The Light Behind His Eyes (Frerard)

I wasn’t able to sleep so well last night. In fact, saying that would be an understatement; I slept horribly. It wasn’t because of the brick-like and uncomfortable mattress of the bed, or the fact that we just fucked in it, losing my V card for good in the process; it’s because of something else...well, three things, actually. The first was that Gerard, who was fast asleep right next to me, kept tossing and turning nonstop, nearly kicking me outta the bed and stealing all the covers from me on multiple occasions. He was also constantly talking in his sleep, which didn’t make it any better. Actually, no...he wasn’t just doing that. He wasn’t just talking to the thin air like people normally tend to do when asleep; it was like he was legitimately talking to someone, like holding an actual conversation. However, it wasn’t just any casual talk. It was like he was arguing with someone in his sleep, constantly objecting to what he was being told and nearly screaming at him or her, whoever it was. But, if he wasn’t bickering with this person in his dream, he was laughing like a goddamn lunatic. I don’t know what it was he was cackling at of course, but whatever it was, it must’ve been fucking hilarious to him. Throughout the whole night it was back and forth between Gerard yelling and laughing in his sleep, on top of kicking and shoving me time after time. Based on the contents of said conversation, I can sadly assume he was talking with one of the voices in his head. It has to be. If not, then I’ll be damned. I can’t really complain too much, though. At least he never tried hitting himself or anything along those lines; if that happened, then I definitely would've had to jump in to wake him up.
The second thing that prevented me from sleep was the fact that every time I did manage to doze off, my mind was constantly greeted with a familiar vision that just makes me on the verge of a mental breakdown--a manic Gerard with a nosebleed and a severed head in his hand, that head belonging to me, it’s dead hazel eyes open wide and beaming at me, making me jolt myself awake, nearly screaming my head off. That’s all I saw every time I attempted to put my mind to rest, and because of that, I was too terrified to even close my eyes, fearing that I would accidentally fall asleep and go through that horrible experience of seeing that vision again in my dreams. What’s even worse is that I am soon to see that awful, murderous side of Gerard later tonight, that being the third thing that prevented me from being able to sleep. We are actually gonna head out to kill Irvine tonight, and while I do think he does deserve nothing but the worst for what he’s done to Gerard and his family all those years ago, there’s no doubt in my mind what’s yet happen to him at the hands of his soon-to-be killer is gonna be nothing short of ugly and grotesque. I just want it all to end as fast as possible and be done with it, since Gerard’s burning desire to kill is what makes Irvine’s death unpreventable, but something tells me that that will only be the beginning of the downward spiral into darkness that awaits for us. I’ve already got a terrible feeling that the way Gerard was all throughout the night, laughing and screaming at whatever was in his head, was a prelude to his descent into madness, and that alone makes me makes me beyond fucking scared and even more restless.
That whole night was forever.
_ _ _
“Frankie...it’s time to wake up,” Gerard sang to me, nudging my shoulder. Already annoyed and far from well-rested, I turned around in bed and curled up in a tight ball, wishing he would just go away and let me sleep already. I know exactly what’s gonna happen today, and I’ve been dreading it since day one. Knowing what’s ahead of us tonight makes me wanna sleep forever...and never wake up.
“Baby, you gotta get up,” Gerard nudged me again, harder this time. “C’mon, sugar pop. Today’s a big day,”
For fuck’s sake, Gerard….You know what? Fuck it. I’ll get up. Me staying in bed is just gonna delay the inevitable anyway. Sooner or later I gotta get up, unfortunately. I know you won’t leave me alone until I do what you say. There’s no use just laying here whining about it. You win again, Gee. Happy now?
Yet again giving in to Gerard’s stubbornness that I’m all too familiar with, I sat up in bed and slowly opened up my eyes to find Gerard with--of course--two cups of freshly brewed coffee in his hands, one for me and one for him. I took a quick glance behind him to also find two plates of scrambled eggs, bacon, and fresh fruit on the little table next to the television we’ve never turned on once during our stay here; he must’ve brought the food from the free breakfast bar downstairs in the main lobby. It’s kinda strange to think that the man that gave me free breakfast just so happens to also be the same psychopathic killer I keep seeing in my dreams with my decapitated head clutched tightly in his hands, his eyes full of malevolence.
