Kill All Your Friends

Frank fixed Gerard’s cap as it was tilted to the side too much and then straightened the lace achievements he was to wear hanging around his neck.

“Frankie, come on,” he giggled. “It’s okay. You’re more nervous than I am.” Frank pouted and leaned up to give his boyfriend a peck on the lips.

“You look so handsome, Gerard!” Linda complimented from behind Frank. She took out her camera and took photos of them together. It was a memorable moment. Gerard’s parents stood next to Frank’s also taking pictures and smiling softly at how happy their son looked. Of course things weren’t all right between them still, but Gerard could smile and make conversation with them now. He sometimes even went places with them; today being their trip to visiting Mikey together for the first time since his burial.

“We’re so proud of you, sweetie!” His mother exclaimed.

“We are,” his father said, giving him a proud smile. Right beside them, for a split second, he thought he saw Mikey standing right beside them and giving him a proud smile, too. He swallowed the lump in his throat and smiled happily. Mikey was proud of him and he knew it now with no doubt that he would be on the stage with him as he was giving his speech and receiving his diploma. If you’d asked him a year ago what he’d be doing on this day, he would’ve told you at home locked in his room because his brother needed to be there, but now he was standing proudly at the back of the line (courtesy of his last name) with his boyfriend right next to him and all of his family (The Way’s and Iero’s) smiling at him with cameras in their hands. His life was as perfect as he could get it and he wouldn’t trade it for the world.

“Oh, Frank, I can’t wait until it’s your turn! Then it’ll be Gerard fussing all over you,” Linda teased, making both men blush and smile, nodding their heads. Gerard pulled the shorter man closer to him and placed a kiss atop his head.

“I can’t wait for that day either. I’d wouldn’t miss it for George Clooney or Salma Hayek’s foot,” he laughed, referencing their foot fetish debate. Frank turned to him, pointing his finger right in his face.

“I knew it! Ha!” Frank said smugly. “Now I know what I’m doing later,” he muttered, giving his boyfriend a wink. Gerard’s cheek flamed up, making his entire face a bright red. They stared into each other’s eyes for a moment before slightly jumping in surprise at the sound of the school’s band playing. “I better get to my seat.” Gerard nodded and pulled him in for another kiss, holding him still by the back of his neck.

He pulled away. “I love you.” Frank smiled.

“I love you, too. Deliver the fuck outta that speech!” He cheered, slapping Gerard on the butt before walking away with his mom, sister and John. They sat down on the first row of bleachers and Frank sat with Helena on his lap as all the seniors walked onto the field and took their respective seats. Frank sat between his mom and John and Helena was leaning heavily against him while clutching the hand that was wrapped around her middle.

Gerard was zoning out, until he heard his name. “Now I welcome to the stage this year’s Valedictorian, Gerard Way,” his principle announced. Gerard stood, finding himself extremely calm and made his way on the stage while everyone clapped. He took out a slip of paper where he would be looking down at to give his speech. Gerard smiled to himself, because there was nothing written on the paper. He would be adlibbing the entire thing.

“Good evening ladies, gentlemen, both, neither. My years of high school were pretty good. I stuck to my own small group of friends. You probably know them, Ray and Bob over there and my brother, and I was content with my life. The end of my junior year was probably the worst as everyone knows my brother Mikey took his life that February. It killed me and I shut myself away, determined to join him wherever he was.” He took a deep breath. “The thing I never understood was, and this is going to make everyone uncomfortable, was how many people stated how sad they were at losing him, but he and I were inseparable, so I knew you were all just saying that to make yourselves feel better because I knew none of you talked to him,” he said calmly. He watched as people averted their eyes and shifted in their seats. Everyone was silent.

“But I guess, in some twisted way, it was what you all needed. Honestly, I hold indifference for pretty much everyone on this field today and that’s because I don’t really know any of you and that’s both our faults. See, high school is supposed to be about going out, making new friends and creating memories, but no one really tells you how difficult that really is. Society today is still stuck in the 70s because they forget to figure something out for the kids who are depressed or have anxiety or are asocial. It’s hard for young adults today because so much is expected of us. I don’t really know any of you, only from roll call, but I’m going to tell you right now that I survived. I lost my brother, shut myself away and nearly took my own life, but things do get better. That’s an important thing to remember.

