The next morning I'd woken up around the same time, with practically the same routine however I didn't see Gerard outside my window and instead of moving at a laggard pace, I had to wake up my father. His employers had decided that he would have a tutorial day and by Monday, he would be able to just jump straight into actually doing his job. I was worried, seeing as though my dad had been unemployed for at least three months but I supposed we had to hope for the best. He was more than capable do to a little construction work.

After making two, black, steaming cups of coffee, I'd found him just as I had the night before : sprawled out across the sofa with one of the most deafening of snores I'd ever heard. I suppose I should be used to it now but I wasn't. Not in the slightest. I walked over to the cupboard, finding our paracetamol and placed two beside his mug, knowing he'd probably have a laborious headache.

After a gruelling fifteen minutes of prodding and shoving him to wake up, he'd managed to fully return to the land of the living twenty minutes before he had to go and once again, I was left alone in the house.

Just as I'd suspected he would, he went out at around 8 o'clock last night to go to one of the bars in Jersey with Ben, his old college room mate and best friend. I wouldn't have been so fussed about him going out but it's the fact that we've only just moved here. I was practically lost here. We hadn't even been here a full day and he was exactly the same as he was in Portland. On the contrary, there really wasn't any harm in it, seeing as though I should've been asleep while he was out but, I slept three, maybe four hours if I was lucky a night. I wasn't really much of a sleeper. I'd always been more accustomed to the darker things in life, that including the physical things around me.

I managed to keep myself entertained however throughout the morning, sketching, unpacking various other objects around the house, even placing some of the frames on the wall we'd finally come into agreement with last night. It was strange being in a new house knowing my mother wouldn't actually be living here. Ever. I missed her sometimes but other times, I was glad to have some space from her. The situation's pretty much identical with my father. Like anyone I suppose, you just need that space. My mother isn't so keen on the idea with me, especially ever since the incident(s). Well, she wouldn't actually be the one keeping an 'eye' on me. I'd overheard a conversation once she'd had with my father about keeping a close eye on me and that she couldn't imagine the thought of me 'screwing up' again...in her words. I just don't think she knows how to handle me. I don't know myself. I don't understand myself. Of course I had the passions in life but I didn't see myself being someone, something or being stable any time soon. I was just so unsure.

At about half 12, I'd gotten a call from my mother, wondering if I wanted to go into town with her, to pick up some things from the local mall for Monday. I didn't refuse but I wasn't so keen on the idea of leaving the house. In the end I supposed I'd have to at some point, so I agreed after she'd made it abundantly clear that Hugh would not be joining us.

About twenty minutes later she pulled up and instantly began to talk on about work and Hugh. I didn't mind knowing about work. I in fact had asked her how it was but I believe she'd forgotten the conversation we'd had on Wednesday night. I wanted nothing to do with that man but that didn't stop her. She threw in a few hints here and there about how she wanted me to come over for dinner at some point but I certainly wasn't if he was going to be there. She made me feel insignificant while I was around that man. She would drop everything for him. She moved six hours away from me to appease him...or to in fact just get away from me. Either option is highly possible.

---

After a few hours of shopping that included a few extra jeans and band tees (which my mother objected to), we'd found our way towards a dainty coffee shop with bright reds and warm oak furniture nearly in every corner. We chose a seat right beside the large glass panels and settled into a comfortable silence. I knew it wouldn't last long seeing as though this was my mother. Her fingers tapped against her white mug of green tea as I could sense her weary brown eyes on me.

“So...Dee Dee. Are you nervous about school?” She said calmly, her eyes pleading for an answer that she wanted to hear. I shrugged.

“Yeah I am but...hopefully it will be better than the last.” Of course I knew there were kids here that were exactly the same in Portland. The results of bullying isn't compacted into one city or town. It's everywhere and not just in adolescence but potentially in adulthood.

“I'm sure it will Dee. You're a wonderful girl, I'm sure you'll make lots of friends in no time.” She smiled again, reaching across the small table to pat my hand. “Just...don't get the wrong idea when I say this though Dee Dee but, remember to keep wearing your...uh, your bracelets and jackets.” She paused, most likely waiting for me to cut in at any moment. “I mean, I'm sure you wouldn't want kids asking questions and such...staring maybe-”

“I get it mum.”

