Fight, My Love

"POV Gerard"

After I had read all the diaries multiple times, I had realized she loved me too. Also the fact she felt trapped in her thoughts, and that's why she never even slightly showed her feelings around me. She was just so confused. It hurt to lose someone so important, and I couldn't think straight any time I went to school. My parents decided it'd be best if we moved. We moved to the other side of the state. I thought it wouldn't help, but it really did. I mean, I still thought of her daily and what I could have done differently to stop her from doing it. But not seeing the corner in the library, or walking into class knowing where I'd see her sitting, I didn't have that anymore. Her boyfriend and I had never gotten close, even though we shared that moment of deep sadness, he seemed to have forgotten about it almost as soon as it had happened. I don't mind, he seems like a huge dick anyway. I had gotten very sad myself, music was my only escape, and even that couldn't always resist my thoughts from penetrating my mind. Those are the times I walked slowly to the door and locked it. Then walked over to my blades, pulling one over my pale skin. Seeing the blood somehow calmed me, they got deeper each time. It hurt, but felt like a little sting compared to my thoughts. I often woke up regretting it, but there was no going back, I couldn't regret it. I started writing my own music. Mikey and I sometimes play something together, I would sing and he would play bass; but there'd always be something unreal and missing about it. It continued like this for a few years. I had gotten worse, my cuts had also spread all around my body; waist, legs, arms, shoulders, stomach. Anywhere I could easily reach, actually. I also started smoking and drinking. It eased any thought, happy and sad. Though there wasn't much happiness lately anyway. I hadn't fit in since the beginning at my new school. To make it worse, I realized I was bisexual. That's not a bad thing, I accepted myself quite quickly. Once I told me parents and Mikey, they engulfed me with love and told me that was perfectly fine and my sexuality doesn't define me. Which is true. But it does mean I'm different, I don't fit in with anybody. If I told anyone at school, they'd probably end up bullying me. Now I just live in the shadows and stay away from any potential bullies. One day, I was a little drunk and had been smoking a bit, I saw Mikey walking towards me. He had always been there, looking out for me, at home, school, wherever. He introduced me to his friends. Bob and Ray. We had soon become a really tight group that cared about each other like brothers. I had gotten a bit better, but still drank more than I probably should. Being only 16 and having a dad that's often gone and a potential girlfriend that committed suicide does that to you. I mean, I live a pretty good life compared to many others, but it's definitely not ideal. 2 years after the move and getting new friends, a new life, I started to really settle down. I hadn't felt anything close to what I had felt for Kayla. Nothing close to it actually, not even the slightest attraction to anybody really. Until one day, I was sitting next to Mikey. It was getting kind of cold since it was already November. I was doodling anything that came to mind, not even, just mindlessly letting my pen flow across my paper; and that's when I saw him, the bell had just gone and the teacher was closing the door, right when a new kid basically tripped into our class with bright red cheeks. He was adorable, his long black hair, dark eyes, the clumsiness, he was cute. Very cute. I hadn't even talked to him yet, but I knew I liked him. His face was kind, happy. His cheeks turned even brighter when he saw me looking at him. Oh god, I'm so weird, I had probably been looking at him for a good few minutes. I felt my cheeks grow hot as well as I turned back to my notebook. He apologized for being late to the teacher, in an adorable and awkward manner. He then fumbled around with his books before taking a seat. He was perfect, his voice was so kind. Everything about him was just amazing. I was determined to do one thing in my life to make it better, and that was talking to Frank Iero.

Notes

I've been really busy lately so I can't update my other stories, it's just that I have this one pre-written. If you're reading any of my other stories...
In the new year I'll have more time to write so I'm really excited for that.
Umm,
so yeah please leave a comment, rate, and subscribe if you want to know what happens next xx :)

much love,
frerardxx