Be nice to people around you and spread the message of kindness and compassion. Help an old lady across the street or an elderly person in general take full bags of groceries and put them into their cars for them. Donate to charities, volunteer at the local nursing home or homeless shelter. Make a difference with your life by doing something you love because it makes you happy,” he says, looking over at his boyfriend who was giving him a big smile. He smiled back. “Life is too short, everyone.” He took another deep breath.

“I will never forget this school or everything I experienced inside those walls, because they shaped me into who I am today. Not only that, but they led me to my soulmate, Frank Iero,” he smiles bigger, a few ‘aww’s’ coming from the crowd. “I think everyone should do something similar to what he did for me. Change a life. Sometimes a simple wave could save a life. Frank was the world’s wave to me. Thanks everyone for sitting here and listening to me drone on about my life and experience here, and even though you’ll all forget it in about ten minutes, know that I meant all of this, because these papers here,” he says, picking them up and waving them around slightly, “are blank. Remember: we can all change the world one kind word at a time. This is for you, Mikey. I know you’re here with me.” As he’s walking off the stage and people are clapping loudly and cheering for him, maybe his mind was playing tricks on him, but he could swear he felt a hand on his shoulder as he reached the other side.

After graduation was over, he got a lot of compliments from parents, teachers and administrators, students and graduates about how wonderful his speech was. His was very happy everyone seemed to love it. The only person he really wanted to see was his Frank. His soulmate and best friend.

“Gerard, I’m so fucking proud of you! Your speech was amazing and I thought you wrote it, but you winged the whole thing! You’re amazing and I’m so lucky to have you,” Frank said excitedly, jumping into his arms and kissing his lips. Their tongues slid across each other and they were suddenly all alone until someone cleared their throat. They pulled apart to see Ray and Bob smirking at them and wriggling their eyebrows.

“Great speech, Gerard. Bob and I are going to this kid’s party and we’re gonna go to play pranks on drunk kids. You guys wanna come?” Ray asked. Gerard quickly shook his head.

“No, thanks. I wanna go home with Frank and spend some time with him alone,” he explained. Frank blushed and the guys grinned. “What?” He asked, confused. Then it hit him. He basically announced to his friends that he and Frank were going to sex it up later that night. He covered his face in embarrassment, only making the guys laugh at him while Frank’s blush grew brighter, spreading to his neck and ears.

“Go away, guys!” Frank whined, crossing his arms and trying to hide his smile.

“Okay, okay, we’re leaving,” Ray chuckled. “Have fun~” he sang, walking away with his hand in Bob’s.

“Come on, Gerard. Let’s go home,” Frank said, trying to get his boyfriend to stop hiding behind his hands. Gerard reluctantly pulled his hands away and gave Frank an apologetic look.

“I’m sorry, Frankie. I didn’t know how it sounded until I saw their faces,” he said sadly. Frank wrapped an arm around his waist as they walked to their car, everyone coming in separate vehicles.

“It’s not a problem, Gee. It’s not like they’re making the wrong assumptions.” He winked at the taller man. When they got in the car, Gerard took off his gown and tossed it in the backseat, reminding himself not to leave it there, and they took off.

“Where are we going?” He asked Frank when he passed their house.

“Back to the field,” Frank answered. Gerard had missed being in the peaceful place even though he’d only been there once all those months ago. He couldn’t believe he was going back as Frank’s significant other. “By the way, it was really nice what you said about me in your speech. Kinda made me tear up,” he admitted the Gerard.

“It was true.” They stayed silent the rest of the way. Same as before, Frank turned the radio on to a decent volume and hopped out the car, Gerard doing the same. “I will never get over how beautiful it is here,” Gerard said to no one is particular.

“I will never get over how beautiful you are,” Frank responded. Gerard looked over at his boyfriend who was laying out a blanket in front of the car and sitting down in it before patting the space next to him. “Sit next to me.” Gerard took a seat and put his arm over Frank’s shoulder, relishing in how good it felt when the boy leaned back against his side.

“I still hope you make it past that bridge, Frank,” Gerard said quietly after a while.

“I hope you make it, too. I want you to succeed in whatever you choose to go for. I really want all the happiness in the world to be for you, but I guess that’s a little selfish because everyone also deserves to be happy.” Gerard nods.

