"Mikey's still mad at you?" Franks asks.
"He hasn't talked to me since Tuesday night," I tell him. "I hate going home every day."
After a bit of silence, Frank asks "How about you come home with us tonight?" The din of the cafeteria makes him have to raise his voice a bit. "You can stay at my house tonight. Won't have to face him, at least for one day."
I shrug. "I'll have to call Mom and let her know, but yeah, I can do that."
"Great," Frank says and looks around. "Where is my sister?"
"Hey, Frank," someone says and sits down opposite him. He has a large mop of curly dark brown hair and dark brown eyes and tan skin, the latter of which I'm sorely lacking. He has on a black t-shirt and jeans and a hoodie of the same color.
"Oh, hey, Ray," Frank says. He pats my hair and says "This is Gee."
"Gee?" Ray asks and laughs. "Oh, yeah, Halsey told me about you. As you heard, I'm Ray."
"Oh, hi," I say.
"Are you coming to Desolation Row tonight?" Ray asks. I remember on Tuesday, LynZ said that he and someone named Patrick were in National Honor Society— a goal that I could never achieve, even if I wanted to.
"Yeah, I am," I say. "Where is Desolation Row, anyway?"
"I've been sworn to secrecy," Ray says vaguely.
"Damn right you have," Frank says and messes with the skeleton printed gloves on his hands. "Okay, I'm about to go search the school for LynZ. Anyone care to join me?"
"Sure," Ray says and stands up. The two start to leave but Frank stops, turning to face me.
"C'mon, kid," he says and sweeps his arm towards him. I adjust the green hoodie I have on and reluctantly stand up. I follow them out of the cafeteria and we encounter the stark silence of the empty hallway.
We stand unmoving in the hallway, trying to see if we can at least hear someone in the hallway. Our efforts are in vain, though— it's too loud in the cafeteria and we can't hear anything.
Then, I hear it. Or rather, I hear him. I grab Frank's arm and pull him down the hallway, stopping every so often to see if I can still hear his conversation. "What're we doing?" Frank asks and I shush him quickly. I hear Ray come up behind us, the rubber treads of his Converse slapping hard against the linoleum.
"Stay away from him!" I hear him say and I tug Frank down the nearest hallway, who's latched onto Ray. All three of us hide behind a row of the yellow lockers and I peek my head out to watch the scene before me.
LynZ is pressed up against the cinder block wall, my brother holding her arms to the wall, rendering her unable to escape. All of her stuff is strewn across the floor, her blue sketchbook inches in front of me. "Don't look at him, don't talk to him; hell, I don't want to see you around him!" Mikey yells and LynZ lets out a whimper. "He's had to deal with too much and he doesn't need a suicidal freak piling onto him."
"Mikey, please," LynZ begs and cries out as her wrists get pressed harder into the wall. "I won't... Ever again... Please just let go!"
"Dude," Frank whispers in my ear. "Go do something!"
"You're the older one! You go do something!" I argue back at a similar volume.
"What does that matter? Your brother is about to hurt my sister!" Frank says. "You do something!"
"Hey!" Ray yells, coming out from behind our hiding space. I hear Frank whisper "Shit!" as Mikey pulls away from LynZ. "What the hell's the matter with you?" Ray asks and LynZ latches onto him. She watches Mikey with wide eyes and I can see the bruises on her wrists, even from here.
"She is going to kill my baby brother," Mikey spits at her and she shrinks back.
"Kill him? What're you talking about?" Ray asks. He seems genuinely confused.
"She is hell-bent on killing herself and Gerard's already tried to kill himself. He doesn't need her in his life," Mikey explains, his whole body quaking with anger.
This is it for me. I emerge from my hiding place and walk up to the three of them. Time seems to slow down as Mikey turns to see me, and his face falls, the malicious glimmer in his eyes gone. "Gerard," he starts but I cut him off.
My fist connects with his cheek and he's thrown backwards. I clutch my hand as LynZ gasps and pain radiates through my knuckles. "Gerard, what the hell?" Mikey growls, clutching his face.
