Maybe This Could Work...

For Gerard it was just another holiday. For Mikey it was just another holiday. For Gina it was just another holiday. Not for me...
For the past five years I pretended like it was just another holiday, just a day we celebrate something, usually with a big dinner. But I knew that I couldn’t pretend forever. She wouldn’t want that. She would want me to be who I was, express my feelings, even if those feelings weren’t happy. She wouldn’t like me pretending. True it has been five years and I barely remember the sound of her voice, but I still remember her, as she was. She had this amazing smile that just made you smile. She was always patient and caring and understanding. She didn’t jump to conclusion, she didn’t judge (maybe she did, just a little bit), she always listened.
She was just this amazing woman. But one day that amazing woman was gone... She disappeared, leaving behind a whole lot of pain and hurt. I know that wasn’t her intention, she just wanted to free herself from pain and hurt and the miserable life she was living. She did once told me that I was her only ray of sunshine in this world... Guess I didn’t burn bright enough, because she still left.
She was the one who bought me my first guitar for Christmas when I was six. She was the one that encouraged me to pursue a career in music.
She was... well... my mom.
I remembered the funeral. It was open casket. I was thirteen. And it was the last day my dad was sober...
And I miss her so much, especially today of all days. Fourth Thursday of November.. or Thanksgiving. She left on that day. I know the date isn’t the same as it was five years ago, but still... It was one of the shittiest days of the year.
But I guess this year was different from the years before. I was no longer living with my dad, I had an awesome best friend (I had that before though) and a gorgeous boyfriend who loves me and I him.
I looked at him, calmly sleeping next to me.
I hadn’t told him yet about this day. I just didn’t want to ruin his excitement over preparing Thanksgiving dinner for us, Mikey and Gina. Like a little happy family, he called us. I honest to God wanted to tell him, I just didn’t have the heart to ruin this. So I decided to tell him after dinner, after his plans all work out.
I gently kissed his cheek and wrapping my arms around him, feeling his arm skin. His eyes slowly flutter open, a sleepy smile decorating his light pink lips.
“Morning sweetheart” he hummed, cuddling up even closer to me.
“You sleep okay?” I asked him, pressing my lips to his forehead.
“Mhm” he mumbled. We stayed like that, cuddle up together under the warm sheets, just enjoying each other’s company, not saying anything, sharing occasional kisses.
The cuts on his waist have started to heal really well and soon he won’t even need the bandages anymore. Mikey was still a little concerned about him, but I kept assuring him that if anything should happen again I’d tell him. And Gerard kept promising he’ll try his best not to slip again; not on the alcohol, not on the self-harm and I was proud of him for being so determent.
“Hey, Frankie?” Gerard’s soft, sleepy voice called to me.
“Yeah?” I asked, looking down at him.
“I need to get up, ‘cause I need to go to the store...” he said, hesitantly.
“Aha?”
“But I don’t want to get out of bed” he sighed with a small giggle. He was so cute when he giggled like that!
“What about we both get out of bed and you can watch me make breakfast in my boxers?” I suggested, a big grin on my face.
“Sounds like a good deal” Gee smirked, raising his eyebrow in interest. We got out of bed, Gerard getting dressed, me staying in my batman boxers and like that we headed downstairs to the kitchen. Mikey was already there, slowly chewing his cereal. Thank God, he can’t see!
“Morning Mikes” Gerard and I said at the same time. Gerard sat down next to Mikey, running his hand through his messy morning hair and I could feel his look on me the whole time I was preparing breakfast; milk and cereal and coffee, because I don’t have enough energy in the morning to make anything else, not until I have had my coffee anyways.
When the coffee was finished, I sat down in Gerard’s lap, his hands immediately wrapping around my waist. Those were the best mornings. Me sitting in Gee’s lap, steaming coffee in hand.
After we were finished, Mikey offered to wash the dishes.
“You wanna come to the store with me?” asked Gerard, when I was getting dressed.
“I’d love to, but I actually have a thing” I said, trying to seem as casual as possible.
“What thing?” he asked.
“Just a thing. I promise I’ll tell you later when I get back” I shrugged.
“Oh... Okay” he said, giving me on last kiss, before I disappeared through the door of our bedroom. In all honesty, I wanted to take Gerard with me, but, again, like I say, I don’t want to ruin his happy day.
Day they was actually quite sunny, minus the occasional cloud with the wind blowing hard. I wouldn’t say I hated windy days, I just didn’t like the fact that it kept blowing hair on to my face.
As I was walking down the side walk, my feet carrying me to the cemetery, my mind drifted back to five years ago.

