“I want you all to close your eyes and think about the first time you ever felt that suicide was the answer.

Remember the surroundings...where you were...the smell in the air.

Everything.

I want you to visualise everything. I want you to listen to your thoughts...remember how you felt at that time. Push forward into your memories. This is time to yourself...

this is a safe place and I want to help you all expell those feelings you felt not too long ago...

we want you to get better here...

you'll need to face these fears and feelings in order to feel alive again.”

Group wasn't the highlight of my week but it wasn't the worst part of it either.

It was strange, walking through those doors again and this time not having the urge to cry or runaway. To not feel as though it was the most pointless activity of my existence to date.

Maybe it was the fact that I remembered to breath this time.

Or it was because Gerard and I actually got on at this point (which was a relief). That I had someone there who knew me.

The first time I'd gone to group and realised Gerard was there, I panicked, received a mini heart-attack, because he'd made me feel like a worthless human being and at the time I had no idea why which, of course, instigated the thoughts that I truly was an awful human being.

In a strange sense, I completely understood why he was like that. He was protecting someone he loved very deeply.

But he still had judged me.

Which was cruel.

Almost unforgivable.

He was acting strange though. Defending me when the others attempted to delve too deep into my thoughts, when one would say something rather crude. He didn't back down which they noticed. He even annoyingly referred to me as sugar (which he shouldn't have done). I chose to ignore it, but the others certainly didn't. They picked up on it and teased me for it. Why tease me when I hadn't even said it? I certainly wanted to throw something at him and wipe away the smirk he was always so eager to display but I held back.

I kept my head down and decided not to explain myself or Gerard's behavior.

The first thing, however, that the others picked up on was the fact that my face was completely 'healed'. Sure, their curious questions doubled but somehow I was able to divert every question that was put to me by Meryl which I found quite an achievement. Gerard knew exactly what I was doing and every now and then, he would give me an exasperated look. It's not as though he wanted to willinging pour his heart out into these sessions.

He barely ever told me anything about himself.

Why should I do the same?

Meryl made us do this strange inner self-discovery thing also, where we all had to close our eyes and remember the first time we ever wanted to comit suicide. I remember mine vividly...too vividly really that I was lost in my own thoughts.

I hadn't even realised that we'd moved onto a different subject.

I'd also noticed that group somehow made me think of every little horrible extract of my existence. All the bullying, the self-harm, the divorce and the suicide attempts came rushing towards me, nearly knocking me breathless. It was so strange but I felt just...sad I suppose. I don't really know how else to explain it. It just heightened my awareness that I couldn't really get better.

I just couldn't.

The others were more than eager to talk about their horrible weeks but like myself, Gerard didn't say much and Meryl didn't push either of us to. We heard of all the horrors that their high schools had to offer and the stress of family and work. I had to admit, I felt bad for the people sitting in the room. Some weren't happy to be there and others (one person really) was content to reveal everything about themselves. We'd all experienced the same feelings that had gotten us to this stage in our lives.

Each of us seemed to see suicide as a way of freedom and a solution.

Although, when the discussion of sucide came up specifically about past experiences (Gerard revealed nothing), I subconsiously turned to him and thought about my life (or what's left of it) without him in it. I know it's selfish but we'd known each other all but two, three weeks now, the first few days brutal and awkward really, but I suddenly felt my world shift and everything seem a little darker than it already was.

It was an unexplainable and overwhelming sensation that flew across me but it was nonetheless poignant.

I really hoped Gerard would never get back to that dark place.

Sometimes you can't control it. It forces it's way in and there's no escape.

Sometimes, it's the answer.

I wanted to save him from that darkness...for Mikey's sake. Gerard's life was far more valuable than my own, even if he did annoy the hell out of me sometimes.

---

The session was soon over. It didn't feel as long as the hour but it felt long enough.

This time, Meryl didn't keep me behind.

