Privilege of the broken ones

Frank woke up with a slight headache. His room was dark just like on a cold winter day. He crawled out of his bed,his feet touching the cold wooden floor.
As he was waking up his mind was clearing and remembering everything that happened yesterday. Flashbacks of the boy who almost caused a relapse of his,sterile walls of a nut house he had to go to.
Frank put on some clothes. It was not unusual for Frank to take black jeans even though he wasn't going anywhere. (It was an unwritten rule of his family,they didn't wear clothes for school or work at home.)
Frank was scanning his wardrobe for a black t-shirt. He was feeling like wearing everything black today. Frank's mother would get especially mad at him when he wore all black. She said that people will think that he's depressed or something.
Well,they weren't far from it. Frank didn't want to diagnose himself because then he would have to admit that he's not sane. That was not an option. Never was and never will.
Frank opened his window and let the sun go into the room. Fresh air was starting to fill the stale air that gathered throughout the night.
The sun would peek its nose every once in a while. The clouds were still present, probably the aftermath of yesterday. Frank went downstairs to grab something to eat and to run away from his house.
Frank's mother was standing in the kitchen making her coffee. She glanced at Frank when he made a sound with his jeans going against each other.
Dark circles were visible under her eyes. Frank didn't know the reason,but it's been like that for weeks now. Probably one of the reason was him.
He knew she thought he was a disappointmant. She finally realized that when he started going to elementary school.
Frank wasn't good at school,his concertation was on a level of a gold fish,sports and him were two different subjects. People around him showed no interest in Frank and he didn't show any interest in them.
He had a friend though,her name was Joanna. When they were younger they used to play around.
A lot of boys his age called him a faggot for playing with a girl. They only did that because they were jelaous because Frank actually hanged out with someone who didn't have a frickin dick.
Joanna started to back away from him when they got into high school. Frank thought that she was ashamed of him and she started to get different every day. She was growing up. It was known that girls were more serious than boys at that age.
She spoke to Frankie,as she liked to call him,only when she needed something and when she needed something,it were the most bizarre things.
She once asked Frank how do guys know where to put it when people have sex.
Frank was only eleven years old back then. He didn't even know what she meant by putting something somewhere. He thought her hormones were a little bit out of hand.
After he didn't know what to answer she just left,dissapointed in her guy friend who knew less about those things then her.
Soon after she realized Frank was for no good,she kinda stopped talking to him. She would come back every once in a while to talk about meningless things,but that was about it.
Still,she had a habit of saying that she is Franks friend. He doesn't know why. He thinks she just liked the feeling of having some power over someone,she wasn't just letting Frank go. She was keeping him like a spare player on a bench in that stupid sport called football.
He was just a spare,so if she decided to abandon her stupid friends,she would just jump back to Frank. It wouldn't be the first time she would that. She has already done that before.
But this time he was ready. He was not going to let her control him,not this time. Frank needed to stop thinking about that stupid bitch.
His mother offered him coffee,but she knew Frank didn't drink it. Frank refused politely because that was the only way of getting his mom off of his back.
She was really stubborn about getting Frank into an addiction. Coffee in a way was a drug. It made you more awake. Frank sat down and glanced around to see if Satan was there.
Frank was reffering to his father. He had a temper especially in the morning. Sometimes it only took a wrong expression on your face. Frank wouldn't call him abusive but it was still there. It would break his surface every once in awhile.
Frank ate his peabut butter and jelly as fast as he could. He tried to avoid every question she asked. Moments before his leaving she asked Frank where was he going. He thought that he shound lie where he was going but there was no reason for that.
"I am going to group therapy. The doc said it was the best way to get throught this."
She smiled with a sigh. She came close to Frank and wrapped her arms around him and touched his shoulder with care. She then whispered:
"That's great,sweetie. Never forget that what ever you need i am here to help."
Frank was getting sick and tired of people giving him their "support". It was fake and they didn't even try to hide it.
Frank rushed to get ready for group therapy. The group therapy was in two hours. He woke up way earlier.
Shit.
He sweared to much in the course of this year. Swearing wasn't a sin to Frank if you were swearing yourself for fucking up or when you just said in the air just for the kick of it.
He decided to pack all of his things that he needed for group therapy. He didn't actually need anything.
Miss Jackson hasn't given him any tips for therapy,she just said that he needed to show up. That's all.
