Hospital Bed

Frank’s parents stood by his bedside while Gerard watched them quietly. On the outside, he looked quite calm, but Mikey, standing in the far corner of the room, knew better. Gerard was on the verge of breaking down. Although they spoke no words, the silent message hung in the air.

“Gerard, we’re not going to ask you again,” Frank’s father spoke.

“Good. My answer is still no, so you can kindly take your leave. Don’t let the door hit you on the way out,” he practically growled at them. Mikey winced. He knew Gerard loved them, but they were being a bit unfair in his mind. This was their son.

“It’s been three years! Do you honestly think he’ll still wake up?” His mother yelled. Her voice was broken from the sobs threatening to let loose at my moment. Gerard stood from his chair at Frank’s bedside abruptly.

“So what if it’s been three years! You’re his parents, so aren’t you both supposed to have the same thoughts as I do?! I will not allow you to take off his respirator!” Mikey was confused at his statement. Take off… his- Oh, my God! Mikey’s eyes widened in realization. But Frank can’t breathe on his own still!

“What do you suggest we do then?!” His father yelled.

“How about having faith in your son? How about starting there?! You’ve only been to visit him twice since he’s been asleep while I’ve been here every single day and night to make sure he isn’t alone despite working my ass off to keep him in here where he can be cared for properly. I don’t see either of you helping me. You have no right to try and force me to take away his only source of life!” Gerard roared back. Mikey was terrified. He’d never seen Gerard look like that. He opened the door and uncharacteristically opened his mouth wide as he took a deep breath.

“Security!!” He yelled down the hall. Within a moment, male nurses and a couple of security guards came running towards the room. Mikey fully opened the door as he frantically explained everything to them.

“This couple is trying to harm my brother’s fiancé, please get them out of here!” They all grabbed the parents and struggled to get them out of the room. Mikey looked over at Gerard, who was glaring at the parents so hard, he shivered in fear for them. He slowly walked up to Gerard as the guards finally managed to get Frank’s parents away from them.

“G-Gerard?” Mikey hesitated as he slowly put his hand on his shoulder. Gerard sighed loudly and fell down back into his chair. Mikey kneeled in front of him as Gerard leaned forward, resting his head in his hands.

“Thank you, Mikey. God knows what would’ve happened had they stayed here any longer…” Gerard mumbled. Mikey smiled softly and put his hand on his brother’s head petting his hair slowly, a habit that had come the main source of Gerard’s comfort.

“Mikey, if they come back again, I don’t think I’d be able to stop them. I’m not married to Frank legally yet, so I don’t think I have a say. If anything, I think they can be the ones to ban me from seeing him…” Gerard voice sounded empty of any life and it broke Mikey’s heart. He leaned forward and kisses Gerard’s head.

“Things will go as they will, Gee. Everything will work out the way it’s supposed to eventually. You know Frank better than anyone,” he tried to reassure him. Gerard looked up at his brother and never let his eyes look away from his.

“I’m exhausted. I feel like I want it all to stop. The Frank on that bed right there, is not the one I’m in love with,” he whispered. Mikey gasped slightly.

“Gee, you don’t mean that. You’re just frustrated.” Mikey wanted to slap Gerard for being unreasonable, but he knew he had no right, because he didn’t know what his brother felt like. He didn’t know what it felt like to live with the guilt of being the reason the person he loved was in a coma. He didn’t know what it felt like to wake up earlier than the sun to work all day and push back the times he slept or ate dinner just to see that person. He didn’t know what it was like to love someone who wasn’t able to live in the moment.