By the time we reached outside, the rain had lightened again and Gerard pulled out two cigarettes for us to smoke before we got back into the car. I leant against the driver's side, attempting to act annoyed with him as I fished out my lighter but all he did was stand close to me, already puffing away at the lit cigarette, saying nothing.

I watched him. His movements, the focus in his eyes. He was rather...beautiful to watch-

No.

Don't even go there Dakota.

How many times do I have to tell myself this?

“You okay?” He asked, pulling me from my thoughts. I'm certain I blushed but only slightly.

I shrugged, clearing my throat. “I guess. You?”

“I'm okay.” He smiled weakly before he turned back to face the sudden interesting trees in the corner of the car park.

He definetly wasn't okay. I could see it in the shrug of his shoulders, the light in his eyes that had burnt out. What happened to the asshat yet strangely uplifting Gerard in the past hour?

It had to have been the subject of group that week – SUICIDE.

It seemed a lot more intimate with our thoughts and feelings than it had done last week. It certainly was for me. It just made me think of everything and nothing.

I waited for him to say something, anything but he remained still, off in his own world, shutting out everything around him.

“Group was pretty heavy then, huh?” I offered. He blinked a few times before he turned to face me, slowly.

“It's like that normally.” He paused. “Like I said...you just don't really get used to the 'themes' Meryl has to offer sometimes.” My mouth twisted in thought. I can understand that.

“I can see why that is...I'm sorry.” I sighed. He gave me an incredulous look.

“What for?”

“Well...you must be going through a shitty time and here you are, hanging around a fucked up girl who hasn't the capability to offer you any optimism or positivity.” He shook his head and looked down at the floor, scuffling his shoes against the gravel.

“We're as bad as eachother Dakota. I sometimes don't know how I can make you feel better if you feel like I do.”

“You do make me feel better you know...you just, take my mind off things for a while.” I answered. “I'm still sorry...”

He stayed silent, deep in thought as I heard the rumble of thunder overhead, waiting to give us another outburst of rain. I heard him sigh deeply, closing his eyes as he tilted his head up towards the sky, pushing his free hand into his pocket.

“I sometimes wish there was someone who could...you know, take my mind off things.” He whispered.

Oh

Gerard...

“I could, you know.” I blurted.

“You could, what?” He chuckled softly as his hazel eyes met mine.

“Help take your mind off things you know...if you talk to me-” His humourless laugh cut me off. I stared at him, bemused. “Don't laugh at me Gerard when I'm trying to help.” He stopped and his eyes cut through to mine.

“Help? You don't even talk to me about specifics so why should I do the same to you?” His voice was stern, his shoulders tense. Maybe my presence really was that annoying however he tried to play it off as though he were joking.

He wasn't.

The smirk wasn't reaching his eyes. They weren't shining. If anything, they were only shining with anger, like fire.

This conversation had suddenly taken a turn.

“I don't know.” I stated as I crossed my arms, staring down at the floor. “Sorry...”

“Oh god...” He groaned. “Stop fucking apologising!” He continued, his voice loud, strained.

What the hell is his problem?

I stood still, not entirely sure what to say. I had the urge to apologise but he probaby would get mad again. I pursed my lips and watched him as he turned his body away from my own. I didn't know whether or not to be mad at him for this sudden outburst or to sympathise with him.

I didn't know if it was me or the just existence of the entire human race.

I couldn't deal with this. I was exhausted and he obviously didn't want to be near me.

Or maybe he just needed some time alone.

“I'm just- I'm gonna go-”

I began to turn but just as he'd done last week, he'd reached out for my arm and held on tightly to it. I looked back over my shoulder to see he was still staring at the ground but he was mouth was set to a very grim line.

“Please...Dakota I'm sorry.”

This boy really does love his mood swings.

“Look Gerard, if I annoy you, I'd rather you just tell me.” I sighed, attempting to pull back my arm.

“It's not you, trust me. You don't annoy me...it's just what Meryl said this week...it just got to me a little.” He said quietly as he looked down at me. I nodded and as I did, he let go of my arm, my scars now feeling irritable.

