Chasing the Sun

Lilly locked the bathroom stall, resting her forehead against the cool white painted, and graffiti covered, door. She wasn’t going to cry, it wouldn’t do her any good. She cursed the alcohol in her system, which wasn’t helping her get a grip on her emotions. All the childhood insecurities she felt, when in comparison to her sister,were rushing back to her; something she hadn’t felt in a long time. Her sister was the smarter, prettier, funnier, more intelligent and amazing-in-every-way daughter. Everything had been centred on Fiona during their childhood. Being the oldest, every one of her events had been a big deal, from starting school, her first communion, to passing exams and getting into college. Nothing Lilly did could ever hold a light to Fiona in her parents’ eyes; Lilly had always been second best. Seeing Gerard cuddled up so close to her, seeing her sister look at Gerard like she wanted him, made her stomach twist, and it wasn’t because of the alcohol. Her sister had always gotten everything she wanted, and that included men too. Her sister always had a long line of admirers, aching for a chance to be given just a moment of her time. Lilly, on the other hand, didn’t have a boyfriend until college, and had to resort to asking a friend to go to her graduation ball. She had let the anger and resentment go a long time ago, knowing that it wouldn’t do her any good to spend her life jealous of the only sister she had. For the most part, her sister was a good friend, and she never threw the fact that she was the obvious favourite in Lilly’s face. Every once in a while, though, whenever Lilly [i]did[/i] achieve something, Fiona would somehow find a way to make Lilly feel second best, and remind her of her place. When Lilly did her junior cert, Fiona had done amazingly well in her leaving cert. When Lilly got a place in college, Fiona had commented that ‘St. Pat’s is a good school, I suppose’, with a forced smile on her face that reminded Lilly that Fiona was the one who got into Trinity college. When Lilly graduated, Fiona got an amazing job. Now that Lilly finally had someone that she was crazy about, someone she wanted to have a future with, Fiona was there to remind Lilly that she could have anyone she wanted, including Gerard. Would her sister stop so low as to actually try something with Gerard, just to prove a point? Or was flirting shamelessly with him enough to satisfy her ego trip?

She didn’t want to go back out and face them. She didn’t want to see Fiona gazing at Gerard with those big doe eyes, batting those eyelashes that beautifully frame her dark eyes. She didn’t want to see Gerard smirking back, the blatantly sexy smirk that would make any woman blush and squirm. Gerard was always eager for an ego boost, and if all it took was a few words, and a forbidden look, to get the desired response, he’d do it. Fiona giving him attention, flirting and appealing to that side of him, would put him right where she wanted him. And, yes, as much as Lilly wished that she could completely trust that he wanted her more than he wanted anyone else, it was impossible to believe that if he had his pick between her and Fiona, that he would choose her, not when Fiona was a much better choice. She could live with being second best to Fiona, but it hurt that Fiona had to try and rub it in her face in front of the one person she cared about. Gerard was the only person who had ever gotten a place in Lilly’s heart, and if she lost him, she knew she’d lose that part of herself too. He had her heart completely in his hands, and the idea of losing him, of him realising that he could do so much better, was too much to bear.

“Lilly? Are you in here? Hector said you’ve been gone for a while.Are you okay?”

Fiona’s dulcet voice, dripping innocent concern, only served to make her blood boil. How could Fiona go from flirting shamelessly with Gerard, with no consideration for Lilly’s feelings, to sudden concern for her little sister? Lilly’s fists were clenched tightly, begging for Lilly to open the door and take a swing at Fiona’s disgustingly pretty face, so hard thather make up would come off from the sheer force of the hit. It wasn’t like Lilly to feel that way.She hated that one person was responsible for her being able to feel such great highs, and such devastating lows.

“Lilly, I can hear you breathing. What’s wrong? Did something happen?” Fiona’s voice was on the other side of the door, a little hesitant.

“Oh nothing, really. Nothing makes me happier than seeing my sister and boyfriend practically eye-fucking, and looking cosy, while enjoying a cigarette. What on earth could be wrong?”

