Please Don't Take This Out On Me

Later that night as I was curled up in bed and shivering, I thought about him again. I know I shouldn't have, but I just couldn't help it. He was so beautiful it made my heart hurt. But what really made me crazy was when he ran a hand through his hair. I caught him doing it a couple times at the dining room when he was talking to his friends. He would always end up making his hair stick up someplace but then he would laugh and shake his head and everything would fall back into place like it was meant to be.
Then I thought about what he did to me, how he beat me up till I couldn't breathe, but maybe he had hit my neck by accident. He could have been aiming for my head or shoulder but when I looked up and he punched me - that's when he started to be soothing. His hands were so gentle, it reminded me of when I was sad and my mother would rub my back till I felt better.
I let out a little whimper and snuggled into my pillow; trying to imagine it was Gerard. Cuddling with Gerard would be amazing - I could tell by just looking at him. Although he was a very rough and cruel person, I could imagine him softening up to kiss his lover goodnight before exchanging 'i love you's.' And with the familliar ache in my chest I wished that lover was me.

Notes

Who recognizes the song in the chapter title? And who hates me for adding it in? And who just hates me for making Gerard so mean? And who just hates me?