Frank made his bed earlier than when he did it normally. He always made his bed in about eight in the afternoon. He didn't know why. It just turned into a habit. Some habits are hard to let go.
Satan just opened the front door. Frank was far enough to hear him stumble. The fucker was drunk.
Lovely.
He probably had an all-night party with his work friends.
What a life!
He decided to have fun because he didn't have that in his young days. Sometimes you got to admire this man's spirit. Old as fuck,but still living the life.
Frank heard him taking off his shoes and collapsing on the floor. Suddently,he felt very afraid. His mother was downstairs. Who knows what he was going to do to her?
Hearing him mumble was a thing that he couldn't stand. When he was extremely drunk,he would become violent.
Violence to his father was just a thing that existed and should be used if you are the "head of the house".
Head of the house,my ass.
He was just a figure that needed fear to survive. Needing fear to survive was pathetic,the only time he felt important was when he caused fear. Unfortunately,he was good at it. That's why he felt important.
Distant banging and slamming was heard from the kitchen. Frank's fear increased with every bang. He was really hoping he was banging his head in a wall,realizing all the shit he's done in his petty little life.
It was not only wrong that Frank needed to walk on his fingers around him. It was also exhausting.
Franks fingers traced along his bedroom wall just to make sure he was still here. He was.
Dammit.
He knew he needed to get down and go,but fear was stronger than him at the moment . He would literally rather jump through his balcony then be forced to see his fathers face and to be asked questions from him.
While he was taking his stuff he was also picking his bravery of the floor.
The moment was coming.
With the first step he took, blood in his veins already froze when he heard his name.
"Frank? Come down,please."
Why was his father talking like he was in a bloody comercial? What the hell? Were there any secret cameras so that his father needed to behave? Or was social security stading in the kitchen checking if Frank was still alive?
Frank was getting pretty good at freezing in place when suddently,yet again a pleasant voice belonging to his father called Frank to come down.
It was disturbing and not fucking normal. Frank got his pansy ass down,practicly shivering from the fear he felt.
Franks father was standing in the middle of the kitchen,his mother next to him with a small smile on her face, on her unharmed face.
Well,this smelled wrong. In every single way. Frank had a feeling they were going to torcher him or more simple just kill him in cold blood.
Jesus Christ,this was not the time to get religious. What came next was probably unexpected. His mother and father were standing there still. Frank's mother spoke first.
"Frankie,we just needed to tell you that we will do anything to help you get better."
Wow. So nice of you,mum.
His dearest daddy nodded his head while his mom was giving Frank a speach of love and happiness.
Frank was holding a chuckle. This was so funny. His dad gave him a talk about how after he get better he could start working for him,after high school,of course.
Education first. Gotta learn shapes and shit. Kill people with the power of the triangle.
Frank needed to get out of the house before he started bursting laughing. Shit,Frank needed to calm down. Ugh,this was taking too long. They finally let him go.
Jesus,it took too long.
He was on his way to therapy. Frank still had an hour and a half before that shit started. He decided to settle in a foggy park near the hospital.
Frank was hoping that the rain wouldn't start but it was highly unlikely because the thick clouds were spreading in all directions.
His bag was filled with papers and pencils and even some fucking crayons,how the hell did crayons end up in here?
Frank started to write about everything that surronded him.
Nobody was in the park and that made Frank sad a bit. When he was a little kid children were constantly in the park making sand castles and girls playing princesses and boys fighting and hurting girls which he never wanted to be a part of.
The sound of distant honking made him go back to the place he was in.
Frank stared at the sky and wished it was night. He also wished it was a night summer sky. Summer night skies were the best to him. There was this part of the summer when commets would fall night after night.
It was beautiful.
The sky that was above his head made him feel numb for days. Melancholy and monotony would descend onto him in these kind of moments.
Frank heard footsteps behind him which made the back of his head shiver with the unknown danger that was approaching.
The sound of someone clearing their throat made Frank jump a little.
Franks head turned and then he saw what he knew will make his heart bleed with enormous pain.
A tall figure was standing above him. Shaggy dark hair. Frickin long ass coat.
Gerard.
A lot of mixed feelings went through Franks head. Gerard was standing there. Frank was about to flip his shit and run because he has already started to firmly belive that this boy is stalking him.