“Thanks,” I mumbled out sleepily, taking one of the cups of coffee from Gerard and sipping it, hoping to god this stuff is a strong enough brew to keep me from passing out cold on the floor from tiredness.
“You gotta eat up too, baby,” Gerard said, motioning to the breakfast behind us and sitting down to start eating his. “You need to have enough food in you. Come on, sit down,”
I reluctantly did so, despite not having the appetite at all to eat anything, knowing the madness between the two of us that’s yet to take place. Nothing seems so appealing or have taste or smell to it right now; even the coffee lacks as much of a hint of either of those things. Taking a bite out of my eggs, I tasted nothing but disappointing blandness. I know there isn’t much to expect when it comes to free motel food, but I can at least still taste food no matter how good or bad it is. Not here, though. It’s like my senses are starting to shut off, the future blood that is to be shed numbing me and everything I can ever feel.
“How’d you sleep, sugar pop?” Gerard asked, scarfing down his food so fast like it’s his last meal. “You slept good, right?”
“Well,” I sighed, knowing damn well that I wasn’t even close to accomplishing that, no thanks to the man that talks, laughs, kicks, and screams in his sleep nonstop. “Not really, to be honest...”
Gerard didn’t say anything back to me. He didn’t even look at me. It’s like he didn’t even acknowledge the fact I was talking to him, answering his question. He just kept his vacant eyes focused down at what’s left of his food, his mind once again lost in it’s own little warped world, far out of orbit from the other ones within the universe that is life itself. The corners of his mouth slowly began to grow, forming into it into a wide smile from ear to ear as his eyes started to widen, nearly bulging right outta their sockets, like you’d see a cartoon character do. Come to think of it, Gerard is kinda like one. He has those quirks and exaggerated tendencies similar to the average one. However, he isn’t just like any cartoon character; he’s a maniacal and deranged one that’s infamous for scaring the ever loving shit outta people, kid and grown-up alike; he’s the kind that people see in their nightmares all the time. I’m one of those people that’s scared of him, and I definitely always see his face in my dreams, especially my night terrors.
“Oh...oh my, F-frankie,” he cackled shakily, his whole unstable self slowly coming to life again, his wide eyes staring right back at me from across the table. “Today’s gonna be so much fun! I can already feel it, baby! Aren’t you excited? It’s gonna be a night to remember, Frankie!”
Oh no. It’s happening again. He’s losing himself, turning into that exact same monster I fear and hate so much. It’s that same monster I saw in my dreams last night, it’s beastly eyes consumed by insanity glaring right at me, his hand clutching onto my bloodied and lifeless head cut clean off my neck. I gulped and felt my stomach churn, knowing I’m neck-deep in shit now. The Gerard I know and love has disappeared, leaving me alone with this fiend. What’s even worse is that this is the very same man I’ve given up my purity to. I slept with this guy. I got fucked by him. I have been sleeping not only with another human being, but a monster too.
”That motherfucker doesn't know what kind of surprise he’s in for to tonight. He doesn't know that I'm about to get fucking even with him, after all these years!” Gerard stood straight up from his chair like lightning, nearly knocking it over to the floor. “I really fucking hope he remembers me, Frankie. He better fucking remember who I am as well as what he and his fucking friend did to me all those years ago. I'll make him fucking remember everything in his final moments before I finally rid him from this goddamn planet! It’s gonna be so glorious to finally spill his fucking guts and make him suffer!”
As if Gerard couldn't let himself grow anymore hysterical, he suddenly began to pace back and forth around the room, going all over sporadically in circles of mania, as I just continued to sit there feeling myself die inside more and more. I don’t know what to do. I'm fucking scared outta my mind. I'm almost too scared to even move or speak, for fuck's sake. I was right. Gerard really is gone; at least, the Gerard I love and adore is gone, along with what little sanity is left within him. I know in the back in my mind that it's only gonna go further downhill from here, much to my utter dismay.
“You know what, Frankie? I know exactly how we’re gonna go through with all this tonight. I've got everything all planned out, baby!” Gerard sang in a warped sing-songy voice that just sends so many chills down my spine. He's still rapidly pacing back and forth in circles, never coming to a halt to catch his breath. “At dark, we will get to his house, very late at night when everyone's asleep to quell any suspicions. We gotta be sure he’s sleeping, or else we’ll have to move on to plan B, which I've got all figured out too, but our best bet is to bind him while he's knocked out. After doing all that, we’ll get him to the warehouse I used to live at, where I butchered Jack like the fucking pig he was! It's when we get Irvine’s sorry ass to the warehouse where the real fun begins, because that's when I finally my oh-so-sweet revenge! Three cheers for sweet fucking revenge!”
