Three Words You Never Want To Hear

I woke up the next day, with Gerard sleeping peacefully next to me.

His chest rose and fell with every breathe he took, his mouth opening and closing as he lightly snored. I grinned, remembering how he had insisted he didn't snore before we fell asleep. Well, had been wrong about that.

The noise wasn't annoying though, I found it peaceful. His hair was ruffled even more so than usual, the sight would have been funny except that his hand was wrapped still around my fingers, his other arm wrapped around my waist. My heart melted at the sight. I just couldn't stop grinning.

I sat up slowly, trying not to wake him. Looking around the room, my eyes fell on the alarm clock. My stomach dropped as I realised I had forgotten that my mother would be visiting me today.

She had been wanting to see my apartment for a while, but she had been so busy at work. I had arranged this a week ago, but what with everything going on with Gerard, I had completely forgotten about her visit.

I made no attempt at being quiet now, throwing on my clothes as quickly as possible. It was nearly lunch time. We had slept in so late, I never usually did this. I was the type of guy that liked to get up before sunset, just so that I wouldn't waste the hours in the morning.

I mean, what was the point in laying in bed when you could do so much more? At least, that had been how I had thought about things before... he left.

I remembered the night before vividly. I kept getting images of certain moments.

When Gerard had kissed me constantly, stroking my face gently. I could remember every emotion that had coursed through me as he touched me. Never before had I shared such an intimate experience with someone. He wasn't rough like most, he was caring and considerate.

If there was any hesitation on my part, if I felt violated in any way, he'd stop. I hadn't asked him to once, of course.

Gerard moved back and forth on top of me. His soft hands never leaving my face. I could feel his lips on my cheek, kissing me softly.

I moaned, feeling every inch of him. His breathing was unsteady, my heart beating quicker than it every had before.

"I.. you're amazing, Frank," he whispered in my ear.

"No, you are," I'd insisted, grabbing him and forcing him to move closer.

I could feel him smiling against my cheek. "I promise, I'll tell you everything later."

At that moment I hadn't even understood what he meant. I was too overcome by pleasure.

Gerard stirred on my bed. Looking at it then, I wondered how we had even both fit on it.

Thinking back to last night, I realised what Gerard had meant. He was going to tell me what was going on with him and Mikey. I didn't know whether this pleased me or upset me.

I mean, a part of me longed to know the truth, to know why these two brothers had been so off with each other lately. To know why Mikey had contacted me after so long, and why Gerard was always talking about 'using the time we had.'

The problem was, a part of me didn't want to know. What if it was something that I couldn't handle? Was he moving away? It would certainly explain how he'd been acting. But that just seemed cruel, didn't it? I mean, getting into a relationship with me and then leaving me. What would be the point of that?

Before I could think about any other possibilities, Gerard woke up.

He rubbed his eyes, looked across the room in alarm, and when he found me he looked relieved.

"I thought you'd left me," he said, his voice croaking from how sleepy he was.

"I'd never do that."

He yawned, stretching his arms. "Last night was amazing, Frank."

I blushed, remembering last night's events. "You're the one that was amazing. Next time, I'm in control."

He shook his head, grinning. "No, I enjoyed it. It felt great, making you feel great."

He moved across the room, standing behind me and wrapping his arms around me. He wore only his boxers. He pressed himself up against me, kissing my neck.

I struggled to put together a response. "Well, even so, next time it's my turn."

I turned to face him, my lips moving against his immediately. He looked surprised, but kissed me back with as much force as I was kissing him. Things were getting heated, so heated that I almost expected a repeat of last night, so I pulled away.

This time, he was the one making the pout.

I laughed. "Look, my mom is coming over in less than an hour."

"Oh, so that's why you're dressed," he said, nodding his head.

"Gerard, it's nearly lunch," I laughed, pointing to the clock. His eyes widened. "You need to get dressed, I can't introduce you to her with you looking like that."

He stepped back, his mouth wide open. "Y-you want me to meet your mom?"

"Of course," I couldn't understand why it was such a big deal for him. "Why wouldn't I?"

