I'm Not Okay (I Promise)
Fight
Cause when it feels like a kick in the teeth I can take it
Throw your stones and you won’t see me break it
Say what you want, take your shots,
You’re setting me free with one more kick in the teeth
I’m going to be late to French because instead of going to class when Gerard and Mikey ran off I staid and talked with Frank. I tried to bring up my plan but just couldn’t. I couldn’t bear to see the look that would play over Frank’s face. He really is special to me. I can almost feel my heart breaking knowing how much this is going to hurt him. Sighing, I turn yet another corner continuing to wander aimlessly around the school. I have to do this. I’m just not happy anymore.
I skip first period. Screw perfect attendance…I don’t want the award. Instead I continue to walk through the halls, my mindless wandering bringing to me the cafeteria where, for some odd reason a noise is coming. What the fuck?
Rounding the corner I enter the large room, my gaze going to at least half the lacrosse team against Gerard, Mikey and Frank. This is not going to end well. Although I know that if I enter the fight it will just cause more problems I can’t stand here and watch this happen. My friends don’t deserve this. The only person I can think of is Bob.
Running back down the hallway, my heels make that annoying click-clack sound on the linoleum floor. I burst into my older brother’s math class. The students shift in their seats, all eyes on me. I don’t even care. This is a matter of saving faces.
“Bob, they’re fighting…they’ve got Mikey and Gerard and Frank -" my older brother sits in his seat, eyeing me like I've completely lost it - "Bob, hurry up!”
I turn, taking off towards the cafeteria again. I can hear Bob behind me.
“There!” I point to a mob surrounding someone I assume it Gerard. Frank is on the floor but after a quick sweep of the cafeteria I realize that Mikey isn’t there.
“I have to find Mikey,” I state before taking off again.
Once away from the terrible scene in the cafeteria I slow my pace, looking down every empty hallway praying Mikey is all right. For some reason I feel this need; this fucking annoying urge to make sure Mikey Way is safe…that he is happy. It’s irrational, I know, but the feeling just eats away at me. I wonder if this has anything to do with the dreams.
Eventually I find the scrawny freshman with his back pressed up against the windows at the end of a hall. He's curled up in a ball, knees to his chest. He looks so broken. Quickly I go to him, taking his face in my hands, wiping away the tears that fall from his light brown eyes with my thumb.
“It’s okay to feel this way, ya know,” I state as he looks at me as if I’ve invaded a private moment. No one should be left alone when they are this upset. It’s just not fair, it isn’t right. Everyone should have a shoulder to cry on.
“Why do you always show up when I’m in trouble?” Mikey replies as most of the tear flow stops.
I sit down next to him, allowing Mikey to rest his head on my shoulder, my finger’s stroking his light brown hair. I’m actually surprised he’s this willing to let me see him this way. Most boys would tell me to go away, or be annoying about it. Mikey doesn’t care…he just lets it go.
“I don’t know but isn’t it better that I’m here?”
The corners of Mikey’s mouth turn up, “Your hair smells good.”
I laugh unable to stop myself, the kids just fucking funny. No one would reply like that. Wait…stop…is this what it’s like to have friends, people that you care about? I’m holding Mikey like I used to hold my little brother when mom and dad would fight. He holds onto my like I’m the only thing keeping him above water right now.
“Do you want to talk?”
Mikey shrugs, “They just kinda attacked us. I can’t fight…I’d have passed out so I ran. I feel terrible about it. I wish I wasn’t sick. I wanted to help my brother. Do you think he’ll be alright?”
I nod, “I sent Bob down there…he’ll stop things. I promise Gerard will be fine Mikey. Do you want to find him?’
“Will you come with me?” Mikey questions, standing up. He looks hopeful.
Smiling I nod as Mikey offers me his hand, “Let’s go find your crazy arse brother.”
Mikey smiles a little, taking my arm, just below my elbow, pulling me down the hall after him. All right, yes, Mikey Way has managed to weasel his way into my heart. He’s just so awkward…it’s adorable.