“Come on. Let’s go home, Gee. You can sleep on all of this and come back tomorrow,” Mikey said as he stood and helped Gerard up. He held his hand as he walked him out of the room, but not before kissing Frank on the forehead. Mikey took that as a good sign, knowing of their silent gesture. As they made their way home, Mikey driving them, Gerard stared out the window. He watched as the lights to all the buildings passed them in a flash. He wondered if this was what Frank felt like knowing that life was passing him by just this quickly. He, himself, didn’t know how much more he could take. He could admit that he deserved all of it, but he knew everyone had a breaking point and his was near. He didn’t know how near though. Maybe as quickly as tomorrow, maybe a few weeks, months… Maybe, if he were lucky, a couple of more years. Imagining his life without Frank was becoming easier, and he knew that sounded bad. He could just see himself working this hard to pay for Frank’s hospital stay for the rest of his life. He couldn’t see Frank waking up anymore. The hope he would have only to be smashed back during the first few months at seeing that his fiancé wasn’t waking up died down to just another day. He would get up, work, go see Frank, go to his other shift, and see Frank again at the end of the night before going home to sleep and then repeating the same routine for three years was unbearable. He loved Frank, but it hurt more and more when he realized that Frank wasn’t living his life and being who he wanted to be. He wanted to be in a band and make a change in the world through that and he wasn’t able to. Time was passing him by.

“Gerard? We’re home.” Gerard snapped out of his thoughts at his brother’s voice and got out the car himself just as Mikey locked it from the key control thing. They walked inside their apartment and sat down on the couch together. Gerard balled up into Mikey’s side and clung to him. He relaxed more when Mikey wrapped his arms around him and held him tightly.

“I’m right here. I’m not going anywhere,” Mikey told him. He knew it was true, because he trusted Mikey and knew he would never leave him.

“I love you, Mikey.”

“I love you, too.”

“No. I really, really love you.” Mikey stared at his brother before Gerard leaned up and kissed Mikey so hard, his breath was taken away. He pulled away.

“Gerard, stop. You don’t know what you’re doing,” he tried to reason. Gerard pushed him all the way down on the couch and climbed on top of him, kissing his neck. Mikey shivered.

“I know exactly what I’m doing,” Gerard said in between kisses. Mikey once again pushed Gerard to arm’s length and stared hard into his eyes.

“Gee, what are you doing?” Gerard looked at him with a glazed over look in his eyes. They stayed staring at each other until Gerard hunched over and clung to Mikey’s shirt as he let out loud sobs. Mikey wrapped his arms around his brother and held him tightly. He knew it was horribly wrong, but he loved that Gerard kissed him. Deep down, he knew he’d always harbor such feelings for his older sibling, but he came to accept that Frank was the only one for him. Despite Gerard telling him that he was about ready to give up, he knew he’d never just leave his fiancé like that. He’d always stay by his side no matter how painful it was for him. That was the kind of person Gerard was; hardworking, dedicated, and, above all, motivated. He was that one working who would do everything even when he wasn’t asked, he was the kind to rush and run around every shift and not give himself a break, because he believed he hadn’t worked hard enough to deserve it. Mikey thought Gerard was a beautiful person, and not just because of his looks. He believed he was beautiful because his love knew no ends when it came to his family.

“I’m so, so, so sorry, Mikey! I don’t know what I was doing,” he sobbed louder. Mikey tightened his hold on him, giving his head a kiss and he hummed softly to calm Gerard down. Eventually, his sobs turned to hiccuping, which in turn turned into sniffles and heavy breathing. Mikey lifted Gerard’s face and smiled at him.

“Why don’t we get you to bed? We’re doing a few movies tomorrow, remember? Why don’t you sleep in and just visit Frank after your other shift?” He asked him.

“But-“

“Gee, I think you could use the sleep. No offense, but you look like shit. Besides, you’ll still see him, won’t you?” He saw as Gerard bit his lip in concentration.

“I suppose you’re right. Come sleep in the bed with me,” he said as he got up from Mikey. The younger brother grimaced at the loss of warmth, and quickly got up.

“Race you!” Gerard said as he took off towards the room. As if instinct, Mikey grabbed his shoulder and pulled back, unbalancing Gerard long enough to run past him. Gerard dramatically threw himself at Mikey, going “boneless” and laughed as Mikey struggled to hold him up. While he was resting for a few seconds, Gerard took that opportunity to jump on the bed.

“No fair!” Mikey yelled childishly.

