The rain was hammering against the window, the droplets racing each other down the small frames. It was a peculiar, calming sensation but I felt safe none the less as I sat in the small room, the cream-coloured walls brightening the somewhat tragic event that I knew was bound to come sooner or later. I sometimes dreaded him waking up, afraid that he might not recognize me and that he'd have another bout of horrifying confusion. It had gotten worse recently, especially along side his heart condition, his 'jolty' and sudden movements worrying. There was nothing that could be done except 'make him comfortable' as the doctors had stated. I wished, for months, that there was something more I could do, instead of sitting around...waiting. There had to be something. I couldn't stand to leave him alone here at the hospital, the eerie, slow, steady heart monitor the only sound recognizeable to him at night.

Against my will really, I'd been left alone today, my mother off doing god knows what and my father gathering some of my granfather's things to make him 'more comfortable.' (that horrible phrase again). It was only 'against my will' because of course I was still scared as to what state he might wake up in.

They didn't think he was going to come home.

I would gladly take time off of school to look after him twentyfour/seven but of course my mother claims 'education is everything'. It's not when you're being beaten black and blue nearly everyday. That was something else entirely. That was hell.

“Dee Dee?”

I turned abruptly to the sound of his croaky, weary voice to find him smiling delicately, his frail hand reaching out, shaking at the amount of effort he had to go through for one small gesture. I smiled back at him and moved away from the window to sit beside him on the bed. I took his frail hand in my own and held it tightly, my chin wobbling as I tried to hold back the tears that were bound to appear.

“Hey Grandpa...”

My voice came out far weaker than I would've like. He frowned as he squeezed my hand softly.

“You look tired Dee Dee...have you been sleeping alright?” I shrugged.

“As best as I can...how about you?” He smiled and shook his head.

“Never could stomach hospitals love. Never liked the atmosphere.” I nodded in recognition. I never truly understood why my mother felt happy working in hospitals. Of course, there was the element of helping people, saving lives and all that but, how can you get over the horrific days? The ones where you physically see someone elses' life slip away from your fingers. I couldn't even stomach the idea.

“Do you need some water or...uh another pillow?”

“I'm fine little one.” He answered, patting my hand in comfort. “Don't worry about me. I'm just fine...”

Of course I was going to worry. He tried to take away as much stress from me as he could when he was lucid. I knew he wasn't fine and deep down so did he. He still hoped, of course, that he was going to go home. It just couldn't happen. His illness had gone too far.

“You know I'm going to worry Grandpa.”

“I know little one but...oh there now...” He cooed as he wiped away one of my tears, slowly. “It's alright. I'm as healthy as a horse. But tell me..how's school? Are those girls still being horrid?”

I didn't know whether or not to lie to him. He knew me too well if I were to so it's probably best I tell the truth...to some extent.

“They are...I don't know. I haven't had another brusie.” I smiled weakly as I began to straighten out his blanket.

“Emotional pain can be worse than physical pain Dee Dee. You know you can talk to me still...even as old as I am.” He chuckled.

“Thanks.” I smiled again.

“I know how you feel little one. Just remember that...I was just like you when I was younger. I know you find it difficult to open up to people...it took me months to open up to your grandmother and my was she a persistant woman.” I could see it in his eyes that a thousand of his memories rushed to the surface in those moments. He smiled proudly. “...it's the people who are persistent that really care about you and no, not in the annoying sense. The ones who listen...the people who stick around, even though you have no idea why they are. Your grandmother never left my side...”

“I'm a little different than you Grandpa.” I murmured.

“There's nothing wrong with being different little one. You're an individual, you should celebrate that. But trust me, you'll find your someone to listen to you. You may dislike them at first and not want to be near them...remember I was like that with your grandmother...she was so much more confient than I was...I felt...incomplete. I soon realised that through her persitence...she was the missing part of me. As much as your mind is telling you to run...stay close to them because they care.”

“How do I know it's them?” He smiled sweetly at me.

“You'll know little Dakota. You'll know because one day, once you say goodbye to them...even if it's just for an hour or a day...you just can't wait to see them again.”

