When Will Anyone Notice?

When I awoke the next day, I found that I was lying by myself. I figured Gerard would be in the bathroom brushing his teeth but no noise was heard. I decided to shrug it off, figuring he was getting breakfast or something. I got up, going over to where I left my backpack which was right next to Gerard’s, but saw that his was gone. Hm, weird. I changed into new clothes, went to the bathroom, then fixed my hair. I slipped on my shoes and grabbed the key to the hotel room, making sure I wouldn’t lock myself out.
I go to Ray and Mikey’s room, seeing if they knew where Gerard went. Of course I wasn’t going to tell them what happened last night, at least not yet. Gerard said he wanted to keep it between us, and I have to respect that. He is right, if any fans were to find out, Frerard shippers would go fucking crazy.
I arrive at their room and knock on the door. A few moments later, Mikey opens it and greets me in. “Hey guys, have you se-” Before I finish my sentence, I see a sleeping Gerard on the floor.
I look at the guys confused and Ray says “Yea, at around Midnight he was knocking on the door. He asked us if he could sleep in here. He seemed pretty angry at himself or something.”
I slowly nod, still confused as to why he asked to sleep in here and why he was angry. I can’t think of anything we did or said that would’ve made him upset. I thought we had a great night, if I do say so myself. He helped me a lot with what he said, he already made me feel happier.
“What, did you guys fight again or something?” Mikey wonders.
“Not at all. I thought we had a great night. He even said sorry to me, you know what a rare occasion that is.” I say in a defeated tone.
We all shrug it off for now. I sit on one of their beds as they get ready for today. We planned on walking around the main streets, buying shit we don’t need and might just regret. I was hoping Gerard and I would be able to spend time together today. Mikey and Ray could go their separate ways for a while, seeing that Gee and I had made up and would like to spend some time with each other.
I then notice Gerard starting to stir a little and making soft whimpers. It’s so quiet that Mikey and Ray can’t hear but I can since i’m closer. He must be having a bad dream. I get off the bed, kneeling down next to him. I shake him lightly. “Hey Gee, wake up. It’s just a dream.” He then jolts awake and looks around, scared.
“You okay, Gee?” I ask with my voice full of love and care.
He looks at me, his mood changing almost immediately. He just grunts, getting up and pushing me out of the way in the process. What the hell? I just helped him and he’s acting like a jackass. Gerard then continues to grab his backpack, going into the bathroom to get changed and to do his hair. Hopefully he isn’t mad at me. It’s not like I did anything wrong anyways, so there’s nothing to worry about...right? I couldn’t have said something to set him off because we both fell asleep right after we kissed. Maybe he was just still sleepy or something.
Five minutes later he comes out of the room, looking as gorgeous as ever. He has his hair done nice, with a plain white t shirt underneath his black leather jacket. To top it off he’s wearing black skinny jeans that does his ass well.
“Ready to go guys?” Gerard asks more towards Ray and Mikey, seeming to not care what my answer is. Is he doing this subconsciously? I really hope he is because he’s hurting me a lot more than he can notice. Why is he all of a sudden acting like a douche again? I really thought we had a good night. It must be my fault because I was the last one he was with last night and he’s only mad at me.
They both nod and I now start to feel like i’m just a bother going with them. “You know, I don’t have to go if you don’t want me to.” I murmur, bowing my head a little.
“What? Of course we want you to go, Frankie. What made you think something like that?” Mikey answer with an obvious tone.
“Maybe ask your brother…” I mumble quietly to myself so no one could hear as we walk down the walls and out the hotel.
First we stop at a comic book shop. When we first walked in, there were a few fans who wanted pictures and what not. Of course, we gladly agreed to it. Like I’ve said before, I love making my fans happy. It makes me happy knowing I get to make their days by just existing really. That’s something I usually think about when i’m suicidal; that if I ever killed myself, the fans would be devastated. I couldn’t imagine my role model commiting suicide. It would be tragic to me.
I start to look through the books, Gerard on the other side completely ignoring me. I can’t take the tension anymore, so I decide to take a leap of faith. I go over to him, standing next to him. Okay...still ignoring me. I then quickly give him a kiss on the cheek and of course, that got his attention, but not in a good way.
“What the fuck?!” Gerard whisper yells, angrily.
“Sorry Mr. Angrypants. I was just joking around.” I sass back.
