The Aftermath Of Death

Frank mulled in the hospital for only a small time longer. The place made his skin prickle and his mind heave at the smell and eerie atmosphere. Hospitals seemed, to Frank, to be the place of both life and death and the thought of one, death, seemed so comforting and homely to Frank whilst the other, life, was a terrifying slap in the face.

He had never appreciated life. Except, maybe, when he was with Gerard. But, apart from that, he felt as if life was his punishment. What for? He didn't know yet. But death was the sweet relief he'd always craved. With Gerard those thoughts were pushed to the back of his chaotic mind. With Gerard Frank lived. He thrived and flourished and...lived.

'I love you.' He said. The whispering making Franks skin shiver and the way he rested his hand on Franks hips making him squirm slightly. Frank looked behind him to see his boyfriend nestling his head onto his shoulder and staring at what he was doing. He smiled and looked back at the frying pan.

'I know.' Frank said to the stove more than to Gerard who at this moment slapped him playfully. Frank smirked slipping the pancakes over and watching as they sizzled in the pan. He loved to wind Gerard up the way he would blush at everything, but take control if he needed too. He admired Gerard for somehow being the most submissive dominator he'd ever had the pleasure of sleeping with. Well he was the only person Frank had ever had the pleasure of sleeping with, but that was beside the point.

Frank was torn from his daydream by Gerard's hand colliding with his shoulder for the second time. 'Don't quote Star Wars at me.' He said moving his arms around him to hug him tightly. Frank giggles still trying to concentrate on their breakfast.

'It was unintentional I assure you.' He smirked moving the golden brown pancakes from the pan to the plate beside the stove. Somehow Gerard managed to keep himself wrapped around Frank the entire time as he moved around the kitchen.

'Well we all know you're the Leia in this relationship.' Gerard said finally moving away from Frank to sit down at the kitchen table. Frank placed their pancakes in front of him and sat on his lap smiling at him with a raised eyebrow. He had one arm draped around Gerard playing with his hair.

'Yeah, but you are not Han Solo. You aren't attractive enough. I mean Harrison Ford. He is....' Frank smiled with doe eyes and clutched at his chest dramatically as Gerard swatted him.
'He's like 60, get over yourself and I am fucking Han Solo!' Gerard declared whilst he shoved a fork full of pancake and syrup into his mouth and munched on it unattractively. Frank smiled down at him lovingly and pushed his hair out of face.

'I think we should go somewhere. Like a road trip.' Frank said gazing at him whilst he ate his pancakes. Gerard nodded.

'Where would you like to go Frankie?' Gerard smiled up at him. Frank thought for a moment of all the places he wanted to go. All the places he wanted to go to with Gerard and all the places they would go.

'I'm not sure.' Was his simple answer because really he wanted to go to a lot of place with Gerard, but didn't know where to start. 'Where do you wanna go Gee?' Gerard bit his lip slightly and pondered for a moment.

'I wanna go wherever you go Frankie. I just wanna be with you.' He said truthfully before taking about her bite from his pancakes and leaving Frank stunned from his comment.
'I love you.' Frank whispered lightly touching Gerard cheek and smiling at him. Gerard munched on the food slowly swallowing it and smiling up at Frank.

'I know.'

Frank signed himself out of hospital and wondered the streets for hours. He avoided alcohol the best he could. He just walked around having a mental battle with himself. Sadly his urge for booze was winning. He could understand how this had happened so quickly over what could've only been a month? Frank wasn't sure he'd lost count of the days and the weeks that had all passed in a alcohol filled haze. He had somehow over that time destroyed every shred of humanity he had and all he was left now was basic instinct. He was hungry for the feeling as the alcohol would numb his burning senses and thirsty for the feel of the alcohol slowly pouring down his throats and satisfying his every need and most of all he was desperate for the sweet relief of death.

When he stumbled across the bar he was currently loosing the battle with his inner need for self destruction. It was screaming over his consciousness and ripping his mentality apart. He stumbled in and the smell of the spirits hit him with a ton of bricks and his need to the alcohol intensified that he couldn't even hear the loud music that was making the place shake all he could hear was his need...just one drink. He muttered to himself. Then you can go home.
His sitting at a booth at the back of the club. Scanning the room full of dancing people as they laughed and drank and lived. He had lost count now of how many drinks he had downed. He kept staying. Just one more. But that one more turned into two, then three and now he was unable to even talk to the waitress to order a drink. He just tapped his glass and she smiled providing him with some more poison. Unknowingly feeding his diseased mind and fuelling his rabid addiction.

Frank was watching this one guy in particular who was swaying his hips and smiling around the club. He looked happy. And very attractive. Frank wanted to go over to him. Frank knew he was attractive and he knew how to get a guy or girls attention. Tonight he wanted his attention. He wanted him in his bed and he wanted to become so consumed in the guy, anyone, that he forgot about Gerard just for a moment. He wanted to be used. He wanted to use someone. He was about to push himself from where he was sitting when someone started to talk to him.
'Don't you dare.' Frank turned his head to the other side of the booth. He hadn't even realised that someone had joined him in his little sorrowful drinking session. 'Sit back down.' Frank did what he said and looked across at him. He didn't look any different he was still Gerard. But he assumed that now because he knew that all he was was his inner demons splayed out in human form he wasn't able to look at him without seeing fire in his eyes.

'I....I wasn't.' Frank tired to defend himself. Gerard laughed bitterly making Frank recoiling and shrink into a smaller form. 'I just need...' Frank thought for a moment about what he really needed to say at this point and Gerard let him. 'I need to forget and the poison doesn't work anymore.' Frank muttered childishly.