---

“Grandpa?” I muttered groggily, slowly being pulled away from my solace. I continued to wake up slowly to the sound of rain, hevay rain and a strange sense of...warmth? I shivered and mindlessly rolled over, curling up closer to the warm area that was also something solid...solid? I inhaled deeply and a faint scent of colonge hit my senses. Peeling my eyes open, everything blurry at first, I noticed a black object, moving slowly up and down. It was then, I heard and registered the delicate noise of soft breaths. Hesitantly, I inched my head to the left, perching my chin on this 'chest' and saw the strange angle of someones face.

It was then I completely freaked out.

Jumping up with a harsh yelp, I soon found myself not in the comfort of my bed but upon the cold, dark floorboards, my elbow throbbing from impact. I saw the figure suddenly shoot up in a sitting position, his head frantically searching the room for the source of the noise. It was then...I saw it was Gerard. I heaved a sigh of relief and rolled down my sleeves in a sudden bout of discomfort, something I always did when I was anxious.

Was I dreaming?

“Dakota?” He asked softly yet very wary to the room, one eye open and the other squinting, most likely readjusting to the light.

“Ouch.” I muttered. His bright, hazel eyes suddenly turned to meet my gaze and his brow furrowed in confusion.

“Why the hell are you on the floor?” He smirked, his voice still a little dry from sleep. I hated that smirk. Rolling my eyes, I pushed myself up off the floor, running a hand through my potential greasy hair and stared down at him with the harshest scowl I could muster. He still continued to smirk however, my demeanour seemingly not effective at all.

“I freaked out.” I replied.

“I can see that now.” He chuckled, staring me up and down. Thank god I'd gone to bed in jeans and a long sleeved shirt, no matter how uncomfortable I felt now, I was relieved i'd made that decision. The last thing I needed was Gerard staring at my old and new scars.

But...why was Gerard in my bed?

“It's not funny...I hurt my elbow.” I motioned as the throbbing sensation began literally from head to toe. His smile faltered only slightly but it was still present.

“Let me look... do you want me to kiss it better?” He asked, his voice recreating something of how a mother would speak to her injured child. However his in fake sympathy. He was back to his strange ways again.

“No.” I stated, beginning to move about the room, approaching the knitted jumper instantly to find my solace. I could feel Gerard watching me as I held the jumper to my chest, once more smelling the peppermint and pipe tobacco. I wish I could take this to school with me but I knew if the bullies found out this was precious to me...they'd probably rip it to shreads. It just gave me that glimmer of hope.

My eyes glanced over to Gerard and he was watching me curiously. He's eyes flickered to my face and then to the jumper. He repeated this several times until I realised a little detail that needed to be specified. I also noticed Gerard was about to talk so I cut him off, not to eager to hear anymore of his wit this morning.

“Gerard...?”

“Yeah...?” He replied, copying my voice with a soft smile.

“What the hell are you doing in my bed?”

“I had a feeling you wouldn't remember.” He continued to smile as he swung his legs over the edge so his feet were now touching the cold floor.

“Why wouldn't I remember? Oh...Oh my god, did-did you drug me?!” I asked frantically.

“Jesus christ Dakota of course not! Why would you even think that?” He smirked again, most likely to my little 'craziness' but it soon slipped away. “You were just in a bad place last night...your mind was all over the place. I was worried about you...”

“You were worried about me?”

He rolled his eyes. “Yeah, I was. How many times do I have to tell you?”

“So...I just invited you into my bed?” I asked warily.

“We didn't do anything if that's wondering. See? Still fully clothed.” He gestured to himself with a dramatic wave of the hand. “And bedsides...I don't see you that way.” Ouch? I wasn't sure if I should've been offended or relieved. He didn't notice my expression. He continued to talk as if he hadn't said anything that was potentially offensive.

“You wouldn't tell me what was wrong. I brought you home and decided to keep an eye on you.” He shrugged. “You ran off last night...I saw you when I was at the bar, having a cigarette outside...you were crying...that's probably why you've got a bit of headache.”

I hadn't even noticed that I was clutching the side of my head, my eyes wincing from the little stream of sunlight that was coming through the curtains.

“Oh...”

“Yeah...” He shrugged. “It will pass though. You just need some good coffee.” That seemed to be his answer for most things. I nodded a little, bringing the jumper back up to my nostrils. Gerard must think I was crazy but hell...it was my house, my room...I could be as weird as I liked.

“What else happened?”

“Things got a little heated between us in the park. I really thought you were going to hit me. You were literally shoving me away.” His mouth twisted.

