The Aftermath Of Death

Frank didn't sleep. He just lay in bed and witnessed as his mind spiralled and moved between complete denial, panic and happiness. He was stuck and unable to fully come to terms with the what had happened the night before. It was at 9am that he decided to get out of bed. But the spiralling continued as he showered, ate a bowl of cereal, as he watched the morning TV, as he vomited the cereal back up, when he phoned in sick and when he completely ignored Lindsey's call. All he could think about was the fact he's seen him. Gerard. Twice. He hadn't really outwardly shown emotion about it. He hadn't cried or shouted or kicked something, that's how Frank usually dealt with things, he just was blankly carrying out his daily routines as he thought about everything over and over again. Played out the parts of the conversation he remembered and tried to pick apart the night at the grave side.

Frank sat down of his sofa and stared at the TV not registering what was happening, but thinking. He was brought out of a trance when his phone began to ring from the next room. He thought about letting it ring out, but then he decided that he needed a distraction. If it was Lindsey he was planning on just dismissing the call. He didn't need to speak to her and he didn't know if he wanted to speak to her, not after last night. He didn't want to risk it, because somewhere in the back of his mind Frank believed Gerard was somehow alive or here and he didn't want to screw it up.

It wasn't Lindsey it was his mum and in some ways that was worse.

'Hey.' Frank said miserably trying not to seem too pissed of for his sake. Franks mother is over protective at the best of times and she really could've easily come around to Franks apartment and shout at him and make him feel real shitty, but she didn't because he thinks she's realised he's actually a full grown adult. But that doesn't stop her from being bitter at him twenty-four seven whilst still staying in a different state.

'Frank Anthony Iero.' Whenever Franks mum used his full name he knew he was in deep shit. 'We had a deal. When you left for New York all those years ago...when you abandoned me...' She was cut off by Frank.

'Mum I didn't abandon you.' Frank sighed. She was always against him moving away, like she was about him being gay and wanting to pursue a career in music. She wasn't exactly happy about anything he did.

'Frank don't you dare interrupt me.' He sighed even more. 'All those years ago we made a deal. You have to phone me or text me everyday. Just one little bit of confirmation that you are okay Frankie.' Her voice softened a little at the end making Frank feel a bolt of guilt rush through him. 'I just haven't heard from you since Thursday and I was worried hunny.' Frank nodded and placed his head in his hands.

'I know mom.' He stated simply. She made a noise of contentment and then simply moved on. She was always good at that.

'How's work? Lindsey? Love life?' She said in one long syllable. Frank groaned. He knew he shouldn't've picked up the phone.

'Works good. Lindsey is fine she's alive and she healthy. Loves life's a shambles but when is it not.' His mother was always this intrusive, it just never really happens when Frank was having a mental break down.

'Shambles is it?' He could almost imagine her eye roll. 'So no new man in your life...new woman?'

'Mom. I'm gay. Please...just accept it.' He almost shouted. He was angry now every time he spoke to her she couldn't resist bringing up his sexuality.

'Don't you shout at me. Frank, I do want grandkids.' Frank laughed and he could hear her grimace.

'You ain't ever getting grandkids at this point in my life you may be lacking a son soon.' It slipped out. He was angry and he just lost it. The line went silent and he could hear his mother intake a shaky breath.

'Don't talk like that Frankie. You know I don't like it when you talk like that.' She said coolly, but he could hear her sadness.

'I'm sorry. Mom. But you know what it's like I'm stressed. I'm just lost.' Frank continued to ramble and was cut off by his mothers exasperated sigh.

'Frank, stop being so negative, you know you're not too old to be grounded.' He laughed slightly.

'Actually I think I am.' He said cheekily and he could feel her annoyance burn through the phone. He laughed again.

'I will get on the next train and I will take your guitar and cut your WiFi cable.' She threatened sarcastically. But Frank knew she could be serious if she wanted to be.

'Not the WiFi.' He whined like a child. That made her laugh. And Frank smiled.

'Frankie, you're okay? Aren't you?' She seemed serious now. She didn't know about the hallucinations? Was that what he was going to call them. Or the alcohol or the not turning up for work or even the fact he was pretty sure he was a week behind on his rent. No she didn't know, but she did. Mothers always know.

'I'm not okay, but I will be. I'm just ill and tired.' He lied, well he didn't he was ill, mentally, and tired, but not for the reason he wanted his mother to believe. 'Are you okay?' He wanted to change the subject now. He hated talking about himself.

'Yes, Frankie, I'm okay.' She said sweetly, but he could hear her concern.

'You know I can come home whenever you want. I still have annual leave.' He knew his mum was lonely. He knew she missed him and his dad and she knew she never went out much. He couldn't just let her think he didn't care, because he did. He just sometimes forgot it wasn't just him who had issues.

'I'm fine. Just come back for Christmas and your birthday. I wanna see you soon, but not too soon.' She laughs and so does he.

'So does that mean my WiFi gets to say intact?' He asks trying to lighten the mood.

'Yes, for now.' She threatened and laughed again. 'Now Frankie, I've gotta go because Tracy, from down the road, just got back from her holiday in the Maldives and I really want to see how bad her tan lines are.' Frank laughs shaking his head slightly.
'D'you know what mom?' He said quietly into the receiver

'What?' She says intrigued slightly.

'I'll come home next month.'

'Really?' She seemed so happy and he could hear how her tone changed slightly. It made his chest burst.

'Really. Bye mom.' He cuts off the phone after she says bye and then starts to work out when he can take annual leave. Frank and his mum had rocky relationship when Frank was a kid, she didn't know about Gerard but she knew about his sexuality and the fact he was spending a lot of time with his 'friends'. When Gerard died though Frank spiralled and he couldn't talk about it and that's when his mum truly saw her son. He was broken and it was her job to fix him and she tried she truly did try but nothing could have helped him; accept time. Frank got better, but not being able to even speak about it or even go to the funeral meant that it was a long process and by the time Frank was 20 he really did think he could get on with his life and so did his mum.

But now, now was different because he had spoken to him he had touched him he was real in some sense. He was alive. Frank tried not to think about that fact, but it was true he was there at the bar. Maybe he was loosing his mind. Maybe Gerard never died. Maybe ghosts were real.

Ghosts. Yeah that made sense he was a ghost and Frank was just experiencing some out of body thing were he could somehow contact the spirit world and be reunited with his dead lover.

Nope. Of course it wasn't that.

Zombies? Maybe it was the beginning of the zombie apocalypse and maybe it was franks duty to try and conform Gerard into not eating his brains.

Yeah, that was hardly believable.

Never died? Faked his death? He was hiding from the government and the only way he could save both himself and Frank was to pretend he was dead for 10 years and then he decided that he would try to reunite himself with his only love.

No. Of course not. Because the only feasible answer was that he was loosing it and he wasn't exactly disappointed. Frank had never been one for hiding away from his problems and he'd never been someone who wouldn't express himself. But this had caused a shift in his mechanics suddenly he was just sitting on his sofa crossed legs watching adverts which ran in a loop into the early hours not even taking in the phoney product placement or the next day delivery. He was just staring and doing nothing. As the hours ticked by nothing even swooped over his mind he was numb.

'Gee?' He called out suddenly not even recognising his own voice. Not even processing that he was speaking. The words dispersed into the lonely air and Frank was left with an unanswered call and a blinding migraine.

Notes

So, this ones a short one and I've gotta plan for this fic now and it should last another 10 or so chapters. Bookworms anonymous is starting to be written again so that should be up soon. Keep reading please and tell me what you think, I get really insecure about this kind of writing.

-C