"It's just.. we've only been on two dates and-"

"Gerard," I stepped towards him, taking him hand. "What we have isn't the norm. We've known each other for years, we aren't just two strangers that met and went out for two nights. What we have is different. You're important to me."

He smiled, tears in his eyes. "Thank you, Frank. You're just as important to me."

I kissed his lips lightly. "Now go get dressed. We've got a long day ahead of us."

So, within an hour we were sat on the couch, waiting impatiently for my mother to arrive. The tension in the room was unbearable, Gerard had been staring at me the whole time. We had tried to make small talk, to try and distract ourselves, but all I could think about was the feel of his skin against mine.

Just as we were about to go insane, the doorbell rang.

I practically sprinted for the door, and my mom seemed startled by my speed.

My mother was a small woman, even shorter than me. Her curly hair was in a neat bun on her head, dyed a dark red. She looked young for her age, only having wrinkles on her forehead and around her eyes.

"Ooh, that was quick!" She grinned, extending her arms to give me a tight hug.

"Look, Ma, I have something to tell you," I murmured into her shoulder.

She let go, beaming at me. "Oh, we have plenty of time to catch up!" She looked me over, staring at my hair disapprovingly. "You need a haircut, you're getting shaggy."

"Ma," I tried again, blocking her view of the living room where Gerard was nervously seated. "We really need to talk."

"Whatever for? Let me sit down first, at least," she tried to push past me.

I grabbed her fragile little shoulders. "Ma, please. Gimme a minute."

She saw how serious I was, and she stepped back. I relaxed, but didn't move from where I was. I didn't know how to start. "You remember Mikey Way, right?"

She laughed. "Of course! I may be old, but my memory can go back a few months."

I shifted uncomfortably. She could see I was nervous, she was always so observant. "Ma, you aren't old. Look, Mikey called me and said he wanted to meet up-"

"When?"

"Last week," I snapped. I just wanted to explain. "Okay, well he brought his brother with him, Gerard. And basically-"

"Ooh, you had such a crush on him when you were younger!"

"Mom!" I groaned. "Look, Gerard and I went on a few dates, and we're kind of a thing now."

Her face was completely in shock. I waited for her to respond. "Well, that's.. that's new! Congratulations! Oh, my little Frankie!" She grabbed my cheeks, kissing them and squeezing them.

I blushed. Gerard was in the room behind me. I pictured his face as he heard my mother giggling and calling me 'Frankie'. "Mom, he's in the living room."

She stepped back, her little eyes widened with excitement. "Frank!" She slapped my arm with her purse. "You left him in there all alone?"

Before I could even reply she was walking into the living room, a huge smile planted on her face. I could see from Gerard's expression that he had heard every word out in the hallway. He stood up to greet her.

"Well, aren't you handsome?"

"Mom!"

"What?" She sent me an innocent grin. "He is!"

Gerard's smiled, his little dimple showing. "It's nice to meet you, Mrs Iero."

"Please, please, call me Linda," Gerard had outstretched her hand, but apparently my mother found it more appropriate to pull him into a full blown hug.

Gerard stepped back, sending me a look of confusion. I smiled, shaking my head. He seemed at ease after that. Clearly he thought my mother was a lovely person. "Linda. Right. Well, it's lovely to finally meet you."

"Oh, my dear, we must have met briefly at Mikey's wedding!" My mother smiled, sitting down next to us.

"Oh, I'm not sure we did. I mean, I'd remember meeting someone as pretty as you."

Gerard was such a charmer. My mother blusher, fanning herself with her hands. "You are a sweetheart! Come on, tell me how this all happened. I want every detail!"

"Mom, I already told you. Mikey called, we met, Gerard came, and then we decided to go on a date," I shook my head at her. "Do you ever listen?"

Sometimes I got slightly irritated with my mom, especially when she embarised me in public. I loved her though, it was just that she had a very bubbly personality. A lot of people loved her for it, but I prefered the way she acted at home, when she'd have heart to heart conversations with me.