“What if someone saw that, stupid?” Gerard insults me. Okay...that totally didn’t hurt.
“Why do you get to kiss me whenever and wherever you want and when I decide to do it once as a sign to show that I care about you and hope your okay that I get in trouble? Mind you, it was only a little kiss on the cheek.” I say, showing hurt in my voice.
“Ya know Frank, just because we fuck once doesn’t all of a sudden mean i’m in love with you or some shit. I was horny and you were right there so I took my shot. I don’t fucking know why you’re so obsessed with me but will you kindly back the fuck off?” He says, annoyed.
So he used me? He put on that whole act just so he could get off? He made me believe there was actually a chance of me being with him. That I could actually be happy. Does this also mean that he now knows how I feel about him? I don’t see how it could, seeing I never actually said anything about loving him. Here he goes again, pulling mind tricks with me. I know I’ve said it before, but this time i’m actually done. I can’t be hurt like this anymore, especially by him. I just can’t put up with it.
I stare at him for a moment, my eyes full of betrayal and hurt and his eyes full of something I can’t put my finger to. Regret? I want to make him know how bad he hurt me, but I also don’t want to be kicked out of a comic book shop so I just mutter a ‘fuck you’ and walk away, going to the other side of the store. At this point, i’m not interested in buying shit anymore, because I know what will happen. Whenever I get extremely sad, I go on binges, buying hundreds of dollars worth of useless shit that I always end up regret buying right after I pay for it. I need to learn moderation and how to control myself, so unless it’s something I absolutely need or am desperate for, I will not buy it.
For the rest of the time in the store, I just stay near Mikey and Ray, not talking or looking around at the books. Gerard eventually comes back with two big bags full of stuff and an excited look on his face. He explains what he bought and then mostly Gee, Mikey, and Ray talk about where to go next. I feel like I should just head back to the hotel, seeing as I just want to be alone and cry my eyes out.
“Uh you guys, i’m just gonna head back to the hotel. I’m not feeling too great.” I say, my voice weaker than expected.
“Okay. Do you want someone to come back with you? I will if you want.” Ray offers with a kind tone.
“I think I just want to be alone. Thank you though.” I force a smile and glance at Gerard who is kind of just staring at me with those unreadable eyes. He sure knows why i’m going back to the hotel, and I hope he feels bad for ruining my fun and my day off.
I say bye to the guys and leave the comic shop. I walk back to the hotel, taking my time and enjoying the scenery around me. All I can imagine is Gerard and I during the winter time walking together and since it’s cold, I snuggle into his side and he wraps his arms around me protectively while we walk down the busy streets. I would really love that. But you never know, maybe one day that will happen. Or maybe i’m just a big dreamer.
I walk into the hotel, giving the worker at the front desk a smile. The elevator brings me up to the level my room is on and I walk down the hall. Once i’m there, I put in the key and walk in. I slip off my shoes and clothes leaving me in only my boxers. I crawl into bed, cuddling with the blankets and immediately let out sobs that I’ve been holding in.
I’ve been used, lied to, been given false hope, and now bad memories that will forever hurt me in just a matter of sixteen hours. The worse part is not only the person i’m in love with, but my best friend did this all to me. How could he? Aren’t friends supposed to help and be there for each other? I helped him through so much and i’m getting nothing but shit in return. I’m not trying to say that I deserve a fucking float in a parade dedicated to me or anything, but to be treated with respect and getting help back if I need or ask for it would be nice. Just a little consideration for all the stuff I helped Gerard through would mean the world to me. If it weren’t for me or any of the bandmates actually giving a shit about Gerard when he was at his lowest, he wouldn’t fucking be here right now.
Should I even consider him my best friend, or my friend at all in that matter? Why am I even in love with him; how could I be in love with him? Well, maybe because of his smile, or the way his eyes light up when he’s talking about something he loves. Maybe the way he sticks his tongue out a little when he draws, and how dedicated he is to the band and fans. How he talks with one side of his mouth, or his cute little giggle. The list goes on and on. Somehow all those things make up for what he did to me.
Just the thought of a happy Gerard makes up for any pain he’s given me.

Notes

Hey guys! I hope you liked, sorry it took so long.

Comment, rate, subscribe! ^.^