“Can you blame me?”

“What do you mean?” He asked, bemused.

“Well...if I wanted to be alone...I probably cursed at you...quite frequently.” He laughed. My stomach began to feel uneasy. I blushed, looking away from him.

“And that you did.” I didn't really know how to respond. I couldn't thank him, could I? Seeing as though I wanted to be alone...

“Dakota?” He asked, pulling from my thought process. I hummed in response, staring at his chest, not wanting to meet his gaze again. “What happened to your cheek by the way. You were murmuring about it in your sleep...?”

Oh

My cheek.

I reached up to touch my left and then my right.

“My cheek...?” I asked myself.

---

“For christ sakes mum, do you not see how fucked up this situation is?”

"Mind your language-"

“He cheated on his wife! He began an affair with a married woman! The same woman he'd cheated on years ago! You bloody talked to him throughout your marriage to dad! Don't you see that he's a disgusting excuse for a human being! I can't believe my own mother would stoop to his level-” I didn't even finish the sentence. A hand came colliding with my cheek, a loud smack echoing in the room. It went silent. The drop of a pin could be heard. I gripped my cheek, slowly turning to face my mother, her eyes wide and filled with -fear?

“Dakota-”

“Forget it. You've obviously chosen Hugh over everything in your life.” I said before I ran out of the house, voices calling my name behind me.

I didn't look back. I refused to. I didn't want to be near that house. I never wanted to see my mother again.

---

Now I remembered everything, my body suddenly jolting upright and my fingers gripping to the material in my hand. My mother had hit my last night...of course not how people hit me at school but it hurt still none the less. Hugh was over last night...there was shouting...I ran...I saw Gerard...I was talking about suicide...oh god, he really must think I'm a freak now.

“I remember.” I muttered. Gerard sat upright then, a look of curiosity flickered in his emotion. “I'm sorry...”

“Woah, Dakota. What the hell do you have to be sorry about?”

“You had to see me...you know...like that.”

“Don't be sorry. Please don't be but...hey, do you wanna...I dunno...talk about it?”

“No...” I sighed, placing the jumper back on it's hook.

“You know you can talk to me about it Dakota. I'm not going to judge you.”

Why did I have the feeling he would?

“Hey, you know-”

I spaced out a little and wasn't aware of what he'd even said next. I was still trying to piece everything in my head chronologically. My thoughts mostly consisting of why...why this and why that...wait...it's Thursday? Thursday.

Shit.

“What time is it?” I asked, my mind suddenly coming back to reality. He was taken back by my abruptness but soon recovered himself.

“Uh...9'0 clock-”

“Shit!” I screeched as I ran over to my draws to find clean underwear (discreetly of course) and a clean t-shirt and jumper. How could I have let myself sleep past my alarm? Mr Lewis was going to be pissed as hell! My maths teacher was not at all sympathetic.

'Only your death can excuse you as to why you are late for my lesson.'

Yeah...he scares me a little. Lanky, tall, at least six ft, a hunched back, a large crooked nose, deep brows, black hair and piercing blue eyes. Ice, cold and unfeeling. Scratch that, he scares me a lot.

“Dakota calm down-” Gerard said as he began to stand.

“I can't be late!” I shouted again as I began to shove things into my school bag, once placing the new clothes for the day on my bed (still making sure my underwear was hidden). I didn't want a teasing Gerard this morning.

“Woah, Dakota-”

“Lewis is going to freak-!”

Suddenly Gerard was standing in front of me, his soft hands resting on my shoulders trying to hold me in place as he breathed deeply. I tried to step past him but his fingers caught my chin, forcing me to look up at him.

“I let you sleep in.” He said calmly, lowering his head a little so he was nearly level with my eyes.

“But-”

“You needed to sleep Dakota.” I dropped my bag carelessly onto the floor.

I stared at him and as I did, it slowly dawned on me that i'd slept roughly about nine hours...I hadn't slept that long in years. Why on earth was a suddenly sleeping? I continued to stare at Gerard cautiously and I could tell he was anxious to how I was going to react. He seemed fairly cautious, as was I, when I was around him but he normally brushed it off with a smirk or a crude comment. He kept his face still, his eyes searching mine.

“You let me sleep in?”