"Frank!" She shook her head at me, turning to Gerard. "He's always so straight forward! I know you explained already, dear, but tell me how your first date was! Where did you go?"

Gerard and I looked at each other. Would it be appropriate to tell her that we had spent the evening at Gerard's? I mean, we hadn't done anything inappropriate. No, we'd left that until last night at my place.

"We actually just wanted to stay at my place," Gerard started for me, sending me a reassuring smile. "Mikey's been staying with me for a while, so it was the three of us."

"That's not a very romantic first date," My mom commented. The. She paused, frowning. "Wait, Mikey hasn't had an argument with Alicia has he?"

I realised that I hadn't thought about Alicia at all. I hadn't even questioned why Mikey had been staying at Gerard's. I felt stupid for not noticing sooner. I also felt worried. Was this to do with what Gerard hadn't told me?

My thoughts were interrupted by Gerard's voice. "No, no. He and Alicia are fine, Linda. He just wanted to stay over at mine for a while. I've been through a rough patch lately."

My mom patted his hand. "I'm sorry, honey. Is it something you can talk about?"

I waited to see if Gerard would finally spill whatever was wrong. I couldn't tell if I was relieved by his answer. "I'd rather not talk about it, if you don't mind."

"Of course. Just know that I'm always hear to talk to," she said gently, now turning to me. "You've chosen a good one, Frank. Keep him safe."

My relationship with my mother now is a lot different. We hardly talk. I sit at home, wallowing in my own self pity, not making a sound. She tries to get through to me, but I don't give in.

Her personality has changed as much as mine. She doesn't bother to try and sound cheery anymore, and I barely ever catch her smiling. When she does smile it's forced and only for my benefit.

She looks different now too. Her whole face has a lot more wrinkles from all the stress I've put her through. Her hair has started to grey, and she's resorted to leaving it that way. If she dyed it now you'd know it was dyed.

It's not that I don't feel guilty for what I've done to her. I'm just too hurt right now to care. She doesn't know what it's like to loose everything. She will never understand my pain, no matter how much she says she does. She thinks I can replace him.

I will never replace him.

"Oh I know," I smiled. For once I was actually glad for my mother's company. She wasn't that embarrassing, and Gerard really seemed to like her. "We're only at an early stage though, Ma, so no talk of marriage or kids yet!"

My mom chuckled, wrapping an arm around me. I laughed too, feeling relieved. When I glanced at Gerard however, he wasn't even smiling. In fact, he looked upset. I went to comfort him, or ask him what was wrong, but my mother interrupted. I was glad for the interruption however. Maybe it would take his mind off if things.

"You two really are adorable. Y'know, Frank's never had much luck with guys."

"Ma!" I exclaimed. I could see Gerard had cheered up enough to laugh. "Seriously, he doesn't need to hear about that."

"No, no, I want to hear!" Gerard protested, sitting up on the couch.

My mom sat up, crossing her legs, a huge smirk on her face. "Well, where do I begin?"

"Ma!"

"Ooh, I know! His first boyfriend the year he left school," she began, and I hid my face in my hands. "He had already figured out he wasn't straight, what with that girl he dated briefly in high school."

"He dated a girl?" Gerard seemed genuinely surprised.

"Oh yes, but only for a few weeks."

"Who broke up with who?"

I cut in before my mother could say anything. "I broke up with her. But it wasn't in a cruel way. We both knew that the relationship wasn't going anywhere. We sat down and had a chat, and we realised it wouldn't work out. So, I said we should just be friends."

"And are you still friends?" Gerard grinned.

I looked down, shameful. "No, but I don't know many people that break up and stay in contact."

"That's true," Gerard allowed, patting my knee as I buried my face back in my hands. I couldn't believe they were having this conversation. "So, who started the relationship?"

"That was Mel, of course," Mom laughed. "She'd had a crush on my boy for a while, which he hadn't noticed." She sent me a stern look. "But, I suppose he wasn't looking at girls."

I blushed furiously under my hands. "I noticed eventually."

