The Light Behind His Eyes (Frerard)

I managed to fall asleep for the rest of the ride back to the motel. It was around nighttime when we pulled into the parking lot. I sleepily opened my eyes when I felt the engine come to a stop, followed by Gerard getting out of the car and effortlessly scooping me up in his arms out of the car seat I was curled up in the whole ride back, carrying me back to our room like a mother holding her snoozing baby in her gentle arms. I guess that’s just one of the perks of me being incredibly short and lightweight for my age; Gerard can easily pick me up and cradle me in his warm embrace without dropping me on the floor like a wimpy clutz. He knows how much I fucking love it when he holds and carries me like this. He knows damn well that I need it after the hell we just put ourselves through at my mom and dad’s house. They tried to bring back their son to “fix” him into their ideal image as a straight guy that bends over to their every wish and command, but they failed. Besides, how can they fix something that’s not even broken, just like Gerard said? You just can’t fix being gay. However, there’s one thing that Gerard was wrong about in the heat of his argument with my father; Gerard hasn’t been fully fixed yet. To be honest, he’s still far from it.
“Someone looks sleepy,” Gerard playfully whispered as he continued to carry me up to our room upstairs on the second floor. I gotta give him credit for not being lazy and taking the stairs instead of the elevator while lifting my approximately 5’4”, one hundred and forty-something pound body. Besides, I hate elevators. “How are you feeling, sugar pop?”
You know what? How exactly do I feel? Not all that splendid, I’ll say that much. Aside from being tired, I still feel like shit after what happened earlier today. How the fuck can I live with knowing that the fact that my parents are a couple of prejudiced and homophobic assholes with shitloads of cash? Wanting to go and see them added up to be a complete waste of time. I thought after seeing them I could bring myself to forgive them for what they’ve done to me, but not ever forget it. Now I can’t do either of those things for them, knowing how much they’ve revealed their true colors to me. All these years they’ve tried to mold me into a heterosexual trophy son, just for their own benefit. Like I said before, I am nothing but a gay disappointment to them, but frankly, I could care less; I’d rather be that than something I’m clearly not.
“Mmmm...tired,” I muttered, letting out a loud yawn.
“I can see that,” he laughed. He opened up the door to our motel room and laid me down on the queen-sized bed, where I let myself sprawl out as he joined me, his body now right next to mine. For the life of me, I still can’t get over how good he smells and feels. I breathed in that familiar scent of nicotine on him, feeling myself smile from ear to ear as I ran my hands through his long and smooth jet-black hair. Returning the favor, Gerard ran his warm hands through mine, locking his lips with mine once again. It wasn’t long before he soon stopped for a moment, his hazel eyes curiously scanning over my body, his hands making their way from my head to my chest, lightly tugging at my shirt.
“May I?” he asked shyly, his modest self seeking my approval. I find it almost hilarious how he feels the need to ask, because that’s something he doesn’t need to do to me. We’re pretty much way beyond that point.
“Go right the fuck ahead,” I laughed, bringing my arms up to let him proceed. As he peeled off my shirt to reveal my topless self, I went to town on his upper half, unfastening his black tie and buttoned-up white shirt. It was at that moment when, I swear to god, Gerard’s pale face turned as pink as a sweet pea. I took that same pinkish face and brought it back to mine, kissing it’s wet lips as it did the same to mine. With Gerard’s body pinning me to the bed, I brought my arms up and around his body on top of mine, slowly clawing up and down at his back. “Does that feel good, Gee?” I whispered under our non stop kisses.
“Mmmm…,” he moaned, his lips digging deeper into mine. “Oh...oh my god...holy fuck…,” I can tell by just that that I don’t need a direct answer; he fucking loves it.
Wait a minute...something doesn’t feel right...no, I take that back; it’s not that something doesn’t feel right, but just...off. I feel something within me, something I’ve experienced before. There’s something my body wants, and it’s screaming at me loud and clear. My body wants a particular, venomous something I’ve been kept away from like a widespread plague, no thanks to my overbearing parents and my shy, not-so-outgoing self. I remember feeling this before, and right now it’s as strong as ever. My body is craving forbidden fruit, and it can only be given to me if I give away something my antisocial, low self-esteem-having self has held on to for the last twenty-three years I’ve been on this planet.
