The Spike in my Heart (Frerard)
Chapter Twelve
Gerard’s P.O.V
I hate emotions. Even there I just managed to express one: hate. They get in the way of everything and complicate the simplest of situations while reducing you to hypocrisy and conflict.
I’m in pain.
I don’t remember the last time I felt something which burned as painfully as this state I’m in, I don’t know if I’ve ever even felt this way.
I miss Mikey. I miss him so much I feel like the sun which enthrals me so much is boring slowly through my pale skin, at a pace even more torturous than what my brother was forced to endure. My heart was never beating, but now it’s beginning to crumble. The shards, broken and sharp dig into me from the inside, making me bleed tears of burning emptiness. In my whole I have never wished to cry, but I want it now. Even that feeble human form of expressing one of those detestable emotions would be better than this emptiness I have inside me. There’s too much room for the shards of my heart to fall.
My father has been inconsolable, even though of course it’s all a show really. My own race disgusts me. Humans are pitiful little creatures, but at least most of them truly care for other members of their species. I believe that my father truly loved my mother, but her death happened too long ago now for him to act as if he missed her. With Mikey gone now, he can just have everyone swoon around him, he can bask gloriously in the wash of whispers as he passes…
‘Oh poor him, first a wife and now a son’
‘Whaton Earth can he do now that Gerard’s the only one the heart-broken fellow has left… you know the strange loner?’
‘Look… Mikey’s father, how tragic’
Every filthy one of them just loves a drama, it’s what they exist for.
Billie, just maybe, is more like me… different. He offered my father condolences too of course, but he makes a point of just acting genuinely empathetic and never engaging in all the useless babble that others do. He offered a hand out to me when I came back after the incident. Yes, his skin was as cold as mine but it was a warm gesture all the same and there was a sadness in his eyes which only served to wrench my heart further.
I’ve been lying alone in my coffin for days, to escape the useless cooing of the other vampires… and to escape Frank.
Frank.
I love him. There’s no possible way I can’t love him. I hate myself for what I’m doing to him… but yet more emotions are coming into play. It’s just the ignorant nature of all beings to push the blame of something tragic onto somebody else who is close to them. We automatically feel guilty for events which are completely out of our control, so selfishness kicks in and we burden somebody else with the load. I miss him, but I just don’t know how to come back to him. I’m too proud to come crawling back to him, but he probably detests me now. I wish I could make it go away, all of this conflict, but yet another first in my existence is that now I feel entirely helpless.
I’m so so so sorry that this has taken really long for me to update… and that this chapter was hardly worth the wait. I just wasn’t feeling this story for a while and everything else in life was piling up… so there was a massive delay. Pleaseee still leave votes and comments…? :D <3 <3 <3 <3
~WildAndFallen
I hate emotions. Even there I just managed to express one: hate. They get in the way of everything and complicate the simplest of situations while reducing you to hypocrisy and conflict.
I’m in pain.
I don’t remember the last time I felt something which burned as painfully as this state I’m in, I don’t know if I’ve ever even felt this way.
I miss Mikey. I miss him so much I feel like the sun which enthrals me so much is boring slowly through my pale skin, at a pace even more torturous than what my brother was forced to endure. My heart was never beating, but now it’s beginning to crumble. The shards, broken and sharp dig into me from the inside, making me bleed tears of burning emptiness. In my whole I have never wished to cry, but I want it now. Even that feeble human form of expressing one of those detestable emotions would be better than this emptiness I have inside me. There’s too much room for the shards of my heart to fall.
My father has been inconsolable, even though of course it’s all a show really. My own race disgusts me. Humans are pitiful little creatures, but at least most of them truly care for other members of their species. I believe that my father truly loved my mother, but her death happened too long ago now for him to act as if he missed her. With Mikey gone now, he can just have everyone swoon around him, he can bask gloriously in the wash of whispers as he passes…
‘Oh poor him, first a wife and now a son’
‘Whaton Earth can he do now that Gerard’s the only one the heart-broken fellow has left… you know the strange loner?’
‘Look… Mikey’s father, how tragic’
Every filthy one of them just loves a drama, it’s what they exist for.
Billie, just maybe, is more like me… different. He offered my father condolences too of course, but he makes a point of just acting genuinely empathetic and never engaging in all the useless babble that others do. He offered a hand out to me when I came back after the incident. Yes, his skin was as cold as mine but it was a warm gesture all the same and there was a sadness in his eyes which only served to wrench my heart further.
I’ve been lying alone in my coffin for days, to escape the useless cooing of the other vampires… and to escape Frank.
Frank.
I love him. There’s no possible way I can’t love him. I hate myself for what I’m doing to him… but yet more emotions are coming into play. It’s just the ignorant nature of all beings to push the blame of something tragic onto somebody else who is close to them. We automatically feel guilty for events which are completely out of our control, so selfishness kicks in and we burden somebody else with the load. I miss him, but I just don’t know how to come back to him. I’m too proud to come crawling back to him, but he probably detests me now. I wish I could make it go away, all of this conflict, but yet another first in my existence is that now I feel entirely helpless.
I’m so so so sorry that this has taken really long for me to update… and that this chapter was hardly worth the wait. I just wasn’t feeling this story for a while and everything else in life was piling up… so there was a massive delay. Pleaseee still leave votes and comments…? :D <3 <3 <3 <3
~WildAndFallen
Notes
I’m so so so sorry that this has taken really long for me to update… and that this chapter was hardly worth the wait. I just wasn’t feeling this story for a while and everything else in life was piling up… so there was a massive delay. Pleaseee still leave votes and comments…? :D <3 <3 <3 <3~WildAndFallen
@MyChemicalReject
*hands tissues* <3
7/28/15