Gerard POV
We pull up at the school and I’m aware of the Frank hovering at the gate but I pretend I didn’t see him. I park and Mikey starts getting out the car. I can see Frank entering the parking lot and I open the door but waste time pretending to look for something. I swear if I have to talk to or even make eye contact with this kid anytime soon I will keel over.
“H-hey g-guys” he smiles as he approachs. I glance up but then avert my gaze back down as soon as I see him. It hurts so bad to do so, but I have no choice.
“Hey dude!” Mikey exclaims running up to him. I hover behind at my car, hoping they’ll go ahead to lessons. I can see them talking but I swear Frank keeps glancing back at me. I’m probably making it up though, I’m meant to be responsible for him.
Suddenly, Frank starts walking back towards me. Oh fuck he’s gonna talk to me. I’m actually gonna have to act like everything’s completely fine, act like I wasn’t masturbating over him yesterday, act like I’ve not fallen hopeless in love with this punky yet adorable kid. Kid. Act like I’m not a fucking pedophile.
“H-hey! W-why d-did you c-cancel t-today?” he questions, once he’s in earshot.
“Uh, something cropped up, Frank, I have a meeting but forgot to write it in my diary” I mutter, panicking but putting on my best ‘teacher’ voice. He nods and I swear I see his face fall slightly, sending a physical pain through my chest “You should go to class now” I add looking away swiftly.
“O-okay d-dude” He mumbles and wanders back over to Mikey. I watch as they go into the building. Fucking hell, I can’t go on like this. So I’ve fallen in love but with someone I can’t have. I wish, I wish, I wish I could be with him but I can’t. I mean, it’s not like he’d even like me, but if he were to any relationship would be fucking illegal. And then there’s the fact I’m his teacher and therapist so double illegal points for me. I’m also his best friend’s brother, which does make things a bit more personal but hell if I fuck this up, I’ll be fucking with Mikey too. Say I did try something or tell Frank how I feel, this would ruin their friendship. Or Mikey would have to like pick sides. And even if somehow Frank did like me back and we managed to forget it’s all a tiny bit illegal there’d still be a power imbalance and I’d hate to do that to Frankie. I’d end up hurting him. I always hurt people, I always mess up and I dread to think of the damage that could be done to Frank. I guess I’ll just have to fall out of love.
I have a few classes to teach, I just repeat the same old drivel over and over again and pretend like I’m having a good time. Truth is, I’m unable to stop thinking about Frank, Christ I’ve only properly known him for 3days but the more I try not to think about him, the more I think about him and the more it hurts me knowing I can never have him. It’s torture, I need to get past this.
I have a session with another pupil before lunch, this kid in care whose suffered a bunch of abuse. I feel so much sympathy for her but she’s annoying as hell. I just sit there nodding and humming at all the right times as she rambles on about some boyband. As she leaves Mikey and oh fuck Frank, walk in.
“Alright dude?” Mikey asks. I falsely smile.
“Yeah good, well as good as you can be when you’ve just listened to a middle schooler ramble about her crush for an hour” I chuckle, blocking out Franks presence.
“You poor soul” Mikey replies jokingly “Anyway can you please get me a coffee from the staff room. And Frank if he wants one”
I don’t look at him but I hear frank mumble something along the lines of ‘I don’t mind’ and feel my stomach flutter. Stop Gerard.
“Uh no, I was actually just gonna go drive to starbucks” I say, hoping it’d give me a reason to get away from them.
“Yes! Can we come!?” Mikey asks excitedly. That backfired.
“No” I reply quickly, regretting how abrupt it sounds.
“Come on bro, I’ll pay for mine” he pleads. Frank hums in agreement.
“I can’t it’s school hours I’m your teacher” I say, aware of the fact I don’t have a very convincing case.
“Yeah but you’re my brother and Frank’s my best friend like I view him as a brother so you two are basically brothers too” he tries to persuade me and Frank awws.
“Yeah not to the law though”
“I-I w-won’t c-come i-if you d-don’t w-want, I-I d-don’t w-wanna c-cause p-problems” Frank offers, sounding guilty. I look up at him and his expression makes my heart melt.
“No no, it’s alright Frankie, fuck it let’s go” I smile, feeling relieved. I mean me and Frank sort of know each other outside school, plus Mikey’s coming too, I can just allow myself to have a little bit of time with him then I’ll go back to teacher mode. We walk out the building and get in the car, Mikey in the passenger seat and Frank in the back. We don’t talk much, I always zone out in car rides. I feel a little guilty about the awkwardness, Mikey and Frank are making conversation so it’s alright but I put on some music nonetheless.
“What music do you like?” I ask, rummaging through the glove compartment as we stop at some traffic lights.
“L-literally a-anything” Frank replies.
“Iron maiden good?”
Frank lets out some sort of fractured excited squeal and I feel my heart skip a beat. Theres the niggling thought of ‘these feelings are kinda illegal’ but I push it out just for the moment.
“I-I l-love t-th-them” he grins as I take out the CD and put it on.