“Yeah. Happiness is important. I hope you’ll stay by my side as I accomplish the things I want to, just as I want to be by your side when you do the same.” Frank smiled at him, grateful to who he met all those months ago. It hurt him to know that he’d be leaving for college in a couple of weeks and doing his own thing for a while, but he hoped everything would turn out all right.

“Gerard,” Frank whimpered softly. Gerard put his other arm around him, laying Frank back and leaning over him with a loving gaze. Frank wrapped his arms around his neck and pulled him down for a heated kiss. Gerard took delight in it, wondering how he came to be graced with someone as wonderful as the man he was kissing now. Who knew the sixteen-year old boy he thought was annoying and way too nosey would become the love of his life?

Gerard savored the sounds Frank was making as he thrusted into him at an almost harsh pace. It was the perfect night, next to their first time on New Year’s, and Gerard almost wanted to cry when he thought about how amazing it was to be able to please this man as he was. Frank clawed at his back, throwing his head back as Gerard reached down between them and stroked his heavily leaking member, snapping his hips into Frank. He never took his eyes off of the man underneath him, wanting to memorize every detail of his face into his brain as though his life depended on it. With one last thrust and flick of his wrist, Frank finished over his hand and both of their stomach’s. Gerard sped up his movements, feeling his release close and wanting to get there without hurting Frank from sensitivity. Frank gasped and clutched him tightly, feeling the pain and shaking from it. Finally, Gerard finished inside of him, filling him up almost more than he could stand. The warmth and stickiness he felt completed him and he wished the moment could last forever, but he was promptly brought back down to Earth when Gerard pulled out, gasping softly and leaning his head on Frank’s collarbone. Frank let his legs fall from around his waist, both panting and sweaty from the humidity in the air. Gerard leaned up and gave him a deep kiss.

“You’re so beautiful, Frank. I sometimes can’t believe you’re real,” Gerard whispers, smiling down at him.

“Sometimes I feel I only exist for you,” Frank responds, smiling back and happy that his words were probably accurate. He wished Gerard would almost think the same as well. After laying there for a moment, cuddling with one another and filled to the brim with happiness, the two packed up the blanket and headed home. Everything was good. They were both happy and Gerard would be going off to college while Frank got ready for his sophomore year, which made him sad because he wished he was graduating next year so he could live with Gerard and he wouldn’t have to worry about distance amongst other things. What he decided a few months ago was soon to happening and he was nervous. He was scared. And he hated himself.

*

This was it. The day Gerard was leaving for college, and Frank was nervous. He was spending the day at the Way’s home and sitting with Gerard in the living room watching a movie while his parents were out in the town. They asked if they wanted to go, but the boys declined. Frank needed to do this while it was just the two of them alone, before he needed to head to the record store for his shift. This was a day he’d been dreading, but he’d been putting this off long enough.

“Gerard?” He found himself saying, surprised by the courage he suddenly had. Gerard smiled over at him and he almost pretended to forget what he was going to say, but took a deep breath and followed through. “You know I love you, right?” He asked. Gerard raised his brow.

“Of course, Frankie. I love you, too. Why?” He asked. His heart was speeding up for some reason and he didn’t know why or maybe he didn’t want to.

“I...” He paused, trying to swallow the lump in his throat, but failed. “I want to break up with you,” he managed to say after a minute of silence, his voice nearly breaking. He felt Gerard move away from him, turning to him.

“What? Why? Frank, what’s wrong?” It was then that he realized he was crying. He took ahold of Gerard’s hands and squeezed them tightly in his. Frank finally looked up into his eyes and stood his ground.

“You’re going to be attending a college and you’re going to meet other people and you may run into someone you like,” he said, voice wavering. He could tell Gerard was about to dismiss his statement, but he continued talking before he could. “Let me finish, okay?” Gerard hesitantly nodded, his hands shaking in Frank’s. “I don’t want to hold you back from experiences. I don’t want you to miss out on things, because you’re chained to me. I know you don’t think about it that way, but I do. If, after I graduate or you do, you still want me, then I’ll be here waiting for like I always will. Until then, we can’t be together,” he said, letting his tears run freely. Gerard was at a loss for words, trying to understand what was happening, but he drew a blank.