“Yeah...” A few moments passed before he spoke again, the rain sounding heavier than before. “Better?” I nodded slowly. “Good.”

His hands slowly slide down my arms, attempting to comfort me. His grip stiffened as his fingers most likely felt the cuts and scars through the thin(ish) material. He frowned, only slightly but brought back his poker face. I chose to ignore it also.

“Look, I'm sorry about last night but...I should probably get dressed.”

“I told you not to be sorry. And...why don't you take the day off? We'll get a coffee or something?” He offered with that smirk. And of course...offering coffee.

“Are you encouraging bad behaviour?” I asked, raising my eyebrows.

“Of course, but I'd never encourage you to do something wreckless...unless I was there to keep an eye on things.” He chuckled, his hands now cupping my elbows.

“Why am I not surprised you'd say that? But...Mikey and the guys will probably be wondering where I am.”

“Just tell 'em you were sick or something. I didn't hear Mikey knock this morning...he was late. Left the house at about eight.”

“How long have you been awake for then?”

“Since your alarm went off then...well... I kinda drifted off again.” I smiled at his sudden sweetness. He'd let me sleep in. I tried to ignore it but it certainly was hard. When his smile brightened, I tried to reduce my own, clearing my throat but he continued to watch me. I felt my skin flush again.

Snap out of it Dakota.

“I really should go to school...”

“You hate it there. Nothing bads gonna happen if you're with me...” Are you sure about that? “...Come on, where's the harm in taking one little day off?” He offered again, squeezing my elbows in encouragement. “Or are you scared to be alone with me sugar?”

“I hate it when you call me that.” I scowled. “And...I'm - I'm not afraid of you Gerard.”

“You'll get used to the name.” He chuckled again, brushing back my hair. My eyes widened a little to his actions as I also then remembered my hair was greasy and my eyes bloodshot. I was standing in front of Gerard Way at one of my worst moments. “And i'm glad to know you're not afraid of me.” I lied, Gerard. I was scared of what he made me feel. Frustrated then completely calm...sometimes safe. “So...what do you say? I'll pay.”

Biting my lip, I actually considered it. I really didn't want to go to school, that Gerard had gotten right and besides...I could easily pull off being sick. I was pale enough as it was. But, did I feel comfortable enough yet to be around Gerard voluntarily? Jesus, was he even my friend?

I didn't understand this.

Screw it. I wanted coffee and time out in the rain.

Deep breaths.

“Can I shower first?” I asked after a few minutes of silent debates in my head. He smiled brightly, the kind of smile where all his teeth were revealed. Something that was very rare to see of Gerard's but it made my heart...flutter? Maybe because it was unexpected. It wasn't a flutter, flutter.

“I was just gonna do the same.”

“Cool...”

He leaned forward and kissed my forehead, his lips lingering there for a moment, my skin flushing even brighter than it had done. He pulled away, picking up his jacket and shoes in a hurried motion. He began to walk out of the room, but before he did, he called out over his shoulder “Be ready in fifteen!” And then he was gone.

Okay Dakota...calm down.

Shaking my head and forcing myself away from my strange little daze, I ran to the shower, thankful for the hot water but also wincing everytime my arms grazed against the droptlets. I groaned in frustration as I tried to clean myself as quick as possible not wanting to give Gerard a reason to badger on at me.

Once showered and dressed, I debated about make-up. A little concealer would do no harm and besides, I looked like death. I towel dried my hair as much as I could, causing my hair to already form it's crazy waves. There was no hope for my hair, especially now it was raining.

I made my way downstairs about ten minutes later and on the kitchen counter, I noticed a little note my dad had left on the side;

DeeHave a good day at school, see you later. Again, I left some cigarettes for you. Your mother will probably be over tonight. Not until late though, she's doing a day shift. Love you

Great. I didn't want to see my mother. I shuddered at the thought of seeing her. She'd done enough damage and it all started with Hugh. She constantly tried to get sympathy from me but I couldn't give her any...I just...couldn't. Picking up my packet of cigarettes, I headed straight out of the door. When I looked about our street, once locking the door, it was deserted. No sign of Gerard yet.

His car sat lifeless in the driveway.

I sat on the porch and lit my cigarette, my fingers twitching in my lap as I began to re-think my choice for that day. Did I really want to do this? Yes. I wanted to get out of my house. Why not be a little reckless?

