But I Love You

I wake up to the feeling of my phone buzzing. I sit up and look around, realizing that i’m in Bert’s bed but he isn’t next to me. I see him on the floor snoring very loudly. I quickly answer my phone, not reading the caller ID because my eyes are still blurry.
“Hello?” I answer, my voice very weak and scratchy.
“Mikey comes home today.” The familiar voice says dryly.
“Oh really? What time is it?” I ask.
“It’s twelve in the afternoon. Where are you anyways?” Gerard says in a pissed off tone. How the hell is he mad at me? Well maybe because I walked out on him right before he was about to fuck me. Even still, he shouldn’t be mad at me for that. He should be understanding and respectful.
“I slept over Be-Bob’s! I’m at Bob’s house.” I say, realizing that he can’t know that I hang out with Bert. Sorry Bob…
“Does he live near the hospital? I can just pick you up on the way there.” He says in a way that makes it feel like i’m a bother to him.
“Uh I think but you’re going to have to take the longer way.” I say while getting up from his bed and looking at myself in the mirror.
He sighs, “Whatever. I’m coming now. What’s the address?”
I tell him the address and he hangs up without even saying goodbye. Seriously, he needs to chill. He is making me feel bad for something that I shouldn’t feel bad about. I know I shouldn’t have just left like that but I didn’t know what else to do. I didn’t want to stay there and have it be awkward between us. And it’s not like I can really talk to him about it today because Mikey’s coming home. It’s all about Mikey today, he deserves it. Him and I have an overdue talk that needs to be discussed.
I’m not really worried he’ll get all upset like Gerard because first of all, he’s just getting out of therapy and he probably talked to them about what happened the night before. Second of all, Mikey kissed me, not the other way around. If anyone were to be getting upset it would be me, and I can promise you i’m not going to get all worked up. I’ve spent almost a full week thinking about what happened. I planned out everything to say and what directions this talk to possibly turn to.
Mikey is a very chill and relaxed person. He isn’t one to start fights or arguments. That could probably be because he knows he can get suicidal thoughts and things like that can be triggering for anybody in a situation like his. He needs a calm environment for a little while and honestly, i’m really worried Gerard won’t realize that and he’ll try to argue with me right in front of Mikey.
That’s also why i’m grateful to have met Mikey and Gerard. If anything happens between them or if anything goes wrong at all, i’m there to keep the peace I guess. I know Gerard is a very good brother and a good person in general, but his mood swings and anger issues can really bring out the worst in him.
Just think about it; he gets jealous really easy, almost to the point where he becomes possessive. He can get so mad that he hurts people mentally and physically, and he can just be a really annoying person to be around when he’s like that. If there is a pill that helps him be under control with that, we need to get him on the highest fucking dosage.
I snap out of my thoughts when I hear Bert’s loud ass snoring and realize I should probably tell him I have to leave. I wish he could come with us. He just seems so fucking lonely and it honestly breaks my heart. He kind of opened up to me last night. He told me that his father passed away when he was fourteen and they were super close. His mother is always working and tries to hide that fact that her husband is gone. He’s sort of in the same situation as me, so I can understand how he feels. I mean, I didn’t even see his mother come home at all yesterday, she didn’t even call or text.
I know that if Gerard gave him a second chance, and Bert showed the real him to Gerard, he would love him. Mikey would like him too, for sure. I would try to tell Gerard that but then he’ll probably get all confused and upset that I was hanging out with Bert when I shouldn’t have been and that I was lying all this time. Maybe I’ll think of a plan some other day.
I kneel down, shaking Bert lightly and he flutters his eyes open. He looks around, then sits up and rubs his eyes. “Morning, Frankie.” He looks at me and gives me a tired smile.
“Good afternoon, Bert.” I chuckle.
He rolls his eyes playfully, “It’s morning somewhere, fuck off.”
“Actually, I have to do just that. Mikey is coming home today so I gotta go to the hospital with a pissed off Gerard to pick him up. I would stay longer but today is pretty important.” I sigh, putting on my shoes and tying them up.
“Oh alright,” He says with a disappointed tone. “Just call me later and tell me how things go?”
“Of course.” I answer.
“Wait, isn’t Gerard going to find out that you were with me?” He says with worry.
“No, I said I was at Bob’s house. Hopefully Bob and Gee don’t talk that much to each other.” I let out a worried giggle.
Just as Bert was about to answer, I hear Gerard’s car horn beep. I put my jacket on, going over to Bert and giving him a hug. “If anything goes wrong or something you can always just come here. You don’t have to call.” Bert says to me. For some reason it makes me heart flutter a little bit and I can feel my cheeks heat up. Hm, weird.
“Same to you man...Well not really. You can call me whenever.” I stammer a little bit. God Damn, what’s wrong with me?
He giggles as I let go and begin to walk out of his room. “Bye, Frankie.” I look over and he gives me a smile.
“Bye, Bert.” I give a weak wave and walk downstairs, then out his front door. I run to Gerard’s car, just realizing that it’s raining and I don’t want to get soaked.
I get in, pulling my hood off and put on my seatbelt. Gerard recently made it a rule that I have to wear a seatbelt whenever he’s driving because he doesn’t want me to go through the window if we crash. I think it’s a little bit stupid because it should be my decision by now if I want to wear a seatbelt or not, but I know he is just trying to look out for my safety.
“Hi.” I mumble, as he pulls out the driveway once he sees that I got my seatbelt on.
He just hums in response and it already feels extremely awkward in the car. I sigh and begin to look out the window, seeing that there’s nothing else to do. Why is it that when everything is going in a good direction, one small thing has to ruin it all? Why couldn’t I have just suck it up yesterday and let him do what he wanted with me? Things would be absolutely fine if I just let that happen.
In the middle of the drive, I decide to see what’s on the radio, thinking that it will makes this silence less awkward. I reach out my hand to turn it on but Gerard lightly smacks it away, showing that he doesn’t want it on and he also doesn’t want to hurt me. At least he’s still trying not to hurt me physically.