Mom made a 'tsk' noise. "Only because I noticed her staring at you one day at parents evening. I pointed her out to Frank and he decided to experiment, see if he really was what he thought he was."

My head snapped up. "You can say it, Ma. Gay."

My mother wasn't against my sexuality, in fact, she completely supported it. She just didn't want to offend me.

She ignored my comment. "So, they went out and got to know each other. She was a nice girl, sweet."

"What did she look like?" Gerard asked.

My mother didn't seem thrown off by his eagerness to divulge every piece of information he could get. She clearly enjoyed this. "She had ginger hair that went to her shoulders. Very slim, with a figure to die for."

"Ma, please, you're so embarrassing."

Again she ignored me. "The furthest they went was kissing."

"Ma!" I cried, and Gerard chuckled, wrapping his arm around me and pulling me close. I buried my head onto his shoulder.

"Tell me about his first boyfriend," Gerard said, which I was a little grateful for.

"He was a nice guy, a little nerdy, but nice," I was surprised with her choice of words. I wouldn't have called him nerdy, exactly. "He worked at the comic book store, and since Frank was always going down there, they started talking."

"I love comics!" Exclaimed Gerard, which forced me to look up. He had a huge grin on his face.

"Really? I didn't know that," I said, beaming up at him.

"Honestly, how long have you two known each other?" Mom laughed, shaking her head. "Anyway, Steve wasn't sure about his sexuality either, so one night they decided to experiment."

Now I was full on blushing. I couldn't let her finish the story. "Okay, I'll tell this part." She nodded and waited for me to continue. "We were a little drunk. I was staying at his house for the night, and we ended up kissing. Well, I knew then that this was the life for me. It felt right. But we didn't go any further than that. Turns out, he got wierded out and left."

Gerard looked a little jealous, but then he burst out laughing. "Wait, he decided he wasn't gay?"

"Yeah," I muttered.

"Then how is he your first boyfriend?"

"Well, we were seeing each other a little before. But we only held hands and exchanged a few kisses on the cheek. Not really a serious relationship, but still."

"Aw, that's sweet," This comment took be off guard. I supposed he was just glad nothing else had happened between us.

"Would you like to hear about his next relationship?" My mother winked at him. I buried my head back on his shoulder, knowing what his answer would be. He said yes. "Well, his next boyfriend was two years later. They met in a bar one night when Frank had been forced by his friends to give it a try. He hadn't told them he was gay, so they wanted him to meet girls.

"They went home and... Well, that was his first time." I'd told my mother everything, because she was like my best friend. But at that moment I regretted ever telling her. "It was a little spontaneous, but I guess he liked it because they were a couple for three months."

"So it wasn't just a one night stand?"

"Oh, no. They were very much into each other."

"What had them separate?"

My mom hesistated. I knew she was waited for me to say it, but I didn't take the opportunity. "He cheated. It was to be expected, I mean, he worked at the bar every night, and he had one night stands most of the time."

Gerard pulled me from his chest, looking into my eyes. "I'm sorry about that."

"It's okay," I muttered.

"Maybe we should leave the boyfriend talk for now." Gerard suggested.

"Oh, yes." My mom seemed disappointed however. "There wasn't much more to tell to be honest, he only had three more partners."

"Ma, that's enough for now."

The next few hours were great.

Gerard seemed to be getting along very well with my mother, and she laid off the boyfriend talk. She did however, show him a photo of me that she held in her purse, a small one of me as a child. I was about five in the photo, holding a guitar that was far too big for me.

"That's the cutest thing I've ever seen!" Exclaimed Gerard.

"Oh, isn't it? You should come by sometime this week for dinner. I'd love to show you more."

Gerard had been just as shocked by the offer as I had. "That'd be great, thank you."

And so we had arranged for Gerard to come to my mother's house. I was dreading that. Not because I didn't want Gerard to get to know me more, but because I knew my mother would embarrass me even more than she already had.

At one point, when I had given them both something to eat, I excused myself to go to the shops to grab some food for tonight. My mother had decided she would stay for dinner, and Gerard said he would too. I didn't object, the more time with Gerard the better.

