now that he’s gotten some coffee in him. I like sober Gerard a lot more than drunk Gerard.

“Someone had to stay at the table so they didn’t think we just left,” Mikey answers, defending his decision not to go with us.

Gerard just slides the bear under his butt, “If you want it you have to get it.”

Mikey rolls his eyes at our older brother’s childish behavior, “I’ll just have Ray get me one on our way out.”

“Sure thing my man,” Ray answers as our food is delivered to the table.

We all eat in silence. The waffle is good and a welcomed change from the cereal or breakfast bars we usually have for breakfast on the bus. It makes me miss home. I’ve never been away from Jersey unless I’d gone into New York City for a few hours. I miss the grittiness of it, the way it smelled, the sounds. I even miss my childhood bedroom that I’d moved back into a few weeks before we left. I moved back home not because I didn’t like living with Frank but because I’d missed being around my brothers all the time. I wouldn’t give up being on this tour for anything but New Jersey is where my heart will always be.

“Ready for another day?” Frank questions as I record Ray winning Mikey a teddy bear from the claw machine.

“Bring it on,” I respond with a smile.

Notes

This one is for you Cami :)