The Aftermath Of Death

His face colliding with the leather of his corner sofa was the last thing he felt when he finally got back to his warm apartment. He didn't even check his phone or the time, but he guessed it must've been midday. He had dreamt of the night before him crying beside Gerard's grave and how the rain was soft of his skin and now he kissed the cold stone and mumbled how much he missed him. He relived the cold storm and the dull buzz of the alcohol and how the his hand shook when he was joined by someone else. The person was standing behind him talking, but he couldn't hear them but could feel their words. He tried to turn around to see who it was, but he suddenly fell onto the ground and the grass pulled him into the graves. He tried calling out to the person, but they just turned away and while Frank tried to grasp for air and tried to stop himself from being swallowed by the ground he caught a glimpse of black hair. The mud was still pulling him down and he tried to scream for help but there was no sound.

Frank bolted up right. Breathing heavily and eyes wide open from shock. The dream was weird some parts he knew were memories and other moments he knew were just his nightmarish thoughts. He sat up right staring at the plain wall and tried to regulate his breathing. He seemed still and calm, but inside his mind was racing and his heart pulsating wildly. After 15 minutes he started to breathe normally again and he decided that he had to take his mind off of that past 24 hours and so he stumbled up his mind still aching and grabbed his phone from his coat pocket.

His apartment was bright and small. But the large glass windows meant the place looked bigger. He had a leather sofa which took up most of the room in his small living area. In the corner a small TV set surrounded by a sound system which cost more than Television. Two bookcases sat on either side of the large glass windows. Both filled with an array of books and CD's. The kitchen was just next to the living room and the two were separated by a small breakfast bar. Down the corridor was a small bedroom and bathroom which were both white and clean and lived in. Everything had its place and his little apartment reflected him perfectly. An organised mess.

He was humming away to the radio and sticking his dirty clothes into the washing machine when his phone was charged enough to turn itself on after being dead for such a long time. The radio was blasting some pop chart music which was familiar to Frank so he moved around his small kitchen moving his hips to the catchy beat and singing the lyrics he knew. He moved towards his phone sipping thoughtfully on his steaming mug of coffee whilst he read the notifications. 4 Twitter notifications, 6 missed calls, 2 voicemails and 4 texts. He groaned as 4 of the missed calls were from his mother.

The dial tone rang out and he was met by the automated voicemail service. He ground cutting off the call and checking the time '10:30pm' she was probably asleep. The other two missed calls were from Lyn-Z. She picked up immediately.

'Frankie! Where the hell have you been?' She sounded concerned but also happy to have confirmation he was still alive.

'I don't know Linds.' Frank admitted slouching onto a stool next to his breakfast bar. She giggled lightly and sighed.

'You don't know? How does that work? I've been trying to get a hold of you for the past day and a half.' She seemed irate and worried.

'I got drunk and I can't remember what I did.' He had to be truthful with her if he was going to get her help.

'Where you at home when you woke up?' She asked. Frank pondered for a moment and decided the best thing to do at this point is lie.

'Yeah, but I was covered in mud and my phone was dead.' She laughed and he could picture her expression now. He had known Lindsey for years and they had been best friends since the met.

'Do you need me to don my dear stalker and investigate?' She said in a fake British accent which was terrible.

'You can do that once you admit you aren't the Sherlock Holmes of this friendship.' Frank teased her taking another sip from his coffee and smiling at the bitter and warm liquid sliding down his throat.

'Erm...yes I am. I'm taller and you look like a headgehog. I have the cheekbones and you are stupid.' She mumbled and Frank fake gasped at her insult. 'Don't worry.' She said putting on her fake accent again. 'Basically everyone is.' Frank laughed and soon Lindsey joined in. 'No, but in all seriousness. Do you need me to come around?'

'No..no. I'll be find. But you'll come around tomorrow right? I have the day off..' He trailed off slightly, just not wanting to be alone.

'Of course I'll come around. See you tomorrow. Okay Frankie?' She said sweetly and Frank nodded and tried to speak.

'Yeah, I'll see you then.' After that he cut off his phone and placed his head in his hands. He felt so confused and alone in that moment. He missed...something, but he didn't know what.

