Tell Me I'm A Bad, Bad Man

This is it. Fuck me this was finally it. We’d gone over the plan a hundred times and still felt just as nervous as we repeated it over and over.
That morning, they came to collect me. I sat there on the bed like a prisoner awaiting the needle. It was early morning and everyone was in their cell. They were taking me out before unlocking anyone.
Gerard and three other guards were waiting with officer Gates.
Everyone was holding their heads down as if in pity or something else equally as unnerving. Gerard looked up at me; I didn’t expect him to smile or anything like that. We had an equal understanding and were just as scared for each other as we were for ourselves, if not more. We were ready. I repeated it over and over. We were ready.

They unlocked my cell, and I silently said goodbye as they held my hands behind my back and cuffed my wrists. Officer Gates escorted the three guards and me outside to the van. Walking through those halls to the exit was something I’d never even considered experiencing in the rest of my life in that place.
But it was happening.
Maybe not entirely for the reasons I would have ever considered, but it didn’t matter all the same. I took a deep breath the first step I took outside, as if the air I breathed in that moment was somehow different from the outside air in the yard. We were ready.

They lifted me up the steps and into the van. A single officer climbed in with me and sat on the bench adjacent from me. Gerard and the other officer climbed into the two front seats, Gerard in the passenger seat looking almost white as a sheet with nerves.
Officer Gates said his goodbye, and that was it. He slammed the doors to the van and in a matter of seconds, we were moving.
My body filled with something I couldn’t explain. And as I sit here in the van, I can’t help but think of what I’ve left behind.
That was no life for me; no life for anyone in fact. But it was safety. It was all I was going to have until I died, but not now. Now I’m in the real world where things don’t happen the way you want them to.

We were driving for at least an hour before I heard yelling. There was the sound of the driver in the front yelling and instantly I knew what was happening.
My heart flooded with dread and I began to panic. The officer sat across from me was looking increasingly concerned and I felt a pang of guilt and pity for him.
He had no clue. Before I could even think, I heard it. That sound I didn’t want to hear, knowing whose hands it came from filled me with something I know I never want to feel again in my life.
That horrid bang; that bang I hadn’t heard since I was seventeen.
That bang that ends lives and destroys worlds and the human beings in it. For those who use it on others are called monsters.

The car was suddenly thrown off the road and we hurled into a nearby tree. The sheer force of it threw me off of the bench and into the wall.
The other officer was now on the floor in panic, staring at me with horror in his eyes. I wasn’t going to hurt him. But it killed me to know who would.
Just then, the doors to the van flung open. The guard however, didn’t make any attempt to move.
There stood my baby boy. A gun in his hands and tears running down his face like a waterfall; desperation in his eyes.
“Frankie.” He pleaded, crying even harder. I was frozen. I stared at Gerard. My sweet, innocent baby boy with blood on his hands and a broken heart. I’d broken him. There was no going back now.
“I love you baby, shhh, it’s all gonna be okay. You hear me, Gerard? I promise you it’ll all be okay.” I plead, begging him. But for what, I had no clue.
He let out one last gut wrenching sob. Anyone who heard it would have been reduced to pity and sorrow, it was so painful.

BANG.

Then it was all over. One last bang and he was gone. I had no time to comprehend it before blood was all over me and Gerard was on his knees in complete and utter pain. I couldn’t bear it. I clambered out of the back of the van. I hobble over to Gerard and slump next to his hunched over frame. His body shaking.
“Come on, baby boy. We gotta go, before they come find us.” I encourage. He cries once more before slowly standing up, almost in a trance like state. I rise with him and he undoes my cuffs. As soon as the metal is released, my arms are around him. He weeps softly into my shoulder before we make our way into the woods.

Ten minutes later, Gerard gets a phonecall. It’s Mikey telling us he’s nearby in the car. We walk out of the woods some way further down the road and eventually find a large, dark red car. Stood outside it is a tall, bony man with glasses and dark blond hair. He sees Gerard and instantly his hands are covering his mouth in shock.
He runs over to his brother and hurries him into the car. I climb into the backseat alongside Gerard meanwhile; Mikey sits in the passenger seat next to a rather tall man with an afro.
“This is Ray.” He says simply. Gerard just looks up and nods. Still not fully grasping the reality of the moment.
“There are clothes in the back for you guys. I’ve also brought you 500 dollars and some ID’s. We’re gonna drop you at a motel in Jersey and let you guys do what you need.” He says. I thank him kindly, overwhelmingly grateful for what he’s doing for us considering the situation. I change my clothes in the back of the car and then begin to dress Gerard.
I wipe the blood off my face with a cloth and proceed to clean up Gerard. I kiss his tears and hold him close for the whole journey. His soft sobs eventually dissipating as he falls asleep. That’s the best thing for him right now.

I see his brother looking at us in the mirror. I think he understands. Although he may not approve, he knows how his brother feels and he knows the best thing he can do for his brother is support him. He’s brave. They both are.
Mikey turns on some quiet music as night falls on the roads. We’ve still got a journey ahead of us, because we’re free. Together finally. I smile at the thought as I fall asleep to the gentle vibrations of the car and my baby boy’s soft breathing against my chest. We’d be okay.

Notes

Hey beans! This is my last chapter for the night and I gotta say, it was a hard one to write! I was so conflicted writing this and I hate doing this to my characters. My brother-in-law whom I love, an aspiring author once gave me a great piece of advice; "Love you characters dearly, but bring them to hell and back. Break them. Destroy them. Take everything they have and do it again. That's when you know you have a good story. And always have faith in your work. Don't spend years writing masterpieces and then getting rid of them because of your own self-doubt. Because your work will always be a piece of you and that is never anything to destroy."

Songs While Writing:
Welcome To The Black Parade- My Chemical Romance (this one was important for this chapter so I encourage you to listen to it while reading this.)
Take Me To Church- Hozier
More Than Words- Extreme
.stage 4 fear of trying.- Frank Iero and the Patience
The Light Behind Your Eyes- My Chemical Romance