You Said You Read Me Like A Book But The Pages All Are Torn And Frayed
Chapter 3
NSFW. TW// body image/self hatred
Gerard POV
I sit in the toilet, I need a moment. It’s Thursday, last lesson, just one more day until the weekend. I have half an hour until I need to be in a meeting. I haven’t seen Frank all day, I hope he’s okay. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t slightly fancy the hell outta him. But it’s not even that, I feel like I need to keep him safe, he’s a perfectly independent 17 year old with his own life but I feel like I should constantly be by his side, almost protecting him. Soon I remember some pieces I’d forgotten to grade, I need them done by first lesson tomorrow, I meant to do them at lunch so I can have the evening to myself but that’s gone out the window. It’s quite overwhelming, a week ago I was an unemployed lowlife writing sad songs to myself, now I’m a teacher and therapist. It’s so fucking stressful but it feels good. I’ve been floating around for years, training for various things to avoid getting a ‘proper’ job but I have one and it’s not so bad.
Suddenly, my ears prick up as I hear the door open and someone enter the stall next to me. I’m crosslegged on the toilet seat, frozen, I don’t want anyone to know I’m in here, I mean I was crying 10 minutes ago. I don’t even know why but I do know I’m a teacher, it’s the pupils who are meant to hide in the toilets and cry. But pupils shouldn’t even be doing that anyway and that’s why I applied for the job.
I can hear soft breaths coming from next to me. Are they alright? I hear the movement of skin and it hits me. They are more than perfectly alright. The breathing gets heavier and I can now clearly hear what they’re doing, making my cock twitch. After a few moments, they let out a quiet fractured moan, which sounds oddly familiar. I can feel myself getting hard, despite the awkwardness, as their breathing gets heavier and faster.
“F-f-fuck” they breathe. I know that voice. No. It can’t be. It is. My little Frankie is jerking off no more than a metre away from me.
“Uh” he moans “F-f-uck”
I feel like imploding. I can hear him speeding up slightly and his breathing getting heavier and more rapid. In some fucked up way, I’m enjoying the situation. I can hear him letting out quiet moans, which become more and more frequent and I feel my erection pressing against my jeans. Quietly, hardly realising, my hand snakes under my waistband.
“Uh, f-f-f-fuck, uh, uh” I can hear Frank, quite clearly moan. I don’t think he has long. I stroke myself, biting back a moan at the relief it provides. Slowly, almost torturing myself, I undo my zip. It makes a slight noise and I freeze but Frank is too busy enjoying himself to notice. I pull out my cock, breathing in sharply as it meets the cold air. Gently, I rub myself, conscious of the fact Frank could so easily hear. I control my breathing, trying my best to keep it calm and steady and most importantly inaudible.
“Umph uh f-fuck” he continues, making me gasp quietly. I keep having to stop touching myself for a few moments before I make too much noise but that only makes me need relief more. His breathing becomes quick and unsteady, the moans louder and faster as I feel myself twitch and my toes curl.
“uh uh- f-f u- umph –uh f-fu-fucckk uh” he moans. I stroke myself more, breathing deeply as I hear him come with a whimper. I listen to him panting in the otherwise now silent room. I bite my lip and freeze, using all my self control to try and keep my breathing steady and quiet and not move. Staying completely still, essentially playing dead is hard enough but it feels almost impossible when you have a throbbing erection and the only thing you’re feeling is lust. I could just touch myself again, it’s not like he will hear. No, Gee. Come on, Frank just leave already and let me carry on with what you started. Even his panting as he gets his breath back is so fucking sexy. I imagine him slumped back right next to me all covered in sweat and cum and- Big mistake. Every bone in my body aches for relief and I even feel myself tear up with the frustration. After a painstaking amount of time, I hear movement as he gets up, flushes the toilet and washes his hands. Yes at fucking last. He pauses for a moment, if he’s admiring himself in the mirror I will lose my shit. He’s fucking gorgeous and that’s why I’m so motherfucking frustrated right now. Luckily, moments later I hear his footsteps and the door swing open and click shut.
