Three Words You Never Want To Hear

The next morning I had decided that it was time for me to take matters into my own hands. If Gerard was so set on leaving his parents in the dark then I would have to turn to the only other person I could for help, I just couldn’t let Gerard throw away his last few months that he had left to see them, he was their flesh and blood, that ought to count for something. Right?

“I don’t know, Frank,” Mikey sighed, busily doing the laundry as I sat in the kitchen watching. “You’re messing with something that you don’t understand. Our parents clearly don’t want anything to do with us, so why should we bother attempting to contact them? It’s pointless.”

“But surely you can understand why Gerard needs to see them,” I pleaded, standing up. “If they knew what was happening to their son right now, they’d fly over here in a heartbeat, no question.”

“No offence,” Mikey spun around, red in the face. “But you don’t even know them.”

“I know that they’re your parents. I know that, they could never turn their own son down at such a critical time in his life. I know that they raised him, I mean, that’s gotta count for something.”

Mikey turned away, shaking his head. “Gerard doesn’t want them in his life, and he doesn’t need them. He has me and you now. We’re doing just fine by ourselves.”

“And how do you think your parents will react when they find out that you kept this a secret from them? They’ll hate you for it.”

“Well then they can add it onto their long list of reasons of why not to come back, since they ditched us in the first place,” he snapped, walking past me angrily. “You know, Frank, I tried to get in contact with my mom and dad, but they just aren’t interested.”

“Why? Because they didn’t pick up the phone? C’mon man, you know that I’m right. Gerard needs them.”

“Look,” he turned towards me, with a look of defeat on his face. “If I agree to this, you can’t tell Gerard I was involved. If they turn him away, I swear-”

“There’s no way they’ll do that,” I insisted, grinning. “Thanks Mikey. It means a lot to me, I just want to see Gerard happy.”

“So do I.”

“What are you two talking about?” Gerard smiled, coming up behind me and making me jump.

“Not much, just exchanging everyday pleasantries, right Mikey?”

“Right,” Mikey smiled, turning his back on us to finish the laundry.

“Why do I feel like you’re hiding something from me?” Gerard grinned, pressing his lips to my neck.
“Ugh, keep it PG,” Mikey groaned, leaving the room.

“Well he seems in a good mood. What did you say to him?” Gerard frowned, pulling away.

“Nothing,” He raised his eyebrows at me in suspicion. “Seriously, it was a conversation about nothing. Y’know, ‘good morning’, that kind of thing.”

“Whatever you say,” he grinned, grabbing a coffee mug from the top shelf. “Want one?”

“Always,” I grinned, sitting down at the kitchen table.

“You know, I was thinking about what we were talking about last night,” he started, turning the kettle on. I looked hesitantly towards where Mikey was sat in the living room, catching Mikey’s worried gaze as he eavesdropped on our conversation. Maybe Gerard had changed his mind. “And I think you should move in as soon as possible.”

“Really?” I cried happily, knocking the table as I stood up in shock. “I mean- when?”

Gerard chuckled, turning to face me as the kettle began boiling. “Someone’s eager.”

“Whoa, hold up,” Mikey interrupted, pausing the television. “Frank’s moving in?”

“Yeah,” Gerard raised his eyebrows playfully. “It’s my house y’know. I get to choose who stays and who leaves, so-”

“Okay, okay, I was just wondering,” he held his hands up in surrender. “It’ll be awesome to have you around here, Frank. I mean, not that it makes a difference you moving in, since you already practically live here.”

“Oh, hush up,” I grinned, turning back to Gerard. “How soon is ‘as soon as possible’?”

“Today,” he said nonchalantly, turning back to the kettle.

“T-today?”

“Today,” he nodded, smirking. “Unless that’s too soon for you.”

“N-no, I- of course- I mean, what I’m saying is-”

Gerard giggled, an unusually high pitched noise escaping from his mouth. “Calm down. I was kidding.”

“Oh,” I blushed, sitting back down at the table as Mikey laughed and went back into the living room. “It’s just that it’s a little short notice, I mean, we’ll have to go straight to my place and start packing all my stuff-”

“We’ve got all day,” Gerard grinned, turning the kettle off. “What we really need to figure out is how we’re gonna fit you in my room, especially with all the junk that you collect.”

“Hey! I don’t collect junk, I collect valuables with sentimental and cash value.”

“Please, you collect old bashed up guitars and picks with freaky designs etched into them,” Gerard laughed, pouring the water into our mugs.

“And your point is?”

