Give Me Hope In The Darkness

Vee didn't seem too phased by the earlier 'interrogation' that I had put her through but she must surely have known how curious I was about the Way's, especially considering now they're my neighbours and all. While in Art, we began a conversation about our love of Fleetwood Mac and she continued to talk about how Gerard really wasn't that bad and that he just had issues, like everyone else. I certainly knew I had issues that I almost felt guilty about suddenly. Here I was, being extremely nosey and asking far too many questions however I had no plan or desire to share any of my past experiences with them or the fact that next week my mum was pressuring me to go to group therapy. Every time I thought of it around them I subconsciously pulled at my sleeves, hoping to cover every last cut and scar so not even a glimpse could be seen.

The bell eventually rang, signalling the end of the day and Vee and I practically ran outside the classroom and towards the entrance of the school. The weather had cooled rather timidly from how it was earlier and it made me think back to the conversation Mikey and I had shared on the way to the bus stop this morning. I smiled.

“Looking forward to tomorrow losers.” Monica, I think, smirked with a group of other girls as they walked passed us on the steps, another girl spraying perfume in our direction.

“Oh, it's nice to hear how excited you are about seeing us tomorrow!” Vee squealed dramatically, a fake smile plastered on her face. “And get that cheap,slut perfume away from me.”

“Whatever.” Monica scoffed as she continued to lead them away from the school and to a bright, red convertible which Jason and a bunch of other guys were leaning against. I watched them, a frown certainly apparent on my face as I wondered why people were so horrible.

“Is it bad to say hate that I them already even if I don't know them?” I asked Vee as I pulled out a cigarette and offered her one. She shook her head.

“I'm trying to cut down.” She explained. “And no, it isn't considering they're bullies who have nothing better to do then torment other people to make themselves feel better.” She said vehemently.

I wondered if the random encounters of horrid people and vulgar language would continue every day for the rest of the school year. It probably would but a small part of me wished they'd just leave me alone. I'd rather be alone than be noticed which was why I was surprised at how quickly I'd taken a liking to Mikey, Vee and Frank. Perhaps it was because they seemed to understand what it felt like to be an outcast but I still had the overwhelming pressure in my mind of being disliked. That particular thought even made me think of Hugh, as much as I protested it.

I was thankful for the first day to be over.

Frank and Mikey eventually arrived, Frank already having a cigarette hanging from his lips, as I held onto one tightly in my hand, eager to feel the nicotine coursing through my veins. We decided to walk home, giving me and Frank time to smoke. Besides, me and Mikey's house was only about twenty five minutes away and it would give us time to talk a little more. It also meant we'd be away from the same people we caught the bus with this morning, which I was thankful for.

“So, you survived!” Frank said, fist pumping the air. “What did you think of your first day?”

“Except for this morning and the occasional other encounters with jerks, it was okay I guess. I'm just happy to actually like my art teacher. In my last school, he was a complete dick to the class.”

“Mr Trager's cool.” Vee added. “He actually cares about Art and his students. One downside to him though is that he can be too happy, if that's even possible. It's sometimes nauseating.”

“At least it's better than having a teacher that shouts at you all the time. Oh god, you guys should have seen Mrs Wilbury's face this morning when I went to take Dakota to get her timetable. She was beyond pissed!” Frank giggled.

“It's probably only because she saw your face Frank.” Vee smirked.

“Frank tried to flirt with her.” I giggled, remembering him batting his eyelashes at her. “...just for her to be nice to us. It was pretty funny.”

"Every Iero has his charms!"

“You just keep believing that Frank.” Mikey said, patting his back as Frank glared at him.

“Anyway, what was up with her? When Jason was dragging me through the reception this morning, she smiled at him and was completely oblivious to what he was doing!” I complained.

“That's because he hids behind his dad's influence's. If he gets into trouble, his dad comes storming into the school making it hell for any of the teachers that gave him a detention or something. Just 'cause his dad was a jock at the school, he thinks he still owns the place. Wilbury doesn't really give a shit. If she gets paid, she's happy.” Frank answered as he exhaled a large proportion of smoke.

“That sounds fucked up.”