Throw your stones and you won’t see me break it
Say what you want, take your shots,
You’re setting me free with one more kick in the teeth
I’m going to be late to French because instead of going to class when Gerard and Mikey ran off I staid and talked with Frank. I tried to bring up my plan but just couldn’t. I couldn’t bear to see the look that would play over Frank’s face. He really is special to me. I can almost feel my heart breaking knowing how much this is going to hurt him. Sighing, I turn yet another corner continuing to wander aimlessly around the school. I have to do this. I’m just not happy anymore.
I skip first period. Screw perfect attendance…I don’t want the award. Instead I continue to walk through the halls, my mindless wandering bringing to me the cafeteria where, for some odd reason a noise is coming. What the fuck?
Rounding the corner I enter the large room, my gaze going to at least half the lacrosse team against Gerard, Mikey and Frank. This is not going to end well. Although I know that if I enter the fight it will just cause more problems I can’t stand here and watch this happen. My friends don’t deserve this. The only person I can think of is Bob.
Running back down the hallway, my heels make that annoying click-clack sound on the linoleum floor. I burst into my older brother’s math class. The students shift in their seats, all eyes on me. I don’t even care. This is a matter of saving faces.
“Bob, they’re fighting…they’ve got Mikey and Gerard and Frank -" my older brother sits in his seat, eyeing me like I've completely lost it - "Bob, hurry up!”
I turn, taking off towards the cafeteria again. I can hear Bob behind me.
“There!” I point to a mob surrounding someone I assume it Gerard. Frank is on the floor but after a quick sweep of the cafeteria I realize that Mikey isn’t there.
“I have to find Mikey,” I state before taking off again.
Once away from the terrible scene in the cafeteria I slow my pace, looking down every empty hallway praying Mikey is all right. For some reason I feel this need; this fucking annoying urge to make sure Mikey Way is safe…that he is happy. It’s irrational, I know, but the feeling just eats away at me. I wonder if this has anything to do with the dreams.
Eventually I find the scrawny freshman with his back pressed up against the windows at the end of a hall. He's curled up in a ball, knees to his chest. He looks so broken. Quickly I go to him, taking his face in my hands, wiping away the tears that fall from his light brown eyes with my thumb.
“It’s okay to feel this way, ya know,” I state as he looks at me as if I’ve invaded a private moment. No one should be left alone when they are this upset. It’s just not fair, it isn’t right. Everyone should have a shoulder to cry on.
“Why do you always show up when I’m in trouble?” Mikey replies as most of the tear flow stops.
I sit down next to him, allowing Mikey to rest his head on my shoulder, my finger’s stroking his light brown hair. I’m actually surprised he’s this willing to let me see him this way. Most boys would tell me to go away, or be annoying about it. Mikey doesn’t care…he just lets it go.
“I don’t know but isn’t it better that I’m here?”
The corners of Mikey’s mouth turn up, “Your hair smells good.”
I laugh unable to stop myself, the kids just fucking funny. No one would reply like that. Wait…stop…is this what it’s like to have friends, people that you care about? I’m holding Mikey like I used to hold my little brother when mom and dad would fight. He holds onto my like I’m the only thing keeping him above water right now.
“Do you want to talk?”
Mikey shrugs, “They just kinda attacked us. I can’t fight…I’d have passed out so I ran. I feel terrible about it. I wish I wasn’t sick. I wanted to help my brother. Do you think he’ll be alright?”
I nod, “I sent Bob down there…he’ll stop things. I promise Gerard will be fine Mikey. Do you want to find him?’
“Will you come with me?” Mikey questions, standing up. He looks hopeful.
Smiling I nod as Mikey offers me his hand, “Let’s go find your crazy arse brother.”
Mikey smiles a little, taking my arm, just below my elbow, pulling me down the hall after him. All right, yes, Mikey Way has managed to weasel his way into my heart. He’s just so awkward…it’s adorable.
Notes
Song: Kick in the Teeth by Papa Roach
@KidFromYesterday
Yay!!! Thank you, this story has been really great, as well as your others!!
10/2/16