I still kept my distance, taking another step away from him and inhaling from my cigarette. I didn't want to get on the wrong side of Gerard...again.

“I need a drink.” He sighed, running a hand through his dark hair.

“Now?” I asked, my brows furrowing.

He rolled his eyes, approached the car and placed his hand on the driver's sides handle and quickly turned to face me.

“You coming?”

---

If I was being perfectly honest, I wasn't so keen on the idea of going to a bar with Gerard on a Friday where I'd heard of his reccent...habits from Mikey and Frank. But I decieded I'd probably be safer with Gerard – sober or not- and I certainly didn't want to go home yet.

I'd never really drank before. I'd never been invited to either.

So in a weird sense, outside my crippling anxiety of crowds and how Gerard will act, I was rather...excited.

When he'd stopped the car and exited it quickly, Gerard reached out for my hand (good sign) which I instinctively took as we approached the loud, intimidating looking network of people that were hanging around outside, smoking, drinking and even one couple sucking each other's faces off.

It was only quarter past six.

I noticed a burley looking man all dressed in black, his head shaved with tattoos running all up and down his arms. The bouncer. Had Gerard forgotten I wasn't 21?

“Gerard.” I whispered, using my free hand to grip onto his upper arm, to pull him back slightly. He didn't waver so I repeated the action. He turned to me, surprised that I'd attmepted to stop us from walking. He furrowed his brow in questioning. “I'm underage, they won't let me in-”

“Don't sweat it sugar.” He squeezed my hand, comforting me as he began to take a step forward.

So we're back to sugar

“He's only there to look intimidating. They don't check ID's in here and besides, there's a band that's playing tonight so they know the younger kids will get in.” He said simply with a slight shrug of his shoulders. Before I could respond, he turned his head back to the direction of the bar and began to pull me with him again.

I hoped he didn't call me sugar for the rest of the night.

Maybe I'd get used to the idea more if he would call me that when he was in a good mood.

Like Gerard said, we'd strolled in right past the 'bouncer' and I was welcomed with a rush of heat and a loud guitar solo that was playing about the speakers in the entrance. He didn't stop there for long; soon I was having to push my way through a crowd of people that were beginning to make their way towards the stage area, just to get to the bar. He'd waved to a few people and kissed a few girls cheeks that, if i'm perfectly honest, made a little uncomfortable. It made my mind race to conclusions such as – is this one of the girls Gerard slept with? - which is a vision I do not need in my head.

If anything, it made me squeeze his hand tighter.

When we'd made it there, Gerard pulled out a stool for me and gestured for me to hop up on as he leant against the bar, tapping his fingers against the old wood. I felt so out of place as people scurried behind me, forced themselves against the bar, waiting for the bartender to approach them but thankfully, he'd noticed Gerard and I waiting first.

Gerard gave him a smile and held out his hand.

“Hey Mark, how ya doin'?” He spoke loudly over the music.

“I'm good. Haven't seen you here for a while Gerard.” The man, Mark, replied as he shook his hand.

“Just been a little busy man. Is Ray here yet?”

“He mentioned a few nigths ago that's he'd be here for at least half way through the first set. Say's he's got work. Anyway, what can I get you and- who's this?” Mark smiled between the both of us. I warily smiled back at him and turned to Gerard subconsiously for support.

“Friend of my brother's.” He answered. “And two beers will do.”

'Friend of my brothers'

Oh

I stared at him, confused and at the same time a little angry.

“I think we're classed as friends by now, don't you think?”

Why had he insisted, when it was simply us, that we were friends and as soon as we're out in public I'm a friend of the brothers?

I wasn't offended by the fact it was of course, true, but why did he say it as though I were merely an acquantince? That he'd hadn't witnessed me on the brink of suicide (whether he knows it or not) or how I hadn't shared something with him of great importance to me, although brief, the memory of my Grandfather. It shouldn't have hurt me in those few mere moments as much as it did but I couldn't help it.