“Is-is there someone else you like?” Gerard eventually asked. Frank’s eyes nearly popped from his head.

“No, no. Never, Gerard,” he said, shaking his head furiously at Gerard’s statement.

“Then I don’t get your reason for breaking up with me. It doesn’t make sense!” He argued, raising his voice. He couldn’t let this happen. He couldn’t let Frank go and end everything like this.

“You’ll understand what I mean one day. I love you, okay? Don’t forget that.” And with that, he stood. Instantly, Gerard stood and clung to him, tears running down his face and dripping onto his shirt.

“No, please, Frankie. Please, don’t do this to us!” He sobbed. Frank bit his lip, his shoulders shaking from the sobs he was holding back. He couldn’t believe he was causing the man he loved to cry, but it needed to be done. He didn’t want Gerard to worry about cheating on him in case he found someone else he loved. It wasn’t that he didn’t trust him, it was that he wanted him to have fond memories to look back on. Even if he had to be just that. A memory.

“We’ll still be friends and talk, Gee. I still want you to let me know how things are going every day with your classes and I still want to be with you, but I don’t see us being a couple for now. I understand if you hate me, but one day, you’ll understand what I mean,” he tried, holding Gerard close. The other man didn’t respond and instead kissed him frantically, pulling himself flush against him. It was the most painful kiss they’d ever shared. Not even their first kiss held this much pain. He was letting go of the man he loved so he didn’t hate him later, even if he might right now. All Frank wanted was to see Gerard smile like he did that time in the bakery. He wanted that to be permanent, and with him there, it couldn’t be.

Frank could wait. He’d wait years for Gerard to come back to him ready to be together again or to meet the person he fell for while he was away in college. He just wanted Gerard to make it. Even if it had to be without him. He kissed Gerard back with all the feelings in his heart before Gerard pulled away, sobs once again escaping his lips.

“Don’t do this, Frank. I won’t fall for anyone else or anything like that, I promise you!” He begged. Frank sadly shook his head, a fresh round of hot tears pouring down his face.

“You don’t know that. You can’t promise that,” he cried softly, stepping out of Gerard’s grasp and hugging himself, trying to will time to pass by when things would be okay again.

“Yes, I can! Why don’t you believe me?” He asked, reaching out to him again. Frank stepped further away, the pain in Gerard’s chest soaring, causing him to retract his hands.

“It’s not that I don’t, Gerard,” he said, looking down and letting a small sob out.

“Then what is it?!” Gerard yelled, becoming furious. “Everything was okay and we were happy! Why are you so insistent on fucking it up?”

“I don’t want to, but put yourself in my position. You’re leaving for college to a place on your own with tons of new people. All this is, is a small town. There are a lot of people out there who want to know you. As much as this pains me, I can’t be selfish with you! One of those people could actually make you happier than I do and we won’t know until we try,” Frank explained, sighing at how ridiculous his reasoning was sounding out loud. Gerard couldn’t believe his ears.

“Jesus Christ, Frank, be selfish for once in your fucking life! I want this,” he said, gesturing between the two of them. “I want you and no one else.” Frank shook his head and looked at the time, half an hour to work, but he needed to leave now. He walked over to Gerard and pulled him close, planting one last parting kiss. His slid his tongue in Gerard’s mouth, deepening the kiss as much as possible and trying to memorize the feel of him so close. Frank eventually pulled away and gave Gerard’s cheek a kiss before walking to the door. “Frankie, don’t,” Gerard whimpered, sounding defeated. He was broken, but somehow he didn’t feel like this was the end.

“I love you, Gerard,” Frank said, looking back at him with his hand on the knob. Gerard gave him a broken smile. And suddenly he was back to the first day Frank was acknowledged as his friend. The day he was glad Frank put his nose where it didn’t belong. He day he felt trust again. His heart was being ripped from his chest, but he oddly felt like he couldn’t make it. It wasn’t the end of the world; this was just his opportunity to show Frank that he wouldn’t love anyone else but him.

“I love you, too, Frank. I understand. I’m not mad, okay? I’d never be mad at you.” Frank smiled, fresh tears once again flowing, Gerard’s face looking the same. He opened the door and walked out, and as soon as the door closed, Gerard fell to his knees sobbing, holding his face in his hands. Outside, Frank is walking away from the sound of Gerard crying, and it was one of the hardest things he had to do, next to washing his father’s blood away. He looked down at his chest and realized that his heart was gone.