Gerard suddenly stopped, collapsing to the floor on his knees, his tense body all shriveled up and rocking back and forth, his eyes still wide and manic like the smile stretched across his face. Like the madman he is, he erupted into uncontrollable laughter, his hands clamped to his shaking head. I'm almost convinced he forgot that I'm sitting right here near him, because I am beyond stunned and absolutely speechless from what’s unfolding in front of me. As I witnessed my one and only psychotic love succumb to his own bloodlust and insanity, I felt my soul crumble to pieces, knowing that I’m stuck with this guy, far away from home. There is definitely no point of return from here. I have put myself into a fucking trap, and there’s no way out for me. I’m fucking doomed!
Out of nowhere, Gerard froze, his laughs of hysteria coming to a screeching halt, his whole body still as a statue. It’s like he finally snapped back into reality, gaining control of his corrupted mind. It’s like he finally realized how out of control he’s been acting. At least, that’s what I hope the case is. There’s no way in hell he can’t see just how appalled I am. He needs to know damn well that he is scaring the living shit outta me right now, and it needs to stop. It was when he smiled that smug yet unnerving grin of his that I quickly learned that I was sorely mistaken.
“Oh...sorry about that,” he said, getting back up from the floor. “Got a little too excited, y’know? I’m gonna go take a quick bath before we head out. You gonna shower before we leave?”
“N-no,” I shook my head, stunned that I can even speak despite what I just let my eyes see moments ago.
“Alright then. You just go and get packed up. We’ll check out and leave soon after I bathe. We’ve got a long day ahead of us, after all…,” Gerard flashed me that chilling grin one last time before he excused himself to the bathroom, shutting the door behind him and leaving me alone, wanting to just run from the motel room and scream my lungs out from how much I am extremely frustrated and terrified like never before. That’s exactly what I feel the need to do so badly right now. I just wanna scream, punch a hole through the goddamn wall, then crawl into a dark corner and cry. I just can’t take it anymore. I am three-hundred percent fucking done. I am just so close to losing all my sanity within me, just like Gerard did ages ago. What kind of guy lets themselves date a psychotic, revenge-obsessed killer and escaped mental patient with a checkered past? No one but a naive and lovestruck idiot, such as myself. Why is love so disastrous, especially ours?
Giving in to the rage and despair that’s been building up within me, I quietly walked out of the room so that Gerard wouldn’t hear my exit, then proceeded to storm down the hall and stairs, not bothering to wait for the elevator. I then quickly walked out the front door and let my shaking body down on a nearby bench, burying my face into my hands and screaming. I screamed like a motherfucker for what seemed like an eternity rather than just minutes. I screamed so hard that I’m stunned I didn't manage to make my throat bleed from how sore it feels now. But I don’t care. I had to do that. I just had to let it all out, and it felt so bitterly relieving doing so. I don’t even care if anyone saw me nearly screaming my whole respiratory system out of my mouth. If they were in my shoes right now, I’m sure they’d go mad too.
When I released my face from my hands, I felt a warm moisture on them, as well as on my eyes. I was crying, and never took a minute to notice it. Am I really that much of a wreck right now, just a screaming and crying mess with a boyfriend that’s just as much of a basket case? Just saying that about him is an understatement though; I don’t even know what to say about him anymore. What can I say about him that I haven’t already said? I’m fucking stuck with him, for fuck’s sake! I just can’t leave him and run for my life. Where would I go? Where would I hide from him? There’s no doubt in my mind he would find me, knowing how he’s managed to do the same for all the people he’s killed. Then I’d really be far past fucked. He’d want me fucking dead, like what our relationship is close to being. This really was a bad idea for me to tag along with Gerard on his kill trip, and I knew that from the start, as well as Mikey, even though to him this whole thing is nothing more than a road trip to visit with my bigoted and distant parents. As much as I hate to admit it, he was right. It really was a bad idea; a horrible one, actually. He knew damn well that me going out to an unknown place far from home with his mentally disturbed brother was nothing short of a recipe for disaster. I’m stunned that he didn’t get himself to physically stop me from leaving the house with Gerard in that taxi. Now a part of me wishes that he did.