I wasn't even Dakota.

See? We weren't even friends, according to him now.

Distance Dakota...this is good.

Mark soon came back with two bottles and slide them towards us as Gerard reached into his back pocket, handing him over the money. Gerard brought the bottle up to his lips, chugging down what I though was at least half the beer as Mark then continued on with his work.

It was only then had he finally acknowlegded me (again).

“What?” He shrugged, looking slightly agitated. I scoffed and rolled my eyes, staring dead ahead. “Oh so we're back to the scoffing.” He whined as he leant forward, bringing his face closer ot mine so he didn't have to shout. “Tell me sugar, what have I done now?”

“Nothing. Absolutely nothing Gerard.” I replied as I took a sip of beer – slightly bitter but another burst of warmth spread through my body. “And stop calling me sugar.”

“Fucking whatever...” He muttered as he leant his elbows back on the bar.

Group really hadn't put him in a good mood.

He was, in a weird way, distant himself.

I glanced about the room, hoping to distract myself from the sudden bout of tears that I felt were going to come. WHY and HOW could Gerard change my mood so easily? I wanted to hit him but of course – violence is never the answer.

“Seriously, what is your problem?” He asked.

“My problem?” I raised an eyebrow, almost in disbelief.

“Well, yeah.”

“Fuck you.” I spat.

“Thank you.” He beamed as he pinched my cheek.

He was back to the Gerard I'd first met.

Fucking brilliant.

“Gerard!” A girl said as she approached us.

“Misha...” Gerard answered with open arms. As soon as she fell into them, he was kissing her, passionately and well...vividly. I grimaced and turned my head. Was this a girlfriend...?

“It's so good to see you.” She replied, kissing him again. “Where have you been?”

“Had a few things to sort out and all...”

“Well you really shouldn't disappear like that again.” she smiled as she ran a finger down his chest. They spoke for a few more moments but I couldn't exactly grasp onto what they were saying. They were grasping onto each other enough.

Soon she was gone and Gerard was watching after her with, not a smile nor a frown, something right in between.

“Not a slut huh?” I blurted and he turned to me with that fucking smirk.

“Jealous sugar?”

“No.” I said between my teeth. “Definitely not.”

“Why is there steam rushing out of your ears then?” He whispered close to my ear, blowing it slightly but I pushed him away. “Lighten up.” He laughed.

I suddenly felt increasing uncomfortable with Gerard.

We were, out of no where, moving backwards.

I continued to sip at my beer and while I'd only managed one, Gerard was already ordering his third while talking to a woman who'd seemingly approached the bar. He was mightly friendly with her, his smile bright and his mood suddenly lifted. She had beautiful red hair that matched her thick lips, and her eyes wide and almost innocent. It completely juxtaposed what she was wearing. She also completely juxtaposed me.

What on earth was going on with Gerard?

“Gerard!”

I turned to find the voice belonging to a fairly tall looking guy, dressed in a black sabbith shirt and denim jeans and his hair puffy and wild, although I was expecting to hear from another girl. He seemed to have a kind face as he patted Gerard's back which was now the only thing I could see of him.

“Hey Ray.” Gerard turned, just so I could see his profile, as he engulfed this guy into a hug.

“Already started drinking without me?” Ray teased as he waved to the bartender, Mark.

“You know how it is.” Gerard shrugged before he turned back to the girl. It was then I realised that Ray was the guy I'd seen from a distance down the end of our street with Gerard.

This must also be the Ray, Mikey and Frank are pretty good friends with.

The guitarist.

He caught me staring and gave me a small smile as he extended his hand forward.

“Hey, I'm Ray.” I shook myself mentally out of my hermit stage and reached out.

“Dakota.” I replied, placing my hand in his. As he shook my hand, a blink of recognition crossed his features.

