In My Mind Only

Gerard hugged me tightly, sniffling every few seconds.

"Gerard, I swear if you get boogers on my shirt, I'm going to be super pissed off." He laughed and pulled away. His face was red and tear stained.

"Sorry. But, um, things with Ray and I are going well. He's actually opening up to me and everything. It's really nice. I know he bullies you, used to be your boyfriend and all that, but, like, he's amazing, Frankie." I smiled as I thought of the sweet boy Ray used to be, and then nodded in agreement.

"Yeah. He's a good guy. I know you guys will be together in no time." I felt content. Like all the anger that was inside me was suddenly gone. I could actually smile with no problem, and I actually wanted to.

"You're okay with it?" He asked. He seemed confused. I smiled more.

"Of course. I'm leaving in exactly 6 months to the day, Gerard. I'm completely fine with it. I just feel so... bubbly. Like nothing could make my day any worse. I'm not sure what to call it, but I feel infinite. Unstoppable, even." Gerard laughed.

"That's called happiness," he continued giggling.

"I guess I'm finally happy then and it feels great, you know. i"m almost done with school, I'll be able to get out of here, get into a good school for free, be whatever I want to be. On top of that, I can fight for my country," I said. Gerard's huge grin died down to a sad small. It was the kind of smile someone would use when you loved someone, but you let them go because you realized that it was enough that the person knew you loved them. It was bittersweet.

"Yeah. Mikey said the same thing, too. He's my brother. He was in the military as well. He was really happy to fight for us and we were all happy for him, too. He was doing a tour in Afghanistan when he died. The truck he was doing surveillance in drove over this type of makeshift bomb and it exploded right over his spot in the truck. It was weird, you know. He was the only one who died. The others lost limbs, were severely burned, or something of the sort. I always wondered why it was only Mikey, out of 10 men, who was the one to go," he spoke. That's what it was. His brother. He thinks I might end up sharing the same fate as him. I put my hand on his shoulder and his eyes seemed to come back into focus. He smiled sadly and put his hand on top of mine. We stayed like that for a while, until we realized that dinner was still there and the movie was still paused.

"We should finish up everything, so I can get you home," he chuckled. I pressed play and slowly started eating my food. I didn't want to leave here. Especially when Gerard seemed like he needed me.

"Oh! My favorite song!" He cheered. I smiled at his childishness and listened as he sang.

"It really was no miracle.
What happened was just this.
The wind began to switch, the house to pitch,
And suddenly the hinges started to unhitch.
Just then, the Witch-to satisfy an itch,
Went flying on her broomstick, thumbing for a hitch!"

I laughed as he did the same hand gestures as Dorothy. He seemed to be really into it. I noticed my phone vibrating with a message. I checked the message and wanted to frown, but Gerard's singing and line reciting was hilarious.

Mother: Where are you? Your father and I are home early. We want to have dinner together.

I scoffed and typed back.

Me: I already ate dinner.

Mother: Did you enlist, Frank?

Me: Of course. I promised I was going to do it. Thanks to both of you, I am very big about keeping my promises to people. In exactly 6 months, you'll never have to see me again.

Mother: Get home. Now.

I sighed and stood. May as well pour my heart out. Gerard looked up at me, confused.

"Ah, I gotta get going. My mother wants me home. I really want to give them a piece of my mind, too, so perfect opportunity." I smiled and he nodded in understanding. "You know, I feel like my old self again. The kid before Ray hurt me, you know?" I wasn't looking for confirmation but he still nodded to show he was listening.

"Well, I hope you stay this way, because it's great," he laughs, standing up. "Well, let's go then." I followed him out the door and we listened to more Beatles on the way home. Purposefully, I left all my movies there so I could come back sometime, maybe..

“I hope things go well, Frankie,” he said as we came to a stop at my house. I smiled back at him as I got out the car.

“I’ll see you at school tomorrow, Gerard. And thanks, you know, for understanding.”

“Understanding what?” He asked. I chuckled.