The darkness settled and the buzz from the city outside died a little and Frank only then lifted his head. Last night was still a blur, but something felt off about it. He never gets that drunk he's never forgotten an entire night before. He didn't see why he would drink to the point he had blacked out in a graveyard next to his first loves grave. The other question was why was he there. He never intended on visiting his grave. He never did what made this anniversary different to him.

He glanced around his little apartment and sighed deciding he may as well go to bed. But he couldn't sleep every time he went to close his eyes he kept seeing his face. Gerard's. His pale and greying skin and his piercing eyes which were big and green. His hair which sat on his jawline and his little upturned nose. He imagined his thin lips and his little pixie teeth that stuck out when he smiled. His little pink cheeks when he blushed and the way he would stare not into Franks eyes but his soul. Frank turned in his bed to face the empty space beside him. He and Gerard had slept together, many times, but Frank remembers the last time the most. Maybe because it was the freshest in his mind. Probably because it was the best night of Franks entire life.

'Call me crazy, but that was kinda the best 30 minutes of my life.' Gerard muttered. They were both lying naked with a white sheet covering their torso. Breathing heavily and giggling like school children. Gerard was staring up at the ceiling in a haze of euphoria and was only beginning to come down. Frank turned on his side and propped himself up in his elbow. 'Oh, Frankie.' Gerard muttered quietly.

'Yes?' He said smiling down at him and taking in every feature. He brought his hand up to touch his cheek and stroke it sightly. Gerard grinned before placing his hand on top of Franks and turning around to face him.

'It doesn't matter. I'm just...' Gerard thought for a second. He was always explaining things in immense detail when a word would do. He would say something was sad and melancholy with a touch of envy. When really he meant it was turquoise. He was a writer he was always like that and his brain was weird up that way. 'I jut feel like I'm a kid who woke up on Christmas Day to find a bike and all he ever wanted was a bike. And he played on that bike all day and night and then one day the bike broke and he gave up all hope of ever riding the bike again, but then his dad he went out and he got the bike fixed and the boy got to play it again. I'm just really happy.' Frank laughed at him and Gerard laughed along.

'I'm happy too.' Gerard nodded snuggling into Frank and inhaling his sweet scent. They could've stayed like that forever. Holding each other and feeling how close the could be when they were alone. There was only silence except for the breathing of the two boys and their hearts coming down to a slow pace. Gerard mind was wondering; like it usually did before he was about to fall asleep. He was thinking about how much he loved the boy who's arms were wrapped around him and how he didn't ever want to live without him. He thought about how much Frank had changed since he met him. How he had grown up and become more like Gerard every day. Picking up odd habits and wearing his clothes. He didn't want him to become like himself. He wanted Frank to be brave and smart and beautiful. He wanted Frank to be everything he wasn't. When Gerard's mind wandered he usually ended up somewhere dark. He ended up being caught in a storm of terror and would be torn from the the safety of sanity into the murky seas of insanity.

Gerard was ripped from those thoughts suddenly when Frank jumped onto of him. Frank smiled down at him. 'Again?' He pushed out the one word question and his smiled turned into a smirk. Gerard laughed.

'This is what I get for getting involved with a teenage boy.' He said tracing his fingers up and down franks exposed arm. 'I am totally knackered.' He laughed smiling up at Frank. Frank moved down so that he moved against Gerard and caused a gasp. He let his mouth hover over his ear.

'I can change that.' He whispered before nibbling on his ear. Gerard hummed in agreement pulling Frank forward.

'I love you.' He said clearly into Franks ear causing him to shiver. But before Frank could reply he began to kiss his way down his jaw and neck leaving little marks. It was exactly a week after that night that Gerard killed himself.

'I love you.' Frank sobbed out his hand hovering over the place Gerard would be if he was still alive. His pillow stained with tears as he relived one of the clearest memories in his mind. 'I really do.' He closed his eyes letting his tears cascade down onto the pillow. He turned to stare up at the ceiling and shook his head slowly trying to rid the thoughts of him. He turned his head to catch a glimpse at the time '2:30.'

'Ten years Iero.' He muttered to himself. 'Ten years and you're still not over him.' He laughed in pity and closed his eyes. He slowly fell into a light sleep. But still in the back of his mind he felt like he was being watched.

Notes

I'm really tired. I just got back from the TØP concert and I'm ready for bed, but then I remembered that I hadn't updated in a while so....

Tell me what you think!

-C