'You should've thought about that before. If you had just cut a little deeper then you wouldn't need to whore yourself out to forget about me!' Frank winced at his words and Gerard smirked evilly. 'You're pathetic. No wonder I killed myself.' Frank screwed up his eyes trying to force Gerard out of his mind trying to reject all thoughts of him. 'You can't just unthink about me. You want to see me that's why you drink. You want me.'

'I want Gee.' Frank said desperately. 'I want the man who loved me with all his heart and wasn't afraid to tell me. I want the man who loved me for the fucked up person I was because he was fucked up too and we accepted that. I want the man who loved me with every inch of his being and I want him to love me again.' Frank sobbed slightly as he started at that very man in front of him. 'I don't want you!' He shouted the final words slightly, but nobody noticed.

'You want me!' Gerard growled at him snatching his hand and pulling him from his spot at the booth and to the bathroom. Frank gasped slightly feeling the ghostly grip on his shirt as he scrambled into the men's restroom. It was dark and horrifically lit just like the rest of the club. Gerard pushed him against the door, not even making sure they were alone before he pressed his lips on his hungrily. Frank melted into him and his fear slowly numbed to nothing and he just let himself get lost in the fucked up kiss. Gerard moved away slightly and moved to his ear.
'Sometimes to survive you need to kill the part of you that's causing the problem.' He muttered into Franks ear. Frank hummed and shivered from the light contact. 'Do you know what the problem is baby?' Frank looked up at him as Gerard pulled his hands behind his back pushed Frank closer to him. 'You.'

Frank knew what he was going to say, because well it was him saying it. It was Franks mind making up this image so he knew what he was going to say. He knew. Frank quickly untangled them both from the embrace and started to breathe irregularly.

'I need to sober up.' He said to himself moving around the small bathroom and pushing his hands through his tangled hair as the lonesome figure watched over him. 'I need to get better.' He ran across to a stall and locked himself in. It was stupid. Gerard wasn't actually there a door wasn't going to stop him from getting to Frank and twisting him around and tearing him apart. But just now the only thing that gave Frank comfort was the fact there was a plank of wood separating him and his worst nightmare and his only true desires.

Frank buried his flushed face into his hands and sighed. His head was swirling and he could feel the heat from his cheeks pressed against his cold hands. The alcohol was controlling him. If he wanted to stop thinking he needed to have more. He needed one more drink. But he couldn't because he would have to face him if he left the stall. So he was left there contemplating whether to leave of not whist he knew Gerard waited.

It was quiet. The buzz from the music out in the club was unimportant and everything was just fuzzy and calm. Frank couldn't even hear his own breathing anymore because he had zoned out so much. He must've been there for a while because his hands began to go numb, but not long enough for him to even begin to sober up. He lifted his head and it took a moment for his eyes to regain composure. He started at the wooden door and knew he had to leave at one point. He was just staring now. But then the knocking began.

Frank knew it was Gerard. It was lightly and friendly at first just a few knocks and then silence and then a few more. Then about a minute of nothing then a couple of light knocks. Then it got erratic. Louder. Frequent and aggressive. The knocking seemed to be coming from all sides closing in on him and all he could imagine was a hundred dark shadows pounding on the cubical waiting for him to come out to his death. Then he screamed.

'Stop!' Frank yelped from where he was sitting on the floor his hands over his ears, shaking uncontrollably and rocking backwards and forwards. His eyes screwed shut. Then they stopped. Silence and nothing filled the air and Frank could feel the sudden stop of the vibrations. He unclasped his hands from around his ears and looked up to the door which was shaking from the pounding of fists only a moment previous.

'Frank?' It wasn't Gerard. But Frank knew the voice. It was familiar and sweet and he felt safe. Still unaware of who was on the other side he slowly unlocked the cubical and peered out. There in front of him was the person he'd hoped it would be. 'Frank.' He nodded moving out of the cubical and towards her. He wrapped his arms around her and melted into her embrace.
'Lindsey. He was going to get me. He wants me. He keeps coming back.' He sobbed uncontrollably and shook from the shock of what had occurred. Lindsey stared wide eyed at the cubical in front of her which was covered in writing. She hushed him to a slow buzz and pulled him closer.

'Who?' He cried a little more and stumbled moving them closer to the cubical. That's when Lindsey noticed that the writing wasn't normal graffiti but dialogue. She was able to read it from how close she was.

'Sometimes to survive you need to kill the part of you that's causing the problem.'

'Do you know what the problem is baby?'

'You.'

'I need to sober up.'

'I need to get better.'

She knew it was Franks handwriting and she knew this wasn't some drunken act of vandalism. This was a cry for help. 'Who? Frank.' He pulled away and looked up at her. He was broken. Truly just a shell of who he once was and he looked so thin and tired and sad. He wasn't Frank anymore. He was just a tired and troubled man who needed help.

'Gerard.' He whispered from his bitten lips as more tears spilled from his weak blue eyes and he buried his face into her shoulder. 'Gerard.' He mumbled again as Lindsey kissed the top of his head.

'I should never have left you alone.' She said and it echoed around the bathroom. He didn't respond just cried harder as he pulled Lindsey closer and as she tried to stop herself from crying too.

Notes

So, a day early? I'm good ain't I?
Anyway, I can't upload tomorrow because I'm at a friends house so I'm uploading now. I feel better about this, but this chapter didn't seem to flow well. Tell me what you think.

-C