“Of course it is!” Frank smiled. “You're in Jersey now.” He continued placing an arm around my shoulder as we walked along the relatively quiet streets.

“Speaking of disgusting things such as school, do you think Gerard would bother giving us lifts this year?” Vee asked hopefully as she walked a little bit ahead of us, her long hair flicking as she did so.

“I dunno. It depends if he has class and stuff.” Mikey replied. “He might, I mean, when we want to go to town he normally drops us off.”

“We can ask him anyway when we get back.” Mikey rolled his eyes before pushing his glasses further up his nose.

“Don't pressure him to do it Vee. Like I said earlier, he'll probably explode and start throwing stuff around.”

“Throwing stuff?” I interjected, my eyes widening. Everything one person said just seemed to juxtapose another.

“Only in his own room.” Frank clarified. “It only happens when people annoy him so practically every time Vee goes round.”

“Hey! I'm not that annoying. All I do is ask simple questions and he goes crazy.” Vee said defensively.

“He doesn't go crazy and besides you do pressure him sometimes.”

“Hardly...”

“Now, Stop freaking Dakota out.” Mikey said as we approached closer to our street. “Seriously Dakota, just forget what everyone's said about him, please. He might not even be home anyway.” I nodded, gnawing a little at my bottom lip.

As we stood outside of Mikey's house, Frank threw his second cigarette butt away and shoved one of his hands into the back pocket of his jeans, waiting for Mikey to lead the way.

“I should probably write a note for my dad.” I remembered as Frank took his arm away from my shoulders.

“Okay cool, we'll leave the door open.” Mikey smiled.

“See you in a minute.” Vee waved as she made her way towards the house.

I turned and ran back to my house, fishing my keys out of my pocket and thankful I'd put them in a reachable place. When I entered the house, I threw my bag at the bottom of the stairs and skipped over to the kitchen counter where dad and I would normally leave a note pad and pen.

Hey Dad,
Just over at the ways. Not sure if I'm staying for dinner but I'll see you later!
School was just fine. Love you.
Dakota x

Placing the pen back on top of the counter, I turned and ran back outside the house, finding my way over to Mikey's home. I walked up the same small path way that replicated the one outside my house and I had to take a deep breath before going inside and through the open door.

Being the last one inside and copying their movements by taking off my shoes, I took in my surroundings as I shut the door gently. The walls were a deep burgundy with countless numbers of family portraits and potted plans, oak and carved ornaments were hanging beside doors and along the sill of the single window at the front of the house. There was an incense burning and it smelt divine as I heard the faint sound of Nirvana playing somewhere in the house. I followed the sound of Franks loud voice into the living and Vee and Frank had already strung themselves across the two sofa's, as Mikey sat cross legged on the floor, a TV placed simply in the middle of the room.

“Hey.” They all greeted when I entered the room.

“Mikey? Is that you?” I heard from what I believed to be was Donna.

“In the living room ma!” Mikey shouted back and soon enough, Donna had peeked her head through the archway of the living room, her smile just as bright as when I'd first met her.

“Hey kids.” She said as she approached Mikey and kissed him on the side of the head. “How was school?” She continued as she took Vee and Frank in her embrace.

“It was the same old...” Vee sighed.

“You know how it is.” Frank smiled, waving his hand. Donna placed her hands on her hips as she stared down at him, her smile now a distinct frown.

“Already?” She groaned. “You weren't thrown into a locker again, were you?” She asked, concerned.

“It wasn't me this time, but I got a pretty bruise on my tum tum.” I was surprised at how open Frank was to Mrs Way. In that moment, she seemed like all of their mothers at once, cooing over them as she patted the side of Frank's head. I wouldn't dare tell my own parents about this, let alone someone else's.

“Oh dear. Are you hurt badly?”

“Nothing I couldn't handle.” Frank repeated with another cheeky smile.

“Well who was it?” Donna sighed, looking between Mikey and Vee. “Was it you Mikey?”

“Nope, it was Dakota.” Mikey shrugged, pointing over at me as I stood awkwardly by the empty sofa.

“Dakota?” She asked confused and it was only then had she noticed I was even standing in the room. “Oh! Dakota, I'm sorry honey I didn't even see you there!” She smiled again, holding me tight around the shoulders.