"Do not touch her. Ever again," I spit at him. "If you touch her one more time, I'll—"
"You'll what? Tell Mom?" Mikey asks and lets out a harsh laugh. "Yeah, go run to Mommy, Gee."
"Hey, man, knock it off!" Ray says. His eyes are locked on Mikey as he says "This is your brother! You don't have to be a jackass to him because you're mad at the world!"
"It's not the world I'm mad at," Mikey says. "It's her. She is going to trigger Gerard and—"
"Now wait just one goddamn second!" Frank cries and speeds out from behind the lockers. "LynZ is not triggering to anyone! She tried one year ago and that was it! She is not going to make anyone want to take their own life!"
"What if she does, Frank?" Mikey yells. "I came this close to losing him and I am not going through that again!"
"Well, she isn't!" Frank argues. "And he only tried once, too! He isn't exactly suicidal!"
"Oh, that's right; you haven't told them yet," Mikey says and I say "Mikey, don't you dare."
"Haven't told us what?" Frank asks, all of his anger from seconds before forgotten.
"Wanna tell them? Or shall I?" Mikey asks.
I take a deep breath and say "Umm... The other night at the lake, when I said that I went to the hospital for 'something else'... I had a seizure and it left me partially paralyzed. My—my finger and the side of my mouth; I couldn't move the entire right side of my body for months. That's when I tried to kill myself... I thought I was too fat and I could only move half of my body and life just sucked and I never really thought that it could get better..."
LynZ detaches herself from Ray and hugs me tightly. "Oh my God, Gee, you could've told us!" She cries and squeezes tightly. I hug her back, burying my face in her neck and breathing in her vanilla and cologne scent. "We would've understood."
"I know. But it's hard to admit those things sometimes," I say and tears run down my face.
"It's okay, Gee-baby," LynZ coos and runs her hand down my hair. I open my wet eyes and see Mikey looking at us, a strange look on his face. It's a mix between sadness and confusion and it makes me cry harder.
"Here, let's leave them alone," Frank says and pulls Ray away, leaving Mikey, LynZ, and me alone in the hallway.
After a bit of silence, I pull away from LynZ, wiping my face dry. "Are you okay now?" LynZ asks, her hands resting gently on my shoulders. "All cried out?"
I nod and say "I'm tired."
"I know, Gee-baby, I know," she says and hugs me tightly again. Mikey watches us wordlessly, the look on his face still there.
"I never want to see you around LynZ again," I croak, my voice cracking. "Ever again."
"Gerard—" Mikey starts.
"Ever." I spit at him and quickly turn on my heel and run down the hallway. I hear LynZ follow me but I don't stop running until I've reached the outside. There's a few people out here, but not enough to cause a scene.
I sink down onto the grass and cry more. I just punched Mikey. He'll never forgive me. Suddenly, LynZ is next to me, hugging me again. She shushes me again and continues to run her hand down my hair.
"There you are!" I hear Frank call but I don't look up. I can hear a few other people with him but I keep my face in LynZ's shoulder. "Gee? Are you okay?" Halsey asks.
"I punched Mikey," I mutter. "He hates me." After a pause, I feel another pair of arms around me and I open my eyes to see Halsey hugging me as well.
"He doesn't hate you," Halsey tries to reassure me.
"Yes he does!" I cry and show her my fist. It's already bruising over, a sickening yellow color blooming onto my skin. "He hasn't talked to me since Tuesday and then I go and punch him!"
"Hey," LynZ says and takes my chin in her hand. Her usually soft eyes are rock hard, boring into my skull. "Don't feel sympathy. You can't feel sympathy for the devil."
"I know," I say, sniffling. "But he's my brother."
"I know, baby," Halsey says. "I know. I have two younger brothers and I'm never mad at them for maybe more than a week."
I nod and say "Okay." The girls continue to hug me for a few more minutes until I stop crying. We stand up and I wipe my nose on the sleeve of my green hoodie. "I'm still tired." LynZ laughs after the words come out of my mouth and lets me rest my head on her shoulder.
