I'll Mess Up Everything!

The journey was hectic, the hospital chaotic, the waiting excursiating. Nothing could compare to the tension that was being witnessed now. Billie decided to come with us, well, he drove me here while Gerard went in the ambulance with Mikey, and he and I were waiting outside in the waiting room while Gerard was in there, by his side like he should be. I would give anything to be in there with them, for Gerard and for Mikey, but I can't bare to think of what is happening in there. Truth is, I'm a wimp, and I don't know if I could stand to see such a beloved friend so badly hurt due to my own selfish needs and my lover stood beside him in a broken wreckage of emotions and tearfulness. 
"It will be okay, trust me. I know what you're feeling and thinking right now but it will all be okay." came a shaky voice next to me, of course it was Billie. 
"I know- I- I - j-j-just, I can-t." I mentally kicked myself for stuttering. I haven't done that since high school and it was such a burden to get over. For fuck sake. An arm creeped around my shoulders and held me in a tight side-hug. 
"It's okay, its fine to let your feelings out, if you keep them locked inside of you, you will eventually burst like a fucking bomb. You need to let it out." he told me. I let out a much needed elongated sigh. 
"I just- I don't know why he was there. All he said was the fact he had a girlfriend and that we apparently didn't appreciate him." I sniffled. Billie tensed up and took a sharp intake of air.  "I- I don't know either. I saw the while thing though. I was out down the side, doing some odd jobs around the store when I saw his car hit a bollard down the street. It wasnt good, Jesus Christ. I didn't know what to do. The car instantly fell into a number of pieces as I saw Mikey being flung helplessly around the car. I'm surprised he is still alive. After I saw what had happened, I called for an ambulance and texted you guys." 
Everything was kind of making sense now. Before I could think of more conspiracies in my head, a nurse came through the doors. 
"Sirs, Michael is awake and asking for a... Billie Joe? Is that one of you?" she asked, her full red lipstick sticking to her every word with a little 'click' at the end of the sentence. Why was he asking for Billie and not me? Not that I dont mind it's just... I dont know. Billie gave me a look of worry before straightening himself out and following the nurse into the other room, leaving me scarily by myself. 

'it's all your fault!'
'he hates you!'
'it's all your fault'
'your fault!!!' 
'he's here because of you!'
'YOUR. FAULT.'

"Leave me alone!!!" I shouted out loud to the thoughts in my head. Tears were on the brink of bursting as the voice of taunt blew through my mind uneasily, not ceasing to leave. Like a patient in a mental hospital, I brought my knees up to my chest, placed my hands on my head and rocked myself soothingly until the voices calmed and faded away. I need someone. Something to occupy myself with, something to engage with. For crying out loud, someone help! 

"Frank!! Frankie baby, it's me. Calm down. I know it's difficult, but it's okay, fight the voices away." came the voice of my husband. A wash of calm, cool vibes came over me as I looked into the eyes of my lover just mere inches away from mine. 
"Is he-"
"Shhhh, he's okay, he's awake barely. But-" he paused. 
"But what? Gee, whats wrong?" 
"They said due to the instability of his condition, they may have to put him in an induced coma, like the one they put you in. They said it was the best way for his body to recover without feeling so much pain. That's why he's having visitors now." he informed me. 
Without another word, I wrapped my arms around him and held him tight. 
"I'm sorry I had to ask. I'm so sorry, it's all my-"
"It is not your fault Frank. Nothing was ever your fault. We couldn't have changed what has happened." he comforted. Mentally, I was sobbing my eyes out. I can't imagine, well I guess I can imagine what Mikey would have to go through now.
Days, weeks, months maybe even years of being in that same endless sleep with nothing but occasional images and flashes of what could've been or what could be happening. It was torture, and to imagine something like that happen to innocent little Mikey is- unimaginable. 
"Mr Iero?" called the same lipstick coated nurse from across the hallway. I knew it was time for me to see Mikey properly for the last time of what could be a long time. I raised from my seat, kissed Gerard's forehead and silently made my way over to the nurse as we travelled down the corridor which seemed to lead on endlessly. 

We finally reached the door with 'Michael James Way' written across it roughly with a clip board next to it. Fuck, I hate hospitals. 
The nurse indicated me to open the door and, reluctantly, I took a deep breath and stepped inside. 
"Mikey, I'm so sorry this had to happen... It is all my fault. But.... I love you. I needed to tell you that one more time." came an almost I audible voice across the room next to Mikey. Billie.
He was still here? Wait...
He loves Mikey?!
What? Are they? No. He said he had a - fuck, forget about that now Frank, focus on Mikey. 
Billie noticed my presence and walked away slowly from Mikey's side, passing by me with a sniffle and out the door.
That was strange.
"Frank-" came a hoarse voice. 
"Mikey, I-"
"Don't, don't apologise. It's m,my fault. Nothing was ever your fault. It was me overreacting. Yes, I'm jealous that you get to spend so much time with Gerard, we spent most of our childhood together and separation was never easy for us. It was just- I don't know. It was hard being without him and seeing him so easy with the fact that I hardly see him hurt me, and I took it out on you. I will never forgive myself for saying those words to you and Gerard." Mikey said. 
I paused for a second to take in his features. He looked... Different. His face and upper body was all battered, cut and bruised so harshly, he probably didn't even wear a seatbelt, but his voice sounded so harsh and crackly, probably due to the intake of carbon monoxide and burnt fuel. I feel terrible from him but honestly, hearing from him and hearing his reassurance has comforted me slightly. But the fact that I won't be able to talk to him soon directly makes me deeply upset. He will be gone momentarily. The most I can say now is, at least he isnt.... Dead. I don't think I could go through with that again, all the pain, misery, loss and suffering. It would drive me insane. 
"Mikey, we've always loved you. You've been a great best friend and I've always seen you as a brother to me; I guess you are now. We will pull through this though, you'll get better and we will all be together again, no matter what. I promise you. You will be okay." I told him. That promise was one to keep. I will keep it even if i carry it to my goddamned death bed. He will be better and everything will be ok. 

Notes

Hey hey motherfuckers, as you can tell I'm jumping into all the action here, so many ideaaaaaaassssssssssssssss and I've gone weird as its quarter past midnight and urh can't sleep.

More people to be added, more old friends coming back yaddeyaddayadda, by the way, you look nice today.