“Dakota...? Yeah, Gerard's told me about you. The neighbour. So's Frank, in a very enthusiastic way.” He rolled his eyes as he came around the other side to lean against the bar.

“He's enthusiastic about the smallest things.” I shrugged. He laughed. He was a guy that seemed to be able to bring down my sudden burst of anxiety.

“That's true but you seem like a big deal to him and Mikey. More so I think with Gerard.” As I'd just taken a sip of my beer, I couldn't help but choke on it a little.

“Gerard?” I choked, glancing back to the guy who loved his mood swings and had randomly abandoned me. “I don't think so.”

“I dunno...he doesn't stop talking about you when I'm with him.” He answered, sipping at his beer as though he hadn't said something, rather intimidating, to me. “You seem like an important person to him.”

“Well, that's definitely not the case now.” I answered, sipping again at my beer.

“It's the alcohol.” He replied with a shrug. “He's either a dick if he doesn't like you or if he's drunk. There are times when he's a funny drunk though.” He continued with no filter. “But yeah...you get used to it or you keep on his good side. I'm just that great a person he doesn't get pissed off with me.” I couldn't help but giggle slightly. Ray reminded me of Frank in a strange way. They were both enthusiastic speakers but just in different ways. “We just have to keep an eye on him which is why, whenever I know he's going out, I try to come out with him...he's gotten into enough fights to last a life time...those normally happen if I'm not here.”

“Oh...”

I suddenly felt, guilty? I don't know but I wanted to go back to Starbucks with Gerard...that was a safe place for us.

“So anyway, why aren't you hanging out with the guys tonight?” I paused. How do I explain this?

“Well...I kinda have this thing and I ran into Gerard-”

“You go to group too then?” He asked simply.

So he knew about group? I nodded sheepishly.

“So are you then...are you- okay?” He asked.

“I have a very fucked up mind.” I blurted out. “I think it's worse then Gerard's but he'd never admit it. The guys don't know I go there though. The only reason Gerard does is well...he goes there.”

I suddenly felt a flood of embarressment pass over me. Ray, a guy I just met, now know's I go to a suicide help group.

Great.

“It's cool. I won't tell.” He smiled encouragingly at me. “Gerard kept it from Mikey for about a month. Only him and his mum knew so I'm good at keeping that subject a secret...” He paused. “So are you guys like...a weird thing-?”

“Oh god, no, we're not...” I stuttered, blushing. Thank god it was dark in here. “We're kinda...friends, I think, I mean...I don't really know.”

My heart was caught in my throat and my pulse quickened. The idea of Gerard acting with me as he'd done the other women made me feel... I don't know. Uncomfortable certainly wasn't the word but...it seemed...unrealistic, thats the word.

Unrealistic

He'd never like me in that way.

“Huh.” He replied.

Huh? What's Huh?

“Gerard was pretty adamant that you were friends.”

“Does it look like we're friends?” I gestured to a somewhat tipsy Gerard behind me whom was still talking to this random woman. Ray laughed and shrugged.

“Well as he seems to be getting pretty close to that red head...wanna find a space for the band?” Ray asked as he gestured for another two beers.

“Sure.” I smiled, as I slid off the stool, bumping into Gerard slightly but he didn't seem to notice. Hopefully the band would take my mind off a few things.

Carrying the bottles with us, Ray and I pushed ourselves through the crowd and managed to find a space by the wall. I was exhausted, if I'm honest, by the time we got there and thankfully, the band had just begun to play but in those moments, I wanted to be far from Gerard.

He'd pissed me off royally.

I'd managed to keep myself towards the wall, bobbing my head up and down to the music, being able to avoid the mosh pits that were happening in the centre but it did look like a lot of fun. I just didn't want to be bruised horrifically. Ray offered me another beer, which I accepted and had soon enough finished that one. While the band were playing, the time passed quickly and there was still no sign of Gerard. It must have been at least, forty minutes? I didn't know.

Everything was slightly blurry and my mind was a little lighter.