Yet again,that was impossible because who would ever decide to stalk Frank. Frank was not one of those people worth stalking.
But then again,there was Gerard standing above him and very,very near.
Gerard started to get down next to him. On the moisty ground,sitting next to him.
Gerard looked at him with a strange expression on his face.
"Do you ever come to this place or are you just stealing my place?"
What the actual fuck?
"Sorry." Frank already started to get up and leave,picking his stuff up. Picking crayons up.
Oh my god. Fucking crayons. Nice job,Frank.
"I didn't say you need to leave. This property belongs to the state. It's not actually mine. Why don't you seat here with me?"
Frank made a terrified look while Gerard wasn't looking at him. Fuck,Frank didn't know what to do.
"Oh,c'mon Frank. Why not?"
Frank made his way to the floor,waiting him to speak first.
The wind was getting stronger and made the chains on swingsets clang with noises.
"So-" he started speaking. "I couldn't help but to notice that you have crayons over here. Having flashbacks on the beautiful childhood you had?"
Franks cheeks started to grow hotter with every second. Gerard had no right to spit on his decisions and just for the fucking record it was rude.
Frank snapped. "Okay,will you shut the fuck up?"
Gerard just smiled because of Franks outbreak of anger.
"I knew there was something burying inside of you."
Franks wanted to pull his hair out of his head. "First of all,what do you want from me?"
Gerard leaned in closer and Frank decided it was better not to breathe. Gerard looked up and Frank could see his wide eyes that had small wrinkles.
They were fucking beautiful.
"The thing is that i don't really know what i am doing."
For the first time Gerard actually looked like he was hurting. It was visible that he was only better at hiding it.
"Why are you so assertive?" Frank asked him in a low voice.
Gerard made some space between them and looked at his long fingers.
"I think the problem is that i've been silent for far too long. So i like to make an impression."
Great. A guy who likes to stand out because he never got the chance.
Frank just thought about how different they are. Gerard is a person who likes to revenge the things he never had the chance to do before. Frank on the other hand buried his feelings deeper and deeper until he forgot about them.
"How do you do that?" Frank asked in a cracked voice.
"Do what?" Gerard asked while raising his eyebrows at the question.
"How do you make an impression?" Frank asked while touching his sleeves where his wrists should be.
"Well,look at you. You are talking to a complete stranger who you dissed very well in the hospital. I thought i was the only one here who was charming."
Charming.
That's what Frank said to him yesterday. Gerard knew his name. Frank started to sweat because he realized that this could turn into something bad.
Frank started to pick his stuff up with rush which made Gerard stumble upon his words. Frank practicly ran out of the park and crossed the road without looking which almost got him killed by a car. As Frank was getting in the hospital,he could hear distant swearing of the driver and the confused shouts of Gerard the fucking creeper.
Frank ran to group therapy even though he was still thirty minutes early.
Frank's panting started to slow down as he was walking through the halls. He knew that Gerard would show up one day,somewhere.
Honestly,Gerard was creeping Frank out. Gerard compromised Franks safe spot and knew about him.
He knew his name.
If that wasn't a reason to freak out,he didn't know what was.
Frank wandered the white halls. He then saw a group of young teenagers and people in their early tweenties.
Group therapy was held in a big room and just like in those movies,there were chairs that were positioned in a circle.
Another cliché.
Young,fucked up people started to take their chairs. Everybody sitting to someone they know. The room filled with all sorts of people. There were preps,there were junkies,there were people that Frank couldn't even put in a group.
And he didn't even want to. People always put Frank in a certain basket.
He was marked as the basket case,as the shy kid in class and the failure.
There were two chairs left and he decided to take the one next a blonde kid who was about his age. The dude nodded and continued to wander around,looking at the walls.
Frank tried to play music in his head but at this moment it wasn't possible. Usually,music was playing inside his head all the time. Sometimes the music didn't let him sleep. It was usually song lyrics. But sometimes,just screams.
There was a young woman sitting with a bunch of teenagers. She has a long black coat which made Frank jelaous because it looked frickin awesome. Frank had to squeeze his eyes a bit when he saw she had a name tag. It said Cassie.
Cassie,welcome to the frick house. Today's special are fucked up teenagers. Hope you'll like it.
Cassie was about to start talking when the whole group heard talking outside and then the sound of entering in the room.
Cassie looked suprised and said. " Glad you made it."
