Prove Myself To You

At lunch, Frank said that he wants so take me to his house after school, so l’m currently in the passenger seat of his car right now. The thought of saying ‘I love you’ to him anytime soon, or any time ever, has been on my mind. I want to be somewhere nice when I say it, somewhere prettier that his messy bedroom. The last time we got in an argument was three nights ago and yesterday he took me out to my favorite restaurant, which was unusual but still nice. So I think that soon would be a good time to say it because it seems like things are getting better between us.

When we get in is bedroom though, he pins me to the bed and starts kissing my neck. I don’t know if I want sex right now, I haven’t been wanting it since last night when we went on a real date.

“F-Frank?” I quietly say. He stops and looks up at me with such a confused expression. I sigh. “Frank, I don’t really.. want to…” I say with my eyes shut tight.

“Oh..” He replies, dazed. I open my eyes and pull him closer.

“It’s just that.. do you think we can drive to Humphry Mountain and watch the stars tonight?” I enthusiastically ask. His eyebrows sew together and he looks away and then back at me.

“But why? We have the house to ourselves, Gee, and it’s been like two days—“

“But I don’t want to right now, Frank.” I state, cutting him off. My tone is sharp and strong, but I don’t feel like starting a fight right now.

“Why, Gerard? Do you not like it?” He sternly asks. I roll my eyes and look away. He’s still lying on top of me and I can feel him hard against my leg.

“No, I do—“

“Oh yea? You do, huh?” He seductively whispers, making shivers going down my spine. I swallow my desire not to have sex and close my eyes.

“Mhmm,” I voice and sink into the mattress as he sucks on my neck again and pulls my shirt off. We take all of our clothes off, him doing most of the work, until we’re both in our boxers. He yanks me into a sitting position and places me on top of him so that he’s sitting with his legs crossed and I’m sitting on him, craning my neck down and kissing him. I make a lot of moaning sounds to make him harder and I press myself harder against him and place my hands in his hair. After a few minutes, he pushes me down into the mattress and starts sloppily kissing me down my torso and to the top of my boxers. I rethink about what I’m about to do and what just happened. I told him I didn’t want sex, but he selfishly talked me into it. And it’s true, I really just want to have a small break from sex and he has to understand that. I feel myself getting less hard as I just lay there with him kissing my lower stomach. I look down at him and watch his expression go from a smirk to a frown when he notices that l’m barely hard at all.

“Gerard, what the fuck, is something wrong?” He spits. By him saying this, he’s making me feel shitty because he’s making it sound as if I’m doing something wrong.

“Frank, stop! Why the fuck do you want sex so bad? Because we haven’t had it in two days? Two days isn’t a long time, okay, and all you want is sex! I liked when you took me out to dinner last night, okay it was nice and it was something different, we felt like a real couple!” I angrily said, losing grasp of my temper. Frank’s face dropped and he sat up and looked at the bed. He crawled to the other side of the mattress and began chewing his nail. I stared at him, my eyebrows raised, expecting him to say something. He looked up and sighed, slamming his hands against the bed.

“Gerard, I’m sorry, okay?! I realize I’m a douche bag, and you deserve better—“

“I don’t deserve better, I just want to get out of this bedroom and go somewhere with you.” I murmer and look up at him with my puppy-dog eyes that always work on him.

“Okay baby, what do you want to do? Go to Humphry Mountain?” He asks, looking softly at me. I shrug and smile, blushing.

“I don’t know, wanna go to the state fair?” I ask, he nods.

When we walk through the gates of the fair, I see all of the pretty lights on all of the rides glowing in the dark and little kids running around and teenage boys and girls holding hands. Frank grabs my hand and I look up at him, breaking into a big, blushing grin. We go to the ferris wheel, having the cart to ourselves. Frank and I sit right next to each other, me clinging onto him for warmth in that cold New Jersey night. Our cart lifts up and we go into the air.

“Gerard.. we’ve been together a really long time and I’m really happy you’re mine. I’m sorry for all the fights that we get into, you don’t deserve those, so let’s just stop and work out all of the things we complain about, okay?” Frank whispers in my ear and pulls away to look in my eyes.

“Okay, Frankie. I.. Thank you,” I reply and kiss him softly. He kisses me back, but there’s no lust in the kiss. It’s short and sweet. Our cart stops in midair at the very top as we sit close to the stars. We look down below at the busy city and Frank holds me closer. I really love this, he’s not the cuddly type so I cherish this. I lean up and kiss his cheek and he hums in content, a small smile on his face.

Once we reach ground and get off the ferris wheel, Frank spots a chocolate covered bacon stand and walks towards it.

“Let’s try it!” He perks.

“Ew, no!” I laugh but still walk with him to the stand. He buys some and opens the little box that it comes in. He takes one out and I look into the box.

“C’mon! Take one!” He says, sticking the box closer to my face. I hesitantly take a piece and we bight into our pieces at the same time. He smiles and I slowly munch on the weird carnival food. I shake my head and shove the chocolate bacon in his mouth and giggle.

“You don’t like it?! I love it!” He laughs and eats the rest. I shake my head and we run off to a little game where you have to pop five balloons in one go in order to win a prize. Frank takes his turn and I wait for him to finish, watching him pop each balloon with each throw. I smile and clasp my hands together, looking at him with admiration, not because he’s won me a prize, even though that’s part of it, but because going on dates like this with him is new to us and I love it. We’ve been going out for more than a year and all that time, we haven’t gone out on a date like this.

Frank hands me the stuffed animal that he won me and I kiss his cheek and he kisses my lips softly. A few people glare at us for being two boys kissing, but I shrug it off. An hour later, Frank and I call it a night and get in his car, him driving me home.

“I really, actually like this whole date idea, Gee.” Frank admits. I smile proudly and nod.

“Me too!”

I kiss him one last time and grab my backpack off the floor of his car and grab the stuffed animal and walk to my front door. I wave him goodnight and go inside my house, my mom and brother asleep, and walk to my bedroom. I crash on my bed, smiling, and fall asleep with the stuffed animal that he won me in my hands. Tonight was everything that I wished for with him, I think we’re changing for the better.

Notes

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