Don't waste your time always searching for
those wasted years
Face up... make your stand
And realise you're living in the golden years


No, hell no; there is no way I’m going to wear that thing or get into that pool. First off, they expect us to wear Speedos…Gerard Way does not wear Speedos. Secondly, it’s chilly out; the water must feel like ice.

I stand on the diving block, hands on my hips, still fully clothed in my uniform. I frown down at the water. I don’t understand why swimming is still included in the school physical education program.

“What’s the matter, scared you’ll pop a boner in your swim suit?” The jock standing next to me jeers.

“Naw,” I respond, channeling Amber. “I’m scared you’ll pop a boner if you see me in my itty bittie bikini bottoms.”

“Emo scum,” the jock shoots back as the gym teacher comes to the side of the pool.

As the whistle blows the other boys dive into the pool, leaving me to stand on the starting platform, looking into the school’s swimming pool. I continue to watch the water for a few minutes before stepping down and walking away.

“That’s a zero for the day Mr. Way,” our overly muscled gym teacher, Mrs. Hyde barks at me. “That means you’ll fail for the year.”

I shrug. So I repeat senior year gym class, boo hoo. I’ll find some way to make it up before the end of the year. I always do. Besides, Mrs. Hyde should be a little bit more understand of my lack of knowledge on how to swim. Does she really want me to drown in the pool?

As I head back to the locker room my mind wanders to the day the jocks beat us up in the cafeteria, the day that Mikey cried in front of someone other than me. Little did I know at the time, that person would end up being my little brother’s ex-girlfriend. It’s weird how things work out.

Entering the locker room, I notice one of the jocks lockers standing open, their helmet lying in the bottom. Really I shouldn’t, but they do kinda deserve it, and it’d be funny to see the face of the jock that would be affected by my actions. Smiling evilly, I unzip my fly, and begin to piss in the helmet, humming an Iron Maiden song.

Once done, I zip up my pants and walk out of the locker room into the hardly populated hallway, standing up against the wall while I wait for the bell to ring. . The second the little bings produced by the bell start, the halls flood with people. I stay where I am, just watching as people pass, hoping to spot one of my friends.

Just then I notice a little blonde opening her locker just across the hall. Granted I’d never have a chance with her, but she’s kinda pretty. I think she’s on the cheer team with Amber or something. As I continue to watch her pull open her locker I see Frank jump out, scream in her face then race down the stairs toward where all of us normally meet for lunch. Laughing, I allow myself to be pushed along towards the steps and out the door where Frank is.

“That was awesome man,” I say as we head toward the concrete steps where Mikey and Amber are already sitting.

“Yeah, second time this week,” Frank replies sitting down next to Amber, stealing one of her carrots. The redhead frowns at him but says nothing, just accepting that she’s not going to get to eat very much of her lunch today.

“Okay, guys, guess what I did,” I start as all eyes turn towards me. “Today, during gym, I pissed in one of the jocks football helmet.”

Amber burst out laughing, her can of Arizona green tea hitting the step and spilling everywhere, “You’re such a dumbass, Gerard.”

“What do you mean, that’s fucking awesome dude,” Frank says, hugging me.

I beam as Mikey just sits there smiling. I thought it was a great idea. It’s not like they’ll ever figure who did it or anything. Sometimes I think Amber just likes insulting me.

“No, don’t you get it. Everyone knows Gerard can’t swim which means you would have been the only one in the locker room when it happened. They’re going to figure it out. Also, don’t you think they’ll be able to wash out the helmet before practice tonight?” Amber says. She always has to be the logical one.

“Naw,” Frank says wrapping an arm around her shoulders, “I’ll get the croquet mallets today and if the helmets are empty I’ll refill them.”

Oh how I love Frank. He’s a mastermind and also I think he’s the only friend I have that would be willing to piss in a lacrosse helmet.

“Complete fools,” Amber mumbles under her breath before allowing Frank to hand her a grape, which she feeds to Mikey.

I want to rip the both of them to shreds. I hate that Amber insists on being so obvious with her relationship with Frank in front of my little brother. I hate that she still openly flirts with Mikey. I don’t understand how he is so okay with this. Maybe I’m just upset because. regardless of the situation, I’m getting the short end of the stick.

Without noticing I have squeezed my water bottle causing the top to fly off, water spilling down the sides and onto my hands and pants. Fuck, now it looked like I peed myself.

“Gerard, do you have an issue?” questions Amber, prying the bottle out of my hand.

“Yes I have a fucking problem. I look like I pissed on myself,” I growl.

Amber cowers against Mikey’s legs, her eyes wide yet kind, looking at my face, “Someone needs to learn to deal with his anger.”

Frank begins to laugh, falling backwards, beating his feet against the concrete, “You guys are all fucking morons, I hope you know that. You’re all fucked up.”

“Not anymore fucked up that you,” Amber laughs throwing one of her grapes at Frank’s head.

The little green fruit makes contact with Frank’s forehead and he sits up, looking around for what just assaulted him. Once he finds it, he throws it back at Amber who ducks, causing the grape to hit Mikey in the nose. Laughing, Mikey picks up the grape, blows on it, and pops it in his mouth, chewing.

“Didn’t your parents ever teach you not to play with your food?” My little brother questions, only to toss yet another grape in Frank’s direction.

“No, I never learned that lesson,” Frank says with a shrug, throwing the grape my way so that it hits my ear.

Scowling, I aim for Amber and manage to get the grape down her shirt, “Point one for Gerard.”

Mikey eyes me as Amber fishes the grape out of her shirt. Although she doesn’t look mad she also doesn’t look pleased with me. I really haven’t done anything wrong. Oh well.

Just then Mikey takes his bag of grapes, bumping it on Amber, some falling to the ground, others staying in her shirt, “Fifty fucking points for Mikey…I win.”


We all begin to laugh as Amber digs the grapes out of her shirt, tossing them up at Mikey as she does. Maybe I’m the silly one for thinking they can’t stay friends, and that Mikey should be angry at Amber. Things don’t have to be weird. We can all be friends and Amber can treat Mikey however she wants. Today will be a good day.

Notes

Song: Wasted Years by Iron Maiden