I grab a tissue and breathe a sigh of relief and let myself moan as I stroke myself. It feels so good fuck. I begin pumping, aware of how heavily I’m breathing, moans and groans leaving my lips without my permission. I think of Frank. Fuck. I visualise him kneeling in front of me, taking me into his mouth. I remember the moans I was hearing just moments before as I visualise his head bobbing up and down. I imagine him looking up at me with his golden hazel eyes, deep throating me. Fucking hell. I feel my breathing becoming rapid and beads of sweat prick my forehead, losing track of the noises I’m making as the pleasure inside me builds. I pump myself faster and faster, as the room seems to spin slightly. I visualise him whining beneath me as I shoot ropes of come onto his tongue and moments later I cum into the tissue, shaking all over, whimpering and crying Franks name, flopping back against the wall.
I sit there for a few minutes, getting my breath back and coming to my senses. I put myself away, flush the tissue and wash my hands just as Frank did minutes before.
I groan when I see my reflection and look away for a second. I’m all sweaty, my hairs damaged and messy, verging on greasy. I stare at myself. I’m so fucking ugly. I have a spot right on the end of my nose, how fucking gross. My cheeks are chubby and I have no jawline, I look like a fucking potato. My eyeliners smudged and I have cavernous dark circles. It’s meant to be the teenagers looking all gross and sleep deprived not the adults responsible for them. Suddenly, it hits me. I just masturbated with and then over one of my students. That’s fucked up. So fucked up. He was just innocently jerking off, he didn’t realise I was there and I fucking violated him and he doesn’t even know. This is fucking pedophilia. What am I? Fucking gross that’s what. Gross, gross, gross, gross, gross. How could I have done that? I shouldn’t have even been hiding in the toilets. And even then I should have let him know I was there immediately. And if I couldn’t of done that I should of just listened to music or blocked it out certainly not motherfucking get off on it myself. What is wrong with me? He’s 17. I’m meant to be his therapist and teacher. Therapist and teacher. I have a responsibility to keep him safe and 100% not to do what I just did. I have fucked up so bad. I can’t deal with this.
I’m aware of tears rolling down my cheeks as I reach into my pocket, get out my phone and compose a text to Mikey.
Me: Tell Frank I’m cancelling our session tomorrow.
Gerard POV
I sit in the toilet, I need a moment. It’s Thursday, last lesson, just one more day until the weekend. I have half an hour until I need to be in a meeting. I haven’t seen Frank all day, I hope he’s okay. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t slightly fancy the hell outta him. But it’s not even that, I feel like I need to keep him safe, he’s a perfectly independent 17 year old with his own life but I feel like I should constantly be by his side, almost protecting him. Soon I remember some pieces I’d forgotten to grade, I need them done by first lesson tomorrow, I meant to do them at lunch so I can have the evening to myself but that’s gone out the window. It’s quite overwhelming, a week ago I was an unemployed lowlife writing sad songs to myself, now I’m a teacher and therapist. It’s so fucking stressful but it feels good. I’ve been floating around for years, training for various things to avoid getting a ‘proper’ job but I have one and it’s not so bad.
Suddenly, my ears prick up as I hear the door open and someone enter the stall next to me. I’m crosslegged on the toilet seat, frozen, I don’t want anyone to know I’m in here, I mean I was crying 10 minutes ago. I don’t even know why but I do know I’m a teacher, it’s the pupils who are meant to hide in the toilets and cry. But pupils shouldn’t even be doing that anyway and that’s why I applied for the job.
I can hear soft breaths coming from next to me. Are they alright? I hear the movement of skin and it hits me. They are more than perfectly alright. The breathing gets heavier and I can now clearly hear what they’re doing, making my cock twitch. After a few moments, they let out a quiet fractured moan, which sounds oddly familiar. I can feel myself getting hard, despite the awkwardness, as their breathing gets heavier and faster.
“F-f-fuck” they breathe. I know that voice. No. It can’t be. It is. My little Frankie is jerking off no more than a metre away from me.
“Uh” he moans “F-f-uck”
I feel like imploding. I can hear him speeding up slightly and his breathing getting heavier and more rapid. In some fucked up way, I’m enjoying the situation. I can hear him letting out quiet moans, which become more and more frequent and I feel my erection pressing against my jeans. Quietly, hardly realising, my hand snakes under my waistband.