Come on Dakota...be strong. It's not like he's going to hurt you...yet.

Maybe it would be okay? Maybe as Gerard had judged me so quickly, I'd done the same to him? Maybe there was so much more to him than I intially thought? Once he'd found out I was at group with him, his whole attitude towards me shifted and of course, it was completely unexpected. That's why I'm still weary of him now. Many had warned me about Gerard but, as a wannabe reckless teenager I suppose, I ignored them. It felt as though I had no control over my life and that Gerard was sort of...not controlling me as such but...he was able to calm me weirdly enough...and put me on edge, sometimes at the same time.

“You ready?” Gerard suddenly called from his porch. I smiled hesitantly as I held up my lit cigarette. He smiled back.

“You can smoke it in the car.”

I wiped away any trace of sadness that may have been apparent and it seemed to work. Gerard didn't notice. I didn't want any interrogations today but knowing Gerard, there would be.

And lots of them too.

The drive to star bucks was fairly quiet, only the odd exchange of music taste whenever a new song came on the radio. He was singing along, just a he'd done on Sunday and it was somewhat calming. What is it that Gerard does?

I never hated him or disliked him personally...I didn't know him enough for that. I just hated how he treated me when we first met and I knew he was sorry for it. He'd apologized. But...was it still really a good idea for me to be around him when I had...other plans? Even though my dad was holding me back from doing it...I still constantly thought about it. 'What if' and all...

When we exited the car, he instantly reached for my hand which I strangely, willingly took as we ran together towards shelter and away from the heavy rain. I was out of breath by the time we were inside and he laughed (extremely loud) at my expression and my rain soaked jacket. He soon wrapped his arm tightly around my shoulders, bringing me closer to him, his way of an apology I suppose. Honestly, I had no experience with this...friendship? Was this too much? His little squeeze on my shoulder eased my sudden worry of it all. I felt content.

There were a few strange looks from girls that passed by...girls who looked nothing like me. Girls who were beautiful. They must obviously know Gerard or were staring at how...well (as much as didn't want to admit it) how good-looking he was but I ignored it as best as I could. He'd said he wasn't a slut and in a weird way, I believed him but...who knows? Only Gerard. Of course, he greeted some of the girls with a dazzling smile that made them look as though they were about to faint. It was rather funny really but again unsettling.

Again, just like Sunday, he'd told the barista 'Gerard and Sugar' which this time, had made me smile involuntary. He'd told me to find a seat while he stood by the counter and waited for our drinks. I'd chosen the exact same seat as we sat in last time. The only difference was, this time Gerard sat beside me, instead of across from me. He placed the hot chocolate down in front of me, which he'd insisted I get, and put an arm around the back of my part of the small booth, his body incredibly close to mine. I didn't know if I was comfortable with that just yet but...we were 'snuggling' I suppose last night however I was asleep...that was different.

“You okay?” I nodded. “Hows your head?” He asked, ruffling my head slightly.

“It was better.” I chuckled, prying his fingers away from my head. He eventually let go but his hand soon dropped onto my shoulder.

“That's good.” He sounded sincere but of course, I could never tell with Gerard. I will continue to state this until I found out...Gerard Way was an anomaly.

“You okay?”

“I feel great.” He beamed as he took a sip of his midnight coffee.

“So...did you normally skip classes in high school?” I asked rather randomly.

“Yeah.” He answered simply.

“Were you meant to go to class today?” I asked, this time genuinely interested.

“Nah...it was just a re-run of what we'd already done.”

“...do you take art then? Your mum was saying something about it when I met her.” He smiled down at me. He must have noticed I was making an effort. He mentioned earlier on the way here that he thought (well he hinted) that I should make an effort with him, in a weird way because he was making an effort with me...you know...the friendship thing and all...

“Yeah, that and comic illustrations.”

“That's awesome.” I smiled.

“You like art then?” He seemed surprised.

“Favourite subject.”

“I think Mikes mentioned that actually...you know, before I was an asshole to you. But, is that what you'll do when you go to college?” He persisted, leaning forward.

“I don't think I'll go to college...”

“No?” He asked, bemused.

“I'm not really a good student and I dunno...I don't like the idea of being told what to do when it comes to art.” I answered as I sipped at my hot chocolate. “Thanks for this by the way.”