“Me.” He smiled knowingly after a he realized what I meant and I closed the door and walked up my porch. I took a deep breath, still smiling, as I walked inside. My parents were standing in front of the door, arms crossed, and all that movie bullshit.

“What’s that smile for?” My father asked. I laughed.

“Oh, that’s right,” I said, “you’ve never seen me smile.” Their frowns deepened.

“Frank, don’t talk to us that way. Why were you home so late? And who did you have dinner with? And who brought you home?” They rammed me with questions and I finally frowned.

“Listen, guys, you don’t get to ignore me for nearly all of my life, and then start acting like parents when I’m finally doing what I want to be doing,” I scolded. Their looks hardened.

“Well, we’re always busy, Frank! What do you want us to say?” My mom yelled. I threw my backpack down.

“Then why are you guys home so early?! It’s because you wanted to be, right? So that must mean that you never wanted to come home to me!” I yelled back.

“We’ve given you anything you could ever want, Frank! What more do you want?!” It was my father’s turn to yell.

“I want you guys! That’s all I ever wanted! We could be dirt poor and none of that would matter if you were both by my side. I want nice home cooked meals that my mother makes, I want my father to play catch with me outside and show me how to be an honest man and not…not some evil business man. I want a mom and dad, and, all my life, you have both just been strangers that helped make me…” My voice broke. I looked up at them with all the hurt I’d held in for so many years, and their eyes seemed to soften.

“Why can’t you just be normal parents? Why couldn’t you have done that?” I asked them.

“Frank, look, your father and I had big dreams. But then we had you and things kind of happened this way. You weren’t planned in everything thing that we had planned.” As she spoke, I’d never heard such terrible words coming out of my own mother’s mouth.

“Then maybe you should have kept your legs closed, mother!” I hissed. She gasped and then raised her hand to slap me. I let her. Those words shouldn’t have left my mouth, and yet… they felt so right, as if I needed to say it.

“I’m leaving tonight instead. There’s no way you can make up everything you deprived me of in six months,” I said as I walked upstairs and into my room. I ignored their yells of my name followed by strings of profanity and slammed my door shut as hard as I could. The door made cracking sounds and I smiled at it. I want to break everything. After I’m done packing, I suppose I could do that to fuck with them. I pulled out my suitcase and started pulling out all my clothes from the drawers and my closet. I grabbed everything and stuffed it into the suitcase. Suddenly, I heard my parents on the other side of my bedroom door.

“Frank, open the goddamn door!” My father yelled. I heard the sobs of my mother and it made me start packing faster. When I was finally done, I took a marker and started writing a message on the wall for them to read whenever they opened the door.

“Wasn’t it nice to finally see me smile?” I pulled a decently big sized show box out of my room and then climbed out the window. As my feet hit the ground, I stumbled a bit, twisting my ankle from the five foot drop. I looked back up towards my window and sighed.

"I actually hope the writing wasn't too dramatic," I chuckled. I walked out of my property and wandered around aimlessly. A part of me wanted to call Gerard, so I could stay with him for the night, but that was probably a bad thing to do. Though, when I really thought about it, it would be the worst thing to happen between. After all, he did basically ejaculate on me. The image popped into my head, and I suddenly felt hot. Gerard was a sexy individual and I couldn't deny that, and my thoughts about him were becoming more erotic. I often wondered what he would feel like inside of me, what his chest would feel like on my back, and how tightly his hands would grip his hips. I could feel my breathing become a bit shallow as a wave of excitement coursed through my body straight to my manhood.

I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket and I welcomed the feeling for a short while before shaking myself out of it and pulling my phone out. Oh. It was a call. From Gerard. I thought twice about answering, but my body answered for me as my finger slid over the answer button.

"Hello?" I asked.

"You left your movies here," he said softly.

"Oh, I didn't realize," I lied.

"Liar. I saw your eyes look at them before you walked out of the house." I felt embarrassed so I chuckled instead.

"It would be different if I watched them on my own, Gerard," I said truthfully. Though, to be more honest, I loved watching him watching the movies. He looked so content, like I could sit here all day of everyday watching the look on his face and be content with my life. It was a weird feeling, because I knew what it was.