I felt rather content however completely unstable.

I could feel my legs wobbling.

I felt another surge of teenage rebellion rush through me and I know I smiled at the thought of my mother finding out what I'd been up to....of course what made it even more exciting was the fact it was Gerard, someone she didn't want me speaking to.

How much of a loser was I?

I eventually managed to ask Ray if he wanted another beer which he declined but offered to come to the bar anyway. As the band were on a break, as was all the mosh-piters, Ray decided then to go to the toilet and I found myself back by the bar and waved to Mark.

“Gerard's been looking for you.” Mark said as he opened another bottle.

“He has?” I asked incredulously with, I'm sure, a slight slur.

“He just went out for a cigarette...he'll be back in a minute.”

I nodded in recognition but I still wasn't keen on the idea of speaking to Gerard just yet. I didn't even know how long I'd been here. Ray told me the band was playing for at least doing two hours, doing covers and such but I'd definitely been standing by the stage for at least and hour or so. I would have made my way home if i'd known where I was and if it was freezing outside, most likely still raining.

“Hi.”

I turned, a mostly stumbled to be met with a face I'd never seen before. He was about the same height as Gerard, his hair shorter and lighter but he was smiling gently, little dimples forming at the sides of his mouth.

“I've never seen you here before.” He continued as he leant against the bar, his arm brushing with my own.

“Never been.” I managed, taking a sip of my fresh, new, beer.

“Well that explains it.” He chuckled. “I'm Trevor.”

“Dakota.”

“It's lovely to meet you.” He smiled again, reaching out for my hand. Instead of shaking it, he brought it up to his lips and delicatley kissed my knuckles.

Nothing.

I just felt...slighlty awkward.

As he let go of my hand, I suddenly felt a force pull me back and it was Gerard, holding forcefully onto my arm and stared me up and down.

“Where the fuck have you been? I've been looking all over you.” He complained as he took my beer out of my hand.

Woah.

“I'd have never *hiccup* of guessed with all the women you were *hiccup* snogging.” I replied, taking the beer back out of his hand and pushing him away from me.

“I'm sorry...” Trevor began as he straightened his back. “Is this your boyfriend-?” I laughed outloud, cutting him off and I also seemed to have stunned Gerard by my outburst.

“No...we're not even friends.” I replied, ignoring Gerard again.

“Dakota-” Gerard complained, taking hold of my arm but I managed to shrug free from his grip, not daring to look at him.

“Oh...well, did you want to find a quieter place-?” Trevor began to ask but Gerard stepped in front of me.

“No, she's fine, you can go now.”

“Gerard-” I argued but he turned and gave me a look that told me to keep my mouth shut.

“It's pretty obvious that she doesn't want to be near you dude.” Trevor answered, peering his head around the bar.

“She's drunk, she doesn't know what she's saying.” Gerard continued as he tried to take the beer out of my hand but I fought back. Gerard eventually rolled his eyes and settled for placing his arm behind me at the bar so I was leaning into him, involuntarily of course.

“I'm not drunk, I'm as sober as they can be.”

“Hey.” We all turned to see the return of Ray as his eyes flickered between the three of us.

“Hey Ray.” I replied with a lazy wave.

“She okay?” I heard him whisper to Gerard but I chose to ignore it. I didn't really hear Gerard's reply because Trevor began to talk again.

“You wanna get out of here?” He smirked, ignoring the death stare from Gerard.

I didn't really want to go with him, I think if im honest, I just wanted to drink, smoke then go to bed – with or without Gerard.

“No she doesn't.”

“Let the lady make up her own mind.” Trevor replied, slapping Gerard's hand out of the way.

“Did you know that this 'lady' is under 18, huh? I'm pretty sure she didn't tell you how old she was-” Suddenly, Trevor's eyes widened and he raised his hands in surrender, standing up straight as he already began to take a step away from us.

