I should have never been driving

Looking over at Gerard in the passenger seat, “ you hungry Gee?” I asked, turning the music down. “Not really” he replied shooting a glance at me before looking out the window “you should really eat something, you should be taking your painkillers with food” I said putting my hand on his thigh for a bit and then putting it back on the steering wheel.

Out of the corner of my eye I saw him reach down to his backpack between his legs on the floor and pull out a brown bottle of pills, popped the cap and dry swallowed two. “Im not hungry” he said again before turning the music up.

“Gerard, when you were in the hospital I called your brother” I said hesitantly over the music. My eyes still fixed on the road ahead.
“wait.. what?! You called..” he huffed “ my brother?!” He said sternly, his whole body turning to me “why?!” He said, his voice raised.
”Gerard, I thought... I thought you were...” I trailed off
“what?! You thought I was gonna die?!” He said, maintaining the same tone in his voice.
“I.. I was worried” was all I could say.
“that didn’t mean you had to call my kid brother Frank! He told you. Didn’t he?” He said, his voice breaking a little.
I kept my eyes on the road, giving him a little nod “yeah. He told me”
“HE TOLD YOU?!” he yelled, taking off his seatbelt and turning to me again.
“I was going to tell you in my own time. I had no right” he said, his eyes filling with tears. “Gerard, put your seatbelt back on” I said
“No. stop the car” I looked around for a place to stop “STOP THE CAR!” He yelled. “Okay, okay Im stopping”
I pulled into a parking lot I put the hand break on and turned the ignition off. He opened the door, stepping out and slammed it behind him. He leaned against the bonnet and pulled out a cigarette.
I slowly got out of the car and joined him, keeping my distance incase it made him mad. “Need a light?” I said softly.
He pulled out a zippo and flicked it on his jeans, causing it to light. “I got it” he mumbled, the cigarette handing out of his mouth.
He took in a long drag and blew it out with a sigh. “I’m sorry” was all I could say.
“Frank. I was going to tell you my way. I didn’t want to scare you off.” He said tilting his head back and looking at the sky.
“After the accident I didn’t know how... how to cope I guess. If I had been paying more attention to the road I wouldnt have...“
“what Gerard?” I said quietly “I wouldnt have killed her” he said with a sniff. “I should never have been driving, there were weather warnings and I should have listened instead of getting in that fucking car and..” he trailed off again. “So I started going to a club... I passed myself round, I took everything I was offered, I knew a little about that stuff before but it was the occasional Joint with Mikey but I just didn’t wanna feel a damn thing Frank” he winced, taking another toke of his cigarette. “I don’t want to feel it anymore.” He whispered, putting his head in his hands. “Baby, it’s okay” I said putting my arm around him.
“I’m an addict yes, but there was a time when I was addicted to that lifestyle and that’s not who I am anymore. I hurt my kid brother and I can never make it right”
“it’s not your fault, how we’re you to know that what would happen that night would happen?” I said, pulling a cigarette out and putting it to my lips. I looked out at all of the parked cars. “There was nothing you could have done” I mumbled, lighting the end and taking a short toke. “Mikey was fine, I should have got her out first” he said shakily. Taking another toke. “I can’t forgive myself for letting her die”

he cried in my arms. “I should have done something”

we got got back into the car. and he pulled out the pill bottle and sprinkled a few into his hand. “Don’t Gerard” I said pulling the bottle out of his hand and closing the lid. “They make me forget” he sniffed, looking at the pills in his hand. “Please don’t” I cooed. He moved his shaky hand towards me, “take them” he said shutting his eyes tightly. His breathing got more rapid “what are you waiting for? Take them” he cried.

We we stopped at a diner a few blocks away.
Locking the car behind us we headed inside and sat at a booth.
“What can I get you boys?” A waitress walked over and asked
I looked up at Gerard, avoiding my gaze he looked at the waitress “coffee, black, no sugar” he said
“two of those please m’aam” I said with a smile. She returned the smile, “two black coffees Pete” she called back to the kitchen “on it” a young voice called back.
A few minutes later a guy walked out of the kitchen with two cups of coffee.
Gerard looked up and then quickly looked back down. “Fuck” he muttered. “What is is?” I ask quickly

“Gerard?” The Guy holding the coffee asked.. “H.. hi Pete” Gerard answered, looking at me and then at him. “Long Time no see, what are you doing in Brooklyn?” He asked setting the coffees down on the table in front of us. “Road trip” he said with a half smile.
He put his hand on Gerard’s shoulder and he winced. “Pete, this is Frank. He said shakily, his eyes meeting mine before he looked down at his coffee. “Nice to meet you” He said holding out his hand for me to shake it.
I touched his hand, giving me an electric shock, I shook it anyway.
Pete had black hair, spiked up and tattoos on his muscular arms. “and who is this Gerard?” He looked over at Gerard, still holding my hand. “Frank. I’m frank. Gerard’s...”
”boyfriend” Gerard finished my sentence.
He said I was his boyfriend and my heart skipped a beat. “Yeah, his boyfriend. I’m sorry, how do you know Gerard?” I asked intrigued.
“I’m his ex.. well it was over before it started really” he said with a chuckle making Gerard flinch.
“I’ll leave you two alone” he said taking back his hand. Putting his other hand back on Gerard’s shoulder “it was nice seeing you again” he purred before turning around and going back to the kitchen.
”you never told me you had an ex” I said genuinely interested.
“He wasn’t my boyfriend Frank..” he said in a low tone. “He was... you know what, it doesn’t matter” he said picking up his cup and sipping his coffee, looking over at the kitchen door.
“He wasn’t? Then why did he just say he was?” I asked.
“Can we just drop it”
I better drop it.
After we finished our coffees Gerard put $10 on the table and darted our of the diner to light up another cigarette.
I payed and went to join him. I caught up with him “Gerard?...” “Get me out of here Frank” he said.
I unlocked the car and we both got in. “are you going to tell me what that was all about?” I asked, turning down the music.
“No” was the last word he spoke until we got back to the hotel.

Notes

Hello my lovelies.
theres a couple of chapters left. So stay tuned for more.
Y’all keep being y’all :)