“I'm only looking out for you honey-”

“I know.”

We sat there for a moment, the both of us staring out of the window, praying for something to lead us away from this subject. I hated discussing it with my family. They didn't understand and they'd start making me feel guilty if I didn't give them a satisfying answer.

“You and Mikey seemed to hit it off though. He is a lovely boy.” She said to which I smiled.

“Yeah, he is. And he actually likes good music.”

“Oh not that Nirvane blah blah...” She said waving her hand dismissively.

“ It's Nirvana mum and as a matter of fact, yes. He does. We can't all like Barry Manilow.” She chuckled.

“Well, I'm glad you're getting along. Donna really is lovely as well. She is such a kind woman...she's been through a lot.”

It was at that moment that I'd noticed my mother constantly speak of the wonderful Mikey and the sweet Donna and at times Don(Mikey's dad whose away for work most of the time), but not once had she mentioned Gerard. Before I'd even met them all she mentioned was that their was a family who lived down our street and that one of the sons was going be in senior year with me and that his mother was a good friend of hers. I raised my eyebrow at her and pursed my lips.

“What about Gerard?” She choked a little on her tea. Carefully placing her tea back on the saucer, her eyes met mine, her brows furrowing.

“Wha- what about him?”

“I mean, you know Mikey and Donna pretty well...what about Gerard. What's he like?”

“Well...erm, the truth is Dee, I don't really know too much about him. Like Mikey said, he's a very private person. I do know that he likes to get himself into trouble quite frequently though.” She answered in a hushed tone.

“Is that why you were wary when Donna said that we should all hang out?” She shrugged.

“I don't know Dee Dee. Donna knows he's a troubled boy but she would never admit it. I reckon he's gotten to a stage where he can manipulate her into thinking he's fine...a lot of people know of him here, sometimes not for the best reasons.”

“Maybe he's just misunderstood?” I offered to which I received an incredulous look for.

“I know you try and see the best in everyone Dakota-”

“You brought me up like that though mum.” I reminded her.

“I know sweetie but...you'll be best off staying with Mikey. He hasn't given Donna any trouble and he seems like a sensible person to be around. Don't get mixed up with Gerard.” she whispered, taking a quick glance around the cafe.

“Maybe there isn't anything to get messed up in. You sound overly dramatic about one twenty something year old. I thought you said you didn't know him well?”

“Yes but I know a lot about him. There's always talk in the hospital along side a few...incidents.”

“What incidents?”

“Honestly Dakota, does it matter?” She sighed, agitated and tightening her grip around her mug. “He's nothing to worry about, just, stay away from him. Or...at least don't be left alone with him.”

I didn't know why but in that moment I felt extremely angry at her. It sounded as though she was relying on the good ol' gossip to set her mind at ease. Obviously Donna hadn't told her so much about him otherwise my mother would surely be telling me. It really wasn't my business though.

“You make him sound like a serial killer.” I muttered.

“Oh don't be so dramatic Dakota.” She scoffed, returning back to her drink and cake.

Gerard intrigued me. I thought back to yesterday about how he held himself. He seemed crossed between wanting to be confident but slightly pulled away from the world around him. He didn't want people to know his business but surely, Gerard Way can't be this much of a worry, could he? I mean, he hasn't caused me any problems. We've only shared the few odd glances, not even that. However, it was the most intense gaze I'd ever held with someone.

“A ray fell on his features; the cheeks were sallow...the brows lowering, the eyes deep-set and singular. I remembered the eyes.”

“Honestly though, why are you relying on gossip? You're turning into one of those typical suburban mothers like in Edward Scissorhands. You never judged someone before knowing them in Portland.”

“And don't try and think I've suddenly 'changed' because of Hugh, Dakota. He truly is a wonderful person-”

“Yeah, sure mum.” I said starting to get agitated myself. “Remember that time you didn't even stay at granddad's funeral long because you guys had arranged to go out for a dinner date with his work friends and their wives. If I remember correctly, it was his idea to leave.”

“We couldn't reschedule-”

“It was a bloody funeral mum! It was someone important to our family-”

“Don't take that tone with me.” She whispered, looking around the cafe once more hoping no one was listening to our conversation. At this moment, I didn't care.

“Look, it was mostly your father's side of the family that was there. The family knew me and your Dad didn't get along anymore and it was best-”

“I needed your support mum.”

