Chasing Stars

The next morning when I woke up, I sent Jeremy a text asking if he could pick me up for school. He replied back with a 'yes' and told me he’d be there in 10 minutes. I hurriedly through some clothes on and pulled my hair back before walking downstairs. Lindsey, Gerard and Bandit where all in their usual places around the small table. Without saying a word I poured a cup of coffee into a travel mug.

“You have time to drink it before we leave,” Gerard stated, taking another bit of his apple.

“Well Jeremy is picking me up this morning. We have a project we have to work on before class,” I stated before turning towards the group. It was a complete lie but if the lie meant that I didn’t have to sit in a car alone with Gerard, I was using it.

“A boy is picking you up for school? A boy who is 16 and has a license? A boy I have yet to meet?” Gerard questioned raising his eyebrows. Just then a car honked in the drive.

“Yes and you aren’t going to meet him. I have to go,” I stated picking my bag up off the ground and walking towards the door.

“Rylynn,” Gerard said sounding panicked. I opened it intending to walk out the door but my guilt urged me to turn and at least look at him. When I did, his face displayed the panic that laced voice entailed.

“Be safe and remember I’ll be picking you today. It’s the last night the guys are in town,” Lindsey said placing her hand on Gerard’s shoulder.

“Ok,” I said shutting the door behind me. I quickly walked over to Jeremy’s car getting in with a quick hello.

“You know your dad is watching us from the window,” Jeremy said. I looked towards the front window and sure enough Gerard was watching us, concern on his face. “Should I wait or…” he asked.

“No there is nothing for me to say to him,” I answered. Jeremy began to drive the car away from Gerard’s house. I rested my head on the seat wishing more than anything I wasn’t in California. “He’s leaving,” I muttered quietly. Jeremy turned towards me quickly, then looked back towards the street.

“He’s what?” he asked in confusion.

“He’s leaving on tour in April,” I clarified. Jeremy slowed the car towards a red light.

“Wh…wh..ahh, when did that happen?” Jeremy asked.

“I found out the day I skipped school. I only found out because someone said it. He wasn’t going to tell me until later,” I said looking out the window. Saying it out loud. Saying that Gerard was leaving made it really sink in. He wouldn’t be there to pick me up from school. He wouldn’t be there to sit next to me at dinner, ask me a million questions about school or watch Star Wars. He wouldn’t be there to say goodnight. The more the feeling settled in, the more I realized this was a situation I didn’t want to deal with.

“Rylynn you matter. You matter even if he doesn’t know how to show it. You matter to me,” Jeremy stated as the light turned green and the car jerked back as he accelerated. I looked at Jeremy for a moment realizing the boy I met in the office months ago had become my best friend in California.

“I don’t know what to say to him anymore,” I said as we pulled into the school parking lot.

“Have you talked to Derek about it?” Jeremy asked turning the engine off. I shock my head in reply. “So you’ve only told me then?”

“Yeah. I still don’t know how I really feel about this whole situation. All I know is that I’m mad. He’s leaving but he has all these opinions on what I do and don’t do. He’s leaving and my Mom’s dead. She’s gone and he’ll be gone and what will I be?” I looked down at my hands, not wanting the world to see me as I am. Jeremy’s arm wrapped around me.

“Have you told him you are pissed?” Jeremy inquired as we exited the car.

“Oh yeah he knows,” I chuckled. “That’s the reason why I asked for the ride. I hope you didn’t mind.”

“Not at all. Anytime you need one,” he stated. Part of me felt better that I told someone outside the family. Even if that meant I was responsible for a leak. I didn’t care about his fans or his job for that matter. I should have never let him in. I should have never let him get close. Those small moments of happiness were not worth this empty feeling inside. “I’m assuming this news isn’t public?” Jeremy asked as we both saw our friends approaching.

“Yeah best not to share,” I said softly. I pushed a smile on my face as Sarah reached us with Devon in toe. “Hey guys, did I tell you I have a great idea on how to get out of chemistry using dry ice and dish soap?” I said completely diverting from the subject I had been having with Jeremy.

“No but that’s already sounds bad,” Devon laughed. I could feel Jeremy’s eyes on me.

“Jeremy liked my idea, right,” I said turning towards Jeremy and making eye contact. He gave a small smile and nodded.

**

“You really fooled everyone today that nothing was wrong,” Jeremy said as I shut my locker. We had just finished english and stopped at my locker before heading towards the parking lot.

“Yeah well what else was I supposed to do? Act like my world was ending?” I inquired.

“No a but less lying would have been nice. They are still our friends,” he added sending prongs of guilt into my gut.

“I know,” I practically whined. “I wasn’t supposed to say anything to anyone and I already told you. Besides, what do you think their reactions would be? They would flip if they found out he was my father. I can’t go through that. I won’t.”

“Go through what? Not knowing if you want him as your dad or not?” Jeremy asked.

“That one is still up for debate,” I quickly stated putting up a finger to silence him.

“Rylynn, you like him as your dad. That’s why you are upset,” Jeremy said.

“Not true at all. I disliked my pet goldfish when I was 5 and when it died, I was still upset,” I countered.

“I’m not buying it. You are mad because you opened up to him and exposed who you are. Now I think you are scared you are going to loss him just like you lost your mom,” Jeremy said as we exited building. I could see Lindsey’s car at the curb cut waiting for me.

“This is nothing like losing my Mom,” I clarified.

“No but you still let him in and to you it’s come back to bite you in the ass. The difference this time is that he isn’t gone forever,” Jeremy said. He had continued following me to Lindsey’s car where he would have normally headed towards his. Maybe Jeremy was right. Maybe I was upset at Gerard because I was losing him just like I lost my mom. It wasn’t the same though and not just in the way Jeremy described. We reached Lindsey’s car and I opened the door throwing my bag down. Lindsey gave a small waive to Jeremy.

“Hi Mrs. Way, thanks for trusting me with Rylynn this morning,” he said in a charming manner.

“Thank you for not getting her injured,” Lindsey said with a laugh.

“Jeremy you are wrong,” I stated forcefully. “The difference is that Gerard is choosing to do this. Mom never chose to die.” Both Lindsey and Jeremy had gone quiet. Jeremy’s eyes locked on mine.

“You are right but deep down inside, you are worried the same thing is going to happen to him. I’ll see ya tomorrow,” he said softly. I watched as he turned his back and began to walk away. I rolled my eyes at him comment and got into Lindsey’s car.

Notes

Thanks for the comments!

~Nailsntacks