Gerard can give me that venomous forbidden fruit if I give up my virginity to him, and the only way that I can find out if that can happen tonight is if I ask him. I’m sick of being a virgin; what we did that time I sucked off Gerard doesn’t count; it’s official when I’ve finally had...well, my cherry popped, to put it lightly. I don’t want to give up my V card because of the stigma of being an unattractive loser if you so happen to be...oh, I dunno, in your twenties and have never had full-out sex with anyone; that I could care less about, because I’d much rather be that than someone who gives it up to some person whose name is unbeknownst to me and never see or hear from again, and god forbid, possibly catch some nasty STD from said unknown person. I want to give up my V card because when I do, in my eyes, I’ll be fully free of the shackles of conformity and ridicule my bigoted puppetmaster parents have kept me in for several years, as well as the social isolation and scrutiny I’ve been put throughout my years as a nearly friendless teenager with a sexual preference for people of the same gender as me. I’ll still be the same person named Frank Anthony Iero, born in New Jersey on Halloween of 1981 to Linda and Frank Iero Sr., just void of the previous shell I’ve been hiding in for so long after I give my purity up to a special someone. People say be smart and hold onto your purity until you find that said kind of person, and for me, I have found him, despite how much fixing he still needs.
“Gerard,” I said, holding his blushing face close to mine. “There’s...something I need to ask you…,”
“What, baby?”
“I...I want you to do something for me,”
“Oh...really?” he grinned, seduction in his eyes. “Anything for you, sugar. Go ahead, tell me what it is,”
“I…,” I gulped, my mind elaborating the millions of ways I can say it to him. “I want you to…,”
No. Wait a minute, Frank. What the fuck are you doing? Why are you asking this to Gerard? What the fuck is wrong with you? Do you not remember what he’s been through? He was raped! Raped, for fuck’s sake! Don’t you dare ask him to fuck you, Frank. Don’t even let it cross your mind. Just tell him never mind!
“O-oh…,” I looked down, hating myself for asking Gerard to do such a thing to me, after all that’s happened to him in the past. “Never mind, Gee. Forget it,”
“No, what is it?” Gerard whined, bringing my frowning face back to his. “Tell me, what do you want me to do?”
“I said forget it, okay?” I lightly pushed his hand away from my face, just begging him to do as I ask for once, something he seldom does. “Just pretend like I didn’t say anything, alright?”
“No, Frank. Just tell me already,” he said, raising his voice a bit. Whenever Gerard calls me Frank instead of Frankie, I know damn well that means he’s either one of three things: pissed, annoyed, or sad, or even any combination of the three, or god forbid, all of the above. “What do you want me to do for you?”
“Gerard...I can’t say it,” I sighed. “I shouldn’t have said anything. If I do tell you, then I’m scared that I’ll make you-”
“No, Frank. Don’t even go there. Forget about me. Just tell me already!”
Goddamnit, Gerard. You win...again. But trust me, you’ve been warned…
“G-gerard,” I stuttered, not even wanting to think how he’ll react to me asking him this. “I...I want…,”
“You want what, Frankie?”
“I want you to...take my virginity. I want you...inside of me. I want you...to fuck me,”
As I said those last two words, the look on Gerard’s face changed right before my eyes. He slowly let go of me, backing away from me with a look of utter dismay clear on his now pale face. I can almost see the horrid flashbacks of the day his body was violated and ruined playing in his corrupted head, and it’s all because of me. I’d be lying if I didn’t say he wasn’t warned, but I still feel like a pathetic piece of garbage for letting myself ask him anyway. It would have been better if the fucking thought never even crossed my stupid mind.
“I’m sorry, Gee,” I said, reaching out to his now hurt and scared self. “I told you I shouldn’t have asked. This is exactly what I was afraid of-”
“F-frankie…,” Gerard cut me off, the gaze from his hazel wide eyes staring straight through mine. “Are you...sure about that? Do you...really want me to...do that to you?”
“Oh…,” I gasped, shocked that I didn’t trigger Gerard to have another one of his dreaded traumatic episodes. “Well...not if you’re uncomfortable with it, then no. I don’t wanna hurt you, Gee. I don’t wanna do what Jack did to you. I just wanna fix you,”
“Oh, Frankie…,” he said my name again, that smile I love seeing back on his face. He cupped my face into his hand, his thumb stroking my now reddening cheeks. “You’re not gonna hurt me, baby,”
“R-really?” My eyes widened as much as my mouth. “Do you swear?”
“Yes, sugar. I swear on my fucking life. I’m not worried about you hurting me...I’m only worried about you. I don’t wanna hurt you, Frankie,”
“What do you mean?” I asked, my brows furrowed. “Why are you scared of hurting me?”