Once I had come home however, I noticed they didn't know I had come in. I tiptoed to the living room door, listening in. I wanted to know what my mother would be saying now, something humiliating no doubt. But as I listened, I was shocked at what I heard.

They were in the kitchen, because their voices were coming from slightly further away.

"I want to tell him, really I do, but I'm just not ready." It was Gerard's voice, sounding very strained.

"Honey, you need to tell him soon. It's not right to keep such a big secret from him."

So, he had told my mom before me.

I felt betrayed. How could he do that? What, he couldn't trust me but he could trust a woman he'd met a few hours ago? I felt tears sting in my eyes.

"Believe me, I don't want to keep secrets from him. But, we're at an early stage. It's a lot of weight to put on his shoulders."

There was a pause. "Gerard, he won't leave you. I know that's what you're thinking but you're wrong. He can help you through this."

"No. I have Mikey. He doesn't have to get dragged into it." He sounded like he was clenching his teeth.

"And you think it's fair to let Mikey deal with it on his own? You have to tell Frank."

"I just need some time. I don't want to ruin what we have right now. I know it sounds stupid, but we've been on two dates, two days in a row. Why tell him? We're barely a couple."

That hurt. Tears were running freely down my cheeks now. "Barely a couple? Gerard, you've liked him for years, and so has he. You've hung out together before this, and now you've taken a step up. You're a committed couple now, no matter how long you've been seeing each other."

"I just need a few weeks. Months, maybe."

"It could be too late by then," my mom said soothingly. "I know it's harsh to say so, but from what you told me.."

"I know. I- I just want our time together to be happy. No sadness."

"Until you have to leave him. Then it'll tear him to shreds. Don't do that to my boy."

Leave me? I couldn't breathe. He couldn't break up with me already. No way. Why was he planning on leaving me already? Was I really that bad of a boyfriend?

"For all we know, I might not."

"I know. But you should still tell him. Better sooner than later."

"That's where you're wrong. It's better later."

There was a pause. This was long enough for me to think things over.

So the secret Gerard had meant that he would have to leave me, but possibly not. This didn't make any sense. Why couldn't he just tell me? He had told my mother just fine. I knew I should have been patient with him, I mean, he was right. We were at the beginning of our relationship, we should give it some time before we get so serious. I mean, whatever he has to tell me has got to be huge, so why wouldn't we wait until we've dated for a while?

It started to make a little more sense to me. I was on Gerard's side. Not that I wasn't still annoyed that he had confided in my mom first, but I wasn't even meant to be listening.

I listened a little longer, but no one spoke. So, I opened the front door and slammed it deliberately. I had wiped away my tears, and I had taken a look in the hallway mirror. My face didn't seem red or swollen.

"Hey!" I called, walking into the kitchen.

"Oh, there you are! You took your time." Mom commented.

They both had straightened up when I walked in, and Gerard had grabbed a book on the table.

"Yeah, there was a huge que," I lied.

"Well, I'd better get going."

"Wait, I thought you were staying for dinner?"

"Oh, I just realised I have a hair appointment. Sorry, but the offer is still open to come to my place," she sent a smile at Gerard, who returned it. "I'll see you soon, honey."

She kissed me and left. I tried to think of something normal to say to Gerard.

"Are you gonna stay the night again?" I asked hopefully.

"Nah, I have Mikey to take care of," he looked annoyed at himself for the slip up. "I mean, he'll get pretty lonely if I don't go home."

"Oh, okay," I sighed.

He saw my face and took me into a tight embrace. His lips kissed my forehead as I leant against him. "I'll call you and we'll go out again tomorrow. If you're free?"

"Of course. Does Ice Skating sound good?" I asked, pulling away.

He tucked a strand of hair behind my ear. "Sounds like a plan."

Before he left he gave me one last kiss. My hands felt his beautiful hair as his tounge roamed my mouth, moving against mine perfectly. I moaned as he bit on my lip, and I even ended up wrapping my legs around his waist. He pulled away chuckling.

"You can never get enough."

Notes