I've Gotten Better, Have You?

Frank had never felt this sick before. It was as if someone had ripped his heart out and kicked him in the nuts at the same time, or maybe that was just Gerard. Frank knew he messed up, but now that Gerard was here he thought that Gerard would just fall into his arms like when he was younger and he would catch Frank with another person.

It wasnt Franks fault that he had needs that Gerard wasn't meeting. Frank had sex with Gerard once and it was awful for frank because Gerard was so fragile and needy. But at the same time, Frank needed Gerard, without him, the world around him changes, Frank spent most of his collage life drowning in booze and homework. Frank didn't mean to forget Gerard, maybe he should have answered those texts he always got from him, but Frank never liked to make things harder than they need to be.

But Frank had messed it up pretty badly this time. Gerard wasn't going to forgive him, Gerard hated him..... Gerard was going to make him suffer. Frank sobbed into his pillow as he lay in bed. The school day had come and gone, but now there was nothing distracting Frank from his own pity party.

Frank would do anything for Gerard, and he wished Gerard would give him another chance.... "There has to be something i can do" Frank cries into the emptiness of his apartment. Gerard just seemed so much more different now, Frank never realized that Gerard was so smart, Frank never really noticed Gerard ever. Now that Frank thought hard about it, all he ever used Gerard for was to find out if he was gay or not.

Gerard had grown taller than Frank, his jaw line that Frank loved so much was fully developed and glorious. The pants Gerard wore were just a tad on the tight side, but Frank couldn't complain. The only new thing Frank dint like about Gerard was all the attention he got, now that he as tall and dark and handsome, girls like that Ella chick just flung themselves at Gerard's feet.

Frank couldn't take much more of his own brain, he needed a hit of something, Frank goes to his closet and retrieves a shoe box filled with various drugs he couldn't even name. Frank may be a new teacher, but he was an experienced addict, he was even sure he got Gerard addicted to cigarettes when he was only 11..... 'oh' thought Frank, 'that's another reason for Gerard to hate me'.

Frank picked out a small bag of reddish green powder, unaware of what it might do to him, only hoping for the right buzz to get him through the night. "how the fuck do i take this?" Frank mumbles to himself. checking over the bag to see the words, 'mix with', on the front. frank does what the instruct ins ask, he brought a glass of water from his bathroom back to his bed and slowly added the powder.

the water quickly turns the colour of blood, becoming thick and gooey..... 'am i supposed to drink this?!?' Frank looks puzzled at the drink. Thoughts of Gerard start floating back into Franks brain but before things could get out of hand, Frank grips the side of his night stand and downs the peculiar drug.

The buzz to affect quickly, making Frank laugh extremely loud. The drink even tasted like blood. "Why cant i get you out of my head?" Frank talks to the picture of 9 year old Gerard on the wall. "why cant these fucking drugs works?".

Frank could fell hot tears running down his face but when he went to go clear them, he drew his hand away, 'my hand is covered in blood!' Frank flipped inside his head, collapsing to the ground before sliding his body into a corner of the room.

"i should phone him" Frank thought out loud, his inner voices working against his wishes. "im going to call him" Frank finally declares as he stumbles towards the door, grabbing his coat and hat before walking out of his apartment.

The streets were cold but Frank was still warm with all the blood tears that were still dripping from them. when Frank gets to where he wants to be, he pulls out his phone and clicks the only number he has on speed dial. "Hello, Way house, Gerard speaking" a mellow voice sounded through the phone making Frank start to giggle. "H Hey sexy" Frank hiccuped, he could hear Gerard's breathing pick up.

"what do you want frank? i told you i hate you!" Gerard say through gritted teeth. Frank giggles again, "but Gee, i love you, I've been so sad without you" Franks giggles turn to sobs and Gerard has to mute the phone to keep from crying too, he will not be the victim anymore.
"go tell your sob story somewhere else Frank" Gerard snaps, making Frank feel uneasy. "b but, Gerard, i came all this way to see you" Frank breaths shakily into the phone.

Gerard pauses, "Frank..... Are you drunk right now?". Frank starts to giggle uncontrollably, and now, Gerard can hear him outside his front door... 'oh no, this cannot be happening' Gerard pleaded with every god on the planet. Gerard opened the door to find and extremely high off his ass Frank with a bad filled with what looked like blood.

"Hey Gee baby, i missed you, and I'm sorry i never told you this before, but i love you so much, and i know I'm your teacher and I'm really high right now, but you have to believe me" Frank went right back to sobbing.

"Frank... you cant be here" Gerard says quietly, which just makes Frank sob harder. "Oh for fuck sake's Frank!" Gerard cries as he drags him off his porch and into his living room. Frank stops crying for a moment, Gerard was looking right into his eyes. "whats in the bag?" Gerard demanded, now ashamed, Frank handed the bag over to Gerard where he took it and put it up to the light.
"its drugs" Frank deadpanned and Gerard,almost dropped the bag. "what kind of drugs?" Gerard asked slowly, Frank felt his face get hot and blood started running down his hands. "the kind that makes blood come out of everywhere" Frank smiles. Gerard looks horrified, but doesn't refrain from asking, "how do you fucking take it?".

After Frank showed Gerard how to take it, they both found themselves in the dark, laying on Gerard's bed. The only light coming from the small window where enough moonlight shone through to catch Gerard's face perfectly.

"you're so pretty" Frank giggled, and so did Gerard, "so are you" Gerard replied, done fighting with himself, he might as well enjoy it while the buzz lasts. Frank slowly sits up, "you're going to hate me tomorrow again, aren't you?" Frank asks, sounding small.

Gerard wanted to tell Frank no, that it would all be okay in the morning, but he knew that as soon as the buzz wore off, then he would go back to hating Mr. Iero. "I want you to kiss me" Gerard found himself saying. Frank didn't waste a second before attaching his lips to Gerard's, the feeling, all so familiar, but yet, so foreign.

Whatever was in those drugs made Gerard taste fire, in a good way. Or maybe that was just Frank.... Yeah, Frank made Gerard feel like fire.

And it felt so fucking good.

Notes