“Frankie...you said you’re a virgin,” Gerard said flatly, that last word he spoke just echoing in my ears and throughout my racing mind. “It’ll end up hurting a lot if I...well, do you in the ass, since you’ve never...you know, done that kind of thing before. I, unfortunately, have fallen victim to seeing way too many men fuck each other way too many times when I was in the loony bin--on accident my eyes stumbled upon them, of course--but trust me...it looks anything but painless. The last thing I wanna do is end up putting you in a lot of pain, because…,” Gerard stopped, frowning in genuine sorrow as he gazed down at the ground, looking lower than a dog. “...you’re just too precious for me to see you like that, Frankie. I don’t ever wanna hurt you anymore, because I’ve already done that one too many times, and you don’t deserve it,”
“Gerard, it’s okay,” I sighed, wishing Gerard would cut it out with all the guilt-tripping he puts on himself, something he does far too much. “I know it’ll hurt, but it’s not like you’re intentionally trying to hurt me-”
“It doesn’t matter!” Gerard interrupted, clearly on edge and shaking from how much frustration and distress must be within his damaged body, waiting to erupt at full-force. “You’re still gonna be feeling the pain regardless of that, and I don’t want that for you. I don’t wanna let a...fucking monster like me hurt you! I only wanna hurt the people that deserve it, like what I did to the Richardsons and those kids from high school that tormented me. You’re not one of those people, Frankie. You don’t deserve any of that. I fucking love you, Frankie. I really do, and I don’t wanna hurt someone I love. I don’t want to hurt you...like what he did to me,”
I felt my insides churn, knowing exactly who Gerard is talking about. I curse the name of the man that did something so horrible and depraved to someone far too innocent and vulnerable like Gerard. He doesn’t ever wanna see himself stoop way down to the level of someone so cruel, and he especially doesn’t ever wanna relive those dark memories with me, because he knows I can’t bear to see him so distraught being reminded of such awful things. He just loves me too much, just like how I love him to no end. But what Jack did to Gerard wasn’t even close to being out of love. It was rape, out of pure malice and selfishness all only for his own fucked up and perverted benefit. Regardless of all that, him fornicating me would still bring him right back to that terrible day, and I don’t want to hurt Gerard that way, just like he doesn’t want to hurt me. He’s still haunted by what Jack did to him, even after getting his revenge and taking his life so viciously all those years ago. It really was a mistake of me to ask. I should’ve known better-
“But, if you really, really want me to do what...well, you asked me to do….,” Gerard looked back up at me, the sadness in his eyes he previously had just seconds ago now gone. “I’ll do it, Frankie, just as long as you really want it,”
“W-what?” I stuttered, feeling the butterflies in my stomach flutter all over inside of me. Is he serious? Is he really willing to do it, despite all he just told me about his fear of hurting me? Am I hearing him right, or am I going fucking crazy? “B-but Gerard...what about you-”
“Frankie, what did I tell you? Don’t worry about me. I only care about you, and nothing else. Like I said, anything for you,” he smirked, scooting in closer to me as he ran a hand through my bangs, his eyes gazing at me in wonder. “Besides, it’ll feel fucking good for you to be fully free of all that shit your so-called mom and dad put you through...and I feel honored to help you with that. It’ll be like a big flaming ‘fuck you, I am happy to be who I am’ to them, y’know?”
“Well, that is true,” I laughed, knowing how Gerard is good at getting me to do just that. He seriously couldn’t have said it any better. He is right after all, though it still hurts knowing that my mom and dad will probably never take the time to appreciate what I am instead of what they want me to be. I need to know one thing from Gerard right now, and that is if he also really, really wants to go through with we might do soon. I need to know if he’s willing to do so as much as I am. “Gerard...are you sure you wanna do this? Because we don’t have to if you really don’t feel comfortable with-”
“That’s what I should be asking you, Frankie. If you do, then I will say this...it will hurt like a son of a bitch,” Gerard leaned in even closer to me, the gaps between our faces becoming thinner with each passing second. “I’ll do my best to make sure it won’t hurt you as bad, but if it ever becomes too much for you, just give me the word and I’ll stop. Understand?”
I silently nodded in response, officially handing over my V card for good and forever as Gerard leaned in to dominate my lips with his, his body warm and grinding up against mine. As he did, one of his hands started to snake past my chest and tummy down to the crotch of my pants, unfastening my jeans and gently groping at my already wet dick, starting with slow easy strokes as we continued to kiss. I happily returned the favor, pulling Gerard’s pants down past his knees, then grabbed his thick and throbbing cock and began to jerk it, starting with those same slow yet rhythmic strokes, then gradually grew faster as we got hotter and heavier, our kissing seeming to never come to a halt.