“Oh honey, that's being a little melodramatic. You had your dad's family there. And besides, that same day Hugh got a great offer-”

“I'm terminating this conversation.” I said, leaning back in my chair and folding my arms, looking anywhere apart from my her. My mum didn't argue knowing it was for the best as she leant on to the table.

“Look, honey, there was another reason why I'd ask you to come out with me today...”

“What for?” She cleared her throat.

“Remember when I was driving you to the house and mentioned there was something important we needed to discuss?” She cocked her head to the side, tapping her fingers against her mug again.

“Yeah...”

“Well, your father thought it would be best if I told you instead of the both of us. You know how easily arguments can break out in our family-”

“Mum can you please just tell me?”

“Okay Dee, here's the thing. Your father and I were discussing it, just after April and realised that this may be the best solution for you right now. Your father was discouraged at first but I finally managed to make him see the positives in this.”

“The positives in what?” I asked warily.

“We want you to go to counselling.” She said with a tight smile.

“Counselling?”

“More like a group therapy sort of thing.” She added.

“What-” I stuttered. “Why? No, I don't want to-”

“Look, Dakota, it's from ages 16-23, a little random if you ask me but honestly it's ran by a lovely woman who also works at the hospital from time to time. Her names Meryl and you'll be able to talk about things with other teenagers who understand what you've gone through-”

“I don't want to do it mum!” I argued, my voice raising again.

“Don't be so childish Dakota. It's either this or being constantly supervised again. Which would you prefer?” I didn't answer her. I felt my blood boil, my face turn a deep shade of red, frustrated once more at the lack of freedom I seemed to have obtained, again.

“I thought so...now I've signed you up for not next Friday but the Friday after. That's when the next space is available...”

As she continued to talk, I spaced out, only hearing a faint buzz around me. She knew how I felt about it. I went once and I hated it. It felt too intrusive. I know it helps some people but I honestly thought it wasn't a way for me to get 'better'.

After a while, I'm sure she noticed that I was too lost in my own thoughts to attempt to keep up a civil conversation so at quarter to four, she decided it would be best if I went back home. She mentioned that at five her and Hugh were going out to dinner so of course, she couldn't be late for her precious Hugh.

She dropped me off and I muttered a quick 'goodbye' before I exited the car and ran up the path to the small house. I was so angry. To think that I had the stress of moving to a new school and now an enforcement of going to group therapy was just beyond overwhelming.

Seeing our message machine flash red with what I supposed was a new message, I slammed the door shut and I walked towards it pressing play, standing anxiously to see who it could be.

“Hi little one, it's just me. At lunch I ran to the store to pick up a few things for dinner but me and Ben are heading out straight after work to sort some things out, so can you sort yourself something for dinner? I don't know how long I'll be but hopefully I'll see you soon. Love you. Oh, and I left you some cigarettes on top of the cupboard.”

My dad must've known my mum was going to tell me today about the therapy so he wanted to steer clear of the potential outrage that I'm currently feeling. Rolling my eyes and walking over to the dark cupboard, I found the cigarettes and lighter and made my way back out to the front door to sit on the steps.

Once I was sitting comfortably, I lit one quickly, feeling a sudden sense of calmness in my body, my muscles relaxing and my mind clearing.

I didn't know what to make of any of this. I was so frustrated at this entire situation. I wished my grandfather was still here. I wish he never got sick. I wish my parents had never gotten divorced. I just wanted a normal, boring life but of course, you can't get everything you wish for, or even anything.

A sense of deja vu hit me as I unwillingly turned my head to the Way's house and it was then, I saw Gerard waltz out of his home, not bothering to lock it behind him. I'd forgotten that he was home alone. He was wearing practically the same outfit as yesterday however this time he work a dark denim jacket and was without a bag. He didn't notice me but I was thankful for it. I was worried an extremely awkward situation was to take place if he had.

As he continued to walk down the street, I noticed a head of him stood a tall guy in blue jeans and a black t-shirt, his hair big and puffy, to the extent of an afro. He was most likely waiting for Gerard to reach him.

From first glances at Gerard, he didn't seem like the kind of guy who would get into trouble, sure he was mysterious but 'dangerous' as my mum implied? I didn't think so.

I wonder what he's really like.

Notes