Chasing Stars

The next few days passed without anything really happening. Jeremy was able to get me some smokes since I was under constant surveillance. It was Friday night and I was sitting on the roof outside my bedroom window taking the last drag off the cigarette Jeremy gave me. I didn't smoke back in New Jersey, not really anyway but it seemed like something to try again. What's the worst thing that could happen? I'd die?

I flicked the butt on the ground and climbed back inside. I sat there leaning out of the window, breathing in the hot California air. Deep in the back of my mind memories were stirring that I didn't want to remember. So vague that I couldn't even describe what the memories were about but I can feel the emotions. The emotion of wanting to run. I heard a knock on the bedroom door but did not respond. I inhaled closing my eyes and wishing this feeling that was now rooting my stomach deeper than normal would pass. I heard the creek of the door opening.

"Why does it matter who I become?"

"Because I want more for you Ry so much more than this."

"Mom, come on, I already told you I wont get in any trouble if you let me go."

I inhaled deeply and quickly as I felt a hand touch my back. I turned to see Lindsay standing next to me.

"Are you alright?" She asked with nothing but concern in her voice. I looked at her for a moment almost feeling like I was looking at my mother. I nodded.

"Yeah, I just felt… like I needed air." I pushed my hair out of my face.

"It's 50 degrees out, you should really shut the window. You might get sick."

"I'm used to cold temperatures," I replied pulling myself to reality. It was Lindsay looking at me not my mother, my mother was dead. Rotting in a grave, I exhaled slowly realizing that she was burring through my memory.

"Should I grab Gerard? You don't look well," Lindsay said grabbing my elbow gently. My mothers voice, I couldn't remember what she said but I recognized it. Before I could answer I heard Lindsey yell Gerard's name. He appeared before I could do anything. He turned me away from the window.

"I'm fine," I quickly said realizing I wasn't responding.

"Rylynn are you sure?" I nodded.

"My head just hurt, a migraine, I'm fine now. The air was just helping." Lindsay and Gerard just looked at me. I did the only thing I could think of. "It's you know, that time," I said looking at Lindsay. Gerard looked taken aback, Lindsay just nodded.

"Do you want something for it?" She asked and Gerard stood there awkwardly.

"Yeah that would be great." She ushered me forward and took me to their bathroom and opened the medicine cabinet. I accepted the aspirin she handed me. I sat down on the edge of the tube and took them.

"Do you want me to take you to the store?" Lindsay asked leaning against the counter.

"No I'm fine, thanks," I said swallowing the aspirin.

"Okay, well let me know if you do." I gave a half smile. I knew she was trying. She looked me up and down and turned to leave. I followed but stopped a moment latter when I passed the counter seeing that there was Midol on the counter.

"You know," I said looking back up at her.

"Yeah I know, if you actually were I would have given you that. I don't know what's going on with you but if you don't want to talk then that is alright."

I watched as she walked downstairs and I heard a movie begin. I turned and walked into my room, I closed the door before I lost all control. I felt a tear try to fall and I collapsed onto the bed. I pulled my feet close to me and just sobbed. Eventually darkest consumed me. My eyes slowly began to open as I felt blankets being pulled up around me. Lindsay was standing above me. I felt her hand stroke my hair.

"I'm not like him. I'm not going to be like him."

I inhaled deeply and looked at her. "Shh," she cooed me. My eyes began to feel heavy.

"Ry put your damn seatbelt on, now."

"Why?" I heard myself mutter.

"Shh," Lindsay cooed again as I opened my eyes and just starred at her.

"Don't tell him," I said looked her dead in the eyes.

"Tell him what?" she asked continuing to stroke my hair.

"Don't tell him about the seatbelt," I muttered as my eyes fell shut again.

Notes

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