“I’m so fucking sorry, Gerard,” he cried, trying to his best to wipe his tears as he got in the car and started it up. He pulled out of the driveway and drove to work looking like complete shit. “I’m sorry,” he gasped, “I’m so so sorry!” He parked in the parking lot of the store and sat there for a moment. He felt like he’d made a mistake, and just wanted to drive back to Gerard’s and take it all back. He wanted his boyfriend back, but he couldn’t be selfish. Not with someone like Gerard.

He was special. The world deserved him, and there was someone better than Frank out there for his best friend. He changed shirts in the car and checked his phone, seeing that he had a message from Gerard.

From: Gee <3
3:52 pm
I love you so much and I’ll be back for you when you graduate.

Frank smiled to himself and got out the car, walking into the store feeling good about things. He didn’t have Gerard anymore, but maybe there would come a day where he did again.

“Frank, hey!” His manager, Patrick, called out to him. Frank gave him a wave.

“Hey, Patrick. How’s the day been so far?” He asked, punching in his timecard. The man shrugged and waved his hand around dismissively.

“It’s been slow.” Then his eyes looked concerned, his eyebrows raising in sympathy. “Is everything okay? Have you been crying?” He asked, walking over to the shorter male.

“Gerard and I split. I-I wanted him to have experiences and not have to worry about me,” Frank said, forcing a smile. When he said it out loud another time, he realized how fucking stupid he sounded, but what’s done was done.

“That was a very mature thing of you to do, Frank. Even though it hurts now, I think it’ll be worth it in the long run, okay? Do you need the night off?” He asked. Frank shook his head, smiling. He was thankful to know someone as nice as his manager. He was a bit of a pushover, but could really stand his ground when the moment came.

“No, thanks. I think working and stuff will take my mind off of it.” Patrick nodded understandingly, patting his shoulder and smiling at him.

“All right. Then, can you go organize the CD bin in alphabetical order?” Frank nodded happily.

“I still think it’s really weird that you not only like doing it, but you’re also extremely good at it. But, hey, whatever gets you goin’,” the manager laughs before continuing to flip through a magazine. Two hours later, and Frank was barely on letter ‘G,’ but further along than other employees would be, so he’s making good progress when the bell on the door jingles and someone walks in. Both men look up and then all eyes are on Frank, who is staring wide at the man standing at the entrance.

“Gerard? What are you doing here?” He asked quietly. Patrick took that as his time to leave, and walked into the backroom. Call him nosey, but he leaned against the door, trying to listen in. Frank would never tell him much because he was a closed off person despite sometimes never closing his mouth.

“I came to say goodbye. I’m heading out right now.” Frank nodded, looking back over at the CDs trying to avoid eye contact.

“I’m really going to miss you,” he murmured. Gerard stepped closer to him, bringing him into a tight hug.

“I’m going to miss you, too, but just watch: I’ll be back for you before you know it. I’ll call you every night and message you as soon as I can. We can do this, okay?” Frank nodded, but he couldn’t put off this uneasiness he felt in the pit of his stomach. “I know we’re not together, but we’ll still talk and get through it.” Gerard kissed the top of his head.

“I love you, Gerard. So much. Don’t forget that. Ever,” he whispered against Gerard’s shoulder. Gerard pulled back and kissed him as deep and hard as possible.

Maybe, Frank thought, they were going to be okay.

Notes

This is technically the last chapter, guys. I'll be uploading the epilogue in a day or so. I'll tell everyone right now that I really appreciate everyone who viewed, commented, rated, subscribed. It means so much to me. This was the third story I ever published on here and this was my most personal one. All of Frank's thoughts about his dad reflects back on my own father and how I dealt with his death, while Gerard's actions were how I wish I'd been able to express everything. All of the stories told by Frank about his dad, other than the suicide, were all about my dad. Such as his habits, quirks, and routine. The inside jokes and the familiar mindset. So this was definitely extremely personal and I hoped that this has helped someone cope as it has helped me. Monday will mark 4 years since I've seen my dad, so finishing this story by then really meant a lot to me.

Leave me some thoughts and feedback in the comment section? It'd mean tons!

Much love
-OAIF <3