"Wanna skip 6th?" She asks. "Frank, Halsey and I have 6th free period, so we'll be fine."
"I can't. I have English," I say and Frank groans.
"What're you guys doing?" He asks.
"Reading 1984," I say. "We have a little quiz thing today."
"First thing?" Halsey asks. She pulls the sleeves of her black, star-printed sweater over her hands as I answer.
"In class? I think so," I say.
"So fake sick!" Frank says. "I've done it so many times, I can't even count."
"Nah, I'll be fine," I say.
"Okay," LynZ says warily and we hear the bell ring inside the school. She kisses the bruises on my knuckles as a goodbye and mutters "My stuff is still in the hallway."
"I'll come with you," Halsey volunteers and the four of us head back inside and split off to where we need to go.
Soon enough, I'm in English class. The bell hasn't rang yet, so there's the small din of the classroom. "Psst," someone over my shoulder says and I turn around to see Josh and Tyler. Those two are basically inseparable. "What happened to your hand?" Josh asks. I look down at my hand and see the yellow bruise, covered in small marks from where LynZ's bright red lipstick left her kisses.
"Smashed it into a wall," I lie casually. "LynZ Iero kissed my bruise."
"She's so weird," Tyler says and I wordlessly nod, as if in agreement. I turn back around in my chair as Mr. Ross walks into the classroom.
"Alright, people. It's Friday; it's last period; you guys are jittery; I get it," Mr. Ross says, sitting down on the edge of his desk. He has the stack of quizzes in his hands and gently hits them against his knee. "So, when you're finished with the quiz, you can do whatever— you can read, you can do work from other classes, you can even fall asleep if you want to. As long as you don't break anything."
A small laugh runs through the class as Mr. Ross distributes the quizzes. Almost as soon as mine hits my desk, I'm already working on it.
I quickly finish and put my head down on my desk. There's a small rustling of papers as everyone finishes up. Then, there's a knock on the door. "It's open!" Mr. Ross yells and the door opens to show Mikey.
Oh shit.
The cheek that I punched is the same color as my fist and it looks it hurts. "Sorry to interrupt, Mr. Ross," he says, "But can I see Gerard? It'll only take a second."
"Sure," Mr. Ross says and I shakily stand up and head over to the half open door. Mikey smiles at me, trying to maintain a cheery façade, and leads me out to the hallway. Once the door closes, Mikey takes a deep breath.
"I'll only say this once," He tells me. "If I don't tell Mom about this," he points at his face, "you have to stop hanging out with the Ieros."
After a pause, I quietly say "After tomorrow. I'm sleeping over at Frank's tonight."
Mikey purses his lips and nods. "I can deal with that," he says and, after a moment, adds "How's your fist?"
I hold it up and say "It doesn't hurt as much as it did a few minutes ago."
"What's those red marks?" He asks, inspecting the yellowing part.
"Oh," I say. "LynZ kissed it. I'm not sure why."
"Okay," Mikey says and opens the door. "Thanks for letting me borrow him, Mr. Ross," he says and Mr. Ross nods. I sit back down at my desk and Mikey leaves.
Tyler taps my shoulder and I lean back to hear him better. "What was that about?" He asks.
"He was reminding me that I'm going home with Frank Iero today," I lie again. "He was worried that I had forgotten."
"That's nice," Tyler whispers. "What happened to his face?"
I shrug. "I have no clue," I say and Tyler makes a sound of understanding. "He's Mikey. It could've been anything," I add.
"Yeah," Tyler says, nodding. I lean forward in my seat again and put my head down again.

---

"Hey, Mom? Can I spend the night at Frank's house tonight?" I ask, pressing my phone against my face.
"I don't know, honey, it's a bit last minute," she says.
"Aw, please?" I beg.
"Ms. Way, he'll be fine with us!" Frank yells, trying to make his voice heard through the phone.
"Who's that? Frank?" Mom asks.
"Yes, ma'am," I say. "LynZ's his sister."