“Mmmm…,” Gerard moaned under his breath, breathing heavily amongst our lips kissing each other's again and again. “That's it, baby. Right there…,”
“Someone's getting a little too excited a little too fast,” I sang, finding it hilariously adorable how easily Gerard gets so turned on, even though we barely started here.
“You’re right,” Gerard brought himself back up, separating himself from me. He scooted himself to the end of the bed and reached for one of the many bags he packed. He pulled out what appears to be a bottle of lube, opening the cap and squeezing some of the liquid in his hand before rubbing it around his hardening cock, jerking himself off. As he did, he glanced back up at me, the look on his face telling me that things are about to get very serious. I know what’s about to happen, and I don’t know whether to be excited or fucking scared.
“Oh my god…,” I breathed out, trying to keep my cool, but failing miserably. My heart is racing and the hairs on my neck are standing up straight. This is it. He’s gonna put it in me, and something tells me it really is gonna hurt like a son of a bitch, just like he said. “Holy fuck, Gee...I-”
“Frankie,” Gerard cut me off, leaning in closer to me again to whisper into my ear. “Are you sure you still wanna do this, baby?”
“Y-yes,” I said shakily. “I do, Gee. I...I really fucking do,”
“I hope you’re right about that,” Gerard kissed me on the cheek, the fingers on his free hand running through my damp and sweaty hair. “Like I said before, if it ever becomes too much for you, please tell me to stop. I don’t wanna hurt you...I wanna please you, sugar. I need for you to just sit back and relax as much as you can. You need to be very calm and relaxed. That’s the only way it’ll make it not hurt so bad, alright?”
I obeyed Gerard, lying down on the bed backside-up, my face planted into the pillow as I shut my eyes and worked with all my might to clear my racing mind, breathing in and out slowly as Gerard pulled my pants and underwear completely off of me, exposing my whole naked self to him. Gerard towered his also bare-assed body over mine, his teeth leaving bites on my neck as he continued to grind his sweaty self up against me while beating his meat, his groin barely inches away from my bum.
“How are you feeling, baby? You comfy?” he whispered to me as I felt two of his lubricated fingers fondle with my opening. I nodded in response, continuing to do just as he says. He is the master since he is the one on top, after all. I am his servant, and I must do as I’m told to please him as he does the same for me.
“Oh...yes…,” I moaned, Gerard’s fingers still massaging me. It feels so fucking good. I definitely am at ease right now, thanks to him. I gasped, feeling another one of his fingers make it’s way into me, stretching me bigger and wider. It hurts, but just a bit. It hurts in a good way, just like how it’s supposed to be. “Holy fuck...oh my god, oh-”
“Frankie,” Gerard said, his lips leaving kisses on my neck. “Are you ready?”
“Yes,” I stood up on all fours, knowing it’s soon to be a sealed deal. “I am,”
“Are you sure?” he asked for the millionth time. “Are you sure you want me to do this?”
“Yes, Gerard. I am fucking sure!”
“Alright, sugar...if you say so,” Gerard kissed me on the cheek again, his lips lingering over to my neck. “But please, for the love of fuck, remember what I told you,”
“I will, Gee. I swear I will,” I moaned under my breath, closing my eyes as I felt Gerard’s teeth nibble and tug at the skin of my neck, his waist continuing to slowly grind up against my bottom, his shaft beginning to make an entry into my opening. With each firm thrust Gerard made, I breathed in and out to keep myself calm and content, just like he told me to. That’s all I need to do right now as Gerard starts to fornicate me; I need to relax and meditate, and I need to badly. I need to breathe…
In...and out...in...and out...in...and out...in-
“Ahhh!” I gasped, feeling a rush of pain within me. I can feel Gerard inside of me now, still thrusting in and out, the pace of the pushes and pulls slowly getting faster.. It really does hurt, but I’m not gonna sit here and whine about it. It may hurt, but it also feels so fucking good. Gerard above me is grunting and moaning too, one of his hands wrapped around and jerking my rock-hard and moist cock, his other hand massaging my shoulder for comfort; he must know how much it really hurts like a bitch, and the best he can do is help me through it. I don’t want him to stop. I don’t wanna wuss out. I want to keep going, even though it really does hurt having something shoved up your keister, obviously. After all, no one ever said your first time getting fucked never hurts. “Oh, god...oh my fucking god, Gerard….oh...my...god!”