“I didn't know-”

“I'm sure you didn't, now fuck off.” Gerard gestured with his thumb, returning all his attention to me. I'm certain I had a somewhat sheepish expression on my face as I took another sip. “What the fuck Dakota?” I rolled my eyes and again tried to push away from him but this time, he pushed me onto the stool, placed his hands on my shoulders and made me look straight at him.

“How much have you drank?”

“I don't know.” I moaned, attempting to pry his hands off of me.

“Dakota-”

“So I'm Dakota again?” I laughed. “You really do love you weird mood swings.” He looked at Ray and silently asked what was wrong. Ray raised his eyebrow with another shrug of his shoulders.

They must have their own little langauge, weird.

“Okay, it's time to get you home-”

“No.” I said, pushing his hand off me as I tried to stand. “I don't want to go home. You can leave if you want. Ray and I-”

“Sorry Dakota, I have an early shift tomorrow.” Ray apologised.

“Oh...well I'll stay and hear the rest of the band.” I shrugged, trying to turn my attention away from him. I could literally feel his annoyance radiating off of him.

“I'm not leaving without you Dakota.”

“You seemed pretty persistant when that red head was over.” I motioned, pointing in a random directin, then taking another sip of my beer.

“Is that why your acting like this?”

“You really think way too much of yourself Gerard.”

“What the hell Dakota? Look, I've sobered up and now, so do you-”

“Oh so it's fine whenever you do the fuck you want but when I want to be a little wreckless or to just talk to someone, you get all bossy. You don't fucking own me Gerard, so...stop bossing me around.” I shouted, however it was barely audiable as the band had begun to play again. Ray looked at us, most likely unsure whether or not he should intervene. I could see Gerard's hands turned to fists as he closed his eyes, attempting to calm himself.

“That guy was going to probably fuck you up against a wall.” He said between his teeth, loud enough for Ray and myself to hear.

“No Gerard, you'd only do that to a girl-”

“Seriously, if you don't stop drinking, you'll regret something your gonna say.” He seethed, knocking the bottle out of my hand so it shattered onto the floor. “And you don't know shit about how I treat girls...I'm not scum.”

“Those were your words, not mine.” I retorted. Gerard took a step forward but Ray held him back.

“She's drunk Gerard, she really doesn't know what she's saying.”

“Fuck.” Gerard said as he ran a hand through his thick, dishevelled hair. He stared at me as he pursed his lips.

“She mentioned about group...maybe she's on, I dunno, anti-depressants like you were...the ones you know where your not meant to drink-” Gerard's eyes widened slightly as he rested a hand against his forehead, once more staring right at me.

Come on, Mikey would never forgive me if I let something happen to you-” He answered, holding onto my wrist.

“So you're looking after the fucked up girl to save your own skin.” I muttered beneath my breath as he used all his strength to stand me up straight. “Why should you be able to use drinking as an excuse anyway to be a dick?” I asked randomly as I allowed him to manouever me slighly away from the bar.

“I've had a tough day and right now, you're not making it any easier...move.” He pushed.

“Well so did I Gerard but I wouldn't have been rude to you if I weren't defending myself from your attitude.” I shot back. “And I told you to leave me at the bar.”

I had no patience for Gerard. I had no patience for anyone. The thought of my mother made me want to drink. The thought of my broken family. The cruelty the bullies had put me through.

Why hadn't I drunk sooner?

“Come on.” Gerard said, suddenly grabbing the back of my knees and flinging me over his shoulder.

“Put me do- oh wow...” I said as I saw the club from an upside down view. It was so weird that it made me giggle but of course, I was still angry at gerard.

“Need some help?” Ray asked as he patted my back.

“I'm good, she'll pass out soon.” Gerard answered, patting me this time on the behind.

And sure enough, I did, without enough time to hit Gerard back.

Notes

Hi! Sorry for the late update, as you can also tell I've changed the name of the fic. I think it suits the story a little more and as I'd initially changed certain aspects chapter by chapter. I hope it's okay <3