He's Not Dead, He Only Looks that Way.
Jenna's Story.
Jenna’s Story
1978 - 2005
In 1988, 10 year old Jenna stood still. Her father got down on one knee to face her, “Some men are going to be coming in very soon, and I need you to be in your room with your mother-do you understand?” His brown eyes lit, they seemed watery. Jenna nodded very slowly as her father stood by the front door. She walked over to her mom and stood by her. Jenna reached her hand over and held her mother's. Just as her mother led her away from the living room, the front door slammed open.
Jenna jumped, feeling her mom grasp her by the shoulders and trying to reel her away-the damage was done. She witnessed police officers tackling down her father on their living room floor. Jenna screamed, causing one of the officer’s to shout at her, telling her to shut up. Jenna cried in reaction before being pulled away by her mother and out of view of the arrest of her own father. Her father was addicted to drugs and alcohol to the point where he sold drugs for another person, to get more money for his own use.
To Jenna, he wasn't a bad guy. Not at first anyway. He cared for up until he stayed out for longer periods of time, losing more interest in his own family. He isolated himself, covering his nose in cocaine and smothered his throat with alcohol. Jenna felt heartbroken, especially when she had to tell her teachers and friends that her own dad couldn't make it to the Father and Daughter dance.
When Jenna was 15 in 1993, she held hands with Justin, her first boyfriend.
Justin was the freshman teacher of the after school program where he taught his peers how to play guitar. Jenna walked into the club one day and caught his attention when she stumbled in, causing all eyes to turn to her. Justin didn't pay attention to her until he heard her talking about how easy playing guitar was. She was only teasing, but Justin chimed in, "I want to see you play a couple notes of a song of your choosing." After defeating her he grinned, "My name's Justin." He seemed perfect at first to her. He had dark brown hair, green eyes, and perfectly white teeth covered in braces which suited him.
Unfortunately, the honeymoon stage quickly turned over only after a couple months. She started to see past his charms and noticed he wasn't her type at all. As he held her hand, he was talking to his friend on the other side of him. Jenna looked up at him, seeing his smile. She smiled too, but didn’t say much. When Justin’s friend left, Jenna asked, “Can we hang out sometime after school?”
Justin smirked, “You know I’m busy-why ask?”
Jenna’s smile faded a bit, “I was just asking, don’t be rude.”
There was something about Justin that caught her attention in the first place, but after several months of being ignored by him, she didn’t see it anymore. All she saw was her father’s actions in him. A person who wasn’t there when she needed him.
Justin was on top of her now, kissing her neck. They were laid out on her bed. Jenna’s mother was gone, she was a single child so the house was to themselves. Justin slid his hand down to her waist and reeled her body up, so she could feel how erect he was. Jenna seemed distant, she moved her body back down onto the bed, making Justin stare at her a bit before grasping under her thigh and lifting it up, caressing it. Jenna put her leg down and didn’t make eye contact with Justin who stared at her again, “What’s wrong with you?”
Jenna murmured, “I don’t want to have sex.”
“Like hell you don’t. You loved it last time.”
“Maybe I don’t want to anymore.” She said more softly.
Justin rolled his green eyes before getting off her and off the bed, “Call me when you stop being such a tease.”
Jenna sat up on the bed, “Stop talking to me like that-I’m your girlfriend.”
Justin paused. He turned his body to her. He grabbed his shirt which was laid out on the bed and placed it over his head, “Yeah?” He grabbed his car keys, “Well not anymore.”
Jenna sat there, watching him leave in silence. She looked down. She didn’t cry, she didn’t feel angry-she didn’t feel anything. She moved off the bed and dug into her closet. She pulled out an old shoe box and dug through the old photos, grabbing her lighter. Her eyes looked at the cigarette box but she left it alone, taking the lighter back with her on the bed. She flickered the lighter until a small ball of flame escaped the top. Her mind hummed messages, telling her no. Jenna said softly, “Yes.”
She could not describe the feeling of burning her skin. There was a hint of sadness, but something about hurting herself made her feel whole. She did this self-harm act for a year up until she turned 16 in 1994. Due to her friend Kelsey, she stopped self harming. Sadly, she turned to a bottle of alcohol something Kelsey couldn't control.
Jenna's wasted body stumbled down the empty halls of her home. Her mind was hazy as she grasped onto the bottle wrapped in her hand. She begun to abruptly cry, “Dad .. you fucking idiot.” She slurred, feeling a drip of drool escaped her mouth.
Within a few feet to her room, she collapsed. Her body ached as she hugged the bottle, crying out loud. Tears streamed down her face as she remembered vague memories of her father. “Fuck you,” She growled through her tears. She got back up onto her feet and barely made it to collapse on her bed. Her cries died down as she fell into a blissful sleep. The bottle that was wrapped around her palms escaped between her fingers as her mind grew unconscious. The glass bottle shattered onto the wooden floor, sending small and large pieces to scatter around.