“Yeah, but you still love me,” Gerard told him as he stuck his tongue out. It was moments like this that he lived for now. When he and Mikey could go to the comfort of their home and talk and play and just… be happy. Happiness. That was a feeling he only felt with his brother now. He still loved Frankie to death, but being in his hospital room and holding his seemingly lifeless hand took its toll on him. He was finally starting to become impatient. He wanted his fiancé to wake up now, but he just wouldn’t.

“Gerard?” Mikey asked him. He turned as saw that Mikey was already undressing for bed and the lights were off aside from the nightlight in the corner of the wall that his younger brother insisted he keep on when he was in the room with him. Gerard undressed with him and they both crawled into bed. With Mikey’s back facing him, he wrapped his arm around his waist and tucked his other hand under his pillow. They slept like this every time they slept in the same bed, because Mikey knew it gave Gerard comfort. He let his brother pretend he was his fiancé. Although he knew it was probably bad, he took delight in being like this, so he turned around and snuggled into Gerard chest.

“Night,” Gerard yawned, tightening his grip around Mikey before finally falling asleep. Mikey watched is brother sleep for what seemed like hours before finally falling asleep himself. Gerard’s alarm woke him up abruptly and he jolted up. He looked around and saw that it was still dark out. He looked over to the clock and read it to himself.

“4:30? What the fuck, Gerard?” He sighed and hit the off button before snuggling up next to Gerard and falling asleep again. Five minutes later, Mikey opened his eyes and pouted. He couldn’t get back to sleep! He huffed out air and then got up to take a hot bath, hoping that’ll help him. As he set the water to as hot as it could get, he slipped off his boxers and stepped into the tub, shivering as the hot water came into contact with his skin. He quickly sat himself down and then shook until he got used to the burning feeling. He sighed deeply as leaned back against the water and looked at every detail in the home. For being so busy, Gerard managed to keep everything clean, he thought. He then noticed a small cabinet behind the toilet and moved towards it before stopping himself. Should I really look? What if Gee has something important there? He asked himself. But his curiosity got the best of him.

“Curiosity killed the cat, but satisfaction brought it back,” he assured himself as he reached behind the toilet and, as quietly as he could, dragged the cabinet to him. He stared at it for a while, observing it. It looked almost hand carved. It was beautifully done, but there were still very small mistakes which made Mikey think that maybe Gerard did this himself. He slowly pulled on the charm dangling down, acting as the handle. He observed the charm and saw it was two men embracing each other in the shape of a heart with their lower bodies pressed together along with their foreheads. He was in awe at the detail put in. He opened the door of it and a bunch of pictures came out, spilling around the side of the toilet. Mikey quickly picked them up after drying his hands of the water. He looked at them closely.

“This is Frank and Gee…” He said to himself. It was memories. Some were taken at what looked like to be a Starbucks, some more at a school, one to a pet shop, some were in rooms while others were outside. Playgrounds, restaurants, movie theaters, and their home. The one Mikey was in now. Mikey clenched his jaw and quickly shoved the pictures back in. He couldn’t stand to see the smile Gerard was making in these photos. The smiles he smiled now were nothing compared to the ones in the pictured and he felt himself grow angry. He stood from the bath and, got out of the tub, and then walked into the bedroom naked and dripping wet. He stared at Gerard’s sleeping figure. The blankets were only covering the bottom half of his body and Mikey thought he looked beautiful to him.

‘What am I doing…?’ He thought to himself. He turned to walk back into the bathroom, but the pictures flashed through his mind again and be walked over to Gerard’s lying figure and climbed on he bed, straddling him. He leaned down, with his hands running over his older brother’s chest, and looked at his face closely. His face still had the look of concern etched on his face, something that was now permanent. It was a look Mikey hated Gerard having, but it’ll never go away. Probably not until Frank woke up, if he did. Staring off into his face, Mikey became surprised when Gerard’s eyes whipped open and he stared with eyes full of concern.
“Mikey, what’s-?” He began asking, but then he looked down and noticed his bare state, and then looked back to his face. “What are you doing?” He asked his younger brother. Mikey continued to stare at him, and they stayed like that until Mikey’s tears began falling on Gerard’s chest. Being cautious, Gerard slowly put his hands on Mikey’s forearms and rubbed them softly, hoping it would calm him down.