“Uh, f-f-f-fuck, uh, uh” I can hear Frank, quite clearly moan. I don’t think he has long. I stroke myself, biting back a moan at the relief it provides. Slowly, almost torturing myself, I undo my zip. It makes a slight noise and I freeze but Frank is too busy enjoying himself to notice. I pull out my cock, breathing in sharply as it meets the cold air. Gently, I rub myself, conscious of the fact Frank could so easily hear. I control my breathing, trying my best to keep it calm and steady and most importantly inaudible.
“Umph uh f-fuck” he continues, making me gasp quietly. I keep having to stop touching myself for a few moments before I make too much noise but that only makes me need relief more. His breathing becomes quick and unsteady, the moans louder and faster as I feel myself twitch and my toes curl.
“uh uh- f-f u- umph –uh f-fu-fucckk uh” he moans. I stroke myself more, breathing deeply as I hear him come with a whimper. I listen to him panting in the otherwise now silent room. I bite my lip and freeze, using all my self control to try and keep my breathing steady and quiet and not move. Staying completely still, essentially playing dead is hard enough but it feels almost impossible when you have a throbbing erection and the only thing you’re feeling is lust. I could just touch myself again, it’s not like he will hear. No, Gee. Come on, Frank just leave already and let me carry on with what you started. Even his panting as he gets his breath back is so fucking sexy. I imagine him slumped back right next to me all covered in sweat and cum and- Big mistake. Every bone in my body aches for relief and I even feel myself tear up with the frustration. After a painstaking amount of time, I hear movement as he gets up, flushes the toilet and washes his hands. Yes at fucking last. He pauses for a moment, if he’s admiring himself in the mirror I will lose my shit. He’s fucking gorgeous and that’s why I’m so motherfucking frustrated right now. Luckily, moments later I hear his footsteps and the door swing open and click shut.
I grab a tissue and breathe a sigh of relief and let myself moan as I stroke myself. It feels so good fuck. I begin pumping, aware of how heavily I’m breathing, moans and groans leaving my lips without my permission. I think of Frank. Fuck. I visualise him kneeling in front of me, taking me into his mouth. I remember the moans I was hearing just moments before as I visualise his head bobbing up and down. I imagine him looking up at me with his golden hazel eyes, deep throating me. Fucking hell. I feel my breathing becoming rapid and beads of sweat prick my forehead, losing track of the noises I’m making as the pleasure inside me builds. I pump myself faster and faster, as the room seems to spin slightly. I visualise him whining beneath me as I shoot ropes of come onto his tongue and moments later I cum into the tissue, shaking all over, whimpering and crying Franks name, flopping back against the wall.
I sit there for a few minutes, getting my breath back and coming to my senses. I put myself away, flush the tissue and wash my hands just as Frank did minutes before.
I groan when I see my reflection and look away for a second. I’m all sweaty, my hairs damaged and messy, verging on greasy. I stare at myself. I’m so fucking ugly. I have a spot right on the end of my nose, how fucking gross. My cheeks are chubby and I have no jawline, I look like a fucking potato. My eyeliners smudged and I have cavernous dark circles. It’s meant to be the teenagers looking all gross and sleep deprived not the adults responsible for them. Suddenly, it hits me. I just masturbated with and then over one of my students. That’s fucked up. So fucked up. He was just innocently jerking off, he didn’t realise I was there and I fucking violated him and he doesn’t even know. This is fucking pedophilia. What am I? Fucking gross that’s what. Gross, gross, gross, gross, gross. How could I have done that? I shouldn’t have even been hiding in the toilets. And even then I should have let him know I was there immediately. And if I couldn’t of done that I should of just listened to music or blocked it out certainly not motherfucking get off on it myself. What is wrong with me? He’s 17. I’m meant to be his therapist and teacher. Therapist and teacher. I have a responsibility to keep him safe and 100% not to do what I just did. I have fucked up so bad. I can’t deal with this.
I’m aware of tears rolling down my cheeks as I reach into my pocket, get out my phone and compose a text to Mikey.
Me: Tell Frank I’m cancelling our session tomorrow.
Notes
Well that just happend.
second update of the night yo.
How are you all?
Megan x
@snailthesaints (twitter)
@snailthesaints (instagram)
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@Left Shark
ty <3
10/29/15