As years went by, she went into rehab and she had already moved out of her parent’s house. In 1998 at age 20, she did her best not to go near alcohol. Her mind went blank when it came to the thought of even a drip of the beverage. Jenna was completely tearing apart, and she didn’t know how to keep it together. She’s laying down now, her eyes locked on the white ceiling above her. She quickly turned to her radio and put on a CD of the 1990 band Motionless in White. The songs soothed her, but a sudden vibration made her weak to her knees. She grabbed her flip phone and read the small screen plastered on front which said, “Mom”. She sat up as music played in the background. She answered it, “Mom?”
“Hey Jen .. “ Her mom’s voice seemed worried, “There’s something I have to tell you.”
Jenna froze, “Well?”
“Your father is out of prison.”
Jenna paused. She can hear her mom call her name until she slammed the phone shut, staring into space. She put her phone away before putting on her combat boots and placing on her leather jacket. Her body made its way out of the apartment and to the closest corner store. She wished she never heard that. She was doing fine, everything was fine-not fine, but better than it originally was. Jenna knew she couldn’t buy alcohol because she was only 21, but she really craved it-especially right now at this very moment.
So in desperate need, she did what she needed to. She tried stealing and failed, getting caught, but was paid off by a man with a perfect jawline and dark blue eyes. She thought he wanted sex in return, but surprisingly, he just wanted company something she needed to.
Davy. Davy was his name.
After a couple of months of their relationship, there was a memory both loved to look back to, even in the present time. It was .. their first time together.
Davy held her close, kissing her stomach. Jenna giggled as he trailed further down. Her laugh died down, softly turning into a moan when he started to reel her pants down. Jenna's body heated up, but she kept still as Davy slid them off her ankles. Davy's blue eyes stared up at her as he nibbled on her underwear, making her laugh a bit. He asked softly, "Are you sure about this?"
"Yes." Jenna said firmly, biting down on her lower lip.
Davy smiled a bit before grabbing her hand, "Tell me how you like it."
Jenna's face burned, "Slow."
Davy grinned, showing the dimples Jenna adored. He licked his bottom lip before biting down on it. His voice deepened, "How slow?"
Jenna felt immediately turned on. She moved away, "Lie down."
Davy did as he was told. Jenna went on top of him before slamming her lips against his, making him grasp onto her waist and rocking her. Jenna could feel Davy's erect penis touch her, making her moan. In a weak state filled with lust Davy repeatedly kissed her neck, knowing how much it drove her crazy. Jenna finally lost it, sliding off her own underwear. Davy took off his briefs and led her back to being bottom. He climbed onto her body and trailed his hand in between her legs. He massaged her thoroughly as she grabbed the condom on the desk beside the bed. After taking it out of the package, she stared into his eyes as she placed on the condom on his cocked penis.
Davy smiled. He leaned in and kissed her as he slowly made his way into her. He moaned a loud and whispered, "You're so wet."
Jenna dug her nails into his back in reaction to the pain, making him cringe. He hummed, "That hurts."
"Yeah?" Jenna panted, "Try imagining having something crammed into you."
Davy laughed, "I have no idea how I got so lucky." He said referring to Jenna in general.
Jenna grinned before her expression changed when he started to rock back and forth, feeling his penis move in and out. After a bit, the pain decreased and the pleasure stirred her. Davy heard her soft moans against his ear, and he felt pleased with himself. He smiled, "You like it?"
Jenna hummed, "Can you tell?"
Davy laughed as he continued, "Next time let me do oral." His breath brushed against her ear, "I'm good with my tongue."
Jenna moaned out loud, making Davy move faster. His breathing escalated and Jenna felt like her body was going to explode. Davy grabbed her waist and sat on his knees in between her legs. He tossed his head back as he jerked his hips in a fast pace. He groaned, "I'm almost-" Before he could say anything more, his sperm was captured inside the condom. Jenna didn't feel it, but when Davy decided to stop, her body reacted by orgasming herself.
Jenna jerked, "Did I pee? It felt like I peed."
Davy laughed, "Baby, no," He panted, "You came too." He collapsed next to her and intertwined his fingers with hers, "I didn't know I was that good .. I'm guessing that was your first time experiencing an orgasm." He laughed before kissing her cheek, "Let's go get washed up after we rest, okay?"
Jenna grinned, "Okay, babe."
Throughout the 6 year relationship, it was perfect. Jenna had no problem avoiding her father because Davy kept her company and happy .. Jenna was happy. Was. It was up until Davy always wanted to be with her, she felt suffocated.
So she moved on, until 2005, when Davy went to her doorsteps.
And just as paper does in fire, her body was burning next to Davy’s that summer day.