“Anytime.” He flashed me another smile. “And in a weird sense, they guide you at college but they don't tell you what to do. They critique it of course but they're there to point you in the right direction.” He finished as he squeezed his earlobe between his thumb and forefinger. I don't know why but I'd certainly noticed his little antics.

“So...you know what you want to do with your life now?”

I had no idea what I wanted to do with mine.

“That's a big question.” He laughed. “But I have a rough idea...I have a few dreams but...only some of them are...reachable, shall we say.”

“What are your dreams then?”

“What's with the sudden interrogation?” He seemed genuinely puzzled by my random interest in his life. I didn't care to know much about him before because I didn't think we were going to be...well friends I suppose but something happened last night. I don't know what it was but...something's changed about him. It's ever so subtle, I can't really put my finger on it. I used to just want to avoid him at all costs.

He cared. As strange and confusing as that was. He did.

Not for long.

“Just thought I'd get to know you better...sorry...I'll stop talking.” I muttered, sinking into my seat slightly. Had I made him uncomfortable? I didn't think I had but of course I always get it wrong.

“I never said I wanted you to stop talking Dakota.” He replied, shuffling closer to me. “I just don't like talking about myself.”

“Neither do I.”

“Well we're not gonna get too far with this friendship then, are we?” He laughed. I shrugged in response, watching him, waiting for him to continue the light mood but it suddenly changed.

With a deep sigh, he carried on, just not in the way I expected. “Come on Dakota...” He said quietly. “Talk to me about last night.”

“Why do you always force me as the subject?” I asked softly, no where near as harsh as I normally would ask.

“Because I want to help you.”

“I'm sorry but it feels a lot like a pity thing to me.”

“I told you already-!”

“I know.” I cut him off. “But...why don't you let me ask you about your problems?” He paused, licking his lips as he looked at me, the clogs in his mind spinning. He sighed.

“You don't need that kind of shit in your life.” He eventually answered.

“You certainly don't need mine.” I retorted but he simply smiled at me, a somewhat lazy smile. “What?”

“I've never met someone as stubborn as you Sugar.”

“Right back at ya Mr Way.” He pulled back slightly and clutched his heart and feigned a hurt expression.

“Jeez sugar, that's my dad! I'm not that much older than you, you know.” I chuckled and furrowed my brow, leaning closer to him.

“I don't know...you don't appear to have wrinkles yet but is that...is that a grey hair I spy?” His eyes widened as I reached out and gently skimmed my fingers against his hair. I wasn't quite sure what had given me that confidence...but I'd done it anyway.

“No! Definitely not.” I laughed at his reaction. He seemed completely horrified by my response.

Out of no where, we began to randomly laugh hysterically at each other and it felt too strange to handle. I hadn't laughed like this in so long. The kind of laugh where I was breathless and clutching to my stomach. Gerard seemed to be having the same response. I think this was the most care free I'd been with him...it must be the hot chocolate...sugar rush?

What was Gerard doing to me?

“Okay, sorry.” I said once coming down from my hysterical high.

“No you're not.”

“You're right.” I said against the side of my cup. I side glanced him to see he was still smiling. Good. At least I didn't piss him off somehow.

“But seriously...how about this. Since we're both stubborn and too annoying to talk about shit, why don't we both tell each other one important thing about ourselves. Whatever the other wants to know. We get to ask whatever question we want and you have to answer it.” My eyes widened when a smile pulled at his lips.

“Gerard...that sounds pretty scary to me...what if I don't like what you've asked me?”

“Tough shit.” I scrunched my nose at him.

“And this applies to you to?”

“Yup...”

I pursed my lips before answering. “Okay...” I sighed. “I'll go first.”

“Shoot.” He said, twisting his body so he was nearly facing me full on, our thighs touching.

“Okay...Why did you treat me so horribly when we first met?” I saw his humorous expression change suddenly to an anxious one.

I had to know.

“You're still holding onto that?”

“Of course.” He rolled his eyes before he pursed his lips.

“It's Mikey's problem to talk about too you know.”

“You said you'd tell me one day. That is today Gerard so please...tell me.” He hesitated. “I won't tell Mikey I know.”

He sighed. “Fine.” I sat patiently as I waited for him to begin, smiling encouragingly. “I wish I didn't trust you enough to tell you this.” Gerard trusted me? I had an impulse to touch his hand but I held back.