“Hi Mrs Way.”

“Oh please Donna, sweat pea. Are you hurt?” She asked, cupping my face with her smooth hands.

“Just a bit sore but it'll pass.” I chuckled.

“Do you want to call your mum-”

“I'd rather her not know about this, I mean...it's only the first day of school. I wouldn't want her to worry.” She seemed fairly unsure but eventually agreed after a further interrogation of any apparent injury's we my have gained for today while also making me promise to go to her if there were any further issues in the forth coming weeks.

“Okay lovelies, I'm heading out now to visit Grandma. I won't be back until late but I've left some money on the side for pizza and such-” As she said this, Frank ran over to her and hugged her tightly causing her to laugh and pat his back gently.

“You are the best Donna!”

“Okay Frank, but only because you got through the first day of senior year!” She continued. “Be careful and all...you know the rules Mikey. It was lovely seeing you again Dakota, Vee. Oh, what else...Oh yes. Don't try and wreck my house.” She said, pointing to Frank.

“I wouldn't dream of it!” He replied as he feigned hurt.

“Okay then, I'll see you kids later!” She waved as she turned, walking out of the room.

“Bye!” We all said in unison.

“Oh, before I forget...” She shouted from the front door. “Make sure Gerard gets some, he hasn't eaten today. He's just down in the basement. Okay? Love you!”

“Sure thing ma!” Mikey shouted back as we heard the front door slam shut. I suddenly felt the hairs on the back of my neck rise, knowing that Gerard was somewhere in this house. My nerves of meeting him suddenly heightening again. I wish no-one had said anything about him. At all.

“Okay, so...” Mikey said as he clapped his hands. “Video games?”

We all sat around on the floor of the living room and took it in turns playing Mikey's games, some of them I'd never even heard of. It got to the point where I kept loosing so I casually sat against the foot of the sofa and watched Frank and Mikey battle against each other as Vee read a novel, her body lying straight on the sofa I was leaning against. It was so relaxing here. I felt no pressure of having to be someone I wasn't. I'd never felt this way before. I had to admit, it was a pretty awesome feeling.

“Jesus Mikey!” Frank said as he threw down his controller. “How'd you get to be so good?”

“Ray taught me a few things here and there.” Mikey smirked.

“Who's Ray?”

“A friend of Gerard's. He's not here often but when he is we usually just jam and play video games.” Mikey explained.

“You're in a band?” I asked curiously, trying to hide a smile. I thought the concept of ever being in a band was beyond exciting.

“No, sadly but I play bass and Frank and Ray play guitar. If Gerard's still asleep that's what we normally do. It's pretty fun!”

“I didn't know you guys played instruments.”

“Why do you think Frank take music?” Vee chuckled as she patted my hair. “It took me a while to believe they did 'cause I thought all the guitars would be too big for little Frankie to play.”

“Hey I'm not the small...well, some parts of me aren't anyway.” He wiggled his eyebrows in Vee's direction. She scoffed throwing a pillow and making it land directly on Frank's face.

“Ew, gross Frank. None of us needed to know that.” Mikey grimaced.

It was then, we heard the sound of a door slamming against a wall with the music of The Smiths blaring through the room, heavy footsteps following. A figure crossed the doorway, his black hair stuck up in all different directions and his shoulders hunched. He was wearing a plain black shirt, hoodie and...star wars pyjama bottoms? I couldn't tell but I know just from the way he moved that it was Gerard as he entered the kitchen. Frank looked at me with a smile, most likely entertained by my somewhat frightened expression. I was so pathetic.

“Where's the paracetamol Mikes?” He shouted over the distant music, his voice echoing and a little high but still a deep voice.

“In the top cupboard most likely.” Mikey shouted back, un-phased as he continued to play against Frank.

Gerard suddenly walked into the living, running a hand through his hair, pushing it way from his face as he leant against the back of the sofa. He seemed impartial to everything that was in front of him, his skin pale and his hands covered in dried black and red paint.

“Hey asshole.” Vee said, not even bothering to look up from her book.

“Hey Vee.” He sighed, looking over in our direction.