1978 - 2005
In 1988, 10 year old Jenna stood still. Her father got down on one knee to face her, “Some men are going to be coming in very soon, and I need you to be in your room with your mother-do you understand?” His brown eyes lit, they seemed watery. Jenna nodded very slowly as her father stood by the front door. She walked over to her mom and stood by her. Jenna reached her hand over and held her mother's. Just as her mother led her away from the living room, the front door slammed open.
Jenna jumped, feeling her mom grasp her by the shoulders and trying to reel her away-the damage was done. She witnessed police officers tackling down her father on their living room floor. Jenna screamed, causing one of the officer’s to shout at her, telling her to shut up. Jenna cried in reaction before being pulled away by her mother and out of view of the arrest of her own father. Her father was addicted to drugs and alcohol to the point where he sold drugs for another person, to get more money for his own use.
To Jenna, he wasn't a bad guy. Not at first anyway. He cared for up until he stayed out for longer periods of time, losing more interest in his own family. He isolated himself, covering his nose in cocaine and smothered his throat with alcohol. Jenna felt heartbroken, especially when she had to tell her teachers and friends that her own dad couldn't make it to the Father and Daughter dance.
When Jenna was 15 in 1993, she held hands with Justin, her first boyfriend.
Justin was the freshman teacher of the after school program where he taught his peers how to play guitar. Jenna walked into the club one day and caught his attention when she stumbled in, causing all eyes to turn to her. Justin didn't pay attention to her until he heard her talking about how easy playing guitar was. She was only teasing, but Justin chimed in, "I want to see you play a couple notes of a song of your choosing." After defeating her he grinned, "My name's Justin." He seemed perfect at first to her. He had dark brown hair, green eyes, and perfectly white teeth covered in braces which suited him.
Unfortunately, the honeymoon stage quickly turned over only after a couple months. She started to see past his charms and noticed he wasn't her type at all. As he held her hand, he was talking to his friend on the other side of him. Jenna looked up at him, seeing his smile. She smiled too, but didn’t say much. When Justin’s friend left, Jenna asked, “Can we hang out sometime after school?”
Justin smirked, “You know I’m busy-why ask?”
Jenna’s smile faded a bit, “I was just asking, don’t be rude.”
There was something about Justin that caught her attention in the first place, but after several months of being ignored by him, she didn’t see it anymore. All she saw was her father’s actions in him. A person who wasn’t there when she needed him.
Justin was on top of her now, kissing her neck. They were laid out on her bed. Jenna’s mother was gone, she was a single child so the house was to themselves. Justin slid his hand down to her waist and reeled her body up, so she could feel how erect he was. Jenna seemed distant, she moved her body back down onto the bed, making Justin stare at her a bit before grasping under her thigh and lifting it up, caressing it. Jenna put her leg down and didn’t make eye contact with Justin who stared at her again, “What’s wrong with you?”
Jenna murmured, “I don’t want to have sex.”
“Like hell you don’t. You loved it last time.”
“Maybe I don’t want to anymore.” She said more softly.
Justin rolled his green eyes before getting off her and off the bed, “Call me when you stop being such a tease.”
Jenna sat up on the bed, “Stop talking to me like that-I’m your girlfriend.”
Justin paused. He turned his body to her. He grabbed his shirt which was laid out on the bed and placed it over his head, “Yeah?” He grabbed his car keys, “Well not anymore.”
Jenna sat there, watching him leave in silence. She looked down. She didn’t cry, she didn’t feel angry-she didn’t feel anything. She moved off the bed and dug into her closet. She pulled out an old shoe box and dug through the old photos, grabbing her lighter. Her eyes looked at the cigarette box but she left it alone, taking the lighter back with her on the bed. She flickered the lighter until a small ball of flame escaped the top. Her mind hummed messages, telling her no. Jenna said softly, “Yes.”
She could not describe the feeling of burning her skin. There was a hint of sadness, but something about hurting herself made her feel whole. She did this self-harm act for a year up until she turned 16 in 1994. Due to her friend Kelsey, she stopped self harming. Sadly, she turned to a bottle of alcohol something Kelsey couldn't control.
Jenna's wasted body stumbled down the empty halls of her home. Her mind was hazy as she grasped onto the bottle wrapped in her hand. She begun to abruptly cry, “Dad .. you fucking idiot.” She slurred, feeling a drip of drool escaped her mouth.
Within a few feet to her room, she collapsed. Her body ached as she hugged the bottle, crying out loud. Tears streamed down her face as she remembered vague memories of her father. “Fuck you,” She growled through her tears. She got back up onto her feet and barely made it to collapse on her bed. Her cries died down as she fell into a blissful sleep. The bottle that was wrapped around her palms escaped between her fingers as her mind grew unconscious. The glass bottle shattered onto the wooden floor, sending small and large pieces to scatter around.
