Raise heaven in hell

I wake up to a loud noise followed by an even louder “Fuck!” I roll over, wanting to cuddle up to Gerard but his side of the bed is empty. “Gee?” I open my eyes and see Gerard, only in his jeans, looking on the floor with a mix of confusion, annoyance and sleepiness. He smiles when he sees me, his hand reaching up to his hair, combing them back. After almost a week of us being together – if you could call it that – I still haven’t gotten used to how fucking hot he looked in the morning (or at any time really), his jet black hair sticking out in every direction possible and his voice soft and sleepy. “Oh shit, sorry babe! I didn’t mean to wake you up it’s just that my goddamned sock drawer does this sometimes.” I look over the edge of the bed to see what he’s talking about and laugh when I see his drawer on the floor, socks scattered around it. “That’s not funny.” “It’s a little bit funny.” I smile. “No it’s not. Look at all those sock lives lost in a great tragedy.” “You make no sense in the mornings.” “You’re cute.” “Okay you make a little sense.” I say and he laughs. “Now do you want to help me save all the innocent socks?” He kneels down and starts picking them up. “Nu-uh. You dropped them and disturbed my beauty sleep.” I joke. “You don’t need beauty sleep you idiot.” He laughs and kisses me. I lean over the bed edge and help him pick up the socks. “Did you sleep well?” I ask him. “Yeah. You?” I actually have. Ever since we started sharing his bed, I didn’t even once wake up from a nightmare. Probably because I feel safer in his arms than I ever did anywhere in the past four years. I nod, smiling. “Good. I’m gonna make us some breakfast, okay?” He says, trying to stand up but I grab his hand. “I’m not letting you go anywhere!” I pull him towards me. “Frankie!” He tries to protest but it doesn’t sound like it bothers him (and I know it doesn’t) and besides there’s no way I’m letting him go off that easily. “It’s cold.” I say in my defense, pulling him harder so he stumbles on top of me. Yeah, that’s not gonna give me a boner at all. “That’s because I turned off the heating.” He says and moves off me. I grab his hand again just in case he’s trying to escape but he just curls up next to me. “You asshole.” I laugh and kiss him. “Aww you’re so sweet.” “Why did you do that?” “It’s cloudy so we must save the energy.” “That means you have to keep me warm all day long.” I beam happily. “Didn’t you spend four years in the wild? You’re supposed to be immune to cold.” “I’m most definitely not.” “The great responsibility of keeping Frank Iero warm.” He chuckles and presses a kiss on my forehead. “Mhm. You just have to stay here all day.” “I think I could do that.” He says and leans in to kiss me. We kiss for a while and I really wish we could stay like that the whole day but at that moment Gerard’s stomach starts growling and he breaks off, laughing. “Babe, I’m starving. Can I please go eat?” I think for a second whether I should let him go. “Fine…” I sigh. He plants on my lips before leaving the bed. “Bring me some food too. And coffee.” “Can’t you get it yourself?” He asks, pulling a simple black T-shirt over his head. “No.” I laugh. He mutters something sounding a lot like lazy ass and I throw a pillow at him. “You’re not very nice.” “Yes I am.” “That’s your pillow.” He says and turns around to leave the room. “Oh shit.” I laugh and force myself out of bed to pick it up. He sees me and stumbles, almost tripping over his own feet. Again. I didn’t know my boxers had such an effect. “Why are you always falling when you see me pantless?” I laugh. “It’s because you’re hot.” He yells from the stairs. I laugh again and head to the bathroom.
Turns out this day is tremendously cold and having a house doesn’t help, especially if the heating’s down. We spend most of our day cuddled together under a blanket, talking, kissing and drinking ridiculous amounts of coffee.
“Who knew late October could get so cold…” I mutter when it’s already getting late and the house feels like a freaking igloo. “Mhm…” He mutters, his fingers brushing through my hair lazily. “It’s gonna be a cold winter.” “Then thanks god I found you.” He smiles. “Yeah, thanks god you found me babe.” We’re silent after that, but not the awkward type of silence but the type of silence where there’s no pressure of saying anything, just being there with each other is enough. I feel his heart beating steadily in his chest and his breath in my hair and it’s perfect. I put my hand on his chest and start drawing tiny patterns there. His heart rate speeds up and I smirk.
“I love you.” He says out of nowhere. My heart goes from zero to ten thousand in a second. Did he really just say that? I look up to him and see him smiling, his cheeks bright pink and he almost looks shy. God he’s so adorable. But I, on the other hand, am a fucking idiot.
“I…uh…” I stutter. I want to say it. I mean I do love him, but there’s just something inside me holding the words back and I honestly wanna slap myself. “I… just… I don’t think I’m ready to say it.” Way to go Frank. You couldn’t just kiss him, right? “Yeah, okay.” He says and I hear hurt in his voice and feel even worse. “No, Gee, listen. You… you mean a lot to me but I…” I suddenly realize why I can’t say it. I’m fucking scared. “I’m just scared.” I admit. “You’re… scared?” He asks in disbelief. “I’ve just… never been with anybody or never been in love and it’s scary. Because I can lose you any time, especially now and...” I break off. “You’re not gonna lose me.” “You don’t know that.” I feel tears in my eyes, just thinking about how horrible it would be if something were to happen to him. “Hey. Don’t cry. You’re not gonna lose me, I promise.” He pulls me closer to him. “I think you do love me.” He says after a while. “I never said I don’t.” “But you also never said you do. It’s like Schrödinger’s cat.” He scoffs. “I’ll tell you when I’m ready.” “Okay. I don’t want you to say it unless you really mean it anyways.” His words hit me in the chest. If I said it now, I’d mean it. The voice in my head screaming that I love him means it. But if I say it… it would make me being attached – and in the state things are right now this is never good – more real. God that sounds so stupid. I love him and I know I do and that already makes it real. There’s finally a person in this world that I love and that person loves me and that terrifies me and makes me very happy at the same time.
I notice Gerard has fallen asleep. I carefully reach over him to turn off the lamp on his nightstand but my eyes stop on his face. He looks absolutely adorable when he’s sleeping and I can’t help myself not to press a kiss on his jaw before turning off the light.
I can’t fall asleep for a long time though. Maybe it’s the caffeine or the cold or just all of the things rushing through my head. Gerard is gonna have to throw a lot of sock drawers on the floor if he wants to wake me up tomorrow. I look to his sleeping face and god; he’s so gorgeous it literally hurts me. “The Schrödinger’s cat is alive. Just in case you were wondering.” I whisper before falling asleep.

Notes

Hello
(i'm so awkward and i can't write notes)
In case you don't know Schrödinger was a science person who put a cat in a box with poison (what a rude guy) and then before he opened the box he said that until he openes the box he doesn't know whether the cat is dead or alive so while the cat is in the box it's both dead and alive at the same time or something.
I don't know if the cat lived. But thanks to The Big Bang Theory for teaching me that :3
Nina xx