Kristin Speaks

What if I told you that, every week for once a month, half the human race is in pain, and the other half don't wanna hear shit about it?

Yes, that's right: I am bleeding out of my vagina. Only God can save me now, but I'm too diluted by sin (I'm uploading a smut scene tonight AS SOON AS I CAN TYPE IT BUT I TYPE VERY SLOWLY) for Him to save me.

The Alabama education system sucks donkey balls, and here's why. Sexual education is not required in the state, so my school doesn't offer it. I get that it's because they want to save money on textbooks that they'll never use, but it's still ridiculous as fuck.

I was complaining to notcastielway earlier today about it, and one of the boys who sits fairly close to us (his name is Michael— Mikey to me; I'll tell you that story in a few seconds) turns around and says: "Why're you complaining? You can just stop it."

And I swear I was about to shank this boy with my mechanical pencil. (A): YOU CANNOT STOP THE FLOW OF MENSTRUATION BLOOD. IT LITERALLY CANNOT BE CONTROLLED; (B): IF I COULD STOP IT, DO YOU THINK I'D BE COMPLAINING ABOUT IT? HELL NO.

Now, there are boys out there that are educated on periods, and those are the kind of boys that are my friends. True story: one of my friends, Cherry, carries pads in his pocket and keeps track of his female friends' (basically me and one other girl) cycles and, that Monday, he'll slip us a pad and he's like: "You're welcome."

Those are the kinda people I like. 'Cause, when The Shining is going down in the toilet every time I take a piss, I want a guy I can be able to punch/hug and Cherry very gladly takes the abuse.

Because, as of right now, I am sexually frustrated 'cause my hormones are wanting to turn up and I'm like "Hollup". So, I want to kiss Mikey (ignorant boy, not Way. But then again, I always want to kiss Mikey Way) but I also want to kick him in the balls.

You feel me, fam?

Anyway, the story of how Mikey got his nickname. As some of you know, I am a dancer who is Very Emo. I was at the library after school one day a few months ago, listening to Helena and working on choreography for the dance. Mikey and I are pretty good friends, despite him being annoying as fuck, and he has his nicknames for me, but I never had any for him.

Until that day in April. Oh, how I loathe the way my brain works.

So, Mikey sits down next to me and says: "Hey, Anne!" The origin of that nickname is because I was Anne when we did a read-through of a play adaptation of The Diary Of Anne Frank.

Now, I'm focused on My Chem, which means I'm focused on Cheekbones McGee, as I referred to him in the second chapter. My brain made the association of Michael=Mikey, so, not thinking, I utter: "Hey, Mikey."

As soon as I said it, the Kill Bill sirens started going off in my head, and my face turned redder than Party Poison's infamous hair. Oh... I done fucked up, I think as Mikey gives me a strange look.

We're still friends, though, so I guess this story has a happy ending???

So, to any boys on this website, please watch these videos. They're comedy, but they also teach you a thing or two. 'Cause I will find you. And I. Will. Cut. You.

PERIOD VIDEOS

• IISuperwomanII: Girls On Their Periods
• IISuperwomanII: Girls On Their Periods Part II
• Key And Peele: Menstruation Orientation

Notes