“Lilly, what the fuck are you talking about? We were just talking, you know, like normal people do when they’re getting to know each other? Would you prefer if we sat in silence, and not try to get along?”

“Oh, please,” Lilly spat, opening the door suddenly to face her sister, “I’ve seen you pick up guys enough times to know when you’re flirting. You can get any guy you want, but you decide to go for the one guy I’ve ever loved? What the fuck is your problem?”

“Okay, first of all, you’re being fucking paranoid. Second, why the hell would I go for your boyfriend? You’re my sister. Do you think I would do that to you? He’s cute, but he’s not that fucking irresistible. Do you think that little of him?”

Lilly opened her mouth, trying to form a reply, but when it came to forming words, nothing came. She shut her mouth quickly, her cheeks flushing pink.

“Jesus, Lilly, what is this guy doing to you?” Fiona whispered.

“Nothing.He’s-“

“Lilly, I’ve never seen you like this. You’ve always been one of those quiet, logical people. You never shout, you never start a confrontation. Now, you’re yelling at me because of a guy? You never hang out with me anymore, you barely reply to my texts. You never come home to see mam and dad. I saw your friend Gina yesterday, and she told me you haven’t talked to her in weeks, let alone actually hang out with her and your friends. You spend all your time with this guy, to the detriment of your friendships, yet you don’t even trust him?”

“I trust him.It’s-,” Lilly was cut off.

“What, it’s everyone else you don’t trust? You think every girl is going to try to get to him? If you really trusted him, you’d trust that he only has eyes for you.”

“One day he’s gonna realise that he can do so much better than me.” Lilly whispered.

“Lilly, let me tell you something. The whole time we were out there, he was talking about you, asking all these questions about what you were like when you were growing up and stuff. Everything was ‘Lilly, this, Lilly that’. He didn’t even notice that tart who had her tits hanging out of her dress. I wanted to fucking punch him, it was getting that annoying. He loves you, Lilly.That much is obvious from the way he talks about you. Can you not see that? And of course he’s not going to find somebody better than you. You’re smart, funny, pretty, you’re as weird and creepy as he is. Angelina Jolie could walk in here, and he wouldn’t notice her. You need to stop putting yourself down, Lilly. You’ve always done it, and that’s the thing that’s gonna break your relationship, not his imaginary roaming eyes, or my supposed flirting. Don’t ruin a good thing over petty insecurities.”

Tears were rolling down Lilly’s cheeks, but she didn’t notice them until Fiona wiped them away, and wrapped her thin arms around Lilly’s shoulders.

“I shouldn’t have given you that jager-bomb. You could never handle them.” Fiona chuckled.

“Yes, I can. I threw up that one time, and you’ve never let me forget it,” Lilly muttered childishly.

“What a way to ring in your twenty first.”

Lilly giggled, remembering her first jager-bomb, which was at midnight when she turned twenty one. It had promptly come back up a minute later, much to Lilly’s embarrassment, and everyone else’s amusement.

“Here’s what we’re going to do. We’re going to clean you up, and forget this happened. Then, we’re going to go back out there, you’re going to give your boyfriend a hug and be all disgustingly cute, okay?”

Lilly nodded, took a deep breath and let Fiona drag her over to the sink to fix her makeup. Fiona led her back to their table, where Gerard was now sitting on Lilly’s vacated seat, with a new beer in hand. He smiled when he saw Lilly, his eyes lighting up at the sight of her. He held his arms out to her, coaxing her to sit on his lap.

“Hey, baby,” he slurred, kissing her neck with a sloppy kiss that made her squirm. Lilly knew her sister was right; it was her own doubts and insecurities that would put a spanner in her relationship. It was a 'one step forward, two steps backward' effort, though. The more she felt secure, the harder her moments of insecurity hit her. She grabbed her drink off the table, taking a large gulp to wash away the nagging voice in her head.

Notes

Hey guys,

Thanks to all the readers/commenters/subscribers who are still reading. You guys are awesome! I hope you're still enjoying this. This story will be ending soon, there are eight chapters left, [i]but[/i] there is a possibility of a sequel. It depends on you guys. If you guys are interested, please let me know.

Lyra