3 : 28

3: 28
Frerard

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The amount of rejection Gerard felt was insurmountable, Frank had finally done what Gerard had feared—destroy his hopes of ever deluding himself in any way to the horrible reality that he was miserably alone. That Frank would never be his, and he only had the memories left to sustain any resemblance of livable delusion he could convince himself. Frank had taken whatever was left within Gerard’s heart, it was broken and bitter. There was no amount of cigarettes or sleepless nights that could jade his emotions—his head was a mess.

Gerard wonders if Frank still loves him, if their shared kisses was a final goodbye or the possibility of them making it work… Once he enters his apartment he wants to leave it, the place oozes memories that pain Gerard too much. He finds it difficult to be inside his apartment, as he finally gets more settled into the place he remembers that he left the spare key at Frank’s…

Gerard can’t will himself to go back there, he had to get some rest before he’d go to hospital appointment. He nearly forgot but his phone reminds him, he can’t stand the bed that only made red flags flash behind his lids at the recollection of being entangled with Frank.

After the hospital appointment that nearly chews out Gerard’s whole day, he opens his eyes to his apartment. The repeated cycle that left him jaded, the silence that crept in the walls, which pained Gerard more and more to within their confines. Every time he closed his eyes all he could see was the memories and feelings that string along with them, he didn’t not want to feel anymore, that he refused to allow to surface without the terrible inquisition of their horrifying reality that he was miserable. That rejection in the taught silence of his apartment walls grew like the cancer he knew would evidently come back—twice fold, he’d end up dead soon enough.

And he’d be alone—he didn’t have much to go on other than being rid of the jaded numbness that consumed him like his cancer—it grew rabidly, so he decided as the night went on to try ending it.

To fall, to take a jump and feel it all—nothing—anything—something.

He got to his balcony and maneuvered over the rails as he held his arms out gazing into the night. He waited for some form of regret or fear arise—it was just the wind tickling his face and gravity inviting him to meet a fate much less painful than battling his cancer. Gerard waited for the memories of Frank to dare him to stop, but the memories and the heartbreak that they brought with him only tempted him more.

Gerard closes his eyes, he feels like saying at least something before he jumps. “I love you.”

Just as he leans forward a pair of arms wrap around his chest and withhold him from jumping.

“Don’t you fuckin’ dare!”

Gerard is shocked by the voice, by the familiar tattoo’d arms, and he promised himself too foolishly that it doesn’t hurt but the tears spill as he mumbles out. “Let me go. Please.”

“No.” Frank’s voice is shaky but Gerard can feel his heart thundering against his back.

“Why are you scared?” Gerard asks as he stares down at the ground he was so ready to meet.

“I’m scared to lose you…” Frank admits, holding Gerard tighter.

Frank knows how to destroy Gerard from the inside out.

Gerard sighs as he turns around and finally gets back onto the balcony and off the ledge as he looks at Frank.

“Why did you come back?”

“I… I don’t know. Seeing you… I got worried.”

Gerard shakes his head. “What do you want from me?”

Frank steps closer and Gerard knows that Frank has the intention to enrapture him and surely destroy him.

“Gerard…”

He steps back, “Don’t…” Gerard panics.

“Gerard, I…”

Gerard’s backed against the rail of his balcony as Frank nears him, reaching out as Gerard wasn’t all too sure if he was hallucinating everything. The warm touch of Frank’s hand on his arm proved he was real and it wasn’t entirely the cancers poison obscuring his mind.

Gerard voice practically begged as he whimpers, “Don’t… Frank… Don’t do this to me…”

Frank’s arms enclose him as he can practically feel himself collapse into Frank’s arms as he clings so desperately to Frank. His face buried in his neck smelling him, and all the memories rush back in vicious waves.

The man knows the words that will most likely destroy Gerard, if the cancer doesn’t first, and it’s the four little words that cut the silence in the air and he feels everything ruthlessly as the tears roll down his cheeks.

“Gerard, I love you.”

Frank was tearing him apart with a love that cut deeper than the carved tree that had their names on it.

He can barely get it out between his broken voice, “I love you too.”

He was fighting a losing battle with Frank, because he came back, and it was pure chaos in Gerard’s head.

- 11

Notes

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