It was then his hazel eyes met mine and I froze. I could feel my cheeks starting to blush and I automatically pulled at my sleeves. I felt intrigued by him still, just like I had the first time I'd seen him. He was rather beautiful but by that point, I felt myself flush even more. This was beyond embarrassing but no one seemed to notice our little staring match. His jaw line was strong and he had small but pinkish lips. He had little turned up nose that was very different to Mikey's. I supposed he looked more like his father but what worried me was that his eyes were unreadable. He smirked at me however, my mouth slightly agape as the sound of Mikey's voice pulled me away from him.

I could feel his eyes still on me.

“How was college?” Mikey asked.

“Shitty.”

“The same with school.” Frank spoke, pausing the game to turn around to look at him, earning a moan from Mikey. “I already got my first hit of the year.”

“Good for you Frank.” Gerard said sarcastically in reply to Frank's slightly delighted voice.

“And you'll be pleased to know that I have someone else to help me with my new art projects.” Vee added, turning her head to stick her tongue out at him.

“Is that so Vee?” He chuckled before looking at me again. “You Mikey's new girlfriend?” My eyes widened at the random comment.

“Woah no Gerard, we're just friends. This is Dakota from next door.” Mikey explained, his brows furrowing in confusion to the sudden change in attitude.

"Hi..." I waved awkwardly. There was a moment of silence.

“Huh...I see you're already getting on their good side then.” He spoke, continuing to stare at me.

“Excuse me?” I asked.

“What are you on about?” Frank asked, just as confused as Mikey.

“Just if you are going to fuck my brother, just don't be too loud when I'm in the house. Thanks.” He said, putting his thumbs up.

“I think you have the wrong idea...”

“Oh so you're not a slut?” He asked, cutting across me. “Must've gotten the wrong impression.”

“What the fuck Gerard?” Vee nearly shouted, sitting up suddenly. Gerard continued to smirk, most likely finding this situation beyond entertaining.

“Do you plan on doing Frank or something then?” He continued.

“Okay, I don't know what you're thinking but I really think you have the wrong idea-”

“I thought I made it pretty clear that I thought you were a slut-”

“You don't know anything about me.”

“I've been right before sweetheart.” He spoke, disinterested by any comments I made before walking away from us all, my mouth even wider as I watched him leave. What the hell was that? No one spoke until we heard the door slam shut again and I suddenly felt unwelcome in his home.

“Woah, Dakota...I am so sorry.” Mikey apologised, his cheeks flushed from embarrassment. “I don't know what came over him...”

“I'm pretty sure I do.” Vee muttered but pretended as though no-one could hear her. Frank just kept his eyes on the ground, not daring to look anyone in the eyes.

“I'll make him apologise-”

“No, Mikey, it's okay. I think I should go.”

“Wait, no, you can't!” Vee interjected. “Don't let that asshole ruin our hang out time. I know I said to give him a chance but jeez I didn't know he could be this horrible to someone he doesn't even know-”

“Yeah...” Frank agreed.

“It's okay guys...I've got stuff to unpack and all.” I answered, standing up, already feeling as though I were about cry, out of annoyance more than anything else. They all followed and embraced me one by one.

“See you tomorrow Dakota!” They shouted before Mikey walked me to the door, his face explaining to me that he was still embarrassed.

“I really am sorry.”

“It's okay Mikey.”

“It's not but...I'll see you tomorrow morning, yeah?” He asked timidly.

“Yeah, I'll see you then.” I smiled as I walked out of the door, wiping the smile away once I heard it shut behind me. I half ran back over, angry beyond anything else as I slammed my own front door shut. It was five thirty and my dad should have been home by now. I already knew where he was. I could sense it. I clutched my head, trying to calm all the thoughts that were there before I would attempt to do as I said I would. I felt no motivation. There was silence.

I slowly trudged my way upstairs and into my room.

The first thing I went to was my grandfather's jumper and I held in tightly in my arms, smelling the peppermint and pipe tabacoo'd scent until I could smell nothing else.

Was I really so easy to dislike?

Notes

Okay, so yes, Gerard is an asshole but in a weird way, he has a reason to be BUT it's still uncalled for about how he treated Dakota. I'd loved to hear what you think and all.

Take Care <3