“Call me later, okay?” Gina smiled.
“Yeah, sure” I said, putting a freshly new bought comic book in to my backpack. We had just come from the comic book store, where we spent most of our days after school. This was the time before Gina was diagnosed, so there was no cannula, no oxygen machine and no tubes.
We went our separate ways. It seemed like it was just another normal day, until I got home...
There was an ambulance outside the house, the front door was open and people rushing around. My heart stop, sinking down to the pit of my stomach. Was the hell way going on? Had one my parent’s fights gone to far?!
There was that yellow tape running from the front door, right to the sidewalk, a couple of neighbours standing behind it, stepping on their tiptoes so they could see better.
With wobbly feet, I walked over, pushing through the small crowd of people, crawling under the yellow tape.
“Hey, kid, you can’t be here” one of the paramedics said to me, holding me by my shoulder.
“I live here!” I said, my voice shivering. I didn’t even look at him, I just stared at the open door, seeing all those people inside. The paramedic let go of my shoulder, letting me pass inside, where waited the horror I still vividly remember.
In the living room, on the floor, there was a big plastic bag and a body laying in it... My mom’s body. They hadn’t zipped up the bag all the way up, so I could see her pale face, eyes closed and a small string of foam running from her mouth. Her long dark hair was completely wet, sticking on to her face.
My school bag plummeted to the ground, a load bang emerging when it hit the floor and all heads turned to me. But the only one I saw was my dad’s... His face was red, eyes wet from all the tears running down his face, complete brokenness overtaking his face, until he saw me.
Tears started falling down my cheeks, I could feel my heart racing like jackrabbit, like it was gonna brake through from my chest nay second and just like the tears falling to the ground, so did I. I crashed down to my knees, not really having a sense of what was going on around me, not hearing all the voices of the paramedics and the policemen or the hushed gasps of my neighbours. All that was in that moment, was my mom... Dead. Placed inside the plastic bag, with the morgues logo on it in big black letters. A pair of strong arms wrapped around my fragile shaking body, holding me close to them.
“Mom...!” I cried out, trying to break free from the other person, but they just held me tighter.
“No! No, no ,no! NO!” I cried, until my own voice was unfamiliar to me. It didn’t feel like I was living this, it was like I was living this through someone else.
“Frank, it’s okay” I heard a voice say.
“Who the hell let him in here?!” the voice then yelled. For only a second I looked away from my mom’s body, to see my dad, holding me close to him. He looked down at me, his brown eyes showing only sorrow and sadness, but his voice was trying to seem okay, like this was all okay. I felt my lip treble I tried to be strong, but something in my dad’s eyes said that I don’t have to be. And I wasn’t. It seemed like the world has crumbled down, crushing me along with it. I cried and I sobbed and I screamed, but I’ve learned that it doesn’t matter how much you cry or sob or scream, tears will never bring back the dead. They never have and they never will.
Soon after, they zipped up the bag and carrying it out in to the ambulance. The police had already removed all the neighbours, so there wouldn’t be an even bigger scene then there already was. They told my dad that my mother had died from a drug overdose. Xanx in combination with a whole lot of alcohol.
I was sat on the couch, legs bent and held tight to my aching chest. I blankly stared at the spot where the plastic bag was only a few moments before, tears still running down my cheeks and occasional sobs escaping my cold lips. My entire body was shaking, so one of the paramedics wrapped a blanket around me. After everyone left, when it was just me and my dad left in the house, my dad came over to the couch, sitting down next to me and wrapping his arms around me.
“We’re gonna get through this, you know that right?” he asked. Yes, there were times where my dad was kind and caring, but after that day, after that night, it all turned around. It was like I was living with a completely different person after that.
I nodded, not really wanting to talk or do anything. I didn’t feel like existing. No, correction, I didn’t want to exist. I wanted to just disappear, become nothing, I wanted the pain to be over.
If I still compare those emotions, that pain to the pain my dad caused me in the future, those emotions were still worse.
I think I stayed up all night, sitting on the couch and crying, but somewhere right before morning I passed out in to a deep sleep.