There was just a snorting sound behind him,which made Frank realize it was just another cocky teenager.
And then,Frank probably stopped breathing.
Freakin Gerard sat on the chair that's opposite to him. They were looking at each other. Gerard made a concerned look on his face,which made Frank sweat with anxiety.
"Now that we are all here. We can start the group therapy." Cassie said with a small smile.
"There are a few rules before we start. First,that doors that you just entered,they are under a lock."
Great,Prison Break time.
"Second,when you go home or wherever you go,you are not allowed to talk about the things you heard fron the people around you. Third,there is no dating among each other while you are in group therapy. We had a few incidents with that kind of stuff,we are not allowing that to happen again."
Cassie made a satisfying noise when she was done. Cassie's talking totally made Frank forget about the dude that's scaring him to death.
How did he get into group therapy? Was he in group therapy? Why the hell was he following Frank?
There were so many questions that were in Frank's head. The sound of music was replaced with horrible screams.
Cassie started to go around the circle. People were telling their stories and some were crying. Which made Frank even sadder. Group therapy,a place where you should recover and people were crying on other's stories.
Cassie coughed a bit. Frank glanced to see what's going on. The whole group was staring at him. Cassie smiled and said.
"This is Frank's first time at group therapy." The whole group said 'Hi Frank' except Gerard who was looking at him the whole time.
"Now Frank,you can talk about the things that concern you or you can just listen to what other people say until you are comfortable enough to talk about your problems."
This was actually great. That meant that he could just not talk and all wilk be great.
"So, I can skip this one?" Frank asked with his eyebrows frowned.
"Yes,sure." Cassie responded.
They went on with the circle. There were so many people that had huge issues. Two girls and a boy with bulimia and anorexia,four of them with depression,three of them with self-harm issues,five of them with high anxiety issues,two of them with drugs,one of them talked about violence in his family.
There were another one that Frank didn't know what his problems were. Gerard sat there with his legs crossed,looking at Frank constantly. Time came for Gerard to speak.
Cassie made a huge grin when she looked at Gerard. She probably liked him or something. . Maybe he stalked her too.
"Gerard, how are you feeling today,are you going to share something with the group? "
There was a lot of hope in Cassie's eyes. Gerard smirked a bit.
"Well,y'know that i don't like to talk much but there is something i would like to share with the group."
How the hell is this gonna end?
Cassie made a concerned face. " Is it about your drug addiction or something else?"
Drug addiction? Holy shit. Frank thought he was on drugs when they first met. Shit. Now Frank felt guilty. It still didn't excuse Gerard for behaving the way he did.
Frank's thoughts were interrupted with Gerard.
"So,today i ran in this kid."
No,no,no,no and fuck no.
"He was sitting at the spot i usually came. And we started talking,he seemed a little bit anxious. I think i said something wrong because the next thing i saw was the same kid running in full galop away from me. Honestly,i've never seen someone run that fast but yeah,it happened. Now, i want advice how to approach that guy again without freaking him out because i am hundred percent sure he is freaking our right now."
Frank thought he was going to pass out. He started to hold onto his chair because he felt like he was going to collapse on the floor every second.
The blondeheaded dude next to him started to notice Frank slipping out of existence. Frank just nooded his head to show the dude that he was okay.
Everyone in the group was thinking about Gerard's case and how to help him. The fucker was just looking at Frank all the time.
The amount of advices were extremely large. People were trying to actually help. A lot of people asked how the person looked like,but Gerard only rolled his eyes at those comments.
Frank could feel Gerard's look on him the whole time. It was unbereable. He managed to look up and his feeling was right. Gerard was looking at him,but not just into his eyes. He was scanning his whole body which made this moment even more awkward for Frank.
The room went silent. Frank didn't know he was going to speak,he just did,without thinking which was dangerous.
"Maybe that person doesn't trust you."
Everybody looked at Frank with suspicion. These were first actual words that came from Frank.
Everyone just made a noise with agreement and silent mumbling.
Gerard gave Frank a smirk and for the first time looked at the floor. Everyone was suprised. One girl even had her eyes widely open in excitment. Frank guessed that stuff like this didn't happen often in group therapy.
Gerard made eye contact with Frank again,his eyes dark.
"Charming,aren't you?"

Notes

Chapter 3. nice i am developing.