“Well...it all went down last year.” He glanced around Starbucks quickly to make sure we were alone. Sure, it was busy but we were the only ones in the corner. It was like we were in our own little bubble. “Mikey, Vee and Frank were still the best of friends, school was bearable for them...I was happy to know my brother was happy, even when I wasn't in such a good place...and well, out of nowhere, this girl suddenly moved to town. She seemed okay and well, the short of it, Mikey took a real liking to her. He said and I quote, she was 'fucking gorgeous'. She was okay, not gorgeous to me but to Mikey...god...it's embarrassing just thinking about it.

She was a bit like us you know? Same music taste, films, interests and all...an outcast. She seemed interested in Mikey too though which was a good sign. Mikey actually loved her. The first time he'd ever felt that way about someone.”

“Did they start a relationship?” I asked.

“Well, they all become good friends first, practically spent everyday together. I saw them all on a regular basis when I'd get home from college or a party. Everything seemed fine between them all. Mikey and her were sort of...together. Not exclusive or anything but Frank and Vee knew how much he cared about her. As uncomfortable as I feel about saying this, Mikey told me that this girl took his virginity so, I knew, it had to be serious, right?” He asked, making sure I was keeping up.

Wow...it must have been serious or well...it would have been better if they were. For Mikey's sake.

“Right.” I nodded.

“Well..things started to change from there. Weirdly enough when Mikey eventually asked her to be his girlfriend. About a month into their somewhat relationship, she backed off, disappeared and...changed. Like physically.She dressed differently, died her hair back to blonde and...started to ignore Mikey and the guys. Mikey was heartbroken. Anyway, to round up this 'wonderful story'...that girl is the new queen bitch.” Gerard finished with a tight smile.

“Wait...you mean Monica?”

“The one and only.”

“But...what's...what's that got to do with me?” He furrowed his brow as he tried to gather all his thoughts together.

“The way you guys all became friends was practically the way Monica started out. You know, a little sad, kind, sweet but deep down she was a bitch. She acted a little like you did. I know you're genuine but...well, she played us all quite well. She's a good actress. We found out anyway that her and Jason used to go out so she was always with that kinda crowd. She just moved away for a while and came back. Why she 'changed', we'll never know...” He sighed and looked me dead on. “Look Dakota, I was worried about my brother. I didn't want another Monica situation...he deserves more.”

“Of course he deserves more than that...but it really was a judgmental call you made about me then?” I asked, slightly hurt. The idea that he'd compared me to Monica made me sick.

I looked away from him and stared at the table as he simply shrugged, most likely thinking of what to say next.

“Hey...” He whispered, reaching out for my hand. I let him take it as he entwined his fingers with my own. It wasn't like I could say no to this gesture. Gerard could be persistent when he wanted to. “Dakota...I dunno...I guess I just jumped to conclusions...it was wrong, I know. I am a horrible person...You know, if you never went to group, I don't think we'd be sitting here as we are now.”

“I know but...I just wished you hadn't judged me-”

“And I am sorry Dakota. You have to believe me...”

"It's kinda funny really..." I cleared my throat.

“What is?”

“You compared me to Monica and well...a week later, she beat the crap out of me.”

“And trust me, if she wasn't a girl, I'd beat the crap out of her.”

“Do you pick fights casually then?” I asked surprised. His lips twisted as his eyes darted about that place. “I'll take that as a yes.”

“Take that as you will.” And there again was the Gerard I'd first met. “You know the Monica thing may have had something to do with me...not only because of you, as fresh meat or Mikey.”

“Are you trying to take some credit?” I raised an eyebrow and he began to rub soothing circles around my knuckles.

“I mean...Monica didn't only affect Mikey.” This time, he looked a little guilty.

“What do you mean?”

He took a deep breath. “Well...after the whole Mikey thing...I dunno, not a lot of people knew about my...problems then but Monica apparently liked this 'bad boy' persona I had. All I did was go out and get drunk...get into a few fights. But...nothing happened. She came to a bar one night and...she tried it on with me. I brushed her off...I don't think she liked that.” He shrugged again, tightening his grip on my hand. “You gotta believe me Dakota.”