As years went by, she went into rehab and she had already moved out of her parent’s house. In 1998 at age 20, she did her best not to go near alcohol. Her mind went blank when it came to the thought of even a drip of the beverage. Jenna was completely tearing apart, and she didn’t know how to keep it together. She’s laying down now, her eyes locked on the white ceiling above her. She quickly turned to her radio and put on a CD of the 1990 band Motionless in White. The songs soothed her, but a sudden vibration made her weak to her knees. She grabbed her flip phone and read the small screen plastered on front which said, “Mom”. She sat up as music played in the background. She answered it, “Mom?”
“Hey Jen .. “ Her mom’s voice seemed worried, “There’s something I have to tell you.”
Jenna froze, “Well?”
“Your father is out of prison.”
Jenna paused. She can hear her mom call her name until she slammed the phone shut, staring into space. She put her phone away before putting on her combat boots and placing on her leather jacket. Her body made its way out of the apartment and to the closest corner store. She wished she never heard that. She was doing fine, everything was fine-not fine, but better than it originally was. Jenna knew she couldn’t buy alcohol because she was only 21, but she really craved it-especially right now at this very moment.
So in desperate need, she did what she needed to. She tried stealing and failed, getting caught, but was paid off by a man with a perfect jawline and dark blue eyes. She thought he wanted sex in return, but surprisingly, he just wanted company something she needed to.
Davy. Davy was his name.
After a couple of months of their relationship, there was a memory both loved to look back to, even in the present time. It was .. their first time together.
Davy held her close, kissing her stomach. Jenna giggled as he trailed further down. Her laugh died down, softly turning into a moan when he started to reel her pants down. Jenna's body heated up, but she kept still as Davy slid them off her ankles. Davy's blue eyes stared up at her as he nibbled on her underwear, making her laugh a bit. He asked softly, "Are you sure about this?"
"Yes." Jenna said firmly, biting down on her lower lip.
Davy smiled a bit before grabbing her hand, "Tell me how you like it."
Jenna's face burned, "Slow."
Davy grinned, showing the dimples Jenna adored. He licked his bottom lip before biting down on it. His voice deepened, "How slow?"
Jenna felt immediately turned on. She moved away, "Lie down."
Davy did as he was told. Jenna went on top of him before slamming her lips against his, making him grasp onto her waist and rocking her. Jenna could feel Davy's erect penis touch her, making her moan. In a weak state filled with lust Davy repeatedly kissed her neck, knowing how much it drove her crazy. Jenna finally lost it, sliding off her own underwear. Davy took off his briefs and led her back to being bottom. He climbed onto her body and trailed his hand in between her legs. He massaged her thoroughly as she grabbed the condom on the desk beside the bed. After taking it out of the package, she stared into his eyes as she placed on the condom on his cocked penis.
Davy smiled. He leaned in and kissed her as he slowly made his way into her. He moaned a loud and whispered, "You're so wet."
Jenna dug her nails into his back in reaction to the pain, making him cringe. He hummed, "That hurts."
"Yeah?" Jenna panted, "Try imagining having something crammed into you."
Davy laughed, "I have no idea how I got so lucky." He said referring to Jenna in general.
Jenna grinned before her expression changed when he started to rock back and forth, feeling his penis move in and out. After a bit, the pain decreased and the pleasure stirred her. Davy heard her soft moans against his ear, and he felt pleased with himself. He smiled, "You like it?"
Jenna hummed, "Can you tell?"
Davy laughed as he continued, "Next time let me do oral." His breath brushed against her ear, "I'm good with my tongue."
Jenna moaned out loud, making Davy move faster. His breathing escalated and Jenna felt like her body was going to explode. Davy grabbed her waist and sat on his knees in between her legs. He tossed his head back as he jerked his hips in a fast pace. He groaned, "I'm almost-" Before he could say anything more, his sperm was captured inside the condom. Jenna didn't feel it, but when Davy decided to stop, her body reacted by orgasming herself.
Jenna jerked, "Did I pee? It felt like I peed."
Davy laughed, "Baby, no," He panted, "You came too." He collapsed next to her and intertwined his fingers with hers, "I didn't know I was that good .. I'm guessing that was your first time experiencing an orgasm." He laughed before kissing her cheek, "Let's go get washed up after we rest, okay?"
Jenna grinned, "Okay, babe."
Throughout the 6 year relationship, it was perfect. Jenna had no problem avoiding her father because Davy kept her company and happy .. Jenna was happy. Was. It was up until Davy always wanted to be with her, she felt suffocated.
So she moved on, until 2005, when Davy went to her doorsteps.
And just as paper does in fire, her body was burning next to Davy’s that summer day.
Notes
xo
Ughh I finally got my acc back and I'm wondering why you left this...?
7/5/16