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I'm Not Okay (I Promise)

Going Home

Run away,
Like it was yesterday
And we could run away
If we could run away
Run away from here
She just stares at me. It’s not weird but I don’t really like it. So yeah, she might have helped me in the hall but that really doesn’t mean anything. Then again if it doesn’t why does that smile keep flashing before my eyes, why do I hear her accent ringing in my ears?

Gerard offers me his disgusting looking sandwich for a second time…I refuse it again not really hungry. The bread is soggy from the meat juice mom had neglected to shake off before putting it on, and the mayonnaise is oozing out the sides. I’d much rather go hungry.

I continue to sit, arms wrapped around my legs, chin resting on my knee thinking over the resent events. I hate this place. The best thing so far had been Amber giving me her inhaler and saving my ass in the hall. I want to go home.

I can feel all the eyes on me at once and it makes me uncomfortable. I reach into my pocket for my inhaler only to remember I forgot it at home. I guess I don’t have Amber to bail me out this time.

"Mikey, you okay?" Gerard questions, rubbing my back, trying to calm me down...it really isn’t helping

I look at my older brother, glasses almost falling off my face.

Gerard frowns, obviously he can see I’ve been crying…not a lot, I never cry a lot but Gerard is my brother, he can just tell these things.

"Mikey...what happened?"

I still don’t say anything, I just don’t want to. Frank, Gerard’s new friend moves onto my other side, the both of them trying to get me to talk. When I refuse they don’t force me like some other people would have.

"Mikey..." Frank says softly. "Whatever it is, we can talk about it, okay?"

Gerard nods as I wipe my running nose, almost causing my glasses to fall from my face. I wanna leave, "Gee....”

"Mikey, what?"

"Can we go home…now?"

The only reason I would want to stay is if Amber gets up and comes over here. Seems as she stalked off in the opposite direction a few minutes ago I highly doubt that will happen. There’s really no point in staying.

"I was supposed to meet Ray after school..." Gerard says.

I nod, a look of disappointment etched on my face. Frank looks at Gerard. He seems to be trying to remember something.

"Ray Toro?" the dark haired boy questions.

Gerard nods, looking lost in his head again. That’s the problem with my brother and me…we live in our heads.

"Hmm...I know Ray. He's a buddy of mine, actually."

Gerard narrows his eyes, still lost in thought. I want to talk to her and I don’t know why. It’s eating at me and if I don’t get away from this place soon I am going to burst into tears right here in the middle of everything. Too late. The water spills over.

"I went to another school before here," Franks is explaining. "Ray lives pretty close to me. We've been friends a while now..." he trails off.

“Gerard,” I mumble, trying to get his attention without lifting my head, “Gerard…please?”

I can feel my brother’s eyes on me again. I hate for him to see me with tear streaks on my face but I can’t really help it right now. I’m frustrated and upset and just plain sad.

"Frank…" Gerard says, pulling me to my feet and grabbing the messenger bag I dropped on the ground next to me. "Fuck this. I'm going home. Mikey can't be here right now. Sorry, but...yeah, I gotta go."

Frank stands up as we start marching toward the parking lot, avoiding the stares of everyone around us. Out of the corner of my eye I see one of the jocks mouth ‘boo hoo’ at me.

Gerard flips.

He stops, digs the still uneaten sandwich out of his bag and slaps it onto the jocks face. The lacrosse player looks shocked, and to tell the truth, so am I. I honestly don’t know what just happened. I just stand there in complete shock.

Just as the jock goes to punch Gerard in the face he ducks, Matrix style. Then his fingers curled around my arm, "Mikey, run, now!”

I don’t think twice. Gerard and I hurry to the parking lot fence, jumping it. We sit down on the pavement trying to catch our breath. I really wish I had remembered to bring my inhaler. Gerard just chuckles, looking up at the sky. As I sit there panting, my brother gathers me into a tight hug. Tears still fall from my eyes but I’m laughing harder than I have in almost a year. Suddenly, Gerard looks up. A familiar voice is coming from the other side of the fence.

"Wait!" Frank yells, and Gerard stands up to see over the fence. Does he really have to be here right now? I was kinda enjoying the moment with my brother. I guess this is what having friends is like. I’ll just have to get used to it.

Eventually, with the help of Gerard, Frank gets over the fence the two of them landing terribly.

"Fucking...Goddamn it!" Frank curses, getting to his feet and dusting himself off.

"That fucking hurt!" Gerard says just lying there on the ground

Frank turns to me, my fingers pressed to my bottom lip, “Shit, are you okay?”

I just nod, “Gerard’s shoe got my lip. I’m fine though. How goes it Gerard?”

My brother just groans.

Eventually Gee drags himself to his knees, gets the hair out of his face and puts a finger to his lip. It’s bloody just like mine.

He looks at his fingers for a second before shoving them into his mouth. I swear my brother is a vampire. I’m still confused as to why he does all this but I’ve learned to deal with it. Gerard is family after all. Finally, Frank helps my older brother to his feet.

"Shit, dude..." Frank whispers, facing Gerard with his hands on his shoulder, looking him over. He places his finger to my older brother’s head. Gerard winces, he obviously hit is head pretty hard on the sidewalk, enough to make it sore.

"Don't fucking touch it dude!" Gerard yelps, slapping Frank’s hand away.

My older brother is just being his normal, over dramatic self. I could really care less. He’ll be all right. Instead of paying attention I stare up at the sky, thinking about the events of the day.

I still want to talk to her so badly.


Notes

Song: Bulletproof Heart by My Chemical Romance

Comments

@KidFromYesterday
Yay!!! Thank you, this story has been really great, as well as your others!!

Olive Olive
10/2/16

@Olive
I might come back and do like a five years later type thing but I've got nothing planned for right now. I do have another fic I'm working on and the first chapter should be up tonight or tomorrow if you're interest.

OMG!!! IS 'IM NOT OKAY( I PROMISE)' REALLY OVER? It was my favorite for so long and it's sad to see it end

Olive Olive
10/2/16

Wht about Kill the Lights By Set it Off for the last chapter where you didn't have a song for it?

Olive Olive
9/24/16

I love this

Maddd Maddd
4/25/16