“My point is,” Gerard laughed, setting our mugs onto the table and sitting down next to me. “I’m gonna have to make some room for your stuff. Plus, we have the little issue of where you’re gonna sleep. I can only fit one bed in my room.” He gave a suggestive wink.

“Oh, I’m sure we can make it work,” I winked back. “I’ll just sleep on top of you.”

“Oooh,” Gerard murmured, sliding his chair closer to mine. “I like the sound of that.”

“No, no, no!” Mikey exclaimed from the other room. “You are absolutely getting separate beds. Hell, I’ll pay for bunk beds if you want.”

“Hey, bunk beds isn’t a bad idea,” Gerard mused, looking over at his brother. “Although, you’re defiantly paying now that you said it. Frank’s a witness to your oath.”

“My oath? Are you kidding me?”

“Hey, if you don’t wanna be kept up all night because of all the noises me and Frank will be making…”

“Okay, okay, okay!” Mikey pressed his hands to his ears. “Please just shut up!”

“Oooh, Gerard,” I mimicked, moaning the best I could while I was trying to suppress my laughter.
“Shut up, shut up, shut up!” He cried, shaking his head fiercely.

Gerard caught on and grinned, jumping onto my lap, catching me completely off guard. I gasped, which seemed to encourage Gerard further. Mikey’s face was pure gold, I couldn’t help but laugh.
“Oooh, damn it, Frank!” Gerard dragged my name out for as long as he could, burying his face into my shoulder as he did so. Mikey had a look of absolute horror on his face, and I was sure mine now mirrored his. Was he actually grinding on me?

“O- O – Okay-” I stuttered, struggling to speak. “That’s enough now, c’mon. Mikey doesn’t wanna see that.”

“Damn right he doesn’t!” Mikey cried, standing up and walking out of the room, leaving us both alone.

“Aw, I think you upset him,” I grinned, attempting to push Gerard off.

He grinned, pushing easily back down onto me. He kissed my neck gently, pushing up against me while he did so. I stifled a groan, biting my lips to stop myself from making any noise. I didn’t want to genuinely annoy Mikey. “C’mon, Frank. Little Mikey has gone to sulk, so now us two grownups have a little time to ourselves.”

“Not here we can’t,” I murmured, my eyes closed as I tried not to enjoy it. “Let’s go to your room.”
Gerard pulled away from my shoulder, looking me in the eyes and brushing my hair gently out of my face. “You look so handsome today, did you know that?”

That caught me off guard. “Uh, thank you?”

“What?”

“It’s just… that was one fast mood switch right there,” I smiled, sensing that I had ruined the moment somehow. Why did I always do that?

Gerard looked confused for a second, but then he regained his confidence. “I’d hardly call it a mood swing; I was dry humping you because I found you especially handsome today.”

“Well, that makes sense I guess,” I grinned. “Y’know, you don’t look too bad yourself.”

“Thanks, sweet cheeks,” he buried himself back into my neck, catching me off guard once more. “Come on,” he whispered. “We’ll barricade the door so that Mikey can’t walk in.”

I laughed, finally managing to push him off. As much as I wanted to, we had things to do. If we wanted to have me moved in by today, we’d have to get a move on right away. I told Gerard this and he sighed dramatically, pouting.

“Alright, fine,” he huffed, smirking. “We’ll save it for later.”
**********
Once we had picked everything up from my place, which hadn’t taken too long, we had decided that a celebratory drink was in order. Gerard had informed me that he didn’t drink alcohol, telling me of how he had once suffered with depression back in high school for a while, leading him to drink as an escape route. I had found this information shocking, seeing as Gerard had always seemed so cool and collected back then, I had always looked up to him, it seemed crazy that someone like him could be brought down by a bunch of bullies.

“They’d yell at me in the halls, call me ‘fag’,” He recalled, sipping his coffee. Of course we had opted to drink at Starbucks. “The fuckers actually thought they were being original.”

“And you let them get to you?” I asked, astonished that Gerard would ever let a bunch of low lives get to him.

He sighed. “I had no friends. I sat in my bedroom all day and night, drawing. I was lonely. I was young. One thing led to another, and eventually I just cracked. Started with a beer every night when I got in from school, and eventually I was drinking before school, during school, after, I never stopped.”

“But you got over it eventually,” I stated, feeling a little sick. Imagining Gerard doing anything to hurt himself made my stomach flip. I mean, he had already told me once before of his depression, but I had never realised he had resorted to alcohol.

“You already know that this all led me to try and take my own life,” I nodded, the vivid picture of Gerard screaming in agony still in my mind. “It shouldn’t come as a shock to you that I was drunk as hell when I did it. I didn’t want to tell you about the alcohol; because it’s something I’ll always be ashamed of. So much more shameful than drinking bleach. Taking your own life isn’t always selfish, at least that’s not what I believe.”