And I wasn't scared.

And I didn't want to run away.

I'm in love with Gerard, and I feel fine.

"Frankie? Are you there?" I heard his voice. He sounded concerned. I was about to answer, but then an 18-wheeler drove by, honking like there was no damn tomorrow.

"Where are you?" He asked.

"I'm walking towards a motel," I said as I resumed my walking.

"What? Why? Did your parents kick you out?" His voice sounded urgent.

"No, I left on my own. I'm actually doing fine," I said.

"Frank, you can't lie to me. Tell me where you are. I'll go get you."

"No. I'm fi-fine." My voice started breaking and I wasn't why. I felt great. I was happy to be out of my parents life. They never wanted me to begin with so why would I stay? Exactly. I wouldn't. So here I am, in the middle of the sidewalk at night, with a couple of suitcases, a box full of money I've been saving since that night my parents left me, alone, and broken.

"P-please come get me... My chest hurts," I sobbed. He didn't say anything for a while and I wondered if he was still on the phone. I was about to check when I heard him talk.

"Tell me where you are."

"In front of the store down the road from my parent's home," I said.

“I’ll be right there. I’m already in my car, okay? I’ll find you,” then he hung up. I waited on the bench outside for Gerard. When his car finally pulled up, I wasted no time in getting inside and hugging him. It felt a little weird since the last time I’d hugged anyone was Ray a long time ago. He hugged back tightly, and I didn’t realize I was full on wailing into his neck until he whispered soothing words in my ear. We stayed like that for a good as my wailing turned into small sobs and silenced to slight shaking. My eyes felt heavy, and I felt heavy in general.

“Are you okay, Frankie?” Gerard asked. I looked at his face and just stared. He looked right into my eyes and as I stared longer, the more the blush on his cheeks grew brighter. I wanted to smirk, but I found myself too tired to do even that. I was just glad that it was Gerard who was here with me. He cleared his throat and started his car, driving off and making a sharp U-turn, and heading back in the direction in his house. On the way there, he reached over and hesitantly put his hand on mine. I smiled a little and just gripped his index finger tightly before succumbing to sleep.

I awoke on a soft bed I knew to be Gerard's. I looked around and saw that he was laying next to me. His back was turned to me, and his blankets were all he way up to his nose, it seemed. I smiled at how, dar I say, cute he looked. I looked around as if someone could see what I'm about to do. I stretched out, groaning loudly, and cuddled my way into Gerard's back. I leaned against him, and I felt him slightly tense. I smirked and gripped the blankets softly. He seemed to relax and I closed my eyes as he turned around, pretending to be asleep. I peeked out from under my eyelashes and saw that he was staring at me.

"I wish you didn't have to leave, Frankie..." He whispered softly. I felt his finger trail down my cheek slightly. He sighed deeply.

"I shouldn't do this, but I feel like I won't be able to after Ray and I maybe become a thing." I wondered what he meant until I felt him really close to my face. I felt his breath against my cheek, and soon I felt a slight pressure on my lips.

He's kissing me.

I wanted to pull him more, because he was just too overwhelming. He was making me unravel from everything I worked hard for. I can't do this. I'll be leaving and I don't want this bond. I thought I felt fine about being in love with Gerard, but I'm not. He's pursuing Ray, I still have to deal with Jealousy, and I'm going to be gone. I can't just form this bond to break it.

But I'm already screwed.

This bond formed the day I offered him help.

He might get hurt and it's all my fault.

I should have just left him as he was, but... then I wouldn't have experienced happiness again. Is that selfish? Gerard pulled away and then laid his head on my shoulder and his breathing became calmer. He's asleep now. I opened my eyes and instinctively licked my lips. I felt my eyes burn with tears and I allowed one tear to slip out before I forced myself to sleep.

I hope I don't wake up...

Notes

I finally managed to get this chapter out >.< Harder than I thought. Midterms are coming up and that sucks =-= Wish me luck?
Anyways, enjoy! Feedback would be sexy :3

-OAIF <3