We sit quietly for a while, nodding along to the music. I glance up at frank in the mirror more often than I should. He’s sat staring out the window, tapping his fingers softly. He frowns slightly and I wonder what he’s thinking about but I don’t dare ask. I want to jump stop the car and leap back onto him. Not even in a massively sexual way, though that would be nice, but just bundle him and play fight in the back seat like 8 year olds. I don’t fucking know.
The car ride doesn’t take long, only maybe 2 songs, before I see the familiar starbucks sign. I almost ruin the car trying to parallel park and find myself embarrassed by it because Franks with us. Mikey assures him this is completely normal from me. Thanks bro. It looks busy inside, with no spare seats so I ask the guys what they want and go order it, leaving them in the car. From inside the shop I glance back at Frank every few seconds. I’m struggling with being near but not next to him as it is, I don’t know how the fuck I’m gonna survive when I force myself into the falling out of love plan. It starts when lunch finishes. 2pm. I’ll savour right now, the 40minutes we have left then I’ll return to being teacher and therapist. No rides, no chatting at lunchtime, no calling him ‘frankie’, no fucking perverse thoughts. Starting at 2pm, I’ll get over him, block him out or quit this job just like I quit everything else.
I walk back out and see, his oh so adorable face light up when he sees what I have in my hand. Mikey squeals too but Mikey isn’t the one I sort of want to marry. I get in and pass them their drinks and we sit in the car for a few minutes.
“We have a good 20minutes to spare, do you wanna just sit here for a bit or drive back to the school now and hang there” I ask.
“Hang here” Mikey replies.
“Y-Yeah” Frank agrees.
We sit and chat, Mikey badly sings along to the music and I mumble along too, not too badly if I say so myself. And so does Frank.
“W-wait d-did y-you j-just s-sing th-there?” He asks.
“Maybe” I gulp, looking away, embarrassed.
“Y-you’re f-fucking a-amazing” he compliments.
“Thanks” I giggle, feeling myself blush “Did you say you play guitar?”
“Y-yeah, I-I’m n-not a-amazing but I-I’m not b-bad e-e-either”
“I’m sure you are, what kinds of songs can you play”
“M-most, th-theres a c-couple o-of r-really ad-advanced o-ones I-I c-can’t b-but m-most p-pop o-or r-rock o-ones a-are p-pretty s-simple. O-Obvvvs I c-can’t j-just pl-play it inst-instantly th-though. I-I wr-write m-my o-own t-too s-sometimes s-so they’re m-my l-level”
“Gerard writes songs!” Mikey interjects.
“A-awesome G-gerard y-you’ll h-have t-to sh-show m-me s-sometimes”
“Uh I- I would but uh some are quite old and it’s only really lyrics and a tune in my head because I don’t have much musical knowledge and honestly no good human should be subjected to the ramblings of a smelly 20-something-year-old hermit”
“W-well i-it’s n-not l-like I-I’m a g-good human s-so th-that’s n-not a p-problem, I-I wou-wouldn’t m-mind. B-but I-I g-get i-if i-it’s pri-private”
“No uh yeah uh maybe” I gabble awkwardly. Mikey changes the subject and I note the time is coming up to twenty to two. Just over 20minutes left of I’m allowed to fancy Frankie time “We should probably be heading back to the school now”
Him and Mikey chat, I listen intently but I don’t join in. I watch him in the mirror, just like I did the whole journey here. I try to capture every movement in his mind, keep a mental photograph because if everything goes to plan I won’t ever look at him like this again. I’ll just glance at him, shoot him fake smiles, nod along to anything he says, recite techniques I’ve repeated over and over again and treat him like every student.
“Gerard can Frank come round?” Mikey asks suddenly.
“No uh, you’re at mums tonight anyway” I reply.
“Ugh you know I hate it there” he whines.
“Yeah of course I fucking know but you can’t like live with me, you’ve spend literally every night at mine”
“Why not?”
I don’t think I give him a straight answer, but he seems to accept defeat. I wouldn’t mind him living with me but inevitably that would mean visits from Frank aka torture. Maybe later if these feelings go away. I really hope they go away. The drive goes quickly despite being stuck in traffic and ending up running late and before I know it, I’m turning onto the road the schools on. I feel myself slowing down, subconsciously slowing down. I guess its somehow goodbye to Frankie and hello to Frank Iero pupil you are completely indifferent towards. But I want to hang on to every moment with Frankie. We pull up and him and Mikey rush out, running late. It’s 1:59.
“Thanks bro!” Mikey beams as he shuts his door. I note Frank almost hovers as Mikey rushes ahead. Is he trying to kill me?
“Th-thanks” he smiles.
“It’s nothing”
Come on Gerard you have less than a minute. Do something. Anything to show him how much you love him while you can. Okay not like that. But just Gerard use words. Oh fuck he’s walking away be quick.
“You’re a really good kid you know? Don’t let anyone tell you different, I mean I’m not sure I’m meant to have favourites but if I was you’d be mine” I gabble. He looks a bit taken aback before blushing. Motherfucking blushing.
“Th-thanks s-same t-to y-you, m-means a-a l-lot”
“Bye Frankie”
“Bye”
I watch him walk away and for some reason my eyes fill with tears.
2:00pm.
As soon as he’s in the building I put my foot down. Tears roll down my cheeks without my permission as I drive. I don’t know where to but hopefully somewhere that will get rid of whatever the hell I’m feeling.

Notes

super rushed not proofread like no time to write notes
I wrote this while watching tfios
I'm literally sobbing n made this kinda emo
have a good day

megan x (insert links here)