Speak of the devil, I felt my phone in my pocket vibrate and saw Mikey’s name on the caller ID when I pulled it out. Seriously, he couldn’t have called at a more convenient time. How fan-fucking-tastic is that? How the hell am I even gonna explain myself, knowing that he will most definitely ask about Gerard’s well-being, as well as mine too? I know I shouldn’t tell him the naked truth that he’s definitely not okay, because knowing how Mikey is, that’ll only make matters worse. On the other hand though, I can’t just lie and say that everything’s fine, because they most certainly are not. I can’t just sit here and decipher my choices of what to say though. I’ve got a phonecall to answer, and ignoring it will only be the first of thousands more to come, just imagining how fucking scared and worried outta his mind Mikey must be. Not that I blame him, though.
“Hello?” I said, answering the phone.
“Hey, Frank. It’s me, Mikey,” he replied, something in his voice somewhat a bit...off, I should say. There’s something wrong with Mikey. I already know he’s calling me, so why did he feel the need to state the obvious? Who did I think was calling me, the Queen of England? But all jokes aside, something definitely doesn’t sound right here. I can almost hear the anxiety in his voice.
“Yeah, I know it’s you. What’s up?”
“F-frank,” he said my name again, his nervous voice seeming to falter and stutter over it. “Okay, I know I told you I’d be calling you to check up on you and Gerard, and...well, that’s what I just did, but...I really need to talk to you right now,”
“Why, something wrong?” I asked dumbly, knowing in the back of my mind that something certainly is, so much that I’m not the only one that very likely feels that way, much to my fear.
“Frank, listen to me. I am very worried for the both of you. I dunno if I’m going crazy or what, but...something tells me that something really, really bad is about to happen, but I don’t know what it is exactly. It’s like ever since you two left, the thought’s been eating at me for so long, thinking in the back of my mind that something will indeed happen, and I just thought I’d call and tell you that and make sure you two are okay. Please, Frank. Please tell me you two are alright,”
Oh, no. He is definitely right. He’s not fucking crazy. Something will happen tonight, and it will be really awful. He doesn’t know what exactly is gonna happen, but he does definitely know it’s far from good. Again, what the hell can I tell him? I can’t tell the whole truth, but I can’t be telling him stories either. I’m not okay, and Gerard certainly isn’t either. He’s losing his goddamn mind, and unfortunately, it just may be for good and forever, never again to return to his saner self that I’ve come to know and love.
No. I have to lie. Doing that is better than telling him everything. I can’t afford to narc on Gerard. I can’t afford to do anything to set him off and risk bringing a disaster upon myself. I can’t afford to do the same to Mikey either, telling him the truth and triggering Mikey to do god knows what. Would he come looking for us? Would he call the local psych ward to look for Gerard to lock him back up? Or, more realistically, would he just get more and more nosier, therefore blowing our cover for what our real purpose of this whole road trip is supposed to be for, to kill someone rather than reunite with my crazy family? I can’t afford to let any of that happen. I have to follow Gerard’s orders, keep him happy, and lay low off the radar for him. I cannot tell him anything, or else god knows what that’ll end up costing me if I do just that. I’ve gotta bullshit my whole way through this. It’s for the best.
“We’re alright, Mikes,” I started. “Don’t worry. Gerard’s been fine the whole trip. It’s all good. We’re gonna stop by my mom and dad’s house later for lunch. Saw them last night, too,”
I heard nothing but silence on the line, feeling myself gag at the mere mention of my parents that I’ve become so disgusted with, no thanks to them. I felt myself gag even more at how unnerving Mikey’s silence feels. He’s not buying into what I just told him. He knows something’s up, but I can only hope he doesn’t know exactly what it is. He may be irritating, nosy, and a know-it-all, but he’s not dumb.