“Really? What about family, friends? How they’d feel once you were gone?”

“I take it you don’t agree with suicide then.”

“No,” I stated, looking him square in the eyes. I needed him to realise that taking his own life could never ever be an option. “I don’t think anyone should ever feel that low that they would actually do that to themselves. You never know what the future holds, you could go on to live the happiest life in the world in the future, and yet you’d take away your life in a second because of something like bullying. I’m not saying you’re a bad person, but think how Mikey would’ve felt if he’d found you? Sometimes you have to put aside your own happiness in order to protect the people you love.
And…” I paused, reaching over and holding his hand. “Gerard, there is always someone out there that cares. Nothing is worth hurting yourself over.”

“I know,” he said sincerely, squeezing my hand back. “But sometimes you have to put yourself first.” I went to argue, but he continued. “I’m not saying I’m going to do that now, I mean, I’m happy. I have you. I was young and reckless, I let loneliness and bullies get to me more than it should have. Now that I’m older I value my life a little more than that. I have you.”

I smiled, butterflies stirring in my stomach. The way he was looking at me made me feel as though he could see every inch of me, I could see that he truly cared about me, and I could see that, despite his broken, weakened appearance, he was happy. Despite everything, despite the… diagnosis, he was happy. I vowed in that moment that I would make every second of his life a happy one. He deserved it.

“Look, we’re supposed to be celebrating,” he smiled, pulling away and raising his cup. “I dedicate this speech to my gorgeous boyfriend, Frank. Together, we will drive Mikey insane with our childish teasing and inappropriate displays of affection. To us!”

He clanked his cup against mine, laughing. I couldn’t help but grin widely, for a second forgetting about the inevitable.

“Would you like anything else today?” The waitress that had previously served us asked, twirling a piece of her hair around her finger. She gazed at Gerard, paying no attention to me whatsoever. I wondered if Gerard could tell that she was flirting. I certainly could.

“I don’t know,” he turned to me, smiling. “Would you like another round of coffee?”

The waitress glanced at me, clearly annoyed that Gerard had yet again deflected her flirting attempts.

“I’m fine,” I said nonchalantly, she turned towards Gerard, her finger brushing his palm. I could see that Gerard was amused by this, and was clearly too polite to say anything. I could feel the jealously getting to me. I couldn’t help it. It was stupid to feel jealous, I knew that Gerard loved me and I knew that he was gay. “You know what?” They both turned around to look at me, the waitress looking slightly annoyed. “Why don’t we just go back to our place?”

The waitress didn’t look bothered; clearly she hadn’t taken the hint. “Sure,” Gerard replied, still grinning. “We should celebrate in style.”

“What’re you celebrating?” The waitress piped up.

“Oh, we just moved in together,” Gerard answered politely.

“Oh, so you guys are roommates now, huh? You must be pretty close friends.”

“Oh, we’re close,” I grinned, leaning over and kissing Gerard passionately on the lips. I could’ve sworn I heard him moan.

I pulled away, pleased with myself. I felt the warmth of satisfaction as I took in the waitress’ expression. Her face was priceless.

“Oh,” she blushed, clearly embarrassed. “Congratulations. You seem like an adorable couple.”

I had to give her props, at least she wasn’t homophobic. She seemed genuinely sorry for her mistake, I almost felt bad. Almost.

“Thank you,” Gerard smiled, standing up. “Thank you for the service. It makes a change to have someone so cheerful serving you for once, y’know? Really brightens up my day.”

She blushed. I knew that Gerard was trying to make it less awkward, and I knew that he was trying to make her believe that he had mistaken her forwardness for cheery customer service. “Thank you, sir. Have a great day.”

“And you,” he replied, taking hold of my hand and leading me out the door.

“That was sneaky,” Gerard started, eyeing me playfully as though he were judging me.

“Hey, she was all over you, I had to do something.”

“Aw, was Frankie jealous?” He teased.

“Yeah,” I shrugged. “Who wouldn’t be? I’m sorry but she needed to find out eventually, I was only saving the poor girl from more embarrassment. If I had let her continue to throw herself all over you like that, she could’ve seriously humiliated herself.”

“Sure, sure,” he shook his head, laughing. “Come on, let’s go celebrate this properly.”

“Oh?”

“We still need to sort out the sleeping arrangements.”

“But Mikey said he’d buy us bunk-” I caught sight of his expression and blushed. “Oh, you meant… ah, way to ruin the mood, Frank.”

He chuckled. “Come on.”

Notes