Letters from the Dead

Bob was with Frank when the doctor said that Frank had fainted because he had gone into psychological shock. Bob had stared at the fucking prick in mute incredulity.

Oh really???

He couldn’t tell.

Ha-bloody-ha.

Of course that would happen… Frank had just seen his boyfriend’s dead body in such a manner for fuck’s sake, what was he expecting? The doctor then went on to preach about traumatic events, and how Frank should let go of Gerard, and get on with life blah blah blah. Then the bastard told Bob that the support from friends and family members was important to Frank at this point, to prevent him from getting PTSD.

Bob almost punched the doctor in the face.

He didn’t need the doctor to tell him that.

He had lost Gerard, and he sure as hell wasn’t about to lose Frank as well.

Ray was tired.

He missed Gerard… he missed his snarky partner. He missed the constant banter, Gerard’s relentless sarcasm and sharp wit. Ray couldn’t believe that it had been five years already since they had started out as partners. Gerard had been impossible to be friends with from the beginning. He had lived up to his nickname of Lucifer… he was aloof and unapproachable and had made Ray feel extremely unwelcome. Of course, Gerard’s astonishing aptitude with words never failed to make Ray feel incredibly stupid.

The numerous battles they had over Ray’s rashness – or as Gerard succinctly put it, his injudicious inability to think with his brain – made Ray hate Gerard with every inch of his soul.

Until the day Gerard saved his life by shoving him out of the way of the car of a fleeing suspect and then yelling for hours at Ray for his inconceivable incompetence in paying attention to his surroundings, and Ray finally realized that Gerard did really mean the best for him, no matter how much the infuriating bastard tried to deny it. That incident opened Ray’s eyes… he gradually learnt to appreciate Gerard’s sharp tongue and candor, even the dry humor in his sarcastic words. Soon, Ray was able to respond to Gerard’s ill comments more adequately. Instead of snarling in response to Gerard’s non-too-subtle offensive remarks, Ray gradually managed to be able to smirk, ignore Gerard, or come back with a well-placed insult.

Gerard, albeit unwillingly, became his best friend. And Frank became the little brother that Ray never had.

It had been only three weeks after Gerard’s suicide, and it felt like it happened so long ago. Everything had changed.

The day Ray brought Frank back to his home after he was discharged from the hospital, Ray had watched as Frank curled into a ball in his bed and slept, his face child-like and vulnerable.

Ray then headed home and came back the next morning.

He had found Frank sitting in a daze on the floor of the living room, staring brokenly at the leather sofa Gerard had been found on, hot tears flooding his cheeks. Frank’s wrists had angry red slashes, blood oozing from the wounds and dripping on the floor. A razor had been thrown carelessly on the ground.

After that, both Ray and Bob agreed that Frank needed some time away from the house.

Ray took Frank home with him. Frank had nightmares almost every night, and Ray watched over him. Sometimes when he woke up from a bad dream, Frank would twist himself into a foetal position and weep furiously into the covers, and Ray would crawl into bed with him, holding Frank gently and quietly until he fell asleep again. Other times, Frank would just lie in bed and mutter the same words, over and over again... “Why, Gerard? Why?”

Frank looked so wretched and miserable that Ray couldn’t bring himself to tell him the truth.

*

Ray stretched, letting out an ear-splitting yawn. His jaw cracked and he winced. He shoved a mug under the coffee dispenser as he pressed the buttons of the machine. He waited patiently for the machine to give him his morning fix.

Black bliss. He sniffed the beverage appreciatively, then picked up the heavenly brew and walked out of the pantry.

“…psychological trauma and hallucinations. The fucking faggot deserved it. Good riddance!!”

Ray watched as an enraged Bob socked Agent Black in the eye. He dumped the mug on his table and quickly joined his other colleagues in dragging the two brawling agents apart.

“Gerard was a better man than you, you fucking homophobe!” Bob snarled, struggling frantically as Trohman and Hurley held him back.

Black spat across the room as Wentz pulled his hand back and Stump grabbed him by the waist.

“He was nothing but a two-faced bastard!”

“You bloody sonofabitch…” Bob made another attempt to push the two agents away from him, his face turning a boiling red.

“SHUT UP!” Ray screamed furiously at the two agents. “HE’S DEAD, FOR FUCK’S SAKE, SHOW HIM SOME FUCKING RESPECT!”

Black made an irate noise in his throat, and Ray stomped over to him, grabbing him by the collar.

“You ungrateful bastard.” And then he dropped his voice in a menacing whisper that was just loud enough for the surrounding agents to hear.

“Do you know why Gerard wanted you off the Corey case? He knew,” Ray shook Black by the collar, emphasizing his words as Black sputtered, “He knew you were going to fabricate evidence. He knew you were desperate enough to do anything to save your son. Did you know that the Corey bastard knew it too? Gerard protected you, you asshole. If you had stayed on the case and falsified evidence, you and your son would both be in jail now. And your son would have had a longer jail sentence if Corey’s defence lawyers managed to throw out all the evidence we had because you tampered with it, you know that you imbecile?”

“Gerard worked even harder on the case for you, and your son would have been rotting in jail,” Ray spat, “for the rest of his life, instead of the five years he got, if it wasn’t for Gerard.”

Black was silent, his face pensive as he took in Ray’s words.

Bob shrugged his arms away from Trohman and Hurley, holding out both his palms in a calming gesture that meant that he was not about to hit Black again. Ray spun around, facing the rest of the agents, and continued with his words.

“Gerard may not have been the nicest person around and he may not always have done the correct thing. He was fifteen for fuck’s sake. But don’t you ever dare dismiss the good that he has done for the unit and for all of you!” Ray pointed, jabbing the air.

“I know for a fact that Gerard has never let anyone in the unit down. No matter how much he may bitch and complain, he has never turned down any request from any of you. I’m not asking you to praise him or worship him now, all I’m asking you is to respect what he has done for our unit, respect the fact that he was a good agent, a brilliant mind and remember him for the good. Whatever he did wrong, he’s gone now. Show him some respect and stop insulting the memory of a dead man!”

With a final hiss, Ray turned on his heels and stomped out of the office.

Notes

AFI - Prelude

This is what I thought,
I thought you need me,
This is what I thought so think me naïve,
I promise you a heart you'd promise to keep,
Kiss my eyes and lay me to sleep.

30 Seconds to Mars - From Yesterday

He's a stranger to some and a vision to none
He can never get enough, get enough of the one