Barbed Wire Love

"Gerard?" Frank finally whispered, the silence killing him. It had been nearly half an hour of silence, where both Frank and Gerard had thrown on some clothes and came down to the kitchen to have a talk.

"What" Gerard grunted, emptying another packet of sugar into his coffee.

"Please. We've gotten changed, you've had your coffee... Please tell me whatever it is you needed to"

Gerard's jaw tightened, gripping the spoon that was stirring the sugar into the coffee tightly.

"Well, if you need to know so fucking badly... when I said I've never bottomed, that's not technically true" Gerard finally spat out, throwing down the teaspoon with a clatter.

Frank swallowed. He knew where this was going, and he didn't want to hear it.

"What do you mean?" He asked in spite of himself.

Gerard sighed, scratching the back of his head, tugging on the ends of his black locks.

"My father... uh... He used to do things to my mother and me. I don't think I need to elaborate. We managed to mostly keep him away from Mikey but... He was pretty relentless when it came to me and mom"

He paused and looked over to Frank, who had his hand clamped over his mouth in shock.

"This was my father's 'safe' house, I guess" Gerard continued, casting a gaze around the kitchen. "He'd occasionally bring us all out here, and when my mom tried to go to the police about it he took us out here and kept us here for a bit"

"Then?" Frank forced out.

"One day, mom just disappeared. We thought he might have killed her at first, but then we found dad really angry, saying she had ran away and then took it out on us. Didn't bother taking me or Mikey with her, though. The bitch" he laughed coldly. "I was 13 when she left, I think. After a few months I managed to get myself and Mikey out of here too"

"How?" Frank whispered.

"I killed him" Gerard said bluntly. "With his own shotgun"

Frank inhaled sharply. Gerard had killed his own father, barely a teenager at the time no less. Frank remembered barely being brave enough to stand up to his bullies at school at that age, never mind killing someone.

"Mikey freaked out. I guess I did a little too, but it had been necessary. People like my dad shouldn't be living at all, never mind with a family. We dumped him in a river not to far from here, then fled to the woods. It took me a few days to realise that there was no point whatsoever in hiding in the woods and trying to find our way back home, when there was a giant fucking house in the middle of nowhere completely deserted, and not going to be interrupted. So I took Mikey back to the house. There was a stock of food that lasted us a solid 3 weeks, and my dad's savings, gun collection and cars were still there"

"How did you get back to the city?"

Gerard chuckled. "I didn't need to know how to drive, not really. It was all off road for miles. Plenty of room to kind of practice, y'know? That was a pretty dodgy first journey there, though. I kind of knew the roads and how to get to the city, dad had taken us there and back so often.

"It just kind of... happened after that. There was the handgun in the backseat, there was a post office. I knew my dad's money stash back at the house wouldn't last forever, and I needed the money. Almost got caught too" Gerard chuckled. "Didn't kill anyone at the shop, but I got everything from the till and Mikey's chocolate biscuits he'd asked for as he sat in the car waiting for me. I didn't think he even really knew what I was doing. I had to drive away pretty fast then, and we hid until things cooled down"

"How did you end up... uh, working with a whole load of people?"

"Oh yeah, funny story. Mikey had grown up a bit and had started coming with me to the robberies. I was no expert when it came to drugs and stuff, but I knew they could be expensive and it was obvious that Ray's team were smuggling them. I was pointing a gun at the fuckers face when I realised it was the very same kid who used to be our next door neighbour. We joined forces and I guess it just grew from there" Gerard shrugged.

Frank was silent for a moment.

"Sometimes I think that's where I got it all from. My dad, I mean. The stealing. I never really knew where my dad got all his money, because I know he'd never done an honest days work in his life"

Gerard looked up from his coffee, a shadow of gloom casting over his face.

"I don't like it, to be honest. But there's nothing else I know"

"You could learn" Frank whispered. "It's never to late. You can rebuild your life Gerard-"

"Don't you understand? I don't even exist" Gerard cried, slamming a fist onto the counter, causing the cups to rattle.

"There are no records of my family any more. As far as the government are concerned- we went missing and never came back. I don't exist. Mikey doesn't exist. Our gang doesn't exist. Give it a few years, and you won't exist either"

Gerard gave a resigned sigh.

"I don't really want to do this anymore. But how can I get a proper job without someone questioning me on how, say, I don't have a national identity number, or a drivers license or... anything? And I was practically never in school as a kid, I don't have any qualifications"

Frank didn't answer. Gerard sat back in his seat, crossing his arms.

"I used to sit and think whether my dad had gone to hell after I killed him. Hell is reserved for people like my dad... For people like me"

"You are not the same as your dad" Frank said firmly, his head shooting up. "You can't go completely blaming yourself for the things you've done, Gerard. You had never been taught right from wrong. All your life had been pure abuse, driving you to insanity, to get rid to the thing wrecking you and the ones you loved"

"I remember Mikey as a kid" Gerard said softly, his eyes glazed over. "Always so quiet, so happy. He was too young to understand for so long. After killing our father and living out on our own I watched him change. It was slow, but I watched him grow more cynical, more tough, learning not to trust anyone. I knew I was changing the same way he was, but I didn't think it was a bad thing.

"And I never thought I'd be like this" Gerard stated in a tone Frank didn't recognise. "Like how I am right now"

"How'd you mean?"

"All... talking about my feelings and being mushy with someone I actually love. You've turned me into a wimp" Gerard joked weakly.

"Sorry" Frank said quietly. "You're definitely not a wimp, though. I know you've changed since I met you, but trust me, you can still be as scary and threatening as fuck"

"Aw, you mean it? Thanks honey" Gerard laughed, brushing Frank's hair out of the way and kissing his cheek. Frank gave him a fragile smile.

"You okay?"

"Yeah. I'm just... shocked from hearing all that stuff about your dad. I really am sorry"

"Hey, hey it's alright. You couldn't really expect me to have had a normal childhood, could you? Not when you seen how fucked up I am at present"

"You're not fucked up" Frank said softly. "You're wonderful. And I think someday maybe you... um, or even we could have a normal life. The one everyone deserves"

Gerard raised his eyebrows, a sad little smile settling on his face.

"Yeah, maybe" he agreed quietly, even though deep down, he knew it would never happen.

Notes

Hello hello hello

So there we go, a little more insight into Gerard's past. Did anyone's views of him change?

While I'm at it, I've started a new fic called You Have Witchcraft In Your Lips which I'm pretty excited about, and I'd be super super grateful if you checked it out :)

-killjoybyname