After a bit of silence, Mom sighs. "Alright, honey, you can stay with Frank tonight," she says and I let out a whoop of victory.
"Thank you so much!" I cry and Frank cheers.
"Do you need anything from the house?" Mom asks and I shake my head, momentarily forgetting that she can't see me.
"Oh, no, ma'am," I say. "Okay, Frank's telling me that we gotta go."
"Alright. Love you, baby!" Mom says and I tell her the same thing. She hangs up and Frank fist-pumps the air.
"Yes!" He exclaims.
"What're you 'yes'-ing?" LynZ asks, coming up next to us.
"Gee's coming home with us tonight!" Frank exclaims.
"Awesome!" LynZ cries and puts her arm around my shoulder. "Do you have a change of clothes?"
"To sleep in?" I ask. "Yeah, I can sleep in my t-shirt."
"No, not that. You're gonna want a change of clothes for Desolation Row tonight." LynZ says. That's the last straw for me.
"What the absolute hell is Desolation Row?" I screech. LynZ lets out a small laugh as Frank answers.
"It's exciting, is what it is," Frank says. "And you will want a different set of clothes."
"Why, though?" I ask.
"You'll stick out like a sore thumb if you wear that," LynZsays. "Just trust us on this."
I look down at my green hoodie, black jeans, and black Converse. "I'll be out of place?" I ask. LynZ and Frank both nod. "'Out of place' how?"
"'Out of place' like you need something a bit punkier," LynZ explains. "We'll help you; don't even worry about it."
"I bet you can fit my clothes," Frank says. "I'm abnormally small for a 17-almost-18 year old."
"Thanks," I say and the two lead me to Frank's car. LynZ lets me ride shotgun, which is very nice of her. She stretches her legs out across the backseat and leans her head against the cold window.
"Alright, so what happened between you and Mikey today?" Frank asks LynZ. The car bumps along the road as she answers.
"I'm not really sure," she says. "He just cornered me and started talking about how I was gonna make Gee want to off himself or some shit like that."
"You don't seem too broken up about the fact that he basically attacked you," Frank points out.
"I'm really not," she says and messes with the ends of her hair. "I know that he won't do it again, so I'm not too worried."
"What makes you think that?" I ask.
"Did you not see his face?" LynZ asks and laughs. "He won't wane you up again for a while! Like, seriously! I didn't think you could do that, much less to your brother!"
"I didn't think I could, either," I say.
"Dude, you were effing scary. Here I was, thinking you were some kind of pacifist flower child, but now... Goddamn." Frank breaths, as if he idolizes me now.
"Gee, thanks. 'Cause that's totally want to be known for," I quip. LynZ laughs again and says "Well, like it or not, that's what our friend group knows you for."
"What? Attacking my brother?" I ask, hoping for clarification.
"Not for attacking your brother," Frank starts. "For attacking Mikey Way. Huge difference."
"There's really not," I say. "Mikey is my brother, and I still attacked him. I didn't even attack him; I really only punched him."
"Oh, let me see your hand!" LynZ says and I reach over my shoulder to give her my fist. She hisses when she sees the bruise and asks "Hurts like a mother-effer, doesn't it?"
"Not really," I tell her. "It feels... Normal, I guess is the right word."
I feel her kiss my knuckles again and a question surfaces in my mind. "Why're you kissing my bruise?" I ask. "I'm not criticizing, just asking."
"To make it feel better," she explains. "When I was little and I got a scrape or bruise, my mom would always kiss it to make it feel better. And since your bruise is pretty big, it requires multiple 'get well' kisses."
"Oh," I say. "But I just said that it feels fine."
"Yeah, well, it doesn't look fine," LynZ says and lets me bring my hand back. "And I'll continue to give it kisses until it isn't the color of cat piss."
"Alright," I say and look at my hand. The bruise is covered in small red marks again, but there's also the tell-tale red marks all over the rest of my hand. I furrow my eyebrows for a second, wondering why LynZ Iero kissed my hand.

Notes