“Why the fuck are you doing this to me?” Gerard speaks up, his voice somewhat weak.
“Gerard, I could ask the same thing.” I say with slight desperation in my voice.

---

We stand in silence, just staring at each other. I take into details all the features on Gerard’s face like the specks of green in his eyes, his cute little pixie nose, everything. I watch him inspect my face, having a look of something on the lines of lust and desperation, maybe? Okay, now i’m getting a bit uncomfortable. There’s no need to stare at my face, there is nothing special about it.
“Ger-” I begin, but get caught off by his lips crashing on to mine. I stumble back a little, surprised by the sudden movements. My back hits against the wall lightly while Gerard tries to take full dominance over me. I don’t even kiss back, making him even more eager so he starts rubbing his hands up and down my belly and chest, also kissing me harder and with more passion.
This is wrong. Do I want him to stop? No. Do I want to kiss back? Obviously. Who wouldn’t want to kiss back Gerard Way when he makes such a gesture. I have so many questions right now. Why is it that one day he likes me, then the next he hates me? Why does he always make sexual gestures towards me when he said in my face that he doesn’t love me anymore than a friend? Is he just trying to use me again because I made him embarrassed? Why do I hate him and love him all at the same time? Should I just tell Gerard how I feel about him so he can know how much he’s hurting me and fucking with my emotions?
After my brain starts functioning again, I push him off of me. He stumbles back a little but regains his balance right after. I feel my eyes start to burn, feeling them tear up. I fall onto my knees, putting my hands on my face and begin sobbing. I just want all the pain to go away. I wish I never even met Gerard. All he has done is caused me pain, but yet I still love him. Do I have Stockholm Syndrome or something?
I feel a pair of arms wrap around me, pulling my body onto his lap. I cry into his chest and manage to say “W-why do you hate me?!”
“I don’t hate you. I could never hate you.” Gerard replies softly.
“Well you know what, maybe I hate you. I hate that you used me. You think you’re better than everyone else and never own up to shit. I hate that you never listen to me!” I grab his shirt and shake him a little. “You don’t care about my feelings and you give me false hope all the time. You can do whatever you want to me, anywhere you want; but if I so much as try to hug you, you get angry at me and ignore me. All I want is a little bit of your attention, just give me a little bit of your time. Please...just please stop hurting me. I can’t handle it anymore!” I yell at him with desperation.
“Frankie, i’m sorry. Just please stop yel-” He begins but I cut him off.
“Oh you’re so sorry. Poor little Gerard doesn’t want to hear the fucking truth. You know what that makes you? Weak. How am I supposed to believe you’re actually sorry when the last time you told me that it was just to try to fuck me? You told me you’d help me make me happier, only to make me worse! So if you’re really sorry, fucking prove it.” I snap at him.
We sit in silence for a little while, staring at each other again. My eyes are puffy with tears are still falling out of them and my cheeks are red and tear stained. I’m still not done with telling him off so after he doesn’t talk for a few minutes, I continue.
“Y’know, I can’t keep how i’m feeling in anymore. I have for years thinking it’s for the best but things only seem to get worse. I fucking love you Gerard, I really do. You don’t realize how much it hurts to just look at you everyday. You wanna know why? Because i’m looking at the most beautiful man in the world, the person I want to spend all of my time with, knowing that it’ll never happen. I’ll never be able to have your love or your cuddles and kisses because you said it yourself, you just don’t feel the same back. I wish things could be different, I wish I was able to just think of you as a friend and be with someone else. But I just can’t. Like you said, i’m stubborn.” I sniffle a little.
There, I finally fucking said it. It feels like there’s a massive weight off my shoulders. I’m really proud of myself right now. I guess i’m just realizing that if no one wants to help me get better, then that’s fine. I can’t let that hold me back anymore. I can’t keep living with sadness and anger everyday, it’s destroying me. Yes, I might lose friends and family in the process but i’m not going to let that affect me. I need to start making myself my first priority, then my music and friends second. I was given life for a reason and when I think about it, I really am living a cool motherfucking life. Not many people get the opportunity to travel the world and share music for a job.
I just have to start focusing on the positives instead of the negatives. The only real negatives in my life is that i’m a hopeless romantic. It’s as simple as that. I let things bother me to the point where i’m angry and it just isn’t healthy. I sure do have a lot more positives. Again, I get to travel the world and see some of the most beautiful and ugliest things. I get to meet amazing people who see me as an inspiration. I get to be around my friends while doing this, so we are all experiencing the same things together. I have a caring mother and father, as well as my grandparents. They are accepting of me and my sexual preference even though my mom is a huge catholic. The list goes on and on. I just can’t believe the sudden happiness and release I feel after telling him that. I already feel like a new person, and the feeling is great. I smile to myself, seeing as this is a start to a new chapter in my life, whether it be with or without Gerard.