When we finally get to the hospital, Gerard tells me to stay in the car while he discharges Mikey. I move my seat so i’m sitting in back, seeing that Gerard has probably missed him a lot and as an attempt to make things less awkward. Again, today is all about Mikey. Gerard and I have to suck it up just for today and then we can talk tomorrow. It will be fine.
Honestly, i’m quite nervous to see Mikey. We didn’t exactly leave off on great terms. But I can’t let my nervousness get in the way of things. If I can’t talk to him for myself, then it will be for Mikey.
I look out the window and see them walk back to the car. Mikey looks tired, but really happier if I do say so myself. There just seems to be an extra step in his walk. He sees me looking out the window to him and he starts to run over to the car, opening my door and giving me a bear hug. I hug him back and we both laugh, happy to see each other again. This makes me even more nervous, what if he actually means what he feels towards me. Just stay calm, Frank. Everything is going to work out.
He gets in the car and we drive home. Gerard and Mikey talk to each other most of the ride. I stay out of most of it because the three of us know that Mikey and I will have plenty of catching up to do.
Once we’re home, we all get out of the car and go inside. Gerard helps Mikey settle in by making him some lunch and letting him watch tv while I go to my room and wait till he is finished. I manage to finish the homework I got over the weekend but I really don’t understand much of it anymore. I have just completely lost interest in my education. And the thing is I don’t care at all. I mean, I haven’t even read a page of the new book we got in english, so I can’t even do the work for it. Oh well…
I then hear a knock on my door, and I immediately know it’s Mikey. I take a deep breath, then get up and open my door. I hope this doesn’t go in any way it went last time. I move out of the way and motion to my bed for him to sit on.
Right when I sit down, Mikey immediately blurts out, “I’m sorry.”
“You don’t have to be, Mikes. I should be. I was an ass to you. I mean, you ended up in the fucking hospital because of me.” I say with overweighing guilt.
“No, Frank. It wasn’t just because of you,” Mikey begins. “I wasn’t in my right mind when I was with you the night before. I’m sure you heard that i’m kinda suicidal so I take a lot of medication to help with it. I basically got high off them and then the next day I didn’t have anymore so I got drunk. It only made me even more sad.”
“So was what you said to me true or…” I ask, still worried that he likes me more than a friend or brother.
“I don’t even remember what I said. Can you tell me?” He asks.
“You said you were kinda in love with me and then you kissed me.” I say, my face turning into a light blush from embarrassment.
“Oh my god,” Mikey chuckles in an awkward way. “Well I most definitely did not mean that. Of course, I fucking love you to death but not like that. It’s just, I’ve always been kinda alone. I really only had Gerard and even he is a fucking nut job so I kept a lot of things to myself. Still do. So when you showed up and I found out you’re around the same age as me, I was excited. Then when I got to know you and realized how much we have in common, I just grew a strong attachment towards you. So I guess I was just really emotionally fucked and I got all my shit mixed up.”
“It’s okay, Mikes. I completely understand. You just weren’t in the right state of mind. I actually got a little high the other day so I get how it fucks with your emotions. I was a sobbing mess. Also, I feel very close with you too. I’m glad you feel the same.” I give him a reassuring smile and he returns one.
“Well don’t fucking do it again. I don’t need another wacko like Gerard.” Mikey jokes.
“Promise, Mikes.” I put out my pinky finger and we lock each others then let go.
“Well, i’m extremely tired so i’m gonna go sleep. See you tomorrow probably.” He gets up from the bed and I nod. He walks out the room and I’m left with a burden off my shoulders and a wave of happiness. Talking really does help.


A few hours go by and it’s been mostly quiet. Gerard has been in his room grading papers and I have been in my own, watching movies. I should really ask for his help for my homework but I don’t want to wake Mikey up if he yells at me for not reading the first five chapters.
So I just decide to call Bert like I had promised. He answered almost immediately and we just stayed on the phone for hours, not really talking about anything important other than how things went with Mikey.
It feels really good to have people who take a real interest and caring into you.

Notes

Hey guys!! I thought it would be a good time to bring Mikey back because he just got married and his new album is out! (it's so good. If you haven't heard it, listen the fuck out of it.) I hope you guys liked the chapter. I tried to make this as happy as possible cuz you guys might be getting some feels in the next chapter, not quite sure yet though. I know either way what the beginning of the chapter will be angsty af. I just don't know how I wanna end it. (I'll explain how I got the idea in the next chapter.)

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ALSO OMFG IF YOU GUYS ARE READING MY OTHER STORY, PLS TAKE A FEW SECONDS AND RATE IT!! PLS BE A NICE PERSON. I WOULDN'T USUALLY ASK SHIT LIKE THIS BUT IT'S GIVING SO MUCH ANXIETY... IDK. PLS I WILL LOVE YOU EVEN MORE!