I watched him, like I usually did and saw a glimmer of hope in his eyes. He genuinely wanted me to believe and I couldn't help but feel drawn to believe him. He watched expectantly, somehow our time together always too intense for me to handle. I bit my lip and looked down at our hands. I tightened my grip on his own hand and he squeezed again in response.

“I do...but I'm not quite sure why.”

“You're too kind little Dakota.”

“What-”

He brought my hand up to his lips and gently brushed them against my knuckles. My breath caught in my throat. I'm certain this is not how friendships progress.

“Now it's mine turn.” He chuckled, resting our entwined hands on my lap.

“Your...your turn for what?”

“The question.”

“Oh, yeah, right, yeah...the question.” I laughed nervously. He seemed to notice. Did Starbucks suddenly get hot or am I just being...weird. “But don't ask anything that would make me want to hit you.”

He rolled his eyes, another trait he had. “Fine...okay. I got it. Whats the significance of the jumper? You seemed...I dunno, literally attached to it this morning.”

Anything but that.

I could already feel the tears burning, threatening to spill over. My heart literally exploded, my voice caught in my throat. How could I talk to Gerard about something that affected me so deeply. That essentially was one of the reasons that had brought me to this moment. I didn't know if I could do it.

I felt trapped, literally.

I wish Gerard had sat across from me.

“Hey...” He leaned forward again, brushing the hair away from my face and placing it behind my shoulders. “Dakota, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to-”

“No...it's okay.” I choked a little. “You didn't know I was going to break down crying.” I offered him a tear stained smile.

“I was hoping I'd never make you cry.” He smiled gently, brushing away a few of the tears while he continued to rub soothing circles on my knuckles.

“Er...I feel as though I should t-tell you, you know?”

“You don't have to tell me anything.” I gave him an incredulous look.

“What happened to the 'talk to me Dakota', 'stop running'...”

“I do want you to talk to me but right now, I've made you cry in the middle of Starbucks.” He chuckled humorlessly as he glanced about the room. I shook my head and what I did next must have taken him by surprise.

I rested my head against his shoulder, taking a deep breath as I tried to calm myself down. He took his hand away from my own and placed it on the small of my back, pulling me closer to him again, his head buried deep in the crook of my neck. We sat there for only a few mere moments before I built up some kind of courage and decided to tell him...something.

“It was my grandpa's.”

“What?” He laughed softly, the reaction causing his chest to rumble slightly. My voice must have been so muffled. I smiled crookedly myself. I pulled away from him and wiped my tears, trying to wrap my arms around myself, once more, protecting myself.

“It was my grandpa's.”

“Oh...” I nodded solemnly.

“He died last December.” My voice was so quiet, I was surprised he'd even heard.

“Dakota...I'm so sorry.” He reached out but I flinched, only a little. He persisted and still took my hand.

“It's okay. He held on longer than the doctors expected.” I shrugged, my voice wavering. “I kept it...I kept it because it was his favourite jumper. It still smells of him...a very distinctive smell.” I smiled sadly.

“What's the smell?” He smiled encouragingly at me.

“Peppermint and pipe tobacco.”

“You love him.” It wasn't a question.

“Miss him everyday.” I declared. “God...I'm sorry.” I continued, wiping angrily at my tears.

“It's okay...” He soothed.

“Every time you see me now, I'm crying, jesus...” I scolded myself and I inched myself away from him.

“Dakota...I don't care whether or not your crying. I'll care if I'm the reason of course but...I'm happy you told me that..."

"You are?"

"Yeah...and again...I'm sorry.”

---

We soon drifted off the 'deep' topics as Gerard had called them. As much as he wanted to know everything, I couldn't tell him. I felt as though he knew too much about me already. It would just be better for him...not to have me as a burden.But...we spent the rest of the day pretty much sitting in Starbucks, talking about everything and nothing. We spoke about music, art and views about certain concepts on life. It was weird how we both somehow avoided our big issues continually and didn't bring them up again. Maybe we were bound to be friends because...as much as I hated to admit it...he understood me on a level no-one else could or did.

He wanted to know more about me but I think he was beginning to respect my boundaries.

When I got home however, I panicked, suddenly realizing for the first time...I had a bright smile on my face. Like...ridiculously bright.

What panicked me more was that I couldn't wait to see him again.

Notes

Hey long chapter! Thank you to readers/subscribers. It means so much! Take care <3