the only hope for me is you

The week had flown by. It was Friday last period and I couldn’t wait to get out of here. I promised Gee id stay at his on Saturday night, so at least I had something to look forward to this weekend. The bell rang and I packed away my things quickly, trying to get out of there as fast as possible. I felt quite proud of myself to be honest; I haven’t been beaten up since that incident with Pete a few days ago. The week had been pretty much the same all week. I would not talk to Gerard, then I would hang out with Pete while we avoided Matt and his douche bags and then I’d run home to safety; that basically explained almost my whole week. I kind of enjoyed the walk home, at least the part where I was far enough away from the school to not have to worry about getting beat up.

I walked on to my drive seeing two cars parked there. Maybe she had a colleague over or something. I didn’t put much thought into the matter as I unlocked my front door and walked in, slinging my bag off my shoulder and throwing it on the ground. I heard giggling coming from the kitchen and what sounded like slurred words that I couldn’t make out properly. I just assumed that she had made a new friend; I mean that’s entirely possible. I knew today was her day off so she had probably had some friends around for a few drinks or something, it is Friday. I go up to my room and think nothing of it. I decided to watch a horror film. I love horror films; they are like my favourite kind of film ever. I put the forbidden planet DVD into my old laptop. When say old I mean really old, I have had it forever now. We didn’t have much money so I was lucky to have a laptop at all.

-

I heard a thud from downstairs. What the hell was going on down there? I let it pass and continued watching the movie thinking nothing of it. A few moments later I heard two people coming up the stairs, not exactly being quiet. I heard another thud from the landing and a load of drunken giggles coming from the fallen party. Then I heard a males voice... oh god who the hell was this. I heard what I thought was my mum shushing the man and then she said a few slurred words that were hard to make out. “Shhhh... Fwwankie wiilll heeaar uus...” a few moments later I hear her bedroom door slam shut. For fuck sake. She does this a lot, she gets lonely so she gets drunk and picks up a random guy to fuck her thoughts away. I started hearing moans coming from her bedroom. I put on my earphones to try and drown out the unbearable sounds coming from the room next door.

I took out my earphones as the movie ended being cautious in case they were still in there. Everything was silent, so after a few moments I got up and put my DVD way and closed my laptop down moving it to the side. I decide to go to the bathroom and get ready for bed. I pick up my pyjamas and open my bedroom door accidently hitting someone. “Oh sorry mu- oh,” I said seeing an older man standing before me. He was toned and looked very masculine, his clothes were half on half off obviously just coming from my mum’s room.
“What are you looking at faggot?”
“I-I...” I stuttered as fear grabbed a hold of me. Suddenly I felt a blow to the face causing me to stumble back. “Fuck...” I breathed out as I put my hand to my face feeling where he had just hit. His fingers were covered in many rings that had cut my face. Just fucking great. I turn around to go back into my room trying to get away from this vile creature. I felt a firm grip on my shoulder. He spun my round and it my in the stomach causing me to drop to my knees and double over in pain. “Did I say you could leave fag? No, now get up you pussy.” I put all my strength together to try and get up or fight back or something but my body wouldn’t allow that. I stayed there in fear, still clutching my stomach. He grabbed my hair and pulled my head back. He put a hand around my neck and pulled me up and pushed me against the wall, choking me. “I said get up.” He spit in my face. He kneed me and let me drop to the floor. I couldn’t breathe never mind move to get away. He proceeded to kick me several times making me bleed. Where was my mum? Why wasn’t she here to help me? What the fuck is going on and who is this sick man? He grabbed me by the collar of my shirt and dragged me into the bathroom. “Now, clusterfuck, you’re going to stay here and if your mum or anyone else asks some randomer beat you up on the street. If anyone comes for me it’ll be more than just you ending up dead. Understand.” I didn’t reply I couldn’t move I didn’t know what he expected. He slammed the door and I heard him run down the stairs. I burst into tears each running down my cuts making them sting.

I laid there curled up on the floor for about an hour not having the strength to move. My mum hadn’t found me, in a way I was relived. His threat stayed pondered in my mind, I couldn’t take my chances. I found my way to stand up and went in search for my mum. I had to know she was okay. I ran the story id tell through my mind. I made some sarcastic remarks to this stranger and he beat me up, obviously drunk. It’s no big deal I promise. I don’t remember what he looked like but he was so drunk he probably doesn’t remember me either. It was just me and my stupid big mouth again. That sounded believable I guess. I found my mum asleep in her room not a mark on her, I was so relived. I don’t care what he does to me as long as he doesn’t hurt my mum.
I got a shower and got ready for bed. My body ached with every move I made. My cuts stung as I cleaned them. I was a huge mess. I sighed at my reflection in the mirror. Oh god, I better call Gee to tell him I can’t come tomorrow. It’s too risky; I know what he’s like so he won’t leave the matter to rest. I was really looking forward to it but I just can’t take my chances. I decide ill text him because I can’t handle that phone call, he will get very questioning.

To Gee:
I’m sorry. I can’t make it this weekend.
I’ll see you at school though. So sorry x

I waited for ten minutes for a reply, I didn’t get anything. I sighed in defeat hoping I didn’t upset him when I obviously did. I carefully got into bed wincing at the pain caused by the bruises. I settled down in bed and drifted off to sleep, forgetting my problems. Well at least they were out of my mind for a little while.
Gerard’s pov

From Frankie <3:
I’m sorry. I can’t make it this weekend.
I’ll see you at school though. So sorry x

Have I done something to upset him? Why does he never want to spend time with me? I couldn’t help but feel a bit hurt the other day after school but I respected him. But now it just feels like he’s totally ignoring me. I know I’m worthless and I know I’m basically a horrible human being I just thought Frank could see me differently, in a way I couldn’t understand but I sort of liked. He meant a lot to me, I just felt like I had some sort of connection with him. A tear ran down my face as I thought of replying. I couldn’t do it. I dropped my phone on the bed and made my way to my bathroom, locking myself in. I had my own private one so no one would be interrupting me.

I took in a deep breath and looked at myself in the mirror hating what I could see. Tears started rolling down my cheeks, slowly turning into a waterfall, streaming out of my eyes onto the floor. I’m worthless and no one likes the real me. I am hiding behind a mask to make people like me but I can’t keep this up forever. I’m a poser and a worthless loser. No one could love me. No one could even like me. I couldn’t take this shit anymore. There was one thing I always turned to when I was like this… I unlocked the cabinet in my bathroom. I slid the back out to find some pills and a bottle of vodka. Perfect. I know I was young to have all that stuff but when you have a best friend like Bert McCracken you pick up new hobbies pretty quick. I took a few pills and started gulping the vodka dry, feeling the burning sensation run down my throat. I drink more and then find my joints smoking one to wash down the vodka. I find some more drinks and keep drinking. I start to feel myself going dizzy and I feel my thoughts fading. I try to get up and I stumble over hitting my head on something. My vision started to blur. I felt my head bleeding. I couldn’t make out much. All of my consciousness was gone.

Notes

sorry for my shitty updating. i tried to write this chapter a million times but i think they all turned out crappy. i hope this ones okay! so like how are you all doing? id love to get to know you guys more x