And now... I was standing in front of the iron gates of the cemetery at the end of a small parking lot that was in front. There were walls surrounding the cemetery, separating it from everything else. Right by the gates, on the wall was pinned a small tablet, with the latest news on who has died, or when was the funeral. Today, it was a picture of this old lady that died at age 84.
I took a deep breath, pushing open the gates and stepping on to the rocky path that led between the numerous rows of graves. I always had trouble walking down to my mother’s grave, just the simple thought that my mother already had a grave made me want to leave, wishing it was all just a big tragic dream. But it never was...
The small rocky path soon led up to a cross road. If you continued forward you got to the mortuary and the small church, of which I didn’t have the most pleasant memories. I turned left at the cross road, and then immediately stepping on to a patch of grass, where there was still room for new graves. I passed to graves, then got to my mother’s.
The grave was nothing special and no different from the rest. It was separated from the others by a small marble lining. I always made sure there were fresh flowers in the vase in front of the tombstone and that there was always a candle lit. I sat down in front of her grave, leaning back on the tombstone of another, the wind yet again blowing hair on to my face. I tucked it back behind my ear, leaving my hand to rest on the back of my neck.
“Hey, mom” I quietly said, looking at the letters carved in to the marble tombstone, spelling out LINDA IERO with her picture next to them. It was a picture of her smiling with that same smile, that could make anyone smile in return.
“I’ve got a lot to tell you” I weakly smiled, bending my knees so I could sit cross legged. I placed my hands in my lap, playing around with my fingerless skeleton gloves.
“So, amm... I’ve moved out of the house. I finally did it, mom! I stood up to him and left” I told her, feeling a little stupid to be talking to a grave, but it made me feel okay, like she was really there listening to me. I told her about everything, about moving away, about being in the hospital, about still having stitches and broken ribs that were still healing, but that they’ll be good in a week or so. I told her about Gina and Mikey finally starting dating and how cute they were together. And I told her about Mikey’s eye surgery and how great he was doing despite the lack of eyesight.
“And there’s something really important I have to tell you” I then said, after I had gotten everything else out of the way.
“I’m in love, mom. I am completely in love with this guy, he’s just amazing. He’s name is Gerard and he’s a little older, but you would love him! And... amm.. he’s actually my art teacher. I know you wouldn’t be completely okay with that but believe me when I saw that without him, I wouldn’t be here. He saved me. He’s Mikey’s brother and I live with them now and it’s great... It’s awesome” I told her, feeling my heart race as I told her about Gerard.
I don’t know how long I was there, hours maybe, but now that I was there I didn’t want to leave. I sat there, leaning back on the tombstone, listening to music on low volume – the song The Night I Drown Alone by Citizen playing – just me, alone with my thoughts. It was nice, actually.
Then I heard footstep, sounding from the rocky path. I looked up from behind the tombstone, seeing Gerard, walking towards be. When he noticed I was looking at him, he gave me a small smile.
“Hey” he said, sitting down next to me.
“How did you know I was here?” I asked, as he entwined our fingers.
“I asked Gina. You gotta handing to that girl, she know everything about you” he said, looking in to my eyes and then at the grave.
“I’m sorry Frankie” Gerard said, looking back at me.
“Don’t be” I half smiled, leaning my head down on his shoulder.
We were quiet for a while.
“She would have like you, you know” I said after a while.
“You think so?”
“I know so! She was an artist too” I said, remembering all the awesome painting and drawings she made in her lifetime.
“I don’t think she would have approved of you dating your art teacher, who’s eight years older then you” Gerard retorted.
“No, but she would have like you, as a person. She would have seen the love we have” I said, then looked up at him, only to find he was already looking at me. He gave me a gentle kiss on my forehead.
“I love you, Frank" he mumbled against my skin.
“I love you too” I said, closing my eyes, just feeling his soft lips brush against my skin.
“Those were her last words to me...” I then say, looking back at the tombstone, slightly moving away from Gerard so I could sit back up.
“What?” he asked, like I said the most confusing thing in the world.
“The day she died... I was leaving to go hangout with Gina at the comic books store and she said to me: ‘I love you Frankie. I always will’ and then she hugged me. And when I got back, she was just gone” I said, shrugging at the last part, my voice cracking in a sob as I felt tears gathering in my eyes. Before Gerard could even speak a word of comfort to me, I continued.
“Every time I left home, she would tell me that she loves me. Always! And what did I do that day?! I said: ‘Yeah, yeah, love ya too’ and I left! I left her, not even knowing it was the last fucking time I would ever hear her voice or feel her giving me a hug or hear her bitch about me not doing my school work!” I, now crying, said, letting Gerard wrap his arms around me, pulling me close to him. It was like a flashback, when my dad did the same thing the day she died, but the difference was, that I actually wanted to be held by Gerard, and be comforted by him, because I knew he’d never lie to me, or tell me something just to make me feel better.
“You couldn’t have known baby” he said, caressing my hair in a soothing motion.
‘This isn’t the time for crying!’ I thought to myself. I sniffed a couple of times, wiping away the couple of tears that made their way down my cheeks, taking a deep breath before I looked back at the smiling picture of my mother.
“She was just, amazing. And then she left. Just like that. Gone” I said with a shaky voice.
“I know how you feel Frank, believe me” Gerard gently said, wiping away one last tear.
“You do?” I asked, frowning.
“Mhm... I was really closed to my grandma and when she passed away, I was completely broken for a number of years” he said, cupping my cheek.
“Oh... I’m sorry”
“It’s alright. She really was a unique woman” he lightly smiled.
We were quiet again.
“How did happen?” Gerard then quietly asked.
“Overdose” I equally quietly said.
Quiet again.
“What do you say we get back home, it’s getting kind of cold” suggested Gerard after a while. Now that he had mentioned it, it really was cold, freezing actually.
“Yeah” I mumbled, letting Gerard help me get up.
I took one last look at the marble stone, a half smile curving my lips.
“Bye, mom” I said, then followed Gerard out of the cemetery and back home.

Notes

Supp Sweethearts :D how are you all doing?
So, yeah... Here's the new chapter, hope you like it and I promise the next chapter will not be so sad
And I am sorry for any misspelling, but I really had a massive headache when I was writing this chapter, still have it... *sighes deeply in stress*

So, see ya, don't forget to comment, rate and subscribe ;) Love you and stay Fabulous xo <3