“I’ve known that, Frankie.” He cuts me out of my thoughts.
My smile slowly fades as I realize what he just said, “What? I...I haven’t told anyone how I feel about you. Are you just fucking with me ag-” I start to get upset but he puts his finger on my lips, silencing me.
“Shh, stop assuming the worst. I’m probably the only person on this planet that knows you as well as I do. I know you better than you know yourself, trust me.” He begins. “Frankie, when I first met you, you really caught my attention. You know that’s weird for me considering I have a hard time talking to people and making friends. There was just something about you that made me want to know every little thing about you. Your sense of humor, how you dress, the way you express yourself, everything. You are intriguing, and I wasn’t going to let my own awkwardness and fear get in the way of building a strong friendship with you. And as you can tell, I succeeded at that. Overtime, I caught on to every little thing you do. But you know how I realized you felt something stronger towards me? Well, not only the way you act and talk, but your eyes. Those big beautiful eyes told me the whole story.” He rambles on but eventually stops and looks right into my eyes for emphasis.
“So your master plan was to just ignore it and let me continue being a depressed fuck? Oh how nice of you. I really owe ya one.” I say sarcastically and roll my eyes.
“Don’t think it was only hard on yourself. It fucking hurts seeing you in pain. But the thing is, I didn’t know how to feel about this either. I thought if I was mean to you, you would realize that i’m not a person you would want to be with and you would find someone else so much better than me. But it didn’t work out so well, didn’t it?” He lightly chuckles.
“Yea, it didn’t. Gerard, there is no one else better than you. You know i’m brutally honest, and I mean this when I say it. I don’t just say that to make you feel better and because I have a massive fucking crush on you.” We both laugh a little.
He then stands up, picking me up with him and brings us to the couch, moving away some of the papers and mics so we can lay down. He pulls me on top of him when he’s done and we just lay there for a little while. Gerard plays with my hair while I feel his chest go up and down and listen to his heart beat.
“You wanna know a little secret?” Gerard breaks the comfortable quietness.
“Tell me.” I reply.
“Well, that night in the hotel room when all that stuff happened… That was the night I was planning to tell you that I knew how you feel about me and talk it out. But of course, being the idiot that I am, I fucking chickened out. I went through with half of the plan, just maybe not the right half. So I really didn’t mean to make it seem like I used you because I would never intentionally do that. I just got so mad at myself for not talking to you so I took my anger out on you. Which I instantly knew I did wrong when I saw the look in your eyes. I just ask you one thing, will you forgive me for that?” He lifts my chin up so he knows i’m listening.
“Wow,” I breathe out, surprised by how big of a fuck up this whole thing was. “Yea, of course Gee… of course I forgive you. This was all just a huge misunderstanding and I apologize for even thinking you would use me. We both acted like dicks, didn’t we?” I giggle.
“I guess we did but you had every right to act like one. And thank you for telling me what I needed to hear. I needed someone to smack the reality into me and i’m glad it was you.” He smiles.
I blush, burying my head into his chest trying to hide it. He only laughs and kisses the top of my head, making me blush even more. “Stop it Gee, I look like a tomato!”
“You sure are the cutest tomato I’ve ever seen.” Gerard says to me like he’s talking to a baby, making me melt even more. I’m sure he felt me turn to jelly right on top of him.
For the next few minutes, Gerard keeps laughing at me while I just try to regain strength in my arms to move again. Once I finally do, I stand up and look down at him, crossing my arms and sticking my hip out like how a mom does when she’s upset. He laughs even more, causing me to sigh in exasperation and attempt to stomp out the room but Gerard stops me.
“I’m sorry. Please don’t leave yet.” He puts his arms around my waist, pulling me closer. I reach my arms up around his neck and slowly lean into each other. We begin kissing and it feels different compared to any of the other times we’ve kissed, which was quite a few times. This kiss is full of love and passion, filled with forgiveness to one another. I knew that this kiss would start something beautiful; and fucked up. It was the beginning of our new chapter together.
“Be mine.” He mumbles in between kisses. I pull away and look at him.
“Huh?” I ask, out of breath.
He laughs a little, “Frankie, can I have the honor of having you as a boyfriend?” Gerard asks just above a whisper, looking deep into each other's eyes.
I gasp a little, surprised that he’s already asking such a thing. But of course i’m not turning that opportunity down, “Yes...I would love to be your boyfriend, Gee!” I squeal like a little kid.
Finally, after four years, I got what I wanted. Love from Gerard. I couldn’t ask for anything better.

Notes

Hey guys! Sorry for the long wait but I guess it was worth it right??? I hope you liked it!

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