“Frank,” he said flatly, breaking the silence between us. “I don’t think you’re being honest with me. I feel like you’re hiding something from me that you don’t want me to know,”
Goddamnit. Fucking called it. I don’t know what to say now.Now what do I do? Hang up? No, that’ll just confirm his suspicions about-
“As much as I hate to tell you all that, I do genuinely think there’s something very wrong, but I can’t know what it is since you won’t tell me anything,” he continued, his unconvincing tone of voice lacking even a hint of remorse. “I know I’m sounding like a dick here, but that’s because I’m very worried. I’m not just worried about Gerard. I’m also very worried for you, Frank. I’m afraid that my brother’s gonna do something very bad, and god forbid it’s something bad to you. I know you love and care for him a lot, but...it should be common knowledge that he’s a very unpredictable and unstable person, and I’m scared that he’s gonna get someone hurt if it’s not himself. He may have gotten better ever since you came into his life, but that isn’t saying much. He’s still not all that well in the head, and you know it. My brother is fucking dangerous. That’s why I was opposed to you two leaving the house together for a trip, let alone in a different state. You’re both far away from home, and you’re both not safe, especially you, Frank,”
I may as well have already been defeated. Mikey has just confirmed almost every single thing I’ve been in fear of ever since me and Gerard left the house. Something most definitely is gonna happen, and there’s no good that’ll come out of it, even though that’s not how Gerard sees it, of course. I am also not safe; in fact, I’m far from it, and I’ll still be in danger if I dare to ever find a way out. If anything, doing that will only lead me into deeper shit. Gerard will find me if I bail out on him, and he will fucking kill me just like he did to Jack, just like the rest of the Richardsons, just like those bullies from high school, and soon, just like Irvine. Mikey’s definitely right. I am in trouble. I am in harm’s way, and if I dare cry out for help or try to run away, it’ll only end up being the death of me.
“Frank,,” Mikey said again, his sudden voice making me jump a little from how withdrawn my mind’s become from all the chaos and anxiety erupting within it. “Are you sure there’s nothing you wanna tell me? If there is, please say it now,”
“N-no,” I forced out, feeling that two-lettered word echo through the phone and my mind. “No, there isn’t. I’m fine, Mikey,”
“Frank…,” he sighed, clearly annoyed with my stubbornness and reluctance of telling the truth. Now he’s the one that sounds defeated. “I really don't know what to say. I'm worried sick for you two, you especially. I don't think something’s right at all. In fact, I know it. You really baffle me, Frank. You really do. If you don’t wanna tell me anything, then so be it. I wanna help you, Frank. I wanna make sure you're okay, but if you don't want that, then fine. What can I do? Just know that if anything does happen, you have been warned. You knew all along what you were getting yourself into with Gerard. He's like a stray dog that bites. The first time he bites you when you try to pet him, it’s not your fault. You didn’t know he was gonna hurt you. But then when you try to bite him and he bites you again like the first time...you fucking knew. Goodbye, Frank,”
The line clicked, leaving me completely empty with silence and a guilty discontent. What can I say? He’s got a point. I am a fool; a fool that’s a sucker for love. I may as well be a fool that has a death wish, too. I am also a fool that wants to fix someone. But how can that fool fix this person if he may very likely be beyond repair? How can he fix him if trying to do so may end up costing his whole life? If Gerard is the dog, then I am the hand that foolishly feeds, letting himself get bit again and again, risking his hand getting cut clean off and becoming the dog's next meal.
“Baaaabyyyy!” A shrill voice sang from up above, nearly sending me into cardiac arrest. I looked up to find Gerard’s towel-enraveled head peeking out from the window, his big hazel eyes glancing down at me. “What are you doing down there? Are you all packed up, sugar? We gotta check out and leave soon!”
“I'm coming,” I sighed as I got up and walked back inside, knowing that me just sitting here and sulking will only delay what will inevitably happen when we leave this godforsaken motel. It’s like I’m gonna be leaving it with a complete stranger that’s also a madman rather than Gerard...well, at least rather the saner and more rational part of him that doesn’t have so much of a hopeless addiction with revenge. With that being said, it’s definitely gonna be a bumpy ride, and also a fucking scary one.
_ _ _
After leaving the motel and driving for what seemed like an eternity rather than just a few or so hours, we checked into another one, this one being a little nicer-looking Holiday Inn just outside of Trenton. We ended up resting for a bit before we headed out to get some food in our stomachs. We soon settled on a local cheap-looking diner that thankfully wasn’t too crowded when we pulled in, seeing how the parking lot is only full with a few or so cars. I can safely say that Gerard was at least calm and drove less crazily the whole ride, but I know getting my hopes up is nothing short of futile when it comes to him.
“I’m starving. How about you, sugar?” Gerard turned to me as we began to walk inside the barely occupied greasy spoon.