“Do you want me to stop, sugar?” Gerard asked, his exhausted voice shaky under his many moans and groans. “Just give me the word, and I’ll-”
“No!” I nearly screamed, both from a mixture of my determination for him to keep going, and from how much I’m hurting so much. I gritted my teeth, closing my eyes tighter as Gerard shoved himself further into me, continuing to hit my prostate again and again. I feel so close to exploding, both out of pure pleasure and painful agony. “Fuck...fuck...fuck...fuck me, fuck, fuck, fuuuuuuuck!”
“Oh, sugar pop,” Gerard whispered into my ear, his hand on my shoulder clawing into my skin. “You’re so goddamn beautiful, Frankie. You’re just...so fucking gorgeous, and amazing, and...ohhhh…ahhh!” he moaned, sending chills down my spine. That is something I never get sick of hearing. I could listen to Gerard moaning nonstop and never get enough of it, especially now.
“Oh, Gee...honey, please don’t stop...don’t stop, Gerard...don’t--ahhhh!” I screamed at the top of my lungs, feeling my whole body tense up as it started to climax. It still hurts, but it’s so much worse than before, but I’m also so close to cumming. Gerard is close too. I can feel it in him. I can tell that he’s gonna cum soon too, his cock so deep inside ejaculating all over me. Those are the two things I’m waiting for; it’s our grand finale, and we are both only inches away from it.
“Frankie...it’s coming, baby,” Gerard whimpered. “I’m gonna cum, Frankie...oh, Frankie...oh, Frankie…oh...Fraaaaankiiiieeee!”
And that’s exactly what he did, the warm cum bursting from him into me. He got a few more thrusts in before I did the same, ejaculating right into his hand. I sighed in relief, feeling the sweet release wash over me. I collapsed on to the bed, my face nearly buried in the pillow. I must say, I definitely am not disappointed. In fact, I am beyond fucking satisfied. We did it, and it was honestly one of the best things I’ve ever felt; it felt so good that it was almost unworldly. I am no longer a little virgin boy, and it felt so amazing beyond words to finally lose it, being left with Gerard’s venom inside of me.
“Oh, baby…,” Gerard’s body fell right on top of mine, the weight of his pinning me down beyond any means of escape. That’s alright, though. He can stay on top of me all he wants. I really don’t fucking mind. “Did you have fun?”
“Gee...I had more than just that,” I laughed, still trying to catch my breath from all that we just did. In fact I was laughing so hard that I’m on the brink of tears. Oh yeah, it was that good. “I had a fucking blast. That was...fucking amazing! Thank you, Gerard...thank you...thank you so fucking much!”
“That’s good. I’m glad you liked it. You’re welcome, sugar,” Gerard cradled my body into his arms once again, taking the both of us under the covers, his cum still leaking all over me and staining the sheets. The housekeeper is really gonna love what he or she sees what’s gotta be cleaned up later when we’re away. I laid my head on Gerard’s shoulder, letting him pet it like a small kitten that he just can’t keep his hands off of. He brought my face up to his, his eyes flashing me a look of concern. “I didn’t...hurt you too much, did I, baby?”
“No,” I replied, clearly lying. It did undoubtedly hurt. It hurt so fucking bad that I felt like crying, but Gerard doesn’t need to know that. It still felt really good way more than it hurt. “What about you, Gerard? Did you have fun?”
“You bet your sweet and tight ass I did,” he winked, bringing me even closer to him in a tight hug as he showered my face with one kiss after another. Making myself comfortable in Gerard’s embrace, I shut my eyes, clearly drained from what we just did. It wore the living hell outta me, leaving me a sweaty and cum-stained mess, but it was so worth it. I have longed for this, and it’s finally in my hands, now that I am no longer a puppet of my mom and dad. Gerard cut the strings off from them, letting me free. He stroked my cheek, his fingers lightly brushing against my hot and dampened skin. “You look so tired, sugar pop. You need some rest. Plenty of it, actually. We’ve got a big day ahead of us!”
Oh, no...oh, fuck...how could I forget?
I just about opened up my eyes wide, knowing exactly what he’s talking about. I can feel my stomach doing a somersault inside of me, making me wanna puke my guts out. Tomorrow, we will be heading off to pursue the killing of Irvine Bagninski, one of the two men that Gerard needs to seek his long-awaited revenge on for the murder of his beloved parents. You’re right, Gerard. I do need rest, especially after what we did just moments ago, but how in the hell am I supposed to get any of that, knowing what tomorrow is yet to bring? With all of that in mind, I don’t think I ever wanna wake up to be greeted by that dreaded tomorrow only hours away from the both of us.

Notes