“Why don’t you ever smile like that with me? Don’t I make you happy, Gee? Don’t I?” He asked, his voice coming out in a pleading tone.

“Of course I’m happy with you!” He exclaimed softly.

“Then why don’t you smile with me like you did in those pictures with Frank?” Gerard was confused by what he meant until he noticed the glisten coming off of his body courtesy of the nightlight. Mikey was wet, he noticed, meaning he’d been in the tub and he finally saw his hidden pictures. He hadn’t looked at them in months, because it’d gotten too hard.

“I’m in love with him, Mikey. I love you just as much, but in a completely different way,” he tried explaining.

“But what if I’m in love with you? I could be Frank for you. I could try,” he cried out. Mikey knew he was being childish, and he didn’t even realize he’d felt that way. His mouth just started going and it wasn’t stopping until Gerard did something, anything.

“Stop. You can’t do that. You’re your own person. I won’t allow you to do that. I will admit that there is something I hold for you that’s not brotherly love, but something more, but I can’t pursue that. Frank is my one and only and I know you’ll find yours one day. Okay? Let’s go back to sleep. We’re supposed to sleep in aren’t we?” Gerard chuckled nervously, almost. Mikey felt himself grow frustrated and then grabbed Gerard’s face with both of his hands, and kissed him. Hard. All the emotions he was feeling was thrown into the kiss and Mikey hoped Gerard got his message.

And he did.

At some point, he kissed Mikey back, but then he stopped. Mikey pulled back and they were both panting. Gerard averted his eyes.

“Look at me,” Mikey whispered. Slowly, Gerard lifted his eyes to Mikey’s and he almost gasped at the look in his younger brother’s eyes. He looked so hurt. Almost as if Mikey were waiting for him to wake up instead of Gerard waiting for Frank. He tightly held his brother against his chest.

“I’m sorry, Mikey. I don’t want you to feel so much pain. So, please, stop loving me the way you do. I can’t watch you get hurt…” He pleaded. Mikey ripped himself from Gerard’s arms and got off the bed, searching through his cabinet for boxers. He slammed the drawer shut and pulled them on.

“Mikey?” He heard his brother call. He went into the closet and pulled out his duffel bag.

“Don’t ask me to stop feeling this way. You don’t have to watch me, okay? I’ll go somewhere else!” He yelled, hurt lacing his voice. His vision went blurry as he ripped his clothes off hangers and stuffed them into the bag. He knew he was being dramatic and unreasonable, but he couldn’t help himself. He could even think to look at Gerard now, because he felt so ashamed from the way he was acting.

“I don’t want you to leave me, too…” He heard Gerard murmur. He pushed away the feeling of wanting to throw himself into Gerard’s arms and kept packing. Suddenly, he felt Gerard grab him by the shoulders. He looked up at him and glared.

“What? I’m leaving, okay?” He snapped. Before he could process what was happening, Gerard was kissing him.

“Please don’t leave me, too… You’re all I have left. You’re all I have to keep me sane.” He kissed him again.

“Please stay. Please.” He kissed him again and again, knowing it was wrong and impure. Mikey nodded and the rest of their night consisted of kissing each other until the sun rose and then they finally slept. Gerard felt relaxed knowing Mikey would stay, and also that he didn’t have to rush over to the hospital. It’d never occurred to him that he could also go later.
Gerard wanted more than anything for Frank to wake up, but where would he fit into his life now? He knew it sounded horrible, but it was true. Three years without him called for him to plan his life around visiting a hospital everyday just to see him. He had been so caught up with work, and being a brother to Mikey, that he didn’t even think about what he would do once his fiancé woke up. He still loves his Frankie dearly, but can anyone really blame him for having to move on…even a little bit?

Notes

So while I was writing this, I got super depressed thinking about Gerard's situation xD
I also noticed that I hadn't updated my first My Chem fic in almost 20 days. I find it more enjoyable to write this one, because I have such love for the plot <3
But I will update In My Mind Only pretty soon if not today.
Anyways enjoy! Feedback would be amazing as fuck from you all ;D

-OAIF <3