“I guess so,” I shrugged, opening up the front door for the both of us as we walked through. I am a bit hungry, to be honest. Eggs and bacon don’t sit too long with me in my stomach anyway, knowing that I can now hear it growling and begging me to feed it already. We made our way up to the front desk, or whatever it is that waiters sit at to...well, wait for their next customers to serve, I guess. I don’t know. I never worked in the restaurant field, so I don’t know this stuff too well. A young-looking woman, probably around college age with long dark hair and an alarmingly low-cut top revealing her cleavage, smiled at us as she looked up from whatever paperwork she was previously working on.
“Hi there, table for two?” she asked, revealing her pearly white teeth, especially right at me. That’s what her eyes stayed focused on, not even bothering to take a glance at the strange case of a person next to him. I can’t really blame her, though. I’m pretty sure anyone would get pretty odd vibes seeing someone like Gerard for the first time, knowing how much of a...um, “different” kind of guy he is. I just kinda wish she’d...maybe pull up her top a little? She is a pretty girl, but can she at least be a little more modest and not let her tits hang out so much? There’s just something about that that doesn’t sit well with me, and certainly not in a good way. I don’t like boobs, either. How can I if I’m gay?
“Yes, please,” Gerard replied, saving me from the awkward silence that had grown between me and the scantily-clad waitress.
“Alright, then. Right this way,” she said, grabbing two menus and leading us to a booth. As we both sat down, I foolishly let my eyes glance back up at her, whose eyes were still right on me, as well as that friendly and pearly-toothed grin of her’s. It’s so friendly-looking that it goes beyond being just a happy and welcoming employee. No girl has ever looked at me like this, let alone one on the job as a waitress. She is so checking me out, her flirtatious eyes scanning me up and down in admiration. “My name’s Renee, and I’ll be your server, alright? Can I start you boys off with something to drink?”
“I’ll have water,” I replied quickly, already unnerved by the fact that this lady just won’t stop staring at me like the way she is. I was so right. She’s definitely hitting on me, even though it should be known to her that this fruity pebble right here is already taken by the man sitting right across with me, who looks anything but pleased with what’s taking place in front of him. Being the naturally passive and awkward son of a gun I am, I just smiled back a bit, keeping my shy and uninterested eyes down at the table, hoping to god Renee will soon take a hint that I am indeed not interested in her offer. I came here with Gerard to eat, not get hit on by some provocatively-dressed waitress.
“Alright, hun. And you?” Renee wrote down my beverage order as her eyes turned over to Gerard, who just glared at her with distaste, seeing her trying to flirt with his sugar pop that’s nothing but all his, and no one else’s.
“Coffee. Black, please,” he said flatly, giving her a “stay the fuck away from my boy or you’ll be sorry” kind of look, to which she immediately obeyed, scribbling down his order and quickly scurrying away without saying a word, a flash of utter terror and devastation behind her now uneasy green eyes. Even though I’m relieved she’s no longer making me feel uncomfortable with her seductiveness, I kinda feel bad for her now. It’s like Gerard just outright scared her off like a little rabbit being chased by a rabid fox. It’s not like she was asking me to let her suck my cock out in the parking lot or anything like that.
Jesus Christ, Gerard. You didn’t have to scare her off like that. You coulda just politely told her to lay off the flirty looks and so on. What if she’s too scared to go near us now? Then we’ll have no food to eat, you dummy! You didn’t have to be such a douche-
“Don’t look at her, baby. Besides, you already know who’s yours,” Gerard smirked, not even an ounce of remorse in his eyes for what he just did to poor Renee. I didn’t say anything, even though I feel the want to, telling him that scaring her off was going a little overboard. However, it’s best to just play it safe. I can’t risk upsetting Gerard for simply disagreeing with him, because I’ve already learned that the hard way in the past. None of that chaos needs happen here. Not now.
“Here you go,” Renee said, momentarily returning to the table with our drinks while we skimmed through the lunch menus.
Holy shit, that was fast!
As she reached for the coffee pot to pour Gerard’s daily java, I couldn’t help but notice a smile still on her face, her eyes still on me. It’s not one that’s revealing her ridiculously white teeth, but still a pleasant-looking one that doesn’t lack any genuineness. I guess I was wrong about Gerard scaring her off, but what do I know? She’s gotta do her job whether or not she’s happy with the people she’s serving, which is obviously a drag. I know, because I’ve experienced that kind of thing firsthand with my shitty-ass job working at the department store. I really hope I am right about Gerard not freaking her out, though. However, it wouldn’t surprise me if that wasn’t the case. He is a pretty scary guy, knowing his backstory and how messed up in the head he truly is. What’s just as scary and shocking is that he has a boyfriend, who just so happens to me be.
