Maybe you're not who you think you are

It was a simple comment it really shouldn’t have meant anything. It would have offended any other guy. It just fucked me up. It made question my entire sexuality and fucking gender. She probably didn’t mean for it to affect me in such a big way, but it did. If she knew what it would do, she probably wouldn’t have said it, but she did.

“You know, you’re kinda pretty, Gerard.” Hayley said one day at lunch. I chuckled lightly and raised an eyebrow.

“Pretty?’’ I laughed

“Yeah, like feminine.” I kind of understood what she was talking about. My shoulder length black hair and how skinny I was did give me a somewhat feminine feel. I shrugged and and laughed lightly again. I pulled out my phone and looked at myself with the front facing camera.

“You done looking at yourself, princess?’’ I heard Mikey tease from in front of me. Princess. I would’ve normally took this as an insult, but now, I kind of liked it. Princess. I sighed and shoved my phone into my pocket. I didn’t realize Hayley and Mikey were talking ‘till I looked at Mikey and saw his mouth moving.

“Yeah, I kind of see what you’re talking about.” Mikey said studying me. It didn’t take me long to guess what they were talking about.

“Hey baby.” Lindsey said sitting behind me and wrapping her arms around my waist. For the first time ever, it actually felt wrong. I usually loved being with Lindsey and her coming up behind me and wrapping her arms around me. But this time, I actually didn’t.

“Mhm? Oh, hey babe.” I said and placed a quick kiss on her lips. I heard Mikey chuckle and then clear his throat.

“C’mon Gerard, we gotta go home. You have that art thing and I wanna practice the guitar a little more.”

“Oh yeah,” Lindsey said excitedly “How’s the art project coming along, baby?” I had to draw a picture for something I felt strongly about for an art class at school only a few people got into. I honestly didn’t have anything for it.

“It’s goin’ good.” I lied and smile forcefully. I didn’t have inspiration nor the slightest clue of what I wanted to draw.

“That’s great baby!” she said and smile largely. She kissed me and Mikey pulled me up to my feet. Mikey and I went to the school parking lot and climbed into my car. I quickly drove us home. Mikey and I departed, him going to his room and I going to mine in the basement. I shut the door and locked it behind me and looked at my body length mirror.
I was strangely skinny but you couldn’t really tell from the baggy clothes I was wearing. I thought about what Hayley said. It really didn’t bother me. I actually quite like the idea of looking feminine. I was admittedly flamboyant for a sixteen year old. I went to my wardrobe and dug around until I found what I was looking for. I pulled out the really tight skinny jeans and pulled them on.

It was actually quite difficult because of how well endowed I was. Most guys would kill to have what had but in this case, it was just a bother. I managed to get them on correctly and then pulled off the Misfits hoodie I was wearing. I tugged on a shirt that was actually my size and looked back into the mirror. I smiled, happy with what I was seeing.
I pulled off all my clothes besides my boxers and laid them on my desk. I decided I was going to wear the stuff tomorrow. I scowled at the crumpled papers on my desk and the floor. They were all sketch attempts and they all sucked. Absolutely sucked. I sighed and slid into bed and easily fell asleep.

Notes