“Thank you,” Gerard said in a monotone voice, taking a long sip from his hot coffee as his stern eyes watched the waitress like a hawk. I think that’s when she stopped smiling, pretending like I’m not even here near her at the table.
“Are you guys ready to order?” She asked, bringing out her notepad and pen. I know I’m ready to. I wanna eat already, not be some eye candy for a complete stranger.
“I’ll have the chef’s salad with ranch dressing. What about you, Gee?” I smiled at Gerard, hoping to brighten the mood a bit, considering the rather awkward situation we’ve found ourselves in.
“I’ll just have what you’re having, baby,” he smirked, handing his menu back to Renee. I know Gerard meant to call me baby on purpose. Hopefully that works so that she will stop eyeing me like a high school girl fantasizing over her crush. I really don’t have an issue with her thinking I’m cute or anything, but...she needs to stop. It’s for all of our own good, especially her’s. Renee took our menus and walked off, leaving the two of us alone once again. We stayed silent, passing the time with our awkward silence and stares at each other as we waited for our food to arrive. It shouldn’t take too long; it’s just a couple of salads anyway, plus the place itself is not even halfway full. There’s only maybe two or three other occupied tables around us.
Gerard gazed down at his hands folded on top of the table, fidgeting with his fingers as he continued to stay quiet, looking somewhat peaceful. That didn’t last long, though. I watched as his facial expression slowly changed from a calm one to a look of discontent, his eyebrows furrowing in bewilderment and worry as he shot his head back up, his eyes scanning his surroundings, especially the people sitting the other few tables. He definitely looks scared shitless...but why? The only thing that’s even remotely scary about low-grade diners are the weirdos you manage to run into after dark in places like this, and it’s far from being that time of night right now.
“What’s wrong, Gee?” I asked, passively playing with the straw of my ice water as I looked at him with utter concern.
“F-frankie…,” he stuttered, his voice shaky as ever, his paranoid hazel eyes frantic and unable to stay still, just like his quivering lips. “I...I don’t have a good feeling about this place…,”
“Why not, because of our waitress?”
“No...it’s not just that…,” Gerard swung his head back and forth between me and the diner’s other occupants, who all just stayed focused on their food, but only occasionally took quick glances at the paranoid man sitting across from me in our booth. “I...I think something’s not right about this place,”
“How so?” I asked, my fear for Gerard within me growing as each second passed by.
“I think we’re being watched, Frankie. I’m being watched!” Gerard whispered, his voice growing more frantic as his eyes grew wider. “You know they’re looking for me, Frankie! They wanna take me away from you and-”
“Here you boys go,” Renee said suddenly in a sing-songy voice, returning to our table once again with our salads and placing them in front of us. It’s like Gerard completely froze and was put on pause as she came to us, his body staying still as a statue with his fear-stricken eyes still wide and glued to me. “Can I get you guys anything else? Does everything look alright?”
“This is fine. Thank you,” I replied, just wishing she’d leave already so I can get to the bottom of what’s eating at Gerard.
“Alrighty then. Don’t hesitate to call me if you change your mind,” she sang, turning back to face me one last time with that smirk on her face and winked at me as she strutted right off. Looks like she never took Gerard’s hint, unfortunately. Either that or she did, but decided to keep doing exactly what she shouldn’t be doing in front of my boyfriend. What a fool. I really hope Gerard didn’t just see what she did there. What’s she gonna do next, give me her number in front of him? As I began to pour some ranch dressing onto my salad, I looked up at Gerard to see that he hasn’t even picked up his fork yet to eat. Knowing how much he kept going on about how hungry he was earlier, he normally would’ve started scarfing down his food the minute the plate touched the table. Not here, though. Instead, he’s picking at it with his fingers, like he’s inspecting it’s contents as he eyed it skeptically.
“What’s wrong, Gee?” I asked, taking a bite of my food. “Aren’t you gonna eat your-”
“Frankie, no!” he hissed, his eyes wide and horrified. “Don’t eat it! It could be poisoned!”
“What?” I nearly spat out my food from what ridiculous statement just came out of Gerard’s mouth. There’s nothing about this salad that tastes funny to me. In fact, it’s actually pretty good, despite it coming from a low-grade cheap diner. “What are you talking about? It tastes fine!”
“Are you sure you’re right about that? Are you sure you’re not being poisoned? What about me? They’re looking for me, after all! They might’ve poisoned my coffee too! I can smell the poison from here!”
“Gerard, what the hell are you talking about?” I dropped my fork, already too frustrated to even enjoy my lunch, no thanks to Gerard’s ridiculous delusions. “What do you mean you’re being poisoned? No one’s after you!”
“Don’t you get it, Frankie?” Gerard raised his voice, his whispering voice growing sharp with exasperation. “The authorities are out to get me, and you know it! Renee might be working for them, and she must’ve poisoned my food to get back at me!”
“What? What for? Why would she-”
“Because she has the hots for you, Frankie! She’s jealous of me for taking you from her, and since it’s very likely she works for the authorities, this is her way of getting back at me! I could’ve sworn I saw a microchip in her wrist too, as well as the other people here! There are spies here, so there’s no doubt in my head that they all work for them, and they’re all after me! We’ve gotta get out of here Frankie, before they catch us and bring out the needles!”
What? What the fuck does Gerard even mean? What’s all this nonsense about microchips, spies, and needles anyway? Actually, I do know...it’s the voices. The voices in his head are talking to him again, and sadly, there’s nothing I can do about it; not without starting a scene, that is. Maybe we should leave before things go downhill any more. I can already feel everyone’s eyes on us, wondering what the hell is going on with us two. Leaving his salad untouched, Gerard dashed out the front door to the car, starting up the engine and waiting for me to follow his lead, which is probably what I should just do. I’m not even all that hungry anymore; his paranoia has tarnished my appetite. Reluctantly calling over Renee back to our table, I asked her to just bring me the bill already and to not even bother bringing me a takeout box. She grinned that same smile she’s flashed at me thousands of times before, cleaning up the table without uttering a word. She then went away with our unfinished food and returned with a bill, which I quickly paid before grabbing my stuff and rushing out the front door. Before I could exit out the front door, I felt a hand touch my shoulder, stopping me in my tracks. I turned around to find Renee once again, her free hand offering me a little piece of paper with--unsurprisingly--her phone number written on it in pen.
“Call me when you have the chance, baby,” she smirked, her hand waiting for mine to take it already, which is what I definitely won’t do.
“I can’t, sorry,” I said, lightly pushing her hand with the number away as I saw a look of bewildered disappointment grow on her face.
“Why not?” she pouted. “How can you refuse an offer from a girl like-”
“I’m not into girls, first off. Say what you want, but...I’m gay,” I replied, not at all wanting to take back a single word I just said there, all thanks to the help of Gerard...when he was still somewhat sound-minded, that is. “Also...I’m already taken,”
“Oh…,” Renee snorted, snatching the number back and walking right off, leaving empty-handed with no man to call her, and much more beyond that I’d dare not participate in with her. “Whatever. It’s your loss,”
Not even bothering to think of what I’d be missing out on with the sleazy waitress, I walked right off back to our car, sitting down in the shotgun seat next to the shaken, overly-paranoid weirdo that’s taken me from my single status long ago.
“What took you so long, Frankie? They could have caught us!” he asked frantically, revving up the engine to life and speeding out of the parking lot and on to the highway like the maniac he is.
“Had to pay the bill, y’know. Could you at least slow down a bit?” I begged, hanging on to the edge of my seat for my dear life, hoping to god that Gerard doesn’t land us off the edge of a cliff or in a mashup between two or three other totaled vehicles.
“Sorry, baby. We gotta get the hell outta here, away from the authorities. We can’t afford to let them find us! Heaven forbid that ever happens! Besides, we’ve got blood to shed tonight!” Gerard grinned wickedly, the bloodlust in his eyes returning, much to my long-dreaded fear. We are only hours away from doing just that; it’s so close I can almost sense the iron-like taste of blood on my tongue, making my stomach wanna puke out what little I’ve eaten at the diner we just left. I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again: Mikey most certainly wasn’t wrong when he said something terrible is yet to happen tonight, but what he doesn’t know is that it’s gonna involve gallons of the red stuff